| Author |
Topic:
"Survive" My first fanfic
|
Krim16
Registered:
Apr '00
|
Date Posted:
4/9/00 11:51pm
Subject:
"Survive" My first fanfic
- Date Edited:
1/19/05 10:03am (1 edits total)
Edited By:
Herman Snerd
|
This is my first fanfic so go easy on me, and this is only the very begining it will get alot better.
Young Orontey awakes from his sleep with a splitting headache, not knowing were or how he got were he is. While his eyes are adjusting to the brightly light room he sees a blurry human like figure standing across the room.
“Were am I?” Whispers Orontey
“Do you not remember what happened?” Asked the blurry figure, now coming into focus.
“The only thing I can remember is being put into an escape pod. After and before that every thing is just a blur.” Moans Orontey as he rises to his feet. The blurry figure is now a man. Orontey notices that he is in his mid fifties and is dressed in rags. He has a brown hood over his head and a leather sack attached to his side.
“Were am I?” he asks again with a little more life in his voice,” and how did I get here.”
“Actually I was hoping you could tell me that. I found you hanging out of an escape pod half dead. That was a week ago, you’ve been in my care since then. I also found this thing attached to your waist.” The man opens his leather sack and pulls something out.” I thought it was a light saber but its not shaped like one and it doesn’t work.” He hands the Orontey the handle like thing and sits back down.
Orontey twist the bottom and presses three spots on the handle. At that instance a blade of blue light ignites into a light saber. “How did I know that?” Like a title wave Oronteys memory comes crashing back to him. “I’m a jedi,” said Orontey in a stern voice,” I was on my way to Creon with my master Malha. A swarm of cannon fire from this planet bombarded us. Before we had time to do anything our shields were down and my master shoved me into an escape pod. I wasn’t suppose to land on this planet but the blast from the ship must have thrown me off course. I have to find away off this planet.” demanded Orontey.
“If you truly are a jedi then you are as good as dead. You don’t realize were you have landed do you? You are in the Sith Realm. This planet is were the Jedi counsel banished the sith lords. They were sent here hundreds of years ago and now lurk every were on this planet. If they find you, you will be killed. You have to leave! By now they know your here.” The man rushes to the door and opens it showing Orontey the way out.
“Why haven’t they killed you?” asks Orontey while walking to the door.
“Well for one I am not a jedi and second the air on this planet is unbreathable to the siths and I’m the only one who knows how to change the air. That’s why they were sent here in the first place. The cousle knew that the air here was not suitable for them, so they sent them here. But what they didn’t count on was one of them finding a way to breathe the air. One sith found a plant, which grows mainly on this part of the planet, which cleans the air. The only thing is, is that the plant has to be prepared a sertant way and consumed or it doesn’t work. After he died I was the only one who knew how to prepare it. So they let me live so they can.” Explains the man while helping Orontey out the door.
“I have to find a way off this planet!”
Orontey begins to walk down an old dirt path. He notices that he is in a forest. But this is not like any forest he has ever seen. There is something different about this place. Its almost like the trees have eyes. Just then Orontey senses something behind him. He quickly turns around to see nothing but his own footprints in the dirt path. When he turns back around to continue his journey, he sees two sith lords standing before him. With the mixed look of death and hatred on their faces, they charge him…
|
Locked Topic |
Active Topic Notification |
Private Message |
Post History
|
Padawan Chiaru.
Registered:
Dec '99
|
Date Posted:
4/10/00 12:16am
Subject:
Re: "Survive" My first fanfic
|
|
Good stuff. Keep going, it's very entertaining.
|
Locked Topic |
Active Topic Notification |
Private Message |
Post History
|
JediStryker
Title: TFN FanSite Reviewer
Registered:
Mar '00
|
Date Posted:
4/10/00 12:35am
Subject:
Re: "Survive" My first fanfic
|
|
Good start. Hard for me to read that present-tense writing, but very interesting.
-----signature-----
|
Locked Topic |
Active Topic Notification |
Private Message |
Post History
|
Krim16
Registered:
Apr '00
|
Date Posted:
4/10/00 1:06am
Subject:
Re: "Survive" My first fanfic
|
|
thanx for your responses. I didnt know if I should go in present tense or past tense. The next part is going to be way better.
|
Locked Topic |
Active Topic Notification |
Private Message |
Post History
|
Wampasmak
Registered:
Apr '00
|
Date Posted:
4/10/00 1:38am
Subject:
Re: "Survive" My first fanfic
|
|
Great stuff so far! I too am writing my first fanfic (The tales of Mokk Hai'h) and know how hard it is to get started. I love the name, Orontey. I also like the idea of a lightsaber that can only be activated using a special code. Cool!
-----signature-----
I don't belong
say I'm wrong
|
Locked Topic |
Active Topic Notification |
Private Message |
Post History
|
Miana Kenobi
Title: Pacific Region RSA
NSWFF Manager
Registered:
Apr '00
|
Date Posted:
4/11/00 2:26am
Subject:
Re: "Survive" My first fanfic
|
Krim, it sounds like you have a pretty good fan fic started. I'm almost finished with my first, "A Jedi Christmas Carol," and I'm working on my two new ones, "Mimicking A Prinesss: Winter's Story," and 'The 6th bodyguard." If ya want to check them out, I need some feedback on them.
Keep it up. You're story's coming out good so far...
-----signature-----
You can't take the sky from me.
He tini nga whetu e ngaro I te kapua iti.
Dyslexics of the world, UNTIE!
|
Locked Topic |
Active Topic Notification |
Private Message |
Post History
|
Krim16
Registered:
Apr '00
|
Date Posted:
4/11/00 3:13am
Subject:
Re: "Survive" My first fanfic
|
Thanx for the replies. I will try to check out your guyses fanfics to. Well here is another part to the story. Sorry there's not more but I didnt have too much time to work on it. Continued
The two siths strike at Oronteys head. He counter attacks with a quick sweep, knocking both siths two the ground. Orontey quickly backs away, and draws his lightsaber.
“Can I help you two?”
Right then one sith emerges from the depths of the surrounding dirt cloud. With the look of hatred present on his face more then before, he attacks again.
Orontey blocks the attack of the sith and flips over him onto a near by rock. The sith charges again and Orontey jumps in front of the awaking body on the ground. Orontey defends the siths attacks until the right moment. Right as the awaking sith rises to his feet Orontey dodges the siths attack and lets him kill his own kind. He then quickly slices the siths arm off and perces his heart. Both siths fall to the ground with a low moan. The stench of blood fills the air as Orontey wonders if there are more siths lurking around watching him, right now. Orontey observes the siths for a wile before continuing on his journey. They are wearing black robes and have very poor built sabers. He puts the sabers in his pouch and continues down the dirt path.
After about an hour of walking he notices a mountain with a cave. He climbs the steep rocky mountain until he reaches the mysterious black crater. Not sensing any danger, he enters the cave. He goes to the very back of the cave were it is cool and in minutes falls asleep. Not long after, another sith enters the cave. Orontey awakes from hearing the sith enter, but does not move or make a sound. This sith looks just like the other two. But has some sort of symbol on the hood of his robe. Now that he thinks about it, so did the other two siths. They had two metal type bars on their hoods. Orontey can not make out this his symbol but notices that he is caring a large dead animal on his shoulders. The sith lays the rotting carcass on the ground and starts a fire. The sith then cuts one leg off the animal, skins it, and then places it on a rack that is over the fire. He hears something squealing out side the cave and is gone in a flash. Orontey, seeing this his only chance of getting out, leaves the cave right after the sith.
Knowing that the sith went down the mountain Orontey decides to go up. The mountain didn’t seem to belong to this world. The surrounding environment is forest and swamp. This mountain is desert like. It’s all rocky with hardly any vegetation in habitant. Still wondering how this could be he reaches the top of the mountain. As he looks to the other side of the mountain, he cannot believe his eyes.
“It’s just not possible. How could this happen and no one know?” asks Orontey in disbelief and confusion.
To be continued……
|
Locked Topic |
Active Topic Notification |
Private Message |
Post History
|
Padawan Chiaru.
Registered:
Dec '99
|
Date Posted:
4/11/00 8:06am
Subject:
Re: "Survive" My first fanfic
|
very interesting...
It's hard writing your first fan fic aye?
When I wrote mine I went through feelings of inadequency. Only two people stayed to read it. But I can't see that happening here, it's good.
|
Locked Topic |
Active Topic Notification |
Private Message |
Post History
|
Krim16
Registered:
Apr '00
|
Date Posted:
4/11/00 6:05pm
Subject:
Re: "Survive" My first fanfic
|
|
thanx for your responses. I'll try to get more on today. Sorry I dont have much time. I'll try to get a little more on. Thanx again.
|
Locked Topic |
Active Topic Notification |
Private Message |
Post History
|
Krim'sGirl
Registered:
Apr '00
|
Date Posted:
4/11/00 10:39pm
Subject:
Re: "Survive" My first fanfic
|
Hey Baby! Great story...I'm actually looking forward to reading more. And don't worry...I won't tell you all the things you misspelled, like pierce...gol.
Keep up the good work.
|
Locked Topic |
Active Topic Notification |
Private Message |
Post History
|
Krim16
Registered:
Apr '00
|
Date Posted:
4/12/00 12:47am
Subject:
Re: "Survive" My first fanfic
|
I might have posted this part twice. Sorry if i did.
On the other side of the mountain is another mountain almost three times the size of the one Orontey is on. There is a castle built into the face of the mountain. The entrance to the castle is behind three large pillars with symbols. Each pillar has a different symbol on it; the first has x, second //, and the third is chipped away. On the roof there is a large laser cannon pointing at the sky. It appears to be a ship cannon with double barrels and a stream of yellow light coming down the side. In front of the castle are two smaller buildings. They are built the same way only smaller and these only have two pillars. They also have laser canons on their roofs. Inside each of the buildings there seemed to be a very dim yellow light near the floor. At each entry way there is a sith guard at each pillar and they are all armed with sabers. There are also two siths at each cannon.
“That’s how they do it. Of coarse.”
Realizing what he must do before he leaves the planet Orontey heads back down the mountain. He takes each step with caution, to not bump a rock down the mountain. As he approaches the cave he slows his pace and hires his concentration. As he passes the cave he listens to the sith devour his previously caught meal. Orontey slowly creeps down the mountain past the cave. He finally makes it to his original path. He decides that he probably shouldn’t walk on the path, considering that it is a frequently used path and he’s on a planet full of sith lords. He decides to go to the trees. The trees in the forest are very tall and their branches are extremely thick and long.
Wile following the path, from the tree tops, he watches for any predators that might be hungry. He jumps to another tree and is startled when he sees a sith standing under it. He slips and falls off the branch. Falling head first he quickly raps his legs around the branch at the last second. Startled by something the sith pulls out his yellow saber and scans the surrounding area. Orontey noticed that he also has two bars on his hood. At that instant one of the sabers fell out of his pouch. Orontey quickly lets go of the branch. With the ground rushing at him he pulls out his saber and decapitates the sith before his feet touch the ground. He catches the light saber before it lands and then climbs back up the tree. The body falls against the tree, coloring the trunk red.
After traveling about 30 min. he notices another sith. He is about thirty feet away, and is stabbing some kind of animal with a metal knife. On his rob is the symbol of the first pillar.
“He is not a jedi nor an apprentice and the other is not a master.” Whispers Orontey.” I wonder if the symbols are their rank?”
After About an hour more of traveling he is finally next to the small building on the left of the castle. Orontey looks at the mountain he was previously on. There is a statue carved into the base of the mountain. At the foot of the statue there are words and the meaning of the symbols, but their fine print is to small to read from his distance. Though intrigued by the statue, Orontey must finish what he come to do.
|
Locked Topic |
Active Topic Notification |
Private Message |
Post History
|
Krim'sGirl
Registered:
Apr '00
|
Date Posted:
4/12/00 1:27am
Subject:
Re: "Survive" My first fanfic
|
|
Keep Them Coming...I'm curious...You are doing great babe...You know I am your most faithful reader:)
|
Locked Topic |
Active Topic Notification |
Private Message |
Post History
|
Krim16
Registered:
Apr '00
|
Date Posted:
4/12/00 7:23pm
Subject:
Re: "Survive" My first fanfic
|
|
I'll try to get more on Tonight or tomorrow.
|
Locked Topic |
Active Topic Notification |
Private Message |
Post History
|
Migg27
Registered:
Apr '00
|
Date Posted:
4/13/00 1:44am
Subject:
Re: "Survive" My first fanfic
|
|
Krim, your story seems to off to a very good start. It is definitely keeping my attention. I am also new to fanfic as well. Hopefully when I write my first story, it will be as creative as yours and the others
-----signature-----
|
Locked Topic |
Active Topic Notification |
Private Message |
Post History
|
Padawan Chiaru.
Registered:
Dec '99
|
Date Posted:
4/13/00 4:13am
Subject:
Re: "Survive" My first fanfic
|
|
Ooh blood. This is very very promising. Keep it up!
|
Locked Topic |
Active Topic Notification |
Private Message |
Post History
|
Krim16
Registered:
Apr '00
|
Date Posted:
4/14/00 5:51pm
Subject:
Re: "Survive" My first fanfic
|
|
Sorry i havent updated. Been to busy. I'll try to update today.
|
Locked Topic |
Active Topic Notification |
Private Message |
Post History
|
