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Author
Topic:
Stop! Or my HoJo will shoot!!!
Jar Jar
Title:
Retired Chapter Rep
Registered:
Jul '98
Date Posted:
4/18/00 1:24pm
Subject:
Stop! Or my HoJo will shoot!!!
-
Date Edited:
1/19/05 9:01am
(1 edits total)
Edited By:
Herman Snerd
Deep inside an area of space so far detached from the rest of the galaxy that it isn't worth having disputes over is an area known as The Neutral Zone(sorry trekkies). In one of the most desolate areas of this already entropic region... Surrounded by the wreckage of thousands of destroyed attack vessels that have tried (and failed) to conquer and impose their various governments on the sparce populace of the region is one of the most heavily fortified space stations ever constructed, the Hewlett Packard, the bastion of neutrality.
This station is the home to Capatin Switzerland, one of the greatest Jedi known to exist (for the cause of neutrality, anywho). Known by several of his trademarks: His bright red tights and cape, his immensly muscular physique, his devastating effectiveness with his patented Swiss Army Sabre... And perhaps his most notable feature, The flag of Switzerland with 12' flag pole he always keeps slung over his shoulder.
Normally, his demeanor is as cold as ice, unreadable and unascertainable, but today he paces nervously on the bridge in front of what looks to be and old gungan male frozen in a bowl of cereal. His irratation grows more and more with each pass when suddenly he stops...
"WHY HAVEN'T THEY COME YET!!?!" He suddenly roars as he looks squarely into the eyes of his assistant and co-commander, Larry Crunch "I thought the HoJo's would fall right into our free Vitamin A supplements trap, but the only one who came was this old fool.. Don't any of them even care that they may not be getting enough Vitamin A, even with a balanced diet?!? Don't they even care about the whereabouts of their companion?! Why is it taking SO LONG!?! WHERE ARE THEY?!!!"
"Sir," Larry responds non-chalantly, almost as though he were used to these rare tirades "With all due respect, most of the HoJo's are preety young folks, and they just aren't as concerned about their daily nutrition, *as a whole* , as older people tend to be.. You have to learn to play to the needs of your demographic... Sir."
"Demographics?!?!!" Switzerland snarls "Don't feed me that tripe you learned from your father about "demographic groups" and "unreached marketing pockets" unless it involves getting those HoJo here, pronto!"
"And what if it did SIR?!" Larry responds angrily, obviously hurt by the mere mention of his father, the long dead Cap'n Crunch.
"Well then," Switzerland cooly responds as he arches his brow "Maybe you will be worth something to me after all.. Tell me more."
Larry smiles with satisfaction, happy to see that he for once is in control of the decisions around here "I suggest.. That we call them and let them know that we have the old man holed up here.. I'm sure they probably thought that the senile old fart was probably lost somewhere or dead.. But now, I think they should know the truth, don't you?"
There was a long silence on the bridge as the Captain of neutrality paused to consider this notion from all possible angles. Would it violate any convention or treaty? No. Is victory almost assured? Most Likely. Would mother be upset? Not if nobody told her and they kept their yaps shut! The choice was clear:
"Larry!"
"Yessir!"
"You may call them!"
"Yessir!" He said as he dashed for the phone.
"LARRY!!" Switzerland thundered.
He paused in mid run "Yessir?"
Switzerland glared angrily at Larry with a rage that Hell itsself cannot replicate. It was all he could due to repress his anger at his foolish liutenant.
"Wait until after 5... It is only 6 cents a minute then..."
"Yessir."
Meanwhile...
[This message has been edited by Jar Jar (edited 04-19-2000).]
-----signature-----
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Post History
NiceGuy
Registered:
Feb '99
Date Posted:
4/18/00 2:11pm
Subject:
Re: Stop! Or my HoJo will shoot!!!
In The Mighty QWERTY Wing (with 100% of the US RDA of seven essential vitamins) NiceGuy and Jan-lo were tracking down the other Knights. They had picked up Iam, Son of Kenobi, Darth Legs and V8ER, and were looking around for the others.
"Irish sure was a lot easier to spot when he was big." Jan-lo grumbled.
"I searching for high alcohol concentrations, but I'm not getting anything." NiceGuy said.
Meanwhile, some of the other Hojo were standing outside the pile of rubble that was once the Howard Johnson's.
"Man, this sucks." Warbuff said.
"I don't think they've ever done anything like this to their own headquarters." Firefly said. "Someone must have been desperate for some excitement."
Nadja was crying quietly to one side.
"We'll find another headquarters, silly." Tellesto said. "You don't need to bawl your eyes out over this one."
"But there was chocolate in there!" She howled, then kept crying.
Suddenly (there was a knock at the door) the assembled Hojo could hear the faint sound of a phone ringing.
"I got it!" Obidiah said, plunging into the rubble. He started throwing hunks of cement and plaster and other various building materials out of the way, but he wasn't fast enough. After four rings, the phone went silent.
"Oops." The big red-neck said, then forgot what he had been in the rubble for in the first place, and started building a fort.
Back on the ship...
The phone began to ring.
This startled several people because most of them did not know the ship was equipped with a phone. Son of Kenobi went over and checked the caller ID.
"I don't know who this is." He said.
"Don' answer!" said Hiroko (who had been found while we were at the Howard Johnson's) "It could be telemarketers!"
"I used to do that for a living." V8ER said, "I'll handle it."
V8ER puts the phone on speaker phone to show off his talent. "Mighty QWERTY Wing, how may I help you?"
"This isn't the Howard Johnson's, headquarters of the Hojo Knights?" Asked Larry Crunch.
"No, I'm sorry, you must have a wrong number." V8ER replied.
"Wait!" said Son of Kenobi, "I signed us up for that program where you can use your headquarters phone number for your ship's phone. It must have rolled over or something!"
V8ER frowned. "This is the Hojo's ship, The Mighty QWERTY Wing (with a side order of fries) V8ER_H8ER speaking."
"Great!" Larry replied, not quiet being villianly. (like that's a word) "I just wanted to tell you that your old friend, Jar Jar, is being held captive on the Hewlett Packard in The Neutral Zone."
Iam jumped up. "Jar Jar! Someone, quick, check the freezer!"
Everyone just looked at each other for a second.
"Fine," Iam said, "I'll do it."
Iam ran out of the room.
"Could you hold for just a second?" V8ER asked.
"What fo-" V8ER hit the hold button, and Larry was stuck listening to hold music, with an ad for Howard Johnson's thrown in.
<Welcome Back Jar Jar!!! We've been wondering where the heck you were!>
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Kresa Rei'de
Registered:
Nov '99
Date Posted:
4/18/00 2:22pm
Subject:
Re: Stop! Or my HoJo will shoot!!!
Kresa looked up from her most recent hand of sabacc when Iam opened the freezer door. The Leaderly Hojo looked around at the various people scattered about in various states of non-posting.
"Who ya looking for?"
"Jar Jar."
"The old guy with the floppy ears?"
Iam nodded. "That's the one."
"He's gone."
"Gone?"
"Yup, dissappeared 'bout two days ago, I'd guess. Sorry, does he owe you money?"
"No, he's being held captive by the new Bad Guy."
Kresa jumped to her feet. "There's a new adventure starting?!? Why didn't anybody tell me?" she squealed. With that, the little red-head gathered up her cards and raced past the startled Iam and out of the freezer to join the other Hojo on the command deck of The Mighty Qwerty-Wing.
[This post has been edited to more closely reflect the fact that frozen people cannot walk. ]
[This message has been edited by Kresa Rei'de (edited 04-18-2000).]
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Tellesto
Registered:
Dec '99
Date Posted:
4/18/00 2:39pm
Subject:
Re: Stop! Or my HoJo will shoot!!!
Tellesto sat at the HoJo computer as the reconnect screen flashed brightly.
"Darn US WEST phone service."
The HoJo looked at Tellesto melacholy.
"Oh riiiiight, We must save Jar Jar!"
Tellesto said jumping up in a lame mannor.
Darth Legs sighed and sat down.
Tellesto would have sat next to her as he spoke but the other HoJo looked like they wanted to kill him at the moment.
"Look I didnt know this Jar Jar guy! Way before my time! And when I say way before I mean it! WAAAAAYYYY before. How old is that guy anyway?"
Warbuff looked straight at Tellesto opend his mounth but closed it at the thought of Jar Jar's wrinkly skin.
Legs looked forward.
"I-I don't Know how old he is!"
The HoJo computer flashed to life
"BZZZZZ old enough to get medi care."
The HoJo simply noded to this and continued with their excanged words, forgotten was Tellesto's lengthy remark.
Iam ran back from the Ship's freezer bay, grabbing the phone anxiously.
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Darth Legs
Registered:
Jan '99
Date Posted:
4/18/00 3:51pm
Subject:
Re: Stop! Or my HoJo will shoot!!!
Legs was happy to hear the gungan was still alive. He had been around when she had first met the HoJos, and he was pretty nice. Well, except when he was squinting and "feeling" his way around the ship. But still, she had sort of missed the gungan, even if she didn't get to know him that well.
She sat listening to Tellesto and Warbuff, and suddenly felt a need to take a walk. Quietly slipping outside, she walked past the Howard Johnson/rubble pile into a small garden they had planted. It had trees and flowers and a decorative brook. She sat down beside a bubbling brook, looking into the fish pool at the gleaming gold and white fishes. Dipping her hand in the water, and splashing slightly, she didn't hear the stealthy footsteps behind her.
Meanwhile...
Jan walked into the QWERTY Wing (with extra ketsup) and looked around. "Okay, so we've got Tellesto, Warbuff, V8ER, NiceGuy, Iam, Kresa, SoK, Firefly, Obadiah, Nadja, and Hiroko. Who's still missing? We can't find Irish, or Red, or Jole, or... Oh, and we have Legs... Legs? Hey, has anyone seen Legs?"
"She was here just a minute ago," Tellesto said.
"Oh. Well, she probably just went to get something to eat or something," Jan said in a confident, leaderly way. "Anyway, keep in touch with the ship as much as you can. We can't be too careful with Roger around."
"Jan, we've found Jar Jar, too," NiceGuy reported (as soon as the leaderly Jan took a breath).
"You mean he's out of the freezer?"
"Yeah, and being held captive on a ship in the Neutral Zone!" V8ER exclaimed.
"Oh my gosh! We'd better go save him! What do we know about the people holding him hostage? Is he okay? How long have they had him?"
"A couple days," Kresa piped in. "He suddenly broke out of the ice a couple of days ago. Said something about not taking good enough care of himself, something about vitamin supplements."
"What happened? How did we find him?" Jan turned to NiceGuy, obviously expecting him to answer.
Suddenly... (BU-BU-BUUUUM!)
[This message has been edited by Darth Legs (edited 04-18-2000).]
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Jan lo
Registered:
Jul '98
Date Posted:
4/18/00 3:54pm
Subject:
Re: Stop! Or my HoJo will shoot!!!
"Hey, who exactly did you say this was?" He asked, as V8ER made a face and gave over the phone.
"Um, that's not important," Larry hedged nervously, "Just come out to the [Hewlett Packard[/b] fotress in the Neutral Zone and get the old guy back. You do want him back, don't you?"
"Of course!" Iam sounded scandalized.
"Well, come and get him then!" Larry said, and hung up before there could be anymore discussion.
"Who was that?" asked Jan-lo.
"He wouldn't say," Iam said, "but his voice sounded, well, oddly familiar somehow.
"Great." NiceGuy was at the controls and started plotting in a course, "I guess we're probably headed into a trap, but oh, well. Life's like that sometimes."
"A trap?" Hiroko looked concerned, "Couldn't we avoid it somehow?"
"Sorry," Jan-lo said as she hit the hyperspace lever, "But there's no information on that area at all. No one knows anything about it. Besides, at least we know it's a trap, right?"
"Oh yeah, that always helps..." Warbuff said sarcastically.
"Maybe it was an anonymous tip from a fan or something," Darth Legs suggested.
"Too late to argue about it now," NiceGuy mentioned brightly. "We're already on our way."
[This message has been edited by Jan lo (edited 04-18-2000).]
-----signature-----
www.rebellegion.com
www.rebelsquadrons.org
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Jar Jar
Title:
Retired Chapter Rep
Registered:
Jul '98
Date Posted:
4/18/00 7:40pm
Subject:
Re: Stop! Or my HoJo will shoot!!!
"Are they coming yet?!?!" Captain Switzerland yelled to his co-commander from a distant corner. He was busy polishing his Swiss Army Sabre, and discovering quickly that dried mustard stains are the absolute hardest to get out...
Larry was still on the phone, on hold, thinking to himself that he hasn't waited this long for a human being since that time he had to call AOL to cancel the captain's account. It was of no consolation that the hold music at this point consisted of an assorted brazilian polka selection, sure it was something different, but it was definitley NOT GOOD.
"I don't know sir.." He finally responded with a sigh "I am still on hold! Blasted HoJo, they'll pay for thi-!"
"Did you tell them we have the old man?" Switzerland interuppted, obviously angred by the thought of his long distance bill.
"Yes but-"
"And did you tell them where to find us?!"
"Sir.. I did b-but..." he nervously stammered as he realized how he was wasting the Captain's precious money, a crime that will likely result in pain, deep pain.
"Then hang up that gonk-forsaken phone.. And Larry?"
"Yes?" He responded, shaking like a leaf.
"Grab my belt over there and come see me."
Larry gave the Captain his belt and recieved a beating from it unlike any he had ever known possible from a simple strap of leather. The fractures and bruises will heal given time... But if the phone call worked, hopefully the damage to the Captain's pride would last much longer.
Meanwhile...
-----signature-----
Live in or around Knoxville and are looking for a Star Wars fan club? Why not join up?
Knoxville FanForce |
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NiceGuy
Registered:
Feb '99
Date Posted:
4/19/00 2:17am
Subject:
Re: Stop! Or my HoJo will shoot!!!
The Mighty QWERTY Wing (ISE 500 free!) rocketed through hyper-space. NiceGuy was still at the controls, and trying hard to avoid the many distractions that typically arose when the Hojo were trying to get somewhere important.
Suddenly (aaaaaaaaiiiiiiigggghhhhh!!) the ship was pulled out of hyperspace. Filling the front windows was a huge multi-tentacled purple space beast. It's maw stretched wide, right in the path of The Mighty QWERTY Wing (98.6% fat free!).
Tellesto, wanting to get into a fight, quickly got into an environmental suit and jumped out an airlock. Latching himself to the ship with a steel cable, he ignited his saber to do battle.
In the cockpit, NiceGuy threw the controls over hard, letting everyone know, without using the comm system, that something was up.
"What's up?" Jan said, running into the cockpit. A huge purple tentacle swung half a dozen yards from the front of the ship. "Ah." She said, jumping into the other pilot's seat.
"Iam, V8ER!" she said, using the comm system, like a smart person would, "Get to the weapons!"
Thus ensued a spectacular space battle, which I don't want to write about because I'm trying not to get distracted here.
_____________________________________________
The Mighty QWERTY Wing (brought to you by the letter 'Q') made one last sharp turn.
"We're on the vector!" Jan yelled.
"Navicomputer's got us a course!" NiceGuy repsonded.
"We're out of here!" Jan hollered back, and engaged the hyperdrive. Stars streaked and blurred, and the sounds of battle were left behind. Jan got up from the controls. "I'm getting a snack, you want anything?"
"Sure, maybe a diet something." NiceGuy replied.
"Oh crap!" Jan said, memory flooding back, "Legs is missing!"
"Does that mean no snack?" NiceGuy asked.
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[Red3]
Registered:
Nov '99
Date Posted:
4/19/00 8:00am
Subject:
Re: Stop! Or my HoJo will shoot!!!
Sid the malcontent squid sighed.
"Darn it, they slipped away! And I almost had them!" he said and shrugged. (Don't ask me how but he did).
"Ye don't 'ave to worry, we'll follow 'em" Irish said, as he sat in the cockpit of The Red Whiskey of Death with his feet up on the command console, chewing on an old slice of pizza.
"Irish, are you sure you want to eat more after that month-old chinese food that made you grow like a fifteen-year-old at a Playboy pyjama-party? You had to burp for two weeks afterwards, and dude, you smell" Red3 said, sipping on a White Russian (the drink) in the co-pilot chair. "Besides, if we want to catch them, we'd better get going".
"Aye, yer right. Sid, it's been nice doin' business with ye, but we hafta move. So long"
Irish said.
"Yeah, it's been nice, thanks for killing that bloody seahorse, now I'm back in the toy business. Have fun!" Sid said and waved a tentacle as the Whiskey shot off in pursuit of the QWERTY-wing.
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iamurme2
Registered:
Jan '99
Date Posted:
4/19/00 11:16am
Subject:
Re: Stop! Or my HoJo will shoot!!!
Telly hung on for dear life as the HoJo's Mighty QWERTY Wing (aeiou and sometimes y) blasted through hyperspace. He was sure that most of the bones in his body had probably been smashed to pulp during the last hour of banging on the hull of the ship as the group bolted through hyperspace toward The Neutral Zone (*enter imperial march*).
IAM sat in the HoJo ship reading Rodian Men are from Uranus. V8ER was reading How to Build a Mighty QWERTY Wing (c) Out of Toilet Paper and Toothbrushes.
Suddenly (boom shackalackah) Jan-lo burst in and (quite rudely) interrupted their reading. She nervously asked, "Have either of you seen Tellesto??"
The rodian looked up at the co-leadress with an agitated, I was in the middle of a paragraph, you thoughtless barbarian woman! look on his face. "No. Why?"
"I think we left him outside when we were fighting Sid the Malcontent Squid!" Jan exclaimed rushing to the cockpit to tell NiceGuy to stop the ship.
As the Mighty QWERTY Wing (IAM IAM IAM Superman...) screeched to a halt coming out of hyperspace Telly's support line yanked taut and he was slung around and slammed against the cockpit windshield.
NiceGuy cringed from inside. "That's gonna leave a mark."
Hiroko and IAM got in their enviro-suits and went out to pull Telly in.
After the three HoJo were back inside they continued on their hyperspace journey to The Neutral Zone (and I can do anything).
-----signature-----
If sanity is a measurement, then who's the dipstick?
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Tellesto
Registered:
Dec '99
Date Posted:
4/19/00 2:22pm
Subject:
Re: Stop! Or my HoJo will shoot!!!
Thankfully Tellesto was writing this current post thus nothing bad would happen to him.
In the original concept Iam was going to get crushed by a large banana and Niceguy eatten by it.
But due to the HoJo rules Tellesto instead decided to sit back and Tell a story.
The other HoJo gatherd around and the lights in the ship dimmed slightly as they strode through the hyperspace ways.
The light dimmed gave Tellesto's glowing green eyes a eary effect as he raised his arms and began to tell the story of the place they where going to.
"This admiral guy that has this old guy..."
Jan-Lo broke in.
"It's Jar Jar! not the old guy!!!"
Tellesto seemed a little taken back but continued.
"Well anyway...Long ago This admiral guy had a partner, Darth Coco the monkey!
They worked well together and got premiums.
Well...On the planet the HoJo hail from known as...AAAAACHHHHOOO!!!!"
Tellesto snezzed rather loudly but continued.
"Anyway...on our planet a race of Xexto aliens lived.
They had superiour Technology as well as a nice combination marshmellow cerial, wheet potasium mix.
The admiral hatted this and so he took the race off our planet and made them into very small toys that could only grow back to their original size with some warm water.
And thus he sat them in a large box of cerial and then later on the HoJo came and inhabitaed the planet they used to live on.
SOOOOOOO....we need to be careful with this guy."
The other HoJo looked suprised at Tellesto's revelation.
Darth Legs stood up.
"How do you know this?"
Tellesto smiled and replyed, "Darth Coco the monkey and I used to be partners before I joined the HoJo on hoth."
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Darth Legs
Registered:
Jan '99
Date Posted:
4/19/00 6:39pm
Subject:
Re: Stop! Or my HoJo will shoot!!!
<Hi. I just thought I'd remind everyone that I'm missing. Funny how me and Hiroko sound so much alike, eh Telly? >
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Hiroko01
Registered:
Dec '98
Date Posted:
4/19/00 7:17pm
Subject:
Re: Stop! Or my HoJo will shoot!!!
~cough~ Guess those ventriloquism lessons paid off, mm?
JAR JAAAAAAAAARRR!!!!!! Hiroko flying-tackles the senior citizen, who by a miracle of cleverly contrived authoring manages not to break anything. Welcome back!
"So Darth Coco knows the terrain and wildlife, huh?" Jole queried.
"Well duh," Tellesto answered. "He knows the jungle out there like the back of his hairy little mitts."
"Not that that means a whole lot," Hiroko poo-pooh'ed. "We're out to get this admiral dude, not waiting around for him to spring on us."
V8ER agreed. "If he was going to kick our butts here, why would he bother with kidnapping our freezer warmers (tm)?" (Kind of like benchwarmers, but different.) Waxing philosophical and stroking an imaginary goatee, V8ER continued. "Yes... why travel somewhere to thrash the HoJo Knights if you can get them delivered to your doorstep?" he mused sagely.
"V8ER!" Hiroko reprimanded. "I was just kidding... And this is Jar Jar we're talking about! Darth H. Sith in a bleedin' chicken basket..." Hiroko continued muttering and then she had to leave, so the post ended.
Meanwhile...
Across the puddle...
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Jar Jar
Title:
Retired Chapter Rep
Registered:
Jul '98
Date Posted:
4/19/00 10:54pm
Subject:
Re: Stop! Or my HoJo will shoot!!!
<...And inside the bridge of that bastion of neutrality, The Hewlett Packard>
"Any sign of them yet?" Captain Switzerland asked somewhat demandingly of his injured co-commander.
Larry was looking over the sensor displays and having a hard time of it. His left eye was swollen shut from his earlier beating and his right eye was nearly as bad off. It took nearly twice as long to read a bleedin' screens this way, yet he was on sensor duty?
He couldn't help but want to take his chair and smack the bejesus out of his insolent boss, but for now a simple reply will have to do..
"No Captain, I don't see them yet."
Switzerland responded in kind by smasing his fist into the armrest of his chair. "I can't believe this!! I thought the HoJo's ship, The Indomidable Quark Falcon, was the fastest ship in the galaxy! How is it possible that it could take this long?!"
Larry rolled his eyes (fortunately too swollen to be noticed) at his Captain's glaring error as he continued to rant.
"That's it!!" The Captain Howled as he rose to his feet. "We shall launch a combined fleet attack on those fools! Let's head to the command vessel at once liutenant and prepare he assaul-!"
"Sir!" Larry interupted.
"WHAT?!!" The Captain roared.
Larry replied in a hurt, sarcastic tone. "Again, with all due respect Captain, the HoJo's ship.." He cleared his throat loudly "The Mighty Qwerty Wing, IS the fastest ship in the Galaxy.."
The Captain frowned at the chiding of his pathetic co-commander, but Larry continued seemingly unphased.
"BUT, mind you, we are some distance away from their location, and it would take any vessel some time to reach us.. Regardless of how fast it is. Add to this the fact that they ran into a series of distractions, which they always do, and you see how this complicates matters even further..."
Larry crossed his arms, leaned back in his seat, and smiled with satisfaction as the Captain sat in silence. Larry took this opportunity as chance for further humiliation.
"They will arrive Captain, rest assured of this... And when they do, we will outnumber and out-gun them 1,000 to 1.. Why send the fleet after them, when they can fight not only our fleet.. But also the most heavily armed space station in the galaxy when they come to us? Have paitience sir, and we will be gauranteed success!"
The Captain sat in his chair for a long time in silence. When he finally did respond, his voice was cold and unreadable, just like the Captain Switzerland of old, just like the one Larry knew before this whole "HoJo threat" buisness...
"Larry?" The Captain spoke.
"Yessir?" Larry asked with a smile.
"We shall wait two days for the HoJo to arrive. If they don't, we kill the gungan and launch the fleet.. Understood?"
"Yessir!" Larry responded enthusiastically.
"And Larry?"
"Yessir?"
"Bring my bat from my quarters and come see me."
Larry shook with horror as he realized what was happening. "But WHY sir?!?"
The captain simply smiled and said "Because if there's one thing I can't stand, it's a smart a**!"
Larry simply shuddered and headed to fetch the captain's bat.
"Yes.. sir..."
Meanwhile...
[This message has been edited by Jar Jar (edited 04-19-2000).]
-----signature-----
Live in or around Knoxville and are looking for a Star Wars fan club? Why not join up?
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Son of Kenobi
Registered:
Aug '98
Date Posted:
4/20/00 1:41am
Subject:
Re: Stop! Or my HoJo will shoot!!!
"Ooooh the pain!" Larry said.
"I finished ... hours ago, Larry," the Captain sneered.
"It lingers!"
Captain Switzerland raised his bat a millimeter; the inherent threat quietened Crunched Larry. (Hahhaah! Get it? Crunched Larry? Larry Crunch? Hahaahah! No? Who needs you then!?!)
"My Lord," said a techie.
"Yes?"
"They HoJo's ... they're on an approach vector."
"But what DOES THAT MEAN TO ME????"
"The HoJo's sir," Larry said, "they're here!"
"I WANTED TO DEPLOY THE FLEET!"
"But sir--"
"You! Red shirt!"
Hapless Redshirt Officer stood at attention, saluting.
"Give the order to deploy the fleet! NOW!"
Hapless Reshirt Officer fell to the floor, dead.
"WHAT?!? WHY DID HE FALL DOWN?"
"Nae-body bloody-****s me mates and tries to git awae wit it!" said Irish Jedi, his orange-and-green saber glowing ominously.
"And no one ****s with the Red Whiskey of Death, either!" [Red 3] added, for effect (Go JC Twin!)
"An' Swedes don' lie!"
Red considered that. "Well, that's not entirely true, there..."
Irish smiled. "Aye take it back! You're one of the worst ****ing, sodbusting liars in the whole universe who wouldn't know truth if came up and bit you on the--"
"ENOUGH!!!!" roared the Captain. "Put up or shut up!" He smiled, brandishing his Swiss Army Saber.
The two Gonks shrugged. "Alright," Irish shrugged, dusting off the pizza crumbs, "you're f*ckin' funeral...."
Meanwhile, elsewhere, another time, another place....
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NiceGuy
Registered:
Feb '99
Date Posted:
4/20/00 1:56am
Subject:
Re: Stop! Or my HoJo will shoot!!!
NiceGuy continued his habit of posting right after Jar Jar. (well almost, SoK beat me to it.)
<BTW Tellesto, I thought you helped save us from the squid, then got back in the ship on your own. Sorry I didn't post it that way. Iam, you so mean! >
On The Mighty QWERTY Wing (with cheese), recently declared the fastest ship in the galaxy when it was realize that the Millenium Falcon was in a galaxy far far away that made a lot more sense than this one, continued moving quickly through space.
"So," asked Hiroko, "What's the plan?"
Son of Kenobi and Iam began speaking at the same time.
"Age before beauty." Said Son of Kenobi.
"Do you think you can hold it in that long?" Iam asked, skeptical.
"Sure, if you go now." Son of Kenobi said, starting to vibrate with anticipation.
"Well, first I wanted to clear up the origins issue." Iam said. "I don't come from the same home planet as any of these weirdos."
Several Hojo looked hurt, others nodded quietly to themselves.
"Iam, what's up?" Jole asked, being among the hurt ones.
"I get assimilated and do you have a memorial service? No. Do you have a touching ceremony? No. Only a couple post saying I'll be missed and then it's on with business as usual. I got to say, that kind of hurt guys." Iam said, not really close to tears or anything, because he's a pretty tough guy and all, but still...
By this time, Son of Kenobi was vibrating so fast he was starting to produce a low pitched humming noise.
"Iam, did you have a plan you wanted to share with us?" Jan asked.
"No, just wanted to clear up some misunderstandings."
"CanItalknow?" Son of Kenobi asked.
"Yeah, I guess." Iam said, upset at being brushed under the carpet again.
"Guys," NiceGuy said, using the comm system for once, "We're here."
[This message has been edited by NiceGuy (edited 04-20-2000).]
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