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Author	Topic: Stop! Or my HoJo will shoot!!!
NiceGuy Registered: Feb '99	Date Posted: 4/24/00 10:11pm Subject: Re: Stop! Or my HoJo will shoot!!!
	NiceGuy fell over completely and lay flat on the floor. He opened one eye. "Jedi healing trance." He said, then closed it again. <what? you want more? I can't just say I go into a trance, then, boom, I'm up and ready to go. That wouldn't be very sporting or realistic now would it? Oh, we're not concerned with that type of thing here? Oh. Well, maybe next post. Trancing now.>
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[Red3] Registered: Nov '99	Date Posted: 4/25/00 4:40am Subject: Re: Stop! Or my HoJo will shoot!!!
	"F*** this. This has got to be worse than that burrito/tequila mix back when we were searching for OWC" Red3 commented. "Roight. Feels like me intestines is being ground into milkshake" Irish said. "Say, is there a toilet anywhere near here?" Red asked one of the invisible masseuses, who pointed to a small door off to the sid. Red and Irish looked at eachother and bolted for it. Meanwhile, Hiroko evaded a slash from the Swiss Army Saber and whacked the evil Captain (neither Crunch or Antilles) on the knee. "OW! You'll pay for that!" the Captain screamed and tried to cleave the japanese warrior in half but Hiroko brought up the [b]TPOGTAWP and blocked the blow, the quickly slashed down and blocked Switzerlands follow-up strike. She countered swiftly by poking the Captain in the stomach, as he doubled over she flipped over him, spun round and in one fluid motion struck the Captain between his legs. The captains face turned red and his eyes began to tear up. "Not again" he squeaked and folded up into a heap.
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Steven Randolph Registered: Feb '99	Date Posted: 4/25/00 10:14am Subject: Re: Stop! Or my HoJo will shoot!!!
	The Guy Who Thinks He's Gandalf spoke a sudden word of advice, "Beware of Fangorn." ~Steven Randolph~ -----signature----- -------------------------------------------------------------- Steven Randolph, aka The Ewok King -------------------------------------------------------------- Wraith (silver) Eleven, Private EUDF -----------------------------------------------------
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The Irish Jedi Registered: Aug '98	Date Posted: 4/25/00 10:59am Subject: Re: Stop! Or my HoJo will shoot!!! - Date Edited: 1/30/06 9:37am (1 edits total) Edited By: DVeditor
	"Enough of this drivel," General Switzerland, who really should be a very mellow nuetral person, but was wedgied one too many times in grade school, snarled. Clutching his bruised and swollen nuts, the Swiss Pseudo-Terror began figeting with his Swiss Army Lightsaber. Hiroko, flushed with the a$$ whooping she was administering, even though the narrator couldn't spell that word, bounced on the balls of her feet, hands deftly swinging about the TPOGTAWP around her arms and shoulders, Conan style. "What are you gonna do? Bleed on me?" she taunted. "HA-HA!!" the General spat. "Your overconfidence will be your doom!" "Your faith in your friends-- oh, sorry, that's just habit." As Hiroko said this, the Swiss Army Saber fired out a bright orange nurf ball, the football striking the young Hojo warrior right in the noggin. Hiroko stumbled back, holding her head. "That hurt you a-hole!" she shouted. "HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!" the villain sneered. "Have at you, you pathetic, dried up heroes!" More and more nerf balls started screaming out from his saber, orange and purple and yellow missiles, pummeling The Irish Jedi, Red3, and Hiroko. Unknown to General Switzerland, however, as a young Rodian, iamurme2 was the nastiest nerf football playing b@stard this side of detroit. The enigmatic Hojo leader charged the villain, catching every nerf ball that came near him, even giving a little Heisman trophy pose on the way. With a teeth shattering blow, iam landed a hit on the Swiss Piss that would make Warren Sapp proud. Jumping to his feet and standing over the laid out villain, iam began to do the ages old tradition ... the Ickey Shuffle end-zone dance. "Uh! Dammmmmmmnnnnn!" he taunted. "I know you didn't try and play me in some nerf ball, boy! I pity da foo who plays nerf ball with me!!!" As the Hojo continued his smack talking, Irish, Red and Hiroko, now recovered from the gas and the nerf balls came up behind him. "Now what?" Hiroko asked. "Nae we carve tha' ****er up inta turkey slices," Irish said, igniting his green and orange lightsaber with a snap-hiss. "I don't like turkey," Red said. "Allroight then, chicken," Irish amended. "How about ham?" Red asked. "I canna eat ham, man. I'm a muslim." "No you're not," Red replied. "You're Irish." "So? I canna be Irish and muslim?" "But you're not." "So?" "So why can't it be ham?" "Cause I like Turkey." "Makes me sleepy. What about Salami?" "What, are ye gay or something?!" "What's salami and sexual behavior have anything to do with each other?" "I dinna know. I was just asking." "Oh. Well then, no. I am not in fact gay." "OK. Then ham it is then." "Roight," they both said. Unfortunately, while both Gonks had been talking, and the Hojos looking on in disbelief of just how stupid Gonks could be, General Switzerland, who sometimes went by the moniker Archie B. Driftwood when he stayed in hotels, reached over to his chair and pressed a button. Beneath the two Hojos and the two Gonks, a massive trap door yawned open and the fell through it. As soon as it was closed, Switzerland moaned to the unconscious Larry. "Give .... me .... morphine ... now ...." Meanwhile .... -----signature----- "I could make my big words oh so dark, I could be replaced by any bright spark. But Darkness makes me fumble for a key to a door... that's wide open."
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iamurme2 Registered: Jan '99	Date Posted: 4/25/00 11:16am Subject: Re: Stop! Or my HoJo will shoot!!!
	<<I know there is so much potential with The Guy Who Thinks He's Gandalf, but I've honestly never read The Lord of the Rings. I'm going to start on The Hobbit today, though. My brother is currently reading TLOTR and when he finishes I'll read it.>> Knocked unconscious by the fall taken during Irish's posting at the same time as his own, iamurme2 dreamed this entire post: The Captain's (nai Crunch, nor Antilies, nor Caveman) eyes crossed as he trembled on the floor. He made a mental note to forget cost next time and go for the Dual-Sided Titanium Cup of Protection and Perseverance. Hiroko stalked around her prey. The ref came up and began the count. "One... Two... Three... Four... Five..." IAM sat back enjoying the invisible (and... blessed) bimbo's back massage. He considered, "I've never had a sip of beer in my life. I don't know how I got here, but I'm sure as poodoo not one to complain!" After a moment the blue-skinned rodian shrugged and leaned back in his invisible stadium seat to relax a bit more as he cheered his young HoJo companion on. "GO, HIROKO! YOU'RE DOIN' GREAT, KID! NOW LET'S BLOW THIS THING AND GO HOME!" Suddenly (did you know that mad backwards almost spells a bad word??) the Captain (nai Crunch nor Piccard) grunted and with all his might slung a leg around and clipped Hiroko's ankle. The HoJo warrioress' feet came out from under her and she crashed to the floor of the mat. "Ooh..." IAM cringed. "That can't be good." The invisible bimbo then began to scratch his back and the rodian leaned forward and said, "mmm... A little lower... Yessss..." Hiroko shoved the Captain (you know the rest) off of her and pinned his neck with her Toilet Plunger of Greater-Than-Average Weapon Potential. As the fight raged on the invisible bimbo massaging the HoJo leader's shoulders handed him an invisible beer. As he cheered Hiroko on he raised the invisible drink to his lips without paying attention. Just then the rodian felt something slap against his face. He twitched and the invisible cup faded out of existance. So did the invisible bimbo. IAM reached to where she had been and felt another slap on his face. "Wake up ye f***in' pith!" "What's a pith?" IAM recognized Red's voice as he came around. "It's the soft, spongy tissue in the center of certain plant stems," Hiroko replied. IAM sat up and groggily said, "I... dreamed... invisible bimbos..." Irish slapped the rodian again. Hiroko grabbed the Celtic Gonk's arm and said, "Quit, already! He's awake!" Irish looked at the rodian as he sat up. "Roit." Suddenly (BoB spelled backwards is ObO)... What happened next will be decided by the following poster! Have a blast! [This message has been edited by iamurme2 (edited 04-25-2000).] -----signature----- If sanity is a measurement, then who's the dipstick?
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Firefly Registered: Nov '99	Date Posted: 4/25/00 11:25am Subject: Re: Stop! Or my HoJo will shoot!!!
	<Might want to alter your post a bit, iam. Seeing how Irish took care of the fight.>
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iamurme2 Registered: Jan '99	Date Posted: 4/25/00 11:39am Subject: Re: Stop! Or my HoJo will shoot!!!
	<<Patience! It just took me a minute to edit it. >> -----signature----- If sanity is a measurement, then who's the dipstick?
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Jar Jar Title: Retired Chapter Rep Registered: Jul '98	Date Posted: 4/25/00 1:04pm Subject: Re: Stop! Or my HoJo will shoot!!!
	Larry, who was once again conscious and somewhat with it, was helping his Captain as best he could with his injuries. Obviously, it appeared to Larry that the commander wasn't going to be able to have children now, but that was the least of the concerns. He knew the real problem wasn't the devastating wounds to him physically but the wounds inflicted on his pride. The Captain had never been so much as scratched in battle before, but now.. This? "How will he take this?" Larry said out loud to himself as he continued to work on the commander. He had gotten a morphine i.v. and some ice setup on the Captain's "wound" and was helping the commander get back to strength when he noticed the trap door was open with his one good (but almost totally swollen) eye. "Captain!" he cried out his barely concious leader. "Yes.. Uncle Jeffery?" The Captain responded grogily. "It's not "Jeffery" Captain.. It's me, Larry! I need to know why the trap door is sprung.. Are the HoJo in there!?.. Sir! I need to know!" Larry knew the Hewlett Packard's pet alcoholic rancor, Twinkle lived down there, and top of already being an incredible lush, the rancor just had his 21st birthday party last night and would be incredibly ill from the gas effects. Larry knew this could get real nasty real fast but he waited paitiently for his commander's response to make sure this wasn't the case. And boy did he get one! Suddenly, the Captain sat bolt upright and grabbed Larry by his collar. The look in his commander's eyes were more delusional than any he had ever beheld, which is saying a lot, seeing as he dealt with many corporate wage slaves in his early carrer. His leader's maddening countenance was purely incomprehensible.. So much so that the Captain no longer looked like the Captain anymore.. Maybe, Larry thought horrified, he never was!? When the Captain spoke, it was with what sounded like repressed cackling, and this only added to Larry's terror. "I sent those Marshmallow naives to the hive of King Cocoa!" He decreed as he stood proudly "A perfect judgement that my brother Maurice would heartily entertain methinks! To think of the delicious drinks they will make!!!" He continued, but this time staring off into nothing, yet at something only he could see. "I shall now endeavor to teach all who live that the lunar being known as Hubris: Prince of Jehrico is nothing but a fraud.. For nothing so grand could ever hope to exist-" He winked at the air "Right Lord Beeatch?" All Larry could do was wet himself as the Captain skipped off merrily into the bathroom, dragging his i.v. behind him.. As well as his precious sanity. [This message has been edited by Jar Jar (edited 04-25-2000).] -----signature----- Live in or around Knoxville and are looking for a Star Wars fan club? Why not join up? Knoxville FanForce \| http://boards.theforce.net/board.asp?brd=10075
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Steven Randolph Registered: Feb '99	Date Posted: 4/25/00 6:25pm Subject: Re: Stop! Or my HoJo will shoot!!!
	don't worry iam i think im gonna make The Guy Who Thinks He's Gandalf like a schizo who changes with every story. so like, we may see The Guy Who Thinks He's A Smurf or The Guy Who Thinks He's Abraham Lincoln, or the always popular The Guy Who Thinks He's A Vegetable. then again, i might just stick with The Guy Who Thinks He's Gandalf. at any rate, read LotR, it is amazing! ~Steven Randolph~ -----signature----- -------------------------------------------------------------- Steven Randolph, aka The Ewok King -------------------------------------------------------------- Wraith (silver) Eleven, Private EUDF -----------------------------------------------------
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Steven Randolph Registered: Feb '99	Date Posted: 4/26/00 5:46pm Subject: Re: Stop! Or my HoJo will shoot!!!
	uppers? ~Steven Randolph~ -----signature----- -------------------------------------------------------------- Steven Randolph, aka The Ewok King -------------------------------------------------------------- Wraith (silver) Eleven, Private EUDF -----------------------------------------------------
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Tellesto Registered: Dec '99	Date Posted: 4/26/00 7:32pm Subject: Re: Stop! Or my HoJo will shoot!!!
	The Dark black X-wing of the infamous HoJo Darth Legs streaked through the hyperspace transport way's as a small glowing dot in the background of space, time, and life. The cockpit glowed darkly with only the normal book reading lights on. In the chair sat Darth Legs, tears streaking down her face, and blasters cringed in her right hand. On her left sat the control stick, sweating from anger and hatred. Legs brefly zoned back into sanity and looked out at the brillant display being played before her. Starts where born, grew in a balet of light and enegry, then matured to a light of hope, time streaked, and they died. The show of space and the infinty master of the universe of time made Legs think of the grand things she could have done. The other HoJo cared little for her, they only used her to get them drinks and bring them chips. That veggie Tellesto used her to go buy him a bunch of Duro's punk band tapes. She had especialy had it with that particular HoJo. When Tellesto came back with the other HoJo from Hoth, Tellesto took Legs room. Without Iam their he could do as he pleased and simply smile and say "I'm a HoJo..Don't Kill me!!!" The winning is what made her mad, despite that Tellesto had proven well he was a HoJo, he had no idea on manners. Legs would pay him back...in spades. The cosmic play of light and rain made her think about her unspecified realatives. She would get ALL the HoJo, and then watch a chick flick in TELLESTO'S chair, and make him sit in the whisky stained Irish chair. It would simply be grand... --------------------------------- Across the space ways of the universe was the vile Packerd holding the HoJo and there Gonk comerads. Tellesto walked calmly along with his partners when a flash of light seemed to apear in his eye. The light was so prety and warm, as it danced in his pupil. Soon it closed in on Tellesto, and a vision ensured. The HoJo tried to scream, but he was already in another world, in his mind. The weird wastebasket of his head was staned with long Jedi battles and Play_Twi,Lek magazines. "Woah...I gotta clean this place out!" Suddenly a small blue figure rushed at light speed twords Tellesto, so fast that he would surrely be run down! Ducking abruptly, Tellesto was shocked to see a floating Smurf head stop mid wind, right in front of him. "Hello!" Tellesto would have wetted himself, but this was his mind. "Yes?" he replyed dryly. "My name is Roger The Cosmic Smurf " Tellesto blinked dully and tryed to extend his hand as Roger shook his head. "No hands partner..." Tellesto frowned. "Oh...right." The Smurf head whistled and then floated above Tellesto, smoking a blue and green cigar. "Soooooo........wanna see the future???" "Do I have to?" "Yep." "Why?" "That kind of time." "Oh." The room spun and Tellesto transformed into a black X-wing, a X-wing holding a rather mad HoJo. "See what will happen Tellesto?" The Almost-there Smurf said. "No." "Well too bad because the person writing this post is tierd and needs a drink, thus the vision ends!" With that Tellesto was back in reality with his HoJo group, walking the coredoors looking for Iam, Hiroko, and the Gonks.
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Firefly Registered: Nov '99	Date Posted: 4/27/00 9:29am Subject: Re: Stop! Or my HoJo will shoot!!!
	Firefly, sick of walking, runs into the corridor wall and falls over. "Ow!" Warbuff turns to him. "Y'know, I'm sick of wandering these seemingly endless halls. We have sabers, right? Let's pick a direction and cut through stuff until we reach something." "And cause unnecessary property damage? Mindless destruction? Cool." Firefly drew his saber (It basically looks like a big lighter, and the blade is a flame.) and advanced on the wall.
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Darth Legs Registered: Jan '99	Date Posted: 4/27/00 4:31pm Subject: Re: Stop! Or my HoJo will shoot!!!
	Tellesto, back at the Hewlett Packard, was completely unaware of what was about to happen to Legs as the vision he had had had (3!!!) ended abruptly early. I mean early. Or abruptly. Take your pick. Anyway, Legs was still hurtling through space in her special ship, the Silk Stalking, closing in on the planet of Happy Valley. Landing in the local spaceport, Legs hired a transport to take her to the soupkitchen still run by NiiceGuy. She stared out the transparisteel window of the speeder, a smile on her face, an evil glint in her eye, as she pondered how to approach her unspecified relatives extraordinarily nice clone. She had a plan. "Hey, stranger! I had no idea you were coming! Please come in! Would you like something to eat? You look pretty warn out. Long trip?" NiiceGuy began as soon as Legs walked in. "Um, yeah, pretty long. What do you have?" "Well... soup," he said, smiling. He started pointing out the various kinds he had in stock today, when the poster was suddenly called to another computer and had to go finish her post there. <BRB>
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Darth Legs Registered: Jan '99	Date Posted: 4/27/00 4:50pm Subject: Re: Stop! Or my HoJo will shoot!!!
	Legs asked for a bowl of Tortilla Soup (don't knock it til you've tried it!) and went in the back rooms to relax for a minute. The warm soup felt good, and NiiceGuy was being so nice and concerned that she almost felt less mad. But then she remembered that NiiceGuy was not a HoJo and therefore completely out of consideration. It was those mean, rude HoJos that would pay. Specifically her unspecified relatives and that jerk Tellesto. And... she tried to remember who had grabbed her butt in the group search for a pocket, and she thought it might have be Obidiah. Yes, he would pay. They would all pay. And Irish. Yeah, definitely Irish. She'd think up something REALLY good for him! What, does she really need a reason??? tongue.gif "Here. I put just enough sour cream in for you, and no tortilla chips. Just the way you like it. Do you need anything else? One of the other clones I found can give you a massage if you need one. I also built a small spa in the back from the proceeds of a fundraising Hopscotch-a-thon I held recently," NiiceGuy interrupted her thoughts cheerfully. "Wow, that would be... No. No, that's okay. But thanks. Can I go downstairs and look around? Jan thinks she might have left her diary... I mean her journal downstairs, she asked me to look for it when I dropped by. We're, uhh, fighting someone really evil right now, and she wanted to better remember what it was like being evil so we can fight him," she fibbed. She was thankful for her pokerface right then. She knew she didn't have one unless she concentrated, so she had been practicing for most of the trip. NiiceGuy, who didn't realize that evil people don't always keep journals, smiled and said, "Sure, go ahead. I don't go down there much myself, just to clean it out every so often. It's kind of creepy down there." "Thanks. I'll probably take a nap, too, so don't worry if I'm not right back up. Is that squishy, comfy couch still down there?" "Yeah. It's pretty decadently comfortable, though, don't you think? In fact, didn't they name it the Comfy Couch of Decadence?" Legs looked appropriately hesitant. "Well, yes... but I'm so wound up after that flight that I think I'd need something that comfy to fall asleep." "Oh, well in that case!" NiiceGuy smiled. "Here, let me show you the way, in case you've forgotten. It's been quite a while since you stopped by." "Yeah, it has. It's nice to be back." NiiceGuy ushered her to the basement door, like a true gentleman, and said pleasantly, "Sleep as long as you want to. I'll be up here if you need anything. Sweet dreams." "Thanks, NiiceGuy. I'll make sure to call if I need anything." Smiling with pleasure, NiiceGuy headed back to the soupkitchen as Legs decended the stairs... Suddenly (your mother was a lizard) elsewhere... <Sorry these are so melodramatic. I've been in JADT too much recently. smile I really like what I've written there, but it's not quite HoJo style. I promise this plotline will get funnier and sillier as I get into it more. Sorry it's so boring right now... rolleyes.gif tongue.gif > [This message has been edited by Darth Legs (edited 04-27-2000).]
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Darth Legs Registered: Jan '99	Date Posted: 4/27/00 5:03pm Subject: Re: Stop! Or my HoJo will shoot!!!
	<Oh, she's going to clone herself, with Roger (PONB)'s help, so if anyone has a really funny idea for that scene, you can give it a shot, mmmkay? >
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