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Topic:
Stop! Or my HoJo will shoot!!!
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[Red3]
Registered:
Nov '99
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Date Posted:
5/10/00 3:19pm
Subject:
Re: Stop! Or my HoJo will shoot!!!
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Meanwhile, Red was feeling like sh*t.
"Holy f***** Gonk, twice in the same thread. And this is f***** worse than the last time. What the hell did we eat?", he managed between clenched teeth.
"I'd be a f***** genious if I knew" Irish said, faintly.
"But you gave me the bloody thing!" Red sqealed.
"So, I ate the same sh*t dinna I? Besides, I was hungry"
"So that explains it all then? Well all's jolly f***** well, then, aint it?" Red said, sarcastically.
"Just shut up and gimme some whiskey" Irish said.
"I would if I could move" Red said, "but I think 'roko got it worst". Hiroko was still curled up in a ball, eyes tighly closed and sweat pouring down her forehead.
"Aye, tha lass in pain allright. Tha's HoJos for ye, can't take it"
"But she did kick the captain's *ss pretty good" Red said.
"Whazz tha'? You tryin' ta hit on her?"
"Just shut up, Irish and figure out how the f*** we get out of this mess" Red said.
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Obidiah
Registered:
Dec '99
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Date Posted:
5/11/00 11:15am
Subject:
Re: Stop! Or my HoJo will shoot!!!
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Styrofoam lay scattered across the floor of the otherwise spotless QWERTY Wing kitchen floor. A larger piece of the mostly destroyed Styrofoam Cup of Sorrow and Despair twitched and pulled at itself. Little styrofoam balls began to roll toward the large piece and the evil little cup began to pull itself back together ever so slowly in the hold of the HoJo ship.
_______________________________________
Meanwhile (elsewhere/suddnely [umpah-loompah]) Obidiah walked curiously down the corridor in his loincloth. He always liked the freedom of a good loincloth while he was sleeping. It was a longstanding family tradition. However, the age-old question still lingered: "Does a caveman wear anything under his loincloth?"
Suddenly (I got a river o' life flowin' outta me) Obi got a cave-man like urge and began to run down the corridors. He was sprinting on all fours like Tarzan or something. Just then three cartoon looking chefs stepped out right in his path with blasters trained on the massive beast, but to no avail. This train wasn't stopping.
Obidiah plowed straight into the three cerial mascotts and as his huge body toppled over them he could hear their fragile cartoon bones as they *snapped* *crackled* and *popped*.
The trio lay in agony in the middle of the corridor as Obi got up and dusted himself off. He let out an ape-like roar and began making his way toward three doors. After a quick selection (using the tried and true method of enie-meinie-minie-mo) the massive bulk of a HoJo Knight entered the middle door. As he went through the door into a room he was slouched and could just see an opening behind a sign. He went through the opening and began to run on all fours toward some voices.
He approached some kind of control room with a broken out window. Without stopping the huge red-neck lept out the window with a bellowing gorrilla call and grabbed onto some hanging cables like they were vines in the forrest.
_______________________________________
Jan heard something making its way toward she and NiceGuy very quickly and very noisily, but it still shocked her when a mammoth of a man bellowed out an animalistic roar and jumped out from a broken window above them to grab onto some cables hanging overhead.
As the cables swung the man looked down over his shoulder. Jan looked up and made eye-contact with the huge creature and... "Obidiah!!??" She squeeled. Then suddenly (it's not pretty) she averted her eyes as the age-old question was finally answered for the innocent prude-sider. "Where are your pants??"
"HEY, Y'ALL!" the red-neck thundered as he hung from the swinging cables.
NiceGuy studdered as he too averted his eyes from the sight of the loud HoJo, "Hello, Obidiah." Clearing his throat the newly elected HoJo co-leader inquired politely, "Where have you been?"
<<I just re-read Legs' post and determined that NG should be tying up the Captain (not crunch) and then leaving to find Jar Jar (and IAM who is now frozen in soggonite next to him). We'll just say he just got through tying up the Captain (not Kangaroo) and he's about to head out to find Jar Jar.>>
[This message has been edited by Obidiah (edited 05-11-2000).]
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Tellesto
Registered:
Dec '99
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Date Posted:
5/11/00 1:10pm
Subject:
Re: Stop! Or my HoJo will shoot!!!
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Tellesto and his group sat solemly eating large corn puffs and listened to the Gandalf Wanna be's singing.
Tellesto himself had not herd such singing since the last time he watched that stupid animated Lord of the Ring's knock off cartoon.
He himself though had different thoughts on his mind.
Had the other group rescued Jar Jar yet?
Should they continue to look for them?
Was Legs as serious a problem as the Eternal Smurf showed him?
He could waste no more time.
Standing up boldly and grabbing The Guy who thinks he's Gandalf's wand, Tellesto began to speak to the other HoJo.
"My fellow HoJo...we have been lost in these tunnles for days while they have a barbacue with the bad guy!"
Warbuff stood up and yelled to Telllesto.
"A barbacue?
Yep.
Really?
Uh-huh.
While we eat this preservative crud?
Yeppers.
Aw MAN!!!!!!!!!"
With that the conversation ended and Tellesto knew what he had to do to get to his friends
"My fellow HoJo...I am going to get us to the group, but I must weild a very deadly power to do it.
I must use the Contrived Concept of Kevin J. Anderson!"
The group screamed and Tellesto waved the wand with one last thought in his head as the CC power overflowed the group, "May the Cracker and caffine be with us!"
Seconds later the deadly power of KJA got them to the control/ Barbacue room, as Tellesto serched for some Knight to tell of Leg's evil plan.
<Sorry I had to use pure evil, but I didn't know what happend to my group so I assumed we where still wandering the tunnles.
But now one last plot thread is done away with.>
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[Red3]
Registered:
Nov '99
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Date Posted:
5/12/00 4:32am
Subject:
Re: Stop! Or my HoJo will shoot!!!
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<Up with ye!>
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Darth Legs
Registered:
Jan '99
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Date Posted:
5/12/00 3:39pm
Subject:
Re: Stop! Or my HoJo will shoot!!!
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<<Tellesto, how do you know what Legs's plan is? I don't even know! Legs13 is the only one that knows her plan, and Legs the original doesn't really have one yet. Besides, you're trusting a hallucination of a purple smurf??? After all the hallucinations you've already had????? tongue.gif >>
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iamurme2
Registered:
Jan '99
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Date Posted:
5/12/00 5:39pm
Subject:
Re: Stop! Or my HoJo will shoot!!!
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<<why can i not see the last post?? Ah... that's better.>>
[This message has been edited by iamurme2 (edited 05-12-2000).]
-----signature-----
If sanity is a measurement, then who's the dipstick?
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Tellesto
Registered:
Dec '99
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Date Posted:
5/12/00 10:47pm
Subject:
Re: Stop! Or my HoJo will shoot!!!
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Legs, I don't even know here plan, but I know how to beat her.
Heh heh heh.
Your in for a suprise, if I deem the idea good.
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iamurme2
Registered:
Jan '99
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Date Posted:
5/15/00 5:17pm
Subject:
Re: Stop! Or my HoJo will shoot!!!
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<<noone posts all weekend?? where is everyone?? upper from page 5!!!>>
-----signature-----
If sanity is a measurement, then who's the dipstick?
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Tellesto
Registered:
Dec '99
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Date Posted:
5/15/00 5:54pm
Subject:
Re: Stop! Or my HoJo will shoot!!!
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To the top in hopes of a post.
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Hiroko01
Registered:
Dec '98
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Date Posted:
5/15/00 8:14pm
Subject:
Re: Stop! Or my HoJo will shoot!!!
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Meanwhile, somewhere in a passed-out HoJo's subconscious...
<Won't you won't you won't you won't you
Be my Roko Ono?>
<GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!! Make it stop!> Hiroko whined mentally.
The horrid music stopped and the dancing gnomes slowed, only to pick up again in a different rhythm. No.. no, scratch that. They weren't dancing anymore. They were... running, and jumping rope, and one-two jabbing...
<It's the Eye of the Tiger>
<Mommy!>
Suddenly the cavorting gnomes did a cartwheel and disappeared. In their place was The Styrofoam Cup of Sorrow and Despair (dun-dun-dunnn!)
<Hello, little one,> it sneered at the food-poisoned psyche. <Do you know who I am?>
<What did you do to those poor gnomes!?!?> Hiroko demanded. <They were funny! They reminded me of the Underpants Gnomes, I was gonna ask 'em what happened to Irish's-->
<SILENCE!!!> the cup bellowed. <You will learn to FEAR me, you squidlicking little...!> Suddenly it stopped yelling and spoke again in a calm, sweet voice. <You know how people say they're going to open a, how do you say, six-pack of whoop@ss? THEY'RE WRONG. It's all about the styrofoam cups, my dear young HoJo friend, as you are about to find out.>
<Blow me,> Hiroko muttered.
<I BEG your pardon?>
<Um... show me!>
<Ah!> The Styrofoam Cup of Sorrow and Despair beamed. <I thought you'd never ask.>
<Fire away, Chief!> Hiroko responded peppily. The sooner she could get the cup dude to leave, the sooner she could find those underpants gnomes again. Irish was not a happy lush when he was chafing...
<You see, young HoJo, I was first defeated by your comrades because- while they may not look like much- those bozos somehow pull it together for a post or two just enough to wipe out the bad guy and a few city blocks just for good measure. You can imagine the frustration, being a villain and all. But I- I!-- was the first to notice that on the mental plane, your Gonk and HoJo friends are... how shall we say... vulnerable,> the Cup stated, savoring the last word with an ironic twist.
<Heh,> Hiroko replied noncommittally.
<So do you see where this leads, young Knight?>
<Captain Switzerland wants to break into the Toaster Streudel business?>
<AAACH!> the Cup outbursted suddenly (gramma voice- I said a boom chicka boom!). <Simpering little twit! THIS is where you end, HoJo! In the psychic world, in your head, your TPOGTAWP is useless... as are your friends. First you, young HoJo, and then your *pitiful* little band... will... DIE,> The Styrofoam Cup of Sorrow and Despair expounded evilly.
<Poopie,> Hiroko thought. <Red!> she yelled out to the two nearest, um, minds nearby. <Irish! I think I found your frillies, but if you ever want them back I'm gonna need a little help over here!>
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Darth Legs
Registered:
Jan '99
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Date Posted:
5/17/00 1:52pm
Subject:
Re: Stop! Or my HoJo will shoot!!!
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<<Frillies??? eek.gif Hey, people, this was one page FOUR!!! And I'm one of the last contributors! And I haven't been able to come to TF.N in almost a WEEK!!! What's up?>>
[This message has been edited by Darth Legs (edited 05-17-2000).]
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Tellesto
Registered:
Dec '99
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Date Posted:
5/17/00 2:29pm
Subject:
Re: Stop! Or my HoJo will shoot!!!
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<<I have not a clue or the authority to post till this gets more story posts. >>
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Obidiah
Registered:
Dec '99
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Date Posted:
5/17/00 3:00pm
Subject:
Re: Stop! Or my HoJo will shoot!!!
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<<I would have upped this yesterday, but I got tired of always upping it and noone posting. I wanted someone else [clears throat loudly]RED or Irish[/clears throat loudly] to post. {Doesn't really matter who... just someone besides me.) I'm actually trying to do work-work today, so I'm not gonna post right now, but maybe later I will be able to. We'll see.>>
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Jole
Registered:
Dec '98
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Date Posted:
5/17/00 4:26pm
Subject:
Re: Stop! Or my HoJo will shoot!!!
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A lone HoJo was seemingly suspended in space. A backdrop of stars provided the only light.
Singing could be heard coming from the figure.... "Harrison, Harrison, Harrison, Harrison, Harrison Ford. The only movie star I have ever adored."
A can of Mountain Dew suddenly streaked through the empty space next to her and screeched to a stop. "Aren't you a HoJo knight?"
Jole contemplated why a Mountain Dew can was talking to her but decided it took too much effort. "Yeah."
"Why aren't you down there with the other brave knights doing your part to save the galaxy?"
"Oh that." Jole tipped her fedora back over her eyes. "I'm on vacation."
"Heroes don't get vacations." The Mountain Dew tried to look menacing, but let's face it, how does a can look menacing?
"I don't have a clue what's going on down there anyway."
"Go. You'll know what to do when you get there."
Jole let out a frustrated sigh. "All right, all right."
Suddenly back on whatever planet everyone is on, Jole materialized out of nowhere. The first thing she saw was .....
[This message has been edited by Jole (edited 05-17-2000).]
-----signature-----
I am a flower quickly fading
Here today and gone tomorrow
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Darth Legs
Registered:
Jan '99
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Date Posted:
5/19/00 3:34pm
Subject:
Re: Stop! Or my HoJo will shoot!!!
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Hiroko, Irish and Red, passed out on the floor. She wasn't surprised about Red and Irish, but the young oriental girl didn't really drink... Well, not with out a good... Okay, Red or Irish must have made a bet with her or told her it was just orange juice or SOMETHING...
Anyway, concerned for her fellow HoJo's safety, and knowing they were on a hostile space station, she attempted to revive her compatriots.
Meanwhile...
Legs13 sped through traffic in the city of Smilieville on Happy Valley in the Saccharine system. (unless someone else already named the system) She smiled evilly at the packages filling up the back seat of her black convertible landspeeder. It was nice and shiny and sleek, and she had charged a body paint job to her MasterSith, and now had a neat-o gray flame pattern streaming out subtly from the front.
She frowned at herself. She had actually thought the word "neat-o." Well, she did have the same genes as Legs after all. Some things must be forgiven. She just must not let it screw with her plans. She needed to focus all her evilness to a truly wicked point, a point with which she would slice through all opposition.
Screaming down the highway in her landspeeder, she began to laugh maniacally...
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