| Author |
Topic:
Joy to Sorrow
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RebelMom
Title: TFF Secretary
Registered:
Apr '00
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Date Posted:
6/2/00 6:38pm
Subject:
Joy to Sorrow
- Date Edited:
1/19/05 9:21am (1 edits total)
Edited By:
Herman Snerd
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This is my first attempt at fanfiction, albeit a therapeutic one. It could fall under a what if, but considering the topic is one that no one talks about it could have happened. Any way, feedback appreciated. Be gentle.
Warning: Box of Tissue mandatory. Trust me.
Joy to Sorrow
They say that it is cyclical. It comes and goes. The only difference is the intensity level. I still feel the pain, Ani. I wish you were here to lessen it.
Are you an angel?
Our joy had reached the heights, only to plummet to the bottom of the waterfall and be smashed to pieces. A royal birth. The whole city of Theed was a buzz. Our happiness was theirs as well. I could see the joy on your face. It was as if you had won the pod race again and again and again. Then labor began and your expression was one of concern. I just smiled and told you not to worry. Women have given birth for millennia. I'll be fine. But you knew something I didn't. Just as well I didn't; you knew it was best.
You were with me in delivery. Hey, I wasn't going to do that alone. For all your strength, I'm sure I about broke the bones in your hands. But I was so tired. They gave me something for the exhaustion but I wanted to feel our child be born. I wanted to have the whole experience. Then the royal medic broke the water. I didn't realize then why you became so pale, Ani. But I do now. Blood. If, I had seen it I would have given up. You knew that. You wouldn't let me give up. I couldn't push anymore, so you did. It hurt but I knew it would bring our child into the world.
Why was it so quiet, Ani? Our child should be wailing. Skywalkers are not quiet. I see the product of our love laid gently on my belly. My vision is blurry. She is pale and still. It's a girl, isn't it? The aide removes her. I already miss the contact. Ani, you are too quiet. Everybody in this room is too quiet. Say something. Okay, I break the silence. Boy or Girl? A girl, they say. I was right. Oh, Ani we have our little Shmi. What's wrong, Ani? Then the medic slowly spoke the words that in the back of my consciousness I had been denying. I'm sorry, your highness but your baby is dead.
Instead of sharing cries of joy, Ani, we were sharing tears of grief.
The medic had wrapped little Shmi up in a pink blanket and put a little pink hat upon her head. She can't be dead. Then she carried Shmi over to me to hold. My only chance to hold her. I unwrap the blanket and gaze upon her toes. Her Toes. Why did I just look at her toes? I was afraid she would break. Then you took her, Ani. You held her and gazed at her as any proud father would. I know you would have been a fine father, Ani, if only given the chance.
Father, Help Me Please
I don't know what I would have done without you, Ani. You stayed with me and intercepted well wishers. How do you well wish someone over a death? Please don't let anyone say 'You're young. You'll have another.' Shmi was real. Remember, Ani, when she first kicked? You tried to grab her foot but she was fast. She gave me bruised ribs. She gave me nausea, heartburn and hope. Hope for the future. I knew her and wanted to meet her. That meeting was denied. She was sleeping. Surely, that was all she was doing. You were there at night when I screamed for my baby.
Just Hold Me
I didn't forget your pain, Ani. I knew that you needed your mother. She would comfort you and take the pain away. But it wasn't to be. I would be the one to comfort you. I know your heart, Ani. I will do my best to help heal your pain. For I can be strong when necessary. I can be strong for you, Ani.
What does your heart tell you?
Thank you for the physical healing, Ani. When my milk came in, the pain was wretched. Doesn't this body know that there's no baby to feed? I have enough reminders thank you. But you touched me and it was gone. Emotional healing cannot be done with the wave of a hand. But I worked through it with you, Ani. Even Artoo helped. I remember him rolling around the court preventing young mothers from coming near me. Why was everyone blessed? What did I do wrong?
I've never seen such devotion in a droid
Then, when I found out I was pregnant again, I couldn't wait to tell you. To share joy again. But you weren't there. I found the data pad about the death of your mother. Panaka told me that you were angry and left the planet. I never saw you again. Oh, Ani, did you notice the dates? Your mother didn't leave you. She went to be with your daughter.
The pain is here again Ani. But it is different this time. Your children are alive and well. Yes, children. Two for one deal. Luke and Leia. Beautiful. Hey, I would have been ecstatic if they had told me I gave birth to a Wookiee as long as the baby was alive. But the Jedi says they need to be separated and hidden. It is the only way to keep them safe. It's not fair. They should have each other. We should be a family, not fugitives.
To protect you both from the emperor you were hidden from your father when you were born
I watch them sleep and I feel hope and joy. I know you would too, Ani. Obi-Wan says you are more machine than man, twisted and evil. I don't believe him. I know who you are underneath the mask, Ani. A monster doesn't have tears. You cannot lie to me; I know you too well. There is good in you. Luke and Leia are so still. A twinge of fear escapes me and I pinch them. They wail. It is music to my ears. If only you could hear them, Ani.
Your thoughts betray you, Father. I feel the good in you. The conflict.
Oh, Ani, why has it come to this. Strangers will raise our son, Luke. At least our little Shmi has her grandmother. Obi-wan assures me that the Lars couple are good people who will love Luke as their own. I don't want to lose him too. I don't want to deal with the unknown. I won't see him grow. He'll call another Mother. Another will comfort him when he is hurt. He won't know who I am. I don't know if I can deal with that.
I have no memory of my mother. I never knew her
Alderaan is nice but its not Naboo. I miss Theed. The waterfall. Even Jar Jar. I want to turn back the chrono and return to the past. But that is not possible. Would anything really change? Leia is the only bright spot of my existence. I try to picture Luke in my mind's eye. I'm sure he looks like you Ani. Like father, like son. The cycle has changed again and the intensity is lessened. Our little Shmi appears to me. I can finally smile.
Are you an Angel?
No, Ani, I'm not an angel, but our daughter is.
In Memory of Amy Evelyn Wiegand June 8, 1992.
[This message has been edited by RebelMom (edited 06-04-2000).]
-----signature-----
Short Story: Pressure Point http://boards.theforce.net/beyond_the_saga/b10477/26961243/p1/?7 Jacen Solo and Anakin Skywalker - as it should have been. TFF: Cheryl
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ami-padme
Registered:
Sep '99
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Date Posted:
6/2/00 6:49pm
Subject:
Re: Joy to Sorrow
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Oh my god, that was unbelievably terrific. And you're right, very, very sad - the hanky warning was needed. I really liked the way you used the quotes from the movie.
This is only your first story? You are obviously very talented. I hope you keep writing.
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Vee
Registered:
Jan '00
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Date Posted:
6/2/00 6:57pm
Subject:
Re: Joy to Sorrow
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I was so eager to read this when I saw that you'd started this thread. Excellent work, very beautiful.
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jedi jaffacake
Registered:
May '00
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Date Posted:
6/2/00 7:09pm
Subject:
Re: Joy to Sorrow
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I don't know what to say, that was fantastic. I can't believe that it's your first fanfic. It was really touching. I have a lump in my throat like I've swallowed a football!
-----signature-----
So why are you alone wasting your time
When you could be with me wasting your time?
Well I'm a waste like you, with nothing else to do...
May I waste your time too?
--Greenday
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Neon Star
Registered:
Mar '00
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Date Posted:
6/2/00 7:56pm
Subject:
Re: Joy to Sorrow
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(Takes out a kleenex and wipes at the tears in eyes.) That was so sweet and sad. That can not be your first fanfic.
-----signature-----
'I pray to stay young, soon will be expired' Dying Youth, 10 Years
.
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padawanmac
Registered:
Jul '99
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Date Posted:
6/2/00 8:21pm
Subject:
Re: Joy to Sorrow
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That was so heartbreaking and beautiful. It really touched me. You must have done this before.
Padawanmac.
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RogueJai
Registered:
Apr '00
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Date Posted:
6/2/00 8:32pm
Subject:
Re: Joy to Sorrow
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So touching. You write Amidala's thoughts very well *sniff, sniff*. I think I like the idea of there being an older sister watching over them. An . . .
Are you an . . .
Angel.
-----signature-----
And I'll gladly stand up next to you
And defend her still today
Cause there ain't no doubt
I love this land;
God Bless the U.S.A.
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RebelMom
Title: TFF Secretary
Registered:
Apr '00
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Date Posted:
6/2/00 10:30pm
Subject:
Re: Joy to Sorrow
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It took me a lot of courage to look and see if I got any responses. Probably stage fright. I want to personally thank all of you for braving the warning and reading. I recognize most of your names and feel honored that you read it.I appreciate it. Yes this really is a first fanfic. Though I must admit that it is easier to write from experience.
-----signature-----
Short Story: Pressure Point http://boards.theforce.net/beyond_the_saga/b10477/26961243/p1/?7 Jacen Solo and Anakin Skywalker - as it should have been. TFF: Cheryl
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womp_rat208
Registered:
Nov '99
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Date Posted:
6/2/00 10:53pm
Subject:
Re: Joy to Sorrow
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One word. Wow. This isn't really my thing. When I read the top, I almost didn't read it. But since you've read my thread, I figured I'd return the favor. I'm glad I did. That was so good. And sad. *Claps* *sniff* *sniff*
-----signature-----
"Smote 'em if ya got 'em." - Me
"Fool of a Took! Cast yourself in next time and rid us of your stupidity!" - Gandalf
"Dude, he's Saruman and Count Dooku at the SAME TIME!" - friend
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Knight Obi Wan
Registered:
Dec '99
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Date Posted:
6/2/00 11:23pm
Subject:
Re: Joy to Sorrow
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A standing ovation RebelMom!!! Absolutely EXCELLENT story, full of heartwrenching emotions ::sniffle::
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-For once, the darkness gave way to light.
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Alli-Wan
Registered:
Dec '99
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Date Posted:
6/3/00 2:10am
Subject:
Re: Joy to Sorrow
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Beautiful work RebelMom. You capture so much in this work. Amazing.
Looking forward to more of your work.
May the future bring joy into your life to balance out the sorrows. Good hopes and thoughts to you. --AWK
-----signature-----
“And occasionally, a handkerchief comes out to wipe away a tear of laughter. That is my reward. The rest goes to the government.” --Victor Borge
http://www.geocities.com/alli_wan
Like the truth, I'm still out there.
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Darth Pipes
Registered:
Oct '99
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Date Posted:
6/3/00 3:08am
Subject:
Re: Joy to Sorrow
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An amazing story RebelMom. Very sad but beautifully written.
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Ejedir2
Registered:
May '00
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Date Posted:
6/3/00 4:08am
Subject:
Re: Joy to Sorrow
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Wow, that was really good. I hope you continue to write, I know I'll be watching for that next thread. It's true, it is easier to write from experience, some though, are hard. Hope to see more of you You're an amazing author. . .maybe something even longer next time.
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Confusion, destruction, chaos --- my work here is done!
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RebelMom
Title: TFF Secretary
Registered:
Apr '00
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Date Posted:
6/3/00 4:33pm
Subject:
Re: Joy to Sorrow
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Thanks for reading. I haven't written anything for fun in tongue.gif years. I am working on a new story, no tissue required. It will be a Luke and Mara adventure set in the NJO era. Cure Mara.
-----signature-----
Short Story: Pressure Point http://boards.theforce.net/beyond_the_saga/b10477/26961243/p1/?7 Jacen Solo and Anakin Skywalker - as it should have been. TFF: Cheryl
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Cindé of Naboo
Registered:
Apr '00
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Date Posted:
6/3/00 5:46pm
Subject:
Re: Joy to Sorrow
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Sob! That was so sad -- and so good! I am very impressed. And very depressed. But, since you've read my fanfic, you know I have a thing for the depressing. I think I like crying. So thank you. Very good!! <sniff>
-----signature-----
See TPM from Another Point of View http://boards.theforce.net/message.asp?topic=1162409&page=1 Clone Wars - heh! Wars not make one great. Unabashed Skywalker gusher A single family can save an entire galaxy
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Raissa Baiard
Registered:
Nov '99
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Date Posted:
6/4/00 3:29pm
Subject:
Re: Joy to Sorrow
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Truly, truly beautiful! That's all I can say, at least in my current emotional state. I'm really looking forward to your next story.
-----signature-----
"Corellian whiskey for me. Hot chocolate for my friend. Make it a double.
Make both of them doubles, and give my whiskey to him."
-- Han, preparing Luke for the realities of planning a wedding
*******
Raissa Baiard, Jedi Librarian
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