| Author |
Topic:
Roommate Wars (humor) Chapters 1-6
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Jedi Amy-Wan Kenobi
Registered:
Mar '00
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Date Posted:
6/4/00 4:19am
Subject:
Roommate Wars (humor) Chapters 1-6
- Date Edited:
1/19/05 9:17am (1 edits total)
Edited By:
Herman Snerd
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I've had a lot of free time on my hands lately. Perhaps too much. So I've been writing quite a bit and this is some of the insanity I've come up with. Please leave reviews, good or bad, I'd just like some feedback! If anybody likes it I'll post more chapters as I come up with 'em!
Not responsible for any cr@ppy formatting as a direct result of the writing of this in MS Word.
Rated PG.
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Roommate Wars
Written by Amy-Wan Kenobi
Chapter I~ Home Sweet Home
“BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! BEEZzZzZzZztttrrrzzggghhh…” A red-and-black tattooed fist smashed the alarm clock to tiny pieces. Darth Maul growled at the sun shining brightly through his window and tried to get out of bed. He got tangled in his bed sheets and fell on his face on the floor. He growled at the floor for being there, and got up and stalked into the refresher unit. He put in his contacts and stomped into the kitchen, making sure to make as much noise as was possible when stomping into the kitchen to annoy the tenants in the apartment below his. He stopped in the middle of the chaotically disorganized living room and squinted at a piece of paper that had been slid under the door. He picked it up and squinted at it some more. After squinting at it some more in an unsuccessful attempt to get it un-blurred enough to be discernable, he gave up, telling himself he was too tired to be reading small pieces of paper anyway. Small piece of paper in hand, he continued his loud stomping into the kitchen.
He arrived in the kitchen, threw the piece of paper on the table, and grabbed a box of stale Lucky Charms out of the cabinet, which seemed to be lacking a door. He looked in another cabinet for a bowl. There weren’t any clean ones, so he grabbed a dirty one out of the sink. He tried to remember the last time he had washed the dishes, but didn’t want to strain his memory like that. He poured the bowl full of cereal and grabbed some milk off the cluttered table that he had forgot to put away yesterday. Or was it last week? He couldn’t remember. The crabby Sith Lord sniffed the milk, cringed, and poured it on top of the cereal.
Shoving heaping spoonfuls into his mouth, he picked up the note and started to read it. In large letters at the top, it read “Eviction Notice.” Darth Maul spit his mouthful of cereal halfway across the kitchen. What?! How could they evict him?! They had no right! Actually, Maul could think of about 50 good reasons to kick him out, but, well… Oh, just face the facts, he thought. There was nothing he could do. Let the apartment hunt begin.
~~~~~~~~~~
“Well, Mr. Kenobi, consider yourself… ermm… in possession of an apartment!” the building owner said as Obi-Wan Kenobi put his signature on a giant stack of lease forms that must have been at least six inches thick. The young Jedi sighed and looked at his wristwatch.
“Is that all the forms?” he asked impatiently.
“Yes, that’s it,” the building over replied. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. “Here’s the keys to your apartment,” he said, handing them to Obi-Wan. “Number 42A.” Obi-Wan got up and left the office.
A couple of seconds later, a black-robed figure entered the office.
“I wish to apply for an apartment,” he said menacingly. The landlord pushed a six-inch stack of forms across the desk toward him.
Forty-five minutes after that, Darth Maul angrily signed his name on the bottom of the last page. The now bored-looking owner pushed a set of keys over to him. The plastic tag on them read “42A.”
~~~~~~~~~~
Obi-Wan Kenobi entered the back door of the Coruscant Towers apartment building, towing a travel suitcase behind him, and a box of stuff tucked under his arm. He walked over to the elevator. A sign was taped to the door reading “Out of order.” Obi-Wan’s face dropped and he looked up. Flights of stairs spiraled up the building as far as the eye could see.
Twenty-one sets of stairs later, Obi-Wan reached the apartment numbered 42A. A flock of kids of assorted species raced down the stairs screaming. Out of breath, the Jedi set his suitcase against the wall, produced the key from his pocket, and stuck it in the doorknob. With an effort, he managed to turn it. He turned the doorknob but the door wouldn’t open. He threw his shoulder against it and pushed harder. It stayed stubbornly in place. Finally, he set the box down on the stairs, and walked over to the other side of the hallway. He made a running start for the door and jumped, throwing his full weight against it. The door flew open and Obi-Wan went flying across the living room of the apartment. He used the Force to stop himself from crashing through the glass balcony door directly on the other side. He looked around the apartment.
It wasn’t bad. Tasteful beige carpeting stretched across the floor. To the right of the entrance lay the living room, and to the left the kitchen. Off the living room, opposite the kitchen, was a hallway leading to 2 bedrooms, the bathroom, and what was presumably a closet. No, it wasn’t bad. Wasn’t bad at all. It had even come fully furnished, with matching furniture in calming earth tones. The only problem was that the neighbors upstairs were playing Limp Bizkit on the highest volume setting, and the walls were vibrating from the noise. But he could deal with them later. Obi-Wan walked back out into the hallway, dragged in his stuff, and shut the door behind him. He smiled and set about unpacking.
~~~~~~~~~~
Obi-Wan looked around in his living room, recently done with his unpacking. He smiled. Finally, a place of his own, he thought. At last he could have some privacy…
Suddenly the door flew open and a black-robed blur flew through it. Unfortunately, Obi-Wan was standing right in the way. The figure made impact with him and both of them went rolling across the floor. After they each got their orientation back, they looked at each other.
“What’s the idea of, err… flying into my apartment without knocking?!” Obi-Wan angrily demanded.
“YOUR apartment?!” Darth Maul yelled. “Oh, no, this is MY apartment!” Both the men produced their leases, both of them filled out for apartment 42A. They looked at each other’s, looked at their own, and looked back at each other’s again. They both, in unison, got up and stormed down the twenty-one sets of stairs to see the landlord.
A worn-looking lady in a head-wrap and housedress answered the door at apartment 1A. Behind her, no less than about 15 very noisy children raced about the house. She was balancing a very young crying one on her hip. Obi-Wan suspected that some of the children weren’t even hers, seeing as some of them were barely humanoid. Obi-Wan and Maul looked at each other, and the latter turned to the woman.
“Look, lady, we both leased an apartment here, and we both seem to have gotten leased 42A,” he said in his most chilling voice.
“Deal with it. Ya sign the lease, you’re stuck with it,” the lady said in a monotone New York accent. Both of them had signed two-year leases. Neither of them had the money to rent two apartments at once.
“Ermm…” Obi-Wan said. Darth Maul blinked a couple of times. Usually the combination of his tattoos and deep, menacing voice didn’t get that kind of reaction.
“And,” Obi-Wan said, as long as he was down here, “the people in the apartment above us are incredibly noisy.”
“Deal with it.”
“The elevator is broken and I have to climb up twenty-one flights of stairs.”
“Deal with it.” The flock of kids raced down the bottom flight of stairs, screaming and giggling. They all turned around and started running back up them.
“And those kids have been running around for hours.”
“Deal with it.”
Obi-Wan was suddenly struck with an idea. He raised his hand and gathered up some Force energy for a Jedi mind-
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Terana Lewani
Registered:
Mar '00
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Date Posted:
6/4/00 11:00am
Subject:
Re: Roommate Wars (humor) Chapters 1-6
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Man, this is a great story, my stomach hurts from laughing so hard. I can only hope you write chapters 7-Infinity next.
P.S>Do you by chance read the Sith Academy stories by Siubhan and company?
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jedi jaffacake
Registered:
May '00
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Date Posted:
6/4/00 2:52pm
Subject:
Re: Roommate Wars (humor) Chapters 1-6
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This story is so cool!
Darth Maul's reaction to the Pokemon snuffling around his ankles isn't dissimilar to what mine would be in the same situation!
Can't wait for more
-----signature-----
So why are you alone wasting your time
When you could be with me wasting your time?
Well I'm a waste like you, with nothing else to do...
May I waste your time too?
--Greenday
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Jedi Amy-Wan Kenobi
Registered:
Mar '00
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Date Posted:
6/4/00 4:40pm
Subject:
Re: Roommate Wars (humor) Chapters 1-6
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Yeah, I'm a big fan of the Sith Academy! (They're so funny I even forgive them for being horrible to Obi-Wan! )
I reread this and realize that this is all just a combination of too much sugar, too many hours spent reading Academy all night, and my obsession with HGTTG.
Amada Mechi
Spends too much time around the DMEB
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Darth Mouse
Registered:
May '00
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Date Posted:
6/4/00 5:17pm
Subject:
Re: Roommate Wars (humor) Chapters 1-6
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I think this is the funniest story I have ever read.
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Jedi Amy-Wan Kenobi
Registered:
Mar '00
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Date Posted:
6/4/00 5:21pm
Subject:
Re: Roommate Wars (humor) Chapters 1-6
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And then I look at my signature here and realize I just gave away the fact that I cast my own character in my story. I'm pitiful!
Amada Mechi
How pathetic is that?
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Jean
Registered:
Oct '03
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Date Posted:
1/19/05 7:56pm
Subject:
RE: Roommate Wars (humor) Chapters 1-6
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Upping for the move
-----signature-----
I am a sock
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Jauhzmynn
Registered:
Jun '02
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Date Posted:
1/24/05 5:06pm
Subject:
RE: Roommate Wars (humor) Chapters 1-6
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THis is a scream.:-) GOtta post more.:-D
-----signature-----
Lightside Jedi Knight Jauhzmynn Enz :-)
Isa. 42:6-9 , 2 Cor. 5:17, Eph 6:10-18
www.thejediassembly.com
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hansolorox
Registered:
Dec '04
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Date Posted:
1/25/05 7:03pm
Subject:
RE: Roommate Wars (humor) Chapters 1-6
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wicked job! This is a scream!
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debeautimous
Registered:
Jan '03
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Date Posted:
3/5/05 1:13pm
Subject:
RE: Roommate Wars (humor) Chapters 1-6
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-----signature-----
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Wyn_Fel
Registered:
Feb '04
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Date Posted:
3/6/05 2:27pm
Subject:
RE: Roommate Wars (humor) Chapters 1-6
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Love it so far, although the "Deal with its" at the end did get a little tiring lol. Darth Maul and Obi-Wan sharing a room? Hilarious! Keep it up!
~Wyn
-----signature-----
Outside of a dog a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read. -"Groucho"Marx 'Angel Investigations, We Hlp Th Hepss.' -Angel Virtual Season six http://ats-nolimits.com/seasonsix/season.php Xaara's little sis
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Exxaciel
Registered:
Mar '05
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Date Posted:
3/28/05 8:40pm
Subject:
RE: Roommate Wars (humor) Chapters 1-6
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Oooh, hurry up, I want more! This is awesome!
-----signature-----
I didn't do it, you can't prove it, the only witness was the Wookie and I'm not translating! "The Amplifier Amplifies" @ http://boards.theforce.net/Message.aspx?topic=24611049&brd=10476&start=24762943 Adopter of Obi-4
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