| Author |
Topic:
"The Intractable" [humor].
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Inari_Icewalker
Registered:
May '01
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Date Posted:
7/29/02 12:59pm
Subject:
"The Intractable" [humor].
- Date Edited:
8/28/02 8:03am (11 edits total)
Edited By:
Inari_Icewalker
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Standard Disclaimer: Star Wars® is owned by George Lucas and Lucas Film, Limited. Yuuzhan Vong™ (concepts and characters) owned by Lucas Film Limited’s Expanded Universe. No infringement nor monetary gain is intended by the writing of this work. Story treatment, The Intractable, and originial character [Ahmonae I'Lia], ©2002 IE Ries. All rights reserved.
The Intractable
It itched. It itched terribly. If he didn't adjust it, he'd end up clawing his face off. Maybe there really were gods and they had a vicious sense of humor, or a mean streak, as he was finding out right now.
Of all times...
Nom Anor shifted his weight in his seat as he listening to the boring speech drone on. He blinked his eyes a few times, but it brought him no relief. Just one little scratch, oh, it begged to be scratched! How maddening!
Finally, unexpectedly, there was an avenue for flight. The speech was thankfully ending and infidels were clapping; Anor slunk through the crowd, unnoted, from the Imperial Centre auditorium to a quiet corner of the nearly empty lobby.
He roamed for a few moments and then found a lounge off the main corridor. It appeared vacant, and he ducked into the foyer of the lounge, and then into the toilette area.
Nom Anor began to unceremoniously rip the disobedient creature from his skin, exposing his own hideous face. Aaah...now he scratched with pleasure, satisfying that infernal itch. Damned masquer! This one seemed to have a penchant for rippling and getting bits of debris caught in its membranes, and always right before he was about to put it on. He wanted to rip it to shreds as punishment for its poor performance, but he couldn’t do that now. Later, perhaps.
Anor decided to cleanse the creature with water in the ‘fresher sink. That should help.
But it didn’t. Not really.
The masquer rippled and jiggled in protest as the heavily processed and chemically-treated water flowed over it.
Too much time amongst the infidels makes me forget just how insidiously unclean every aspect of their lives are, Nom Anor thought to himself.
A faint stir from the hallway caught his attention, and found Nom Anor, Executor of the Praetorite Yuuzhan Vong, hastily slapping the masquer onto his face in an effort to hide behind it.
Karyá Ahmonae I’Lia came silently into view, just like a breeze; the flowing cloth of her zayria garment seemingly floated about her in jeweled splendor. The gionná blinked and stared at Nom Anor, who was again masquerading as Dr. B’ualish Podaai.
Now the blasted plaeryin bol started to twitch in disobedient sympathy for the masquer.
The little Human female’s features, normally placid and eternally pleasant, took those of growing alarm; perhaps even revulsion. Her cosmetically painted-up eyes were wide and her lips parted, but there was no sound.
“Is there something the matter?” he demanded, rather gruffly. And then he remembered that this person was Darth Vader’s tsup and softened his voice accordingly: “Karyá I’Lia, is there something wrong?” He mustered a flattering smile, or so he thought.
She shrieked and nearly fell backward, hands to her face, a look of horror clearly evident.
“Your face!” she gasped, “What’s...what’s wrong with it?!”
“My face?” he asked with rhetorical stupidity.
Anor now had a sinking feeling as he hurled himself toward the mirror over the ‘fresher sink to discover the truth: in his haste, he’d slammed the masquer onto his face, inside out, and now it was struggling to cling to him while showing its nauseating purplish-gray underside.
From behind he heard the frantic click-click-click of elegantly high-heeled feet effecting an escape from the lounge.
Things were obviously not going his way today.
He wheeled around now, fully intent on dispatching Ahmonae I’Lia, but then stopped himself, seeing just the edge of her trailing garment, billowing around the corner and away from him.
Darth Vader. She would go straight to Darth Vader. Anor knew that if he sprang from the room and overtook her in her escape, there might be a ruckus to attract attention, and worse, her absence would come to someone’s attention immediately and he absolutely did not want that particular someone’s notice focused on him in any way.
He ripped the masquer off, flipped it around, and re-applied it as best he could.
And that was the last that Emperor Palpatine’s advisers ever saw and heard of one Dr. B’ualish Podaai.
NOTES:
1) gionná - [root word, gionn] A female artist-entertainer on Coruscant in the Galactic Core; occupation similar to that of geisha in traditional Japan on planet Earth in the Terra System.
2) Karyá - a title of respect used to address a gionná.
For more information, click here: Imperial Palace Teahouse
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"The Intractable" http://boards.theforce.net/message.asp?topic=8108935&replies=4
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DantanaSkywalker
Title: Manager Emeritus
Registered:
Apr '02
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Date Posted:
7/29/02 1:06pm
Subject:
RE: "The Intractable" [humor].
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He put his masquer on backwards! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 
Dana
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CmdrMitthrawnuruodo
Registered:
Jul '00
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Date Posted:
7/29/02 1:39pm
Subject:
RE: "The Intractable" [humor].
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ROFLMAO!
Ah this makes my day once again!
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"Dyin' be the day worth livin' for!" --Captain Hector Barbossa PotC: Amuletum Angiti http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3635826/1/ http://s12.gladiatus.com/game/c.php?uid=48046
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Leah-Beth
Registered:
Jun '02
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Date Posted:
7/29/02 1:45pm
Subject:
RE: "The Intractable" [humor].
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*lol* Hahahahahaha!!!!! That was quite humorous!!
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Continuation (Jaina/Jag): http://boards.theforce.net/message.asp?topic=8072867&page=1
Death Isn't Always Permanent (Corran/Mirax): http://boards.theforce.net/message.asp?topic=8418018&page=1
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GrandAdmiralJello
Title:
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Registered:
Nov '00
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Date Posted:
7/29/02 2:04pm
Subject:
RE: "The Intractable" [humor].
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L  L
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Roma Æterna|SPQR  Imperium Sine Fine "Moribus antiquis res stat Romana virisque" -Ennius, Annales "Tu regere imperio populos, Romanæ, memento;hæ tibi erunt artes; pascisque imponere morem, parcere subjectis et debellare superbos" -Virgil, Aeneid
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Baron_Fel
Registered:
Jul '01
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Date Posted:
8/22/02 7:38pm
Subject:
RE: "The Intractable" [humor].
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LOL.
Nuff' said.
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Inari_Icewalker
Registered:
May '01
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Date Posted:
8/27/02 7:18am
Subject:
RE: "The Intractable" [humor].
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OK, I've been asked for an encore/sequel. Y'all interested?
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http://groups.yahoo.com/group/General_Maximilian_Veers/
"The Intractable" http://boards.theforce.net/message.asp?topic=8108935&replies=4
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CmdrMitthrawnuruodo
Registered:
Jul '00
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Date Posted:
8/27/02 11:17am
Subject:
RE: "The Intractable" [humor].
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YES!
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Yomin_Carr
Registered:
Jan '02
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Date Posted:
8/28/02 6:54am
Subject:
RE: "The Intractable" [humor].
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LOL!
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FTeik
Registered:
Nov '00
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Date Posted:
8/28/02 10:07am
Subject:
RE: "The Intractable" [humor].
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Haha.
Well, i haven´t read to deep into the NJO, so i wonder if something like this has happened there, too.
If not the authors have no clue about the possibilities they created for themself.
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My first completet story: Pride's Prize: http://boards.theforce.net/message.aspx?topic=22758760 "In the Battle of Coruscant alone, hundreds of millions of battle droids saw action on the ground and in space. " Insider #86 - The story of General Grievous
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Inari_Icewalker
Registered:
May '01
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Date Posted:
8/28/02 10:33am
Subject:
RE: "The Intractable" [humor].
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Chuckles...
Exactly. Who's to say ole Nommie didn't bungle like this on his first few tries to infiltrate the Galaxy? 
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