| Author |
Topic:
Why Live Life From Dream to Dream... {JA, angst} |COMPLETE 6.2.05|
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CalaisKenobi
Registered:
Jun '02
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Date Posted:
8/6/02 9:46pm
Subject:
Why Live Life From Dream to Dream... {JA, angst} |COMPLETE 6.2.05|
- Date Edited:
6/2/05 6:34pm (26 edits total)
Edited By:
CalaisKenobi
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Summary: "Why live life from dream to dream and dread the day when dreaming ends?"
Disclaimer: All hail GL and Will Jennings and Joe Sample for "One Day I'll Fly Away."
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Always the smiles. The smiles and the grins and the nods and the “thank you’s.” Smiling until it seemed my face would crack, but never once did the smile reach my eyes.
Every award, every honor, every lightsaber opponent vanquished and conquered – I smiled through them all. And you just smiled right back. You were so proud, so certain that you had such a wonderful apprentice. You knew that you must have done something right; how could you not have when you had such a successful Padawan.
And through it all, I just kept smiling. Nodding, grinning and offering thanks to all those that congratulated on my skill, or on your excellent teaching skills. Just smile and nod, nod and smile; and somehow you’ll get through the day.
*********************************************
He rose with the Coruscant dawn, entering the common area to find his apprentice already beginning the day’s mediations. Smiling lightly as he rubbed the sleep from his eyes, Qui-Gon made his way to the kitchen. Normally Obi-Wan would have the tea started before he arose, but today the Master wanted to do something nice for his apprentice.
Reaching into the cupboard, he drew out the canister of hot chocolate that Bant had given to his Padawan on his last naming day. It was a running joke between the young Mon Calamarian and the fifteen-year old human; Bant always finding some new form of chocolate for Obi-Wan to enjoy. It was one of the few things the young apprentice ever showed a real joy for, and the special symbolism of it coming from a friend only made his eyes shine all the brighter.
As he mixed a cup of the sweet mixture for his Padawan, Qui-Gon reflected on the joy he saw all too seldom in Obi-Wan. The young man was a stellar student, and an excellent athlete; with many close friends and very few rivals. He had much to be thankful for, yet he never seemed to really get any enjoyment out of anything. It was almost like he won each competition and garnered each award just because it was there, not because he found any happiness in either the pursuit or the capture of the victory.
\Perhaps this is something we need to talk about…\ the Master thought, as he finished mixing the cocoa blend into the hot water. Turning from the kitchen counter and heading back to the common room to await his apprentice’s rise from meditation, Qui-Gon’s thoughts focused on how to broach the subject with his Padawan.
*********************************************
Every award, every honor, every certificate and each first place- they were nothing to me. Only a slight vicarious joy in seeing you thrill at my success. To me, they were just one more thing to add to the pile of discarded thoughts and memories. Sometimes, on good days, I would reflect on how lucky I was to have the skills and knowledge to be so successful; but most days, I just pushed the memories aside. No reason to think of the past- just pick the next big goal and reach for it. Life is nothing but one accomplishment after another after all. It’s not like there is really anything worth living for…
*********************************************
Setting the steaming cup of hot chocolate on the low table beside him, Qui-Gon settled down onto the couch with his own cup of tea cradled in his hands. He didn’t bother raising the lights, as the incoming light of the rising dawn served to highlight Obi-Wan in a greater relief than any artificial lighting ever could. The soft caress of the early morning light fell upon the young Padawan, adding a halo of gold to his ginger spikes. But it was the shadows that fell on Obi-Wan’s other side that had the Master intrigued.
The light caressed the young man, claiming him as its own; but the shadows seemed to stake their own rights to Obi-Wan. It was almost as if the shadows illuminated what the light tried so valiantly to hide. And it was in the darkness, that the lines of sorrow were etched on too young of a face.
As he leaned closer, almost involuntarily, Qui-Gon was startled as the checkered eyelids flicked open. Serene gray eyes met startled blue, and all of the Master’s musings were lost in the small smile the apprentice offered. “Good morning Master. Can I make you something to eat?”
*********************************************
I tried to be the best at everything. I knew that if I could just win that one extra tournament, or get that one final award, I’d be happy. I just kept stretching and reaching, trying to find something to fill the empty hollows inside. I knew that someday I’d find something or do something that would make you so proud – so very, very proud – that maybe… I’d feel something too…
*********************************************
Taking in the placid mask, that stoic Jedi façade that he had always been so proud of, Qui-Gon felt a slight chill. \Do I know you?\ he found himself asking, as the mixed visions danced before his memories: the boy illuminated by light, the serene mask of the Jedi Padawan, the young man - aged beyond his time by a sorrow so great.
“Master?” Obi-Wan asked as he climbed gracefully to his feet. “Do you want me to make breakfast?”
Realizing he had simply been staring at his Padawan, not offering any answer to the previous question, the Master shook his head slightly and spoke softly. “No Padawan, thank you.” Gesturing to the cooling cup beside him, Qui-Gon forced a smile. “Actually I made you some hot chocolate. Why don’t you sit down here with me and enjoy it?”
The edges of his lips curling into the slightest semblance of an expression, Obi-Wan shook his head. “Thank you Master, but I’m afraid I don’t have time. I have to get ready for class.” Sketching a slight bow, the young man disappeared into his room, sliding the door shut behind him.
Bringing his teacup to his lips, and taking a sip from the lukewarm brew, Qui-Gon didn’t even notice as his hands shook slightly. \Perhaps this is something we should talk about…\
-----signature-----
After a bit of a break (only a few years  )... I'm BAACCCCKKK !!! Master to PT and DOT, Muse to Arldetta Annoyer of Sguid POS + ODM + WLLFDTD COMPLETE!!!
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TheFallen
Registered:
Nov '01
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Date Posted:
8/6/02 9:58pm
Subject:
RE: Why Live Life From Dream to Dream... {JA, angst}
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Oh that's really dark, CK. I'm never going to let YOU live this down, now!  I have no idea what I'm talking about. But this was an interesting, nice little ficlet.
Thumbs up from Darth Puffs.
-----signature-----
"That's no moon - it's a space station!"
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Flashbacca
Registered:
Jun '02
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Date Posted:
8/6/02 9:59pm
Subject:
RE: Why Live Life From Dream to Dream... {JA, angst}
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I think you should continue it. It's an intriguing concept - that Obi-Wan is not necessarily the person that everyone thinks he is. What darkness lurks in his soul that could cause him to feel nothing?
-----signature-----
The only bumpersticker that I will EVER consider putting on my car: "Turn indicators are NOT a fashion accessory!" It will go right next to: "Duct tape is like the Force. It has a Light Side and a Dark Side and it holds everything together." 
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PadawanKitara
Registered:
Dec '01
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Date Posted:
8/6/02 10:03pm
Subject:
RE: Why Live Life From Dream to Dream... {JA, angst}
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Obi-Wan as dark, brooding and clinically depressed? babybantha want to weigh in on that Dx?
-----signature-----
Courtier of the Royal Order of Shambling Dufi
We are Dufi...Resistance is Futile!
UCLA BRUINS
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obaona
Registered:
Jun '02
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Date Posted:
8/6/02 10:25pm
Subject:
RE: Why Live Life From Dream to Dream... {JA, angst}
- Date Edited:
8/6/02 10:29pm (1 edits total)
Edited By:
obaona
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YOU CAN'T STOP IT THERE!
It's interesting how Obi-Wan is feeling depressed - many people who are depressed have perfectly fine lives, good jobs, etc. How will a Jedi cope in this situation? I'm also interested on your take on the whole Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon relationship, since you do Obi-Wan and Anakin's so well (albeit with your own little twists).
In conclusion, I demand you continue this story.
-----signature-----
atty is the bestest! MS Word is designed by sadists with masochists in mind.  - teh atty
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Cascadia
Registered:
Apr '02
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Date Posted:
8/6/02 10:31pm
Subject:
RE: Why Live Life From Dream to Dream... {JA, angst}
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Intriguing start!
-----signature-----
It is only when we have risen from beholding the creature
into beholding creation that our mortality catches for a
moment the music of the turning spheres.
--Owen Barfield
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Jovieve
Registered:
May '02
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Date Posted:
8/6/02 10:37pm
Subject:
RE: Why Live Life From Dream to Dream... {JA, angst}
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**Sigh** "One Day I'll Fly Away"...my 2nd favorite song from Moulin Rouge and this fantastic little piece of inky shadow takes it's name from a line...(I listened to the supplemental soundtrack all day at work today).
I've just come from a massive fanfic of true-love slash, so this is right up to getting my night down.
GO CK!
-----signature-----
"Oh, you ca'n't help that," said the [Cheshire] Cat: "we're all mad here. I'm mad. You're mad."
"Obi-Wan IS here, the Force is with him!"
What Cmdr. Cody didn't learn from Jango Fett: Obi-Wan Kenobi is hard to kill.
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Seven
Registered:
Jul '00
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Date Posted:
8/6/02 11:06pm
Subject:
RE: Why Live Life From Dream to Dream... {JA, angst}
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Ooooooooo! More please! You don't know how grasping that was! I would say that it was the most interesting thing of all time... but all of your stories are like that. You absolutely need to continue. I refuse to think otherwise.
....Unless of course it happens. Then I'll accept it. But even so I think this alot.
Darkness lurks in us all, Jedi or not.
This is something we as humans must learn to accept.
If we do not, we are in conflict with ourselves.
I've learned to live with my darkness, although just recently, and I'm still on rocky ground with it. It's rare that anyone portrays themselves or Obi for that matter as dark. It's very interesting.
Now look at me. I'm being ... I don't know ... Philosophical? Depressive?
Whatever. I think this is very good and I will encourage it's continuation.
Why didn't I just say that from the begining? Now I feel dark. Darn.
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Master_Comedy_Kitty
Registered:
Jul '02
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Date Posted:
8/7/02 7:49am
Subject:
RE: Why Live Life From Dream to Dream... {JA, angst}
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*stumbles in* I'm awake! Amazing...hate to say it, but that seems like my life...only i never win anything at all. I have gotten one prize for my stand up...and no one cared except me and my friends. My family asked me 'where's the prize for excelling in math? Oh that's right, you're failing.' All well. Amazing though. Kudos CK, and please, feel better, k?
-----signature-----
I am the singing, dancing and overly dramatic Darth Kodak, evil-aprentice-in-training to the overly angsty Darth Puffs!
A lover of the Star Wars "NO-face"
I did it all for the Wookie
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CYNICAL21
Registered:
Jul '01
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Date Posted:
8/7/02 8:54am
Subject:
RE: Why Live Life From Dream to Dream... {JA, angst}
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CK - Obi filled with foreboding and potential darkness - and such a great well of sadness. When do we get to know the cause?
This is quite intriguing, and - for once - I get to be there at the beginning of your story so I don't have to worry about not having time to catch up.
Excellent beginning. Please continue.
CYN
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RingThane
Registered:
Mar '02
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Date Posted:
8/7/02 9:29am
Subject:
RE: Why Live Life From Dream to Dream... {JA, angst}
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Please don't stop there CK!!! This is wonderful! I want more!!
-----signature-----
College is cutting into my DDR time  My fan ficiton is listed in my bio "I reject your reality, and substitue my own!"
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ObiLegolas
Registered:
May '02
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Date Posted:
8/7/02 9:31am
Subject:
RE: Why Live Life From Dream to Dream... {JA, angst}
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Whoooo-hooooo! Wow. What a great start! Yes you should definitely, absolutely continue this story! :P Please? Great writing. Can't wait to see more.
-----signature-----
Obi rules!
"There are no Atheists in a fox hole." old Military saying
"No plan, no matter how well designed, ever survives the first shot." Old Military Aphorism
"Take my love, take my land. Take me where I cannot stand." Joss Whedon, Firefly Theme
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Enigma_Jade
Registered:
Sep '01
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Date Posted:
8/7/02 10:20am
Subject:
RE: Why Live Life From Dream to Dream... {JA, angst}
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::Runs in::
[face_shocked]
What were you thinking, not wanting to continue this???? You MUST!! This is awesome!
Poor Obi. . .I know exactly how he feels. . .I'm the same way. Apathy, bay-bee! Please continue!
EJ
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"High, loud and repeatedly!" 
Agent #11 of the K.D.R.L.P. DIE DRL DIE!
"If you can't beat them, then they're not tied down properly."
"I leave you with just two words: Gently-Toasted Elf." - Cassia, The Seventh Stone
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CalaisKenobi
Registered:
Jun '02
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Date Posted:
8/7/02 11:14am
Subject:
RE: Why Live Life From Dream to Dream... {JA, angst}
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Wow, I honestly did not expect to get so many responses. Thanks everyone, I guess I will try to continue this. I don't think it's going to be a POS type story, in that it gets updated multiple times daily, but I do believe I'll keep at it
TheFallen Thumbs up from Darth Puffs. Wow, the angst seal of approval
Flashbacca What darkness lurks in his soul that could cause him to feel nothing? Good question, though I'm not sure even he knows...
PadawanKitara Obi-Wan as dark, brooding and clinically depressed? Good diagnosis
obaona How will a Jedi cope in this situation? Probably not all that different from anyone else... though it's probably a lot more dangerous
Cascadia Thank you!
Jovieve "One Day I'll Fly Away"... Keep the rest of the song in mind as this story continues.
Seven Darkness lurks in us all, Jedi or not.
This is something we as humans must learn to accept.
If we do not, we are in conflict with ourselves. Well said, and so very true.
MCK hate to say it, but that seems like my life It's amazing how close this seems to so many people. Hopefully I can find a good resolution to this, but still stay with "real life."
Cyn for once - I get to be there at the beginning of your story so I don't have to worry about not having time to catch up. Have I told you how much I am looking forward to your next fic? That way I get to go on the ride from the very beginning too
RingThane Thanks!
ObiLegolas Can't wait to see more I'll try to have at least one more post up by tonight.
EJ What were you thinking, not wanting to continue this???? I was thinking "Ugh, who wants to read something so dark and depressing..."
-----signature-----
After a bit of a break (only a few years )... I'm BAACCCCKKK !!! Master to PT and DOT, Muse to Arldetta Annoyer of Sguid POS + ODM + WLLFDTD COMPLETE!!!
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obi_ew
Registered:
Apr '02
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Date Posted:
8/7/02 12:00pm
Subject:
RE: Why Live Life From Dream to Dream... {JA, angst}
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Brooding Obi-Wan? I can live with that!
-----signature-----
In Loving Memory Of CC  Price of Courage- Obi/Whie/Luke- http://boards.theforce.net/The_Saga/b10476/20124958/?37 Updated 4/20 Finally!!
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Jedi_Nifet
Registered:
Feb '02
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Date Posted:
8/7/02 12:17pm
Subject:
RE: Why Live Life From Dream to Dream... {JA, angst}
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Oh, intriguing. Darkness and light. A mystery and depressed Obi-Wan. I will read it! (*sigh* if it doesn't go with too quick a pace)
*Looks around* People, don't kill me for these words.
And close to real life -too true, many people are like this. Sometimes you think you know a person but really you know nothing.
Keep it up
Nifet
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~*~Beauty is the food of soul~*~
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