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Author	Topic: Rainbow's End: Versé's Story
Handmaiden_Yane Title: Manager Emeritus Top Games Character Host Registered: Jul '02	Date Posted: 2/28/03 4:43pm Subject: RE: Rainbow's End: Versé's Story
	Here it is. The final post to Versé's story. If you guys don't mind, could you give me a general critique of the whole story? Including your favorite character, chapter, etc? ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Chapter 30 Rainbow’s End Part Three: Fool’s Gold In the gray dusk of early morning, Versé kissed her babies softly on the their smooth foreheads. Melona stirred and Versé loving stroked the girl’s red-gold curls. Selona cried out in her sleep, and sucked her thumb. Telon, who was a light sleeper, woke up and gazed innocently at his mother. She laughed softly, quickly crooning the chorus of an old Nubian lullaby. Presently, Telon returned to Dreamland, and Versé left the nursery room with her skirts softly swishing. Her perfume left a lingering scent in the air, permeating the baby powder and baby oil smell. She hugged Solia goodbye, and quickly went down the three steps leading from her door. Versé opened her speeder’s door and got in. Soon, she was on her way to the palace. The last few days to the return trip to Coruscant for Amidala to cast her vote in the Military Creation Act had passed by too quickly than Versé would have liked. The decoy plan had to be ironed out. First off, Amidala couldn’t pose as a handmaiden-it had been used already and was too risky. This time, Amidala would fly to Coruscant has a Nubian Starfighter pilot. Cordé was chosen for decoy, while Dormé had gone ahead a week earlier to prepare the Senatorial quarters-and to do a little spying mission. Versé almost smiled at the vision of her friend as a spy. She herself was to accompany Cordé on the Royal Starship on loan by the Queen. It was simple enough. Versé shifted uneasily as she approached the palace. Something didn’t bode well with her. She looked up at the sky. Ahh, that was it. It was cloudy. Cloudy days tended to weigh down her spirits, and now was such a time. She shrugged off the foreboding feeling and parked. She walked swiftly into Amidala’s suite. Cordé and Amidala were going over the plan once more in soft tones. “Good morning!” she greeted them. “Good morning, Sé,” said Cordé. Amidala merely smiled her greeting and continued her discussion with Cordé. Versé went to the wardrobe and began to lay out Cordé’s attire for the trip. By the time she was done, Cordé was waiting patiently to be dressed. Versé burst out laughing at Cordé’s imperious and snobbish look. “What?!” demanded Cordé, her regal demeanor now gone. Versé just laughed harder and wiped the tears from her eyes. Cordé sniffed, and this sent Versé into more peals of laughter. “Just what is so funny?!” Cordé demanded again, now with more force. “You…you…looked so…ha! The look on your face…!” Versé managed to gasp out. Versé stood up and began to dress Cordé. After that, they moved on to makeup and then a simple headdress. The luggage was now being loaded by some workmen. Cordé smiled crookedly at Versé. “Well, how do I look?” Versé passed an eye over Cordé critically. “Like the queen, you dimwit.” Cordé stuck out her tongue at Versé, who stuck out her own tongue in reprisal. They shared a giggle as Amidala returned in a pilot’s suite. “Very nice, Adela,” Cordé said, using Amidala’s pilot alias. Adela saluted. “Thank you, Your Majesty.” “At ease, Lieutenant,” Cordé ordered imperiously. Captain Typho came up behind her. “All right, ladies, let’s get this thing done with!” *** “The Theed Hangar Bays will never cease to amaze me.” This statement made in awe by Versé was almost lost in the comings and goings of the magnificent hangar. Cordé smiled as she caught Versé’s comment. “Me too,” she agreed. Versé affected mock surprise. “But…but you’re a Senator!” Cordé smiled. “True, but this place still has more stuff than what’s in this big shindig of a headdress.” The Senatorial Party organized into its correct formation, two security guards at the head, followed by Cordé, with Versé off to Cordé’s right. The pilots followed. People everywhere looked at the Senator. Some stared dumbly, others cried out little joyous bursts. Versé almost had to smile. They were cheering on a handmaiden, someone who was mostly looked over until they assumed their lady’s position. They reached the starship they were to take to Coruscant, a J-type 327-Nubian, on loan from Queen Jamillia. The Queen wanted Senator Amidala to have the best she could offer on possibly the most important trip Amidala would ever take. As the pilots went off to their star fighters, Versé caught Amidala’s eye. They smiled at each other, silently wishing each other the best of luck. Versé strapped Cordé into the throne-like seat, and then went to strap herself into a nearby seat. “I think I’m going to be sick,” Cordé groaned. “From the ship? Or the chemicals covering you from head to toe?” Versé quipped. A half-hearted smile was all she got in return. Cordé’s face turned slightly green as the ship lifted off. “Must it move so much?!” Cordé exclaimed. “Cordé, it’s a ship. It moves. It’s what it does.” Versé shook her head. How was Cordé ever going to survive this trip, the way she was carrying on? * “I hear Coruscant looks beautiful from space,” Versé said quietly. “That’s nice,” Cordé replied. “They say Coruscant got its name from the corusca gem.” “How clever.” “We just exited hyperspace. The best view is soon to come up,” Cordé lost it. She glared at Versé, who looked innocently back. “What are you getting at?!” Cordé cried, exasperated. “The pilots in the cockpit get the best view,” Versé said, a cherubic look on her face. “Fine! Fine! I’ll go with you to the cockpit and we can see Coruscant from space!!” Cordé snapped. She furiously reached to unstrap herself. She tugged and pulled. Versé stifled her laughter. Unstrapping herself, she got up and unstrapped Cordé. “It’s the red button, dear, the red button.” Cordé strode angrily out of the room, Versé close at her heels, a smile hidden behind her hands. Cordé slowed down as Lieutenant Piett approached her. “We’re approaching Coruscant, milady.” “Very good, Lieutenant,” Cordé graciously allowed. They entered the cockpit and were at once amazed by the huge planet looming into view. “It’s beautiful,” Cordé breathed. Versé was too shocked herself to retort “I told you so.” * The landing ramp lowered slowly. Cordé breathed deeply and set out. Her small entourage followed her. Versé sighed. Telon, Melona, and Selona wouldn’t even be awake yet. Solia might be, watching protectively over her children. Her throat caught, thinking once more of Riv. Looking up at the clouds wrapping Coruscant in a protective gray blanket, she could almost see Riv smiling at her. “I’ll be with you soon,” she breathed. She did not know how right she was. Cordé had only walked about a meter or two when it happened. A huge explosion roiled the air, a fiery breath billowed from behind. Versé was sent flying, almost falling off the landing platform kilometers high up in the air. The fire licked her cruelly, sending pain shooting up her body. She could smell death in the air. For moments, she couldn’t think. An absurd memory from her childhood replayed in her mind. When she was little, Versé had always wanted a Naboo Princess doll. She explained to her mother that she wanted one so that even if she never became Princess of Theed, she would know she had a Naboo Princess and could be one whenever she liked. Her mother asked her what she would do if the Naboo Princess had to go far away to visit. Versé had replied stoutly that she would go with her. The Naboo Princess would be safe with her. Versé realized what she had to do. She had to find Cordé. She had to find Amidala. Groping on the duracrete floor, she painfully crawled a farther from the edge before collapsing. The pain was great, but the knowledge that she had failed them dug deeper. She had failed them. Failed. She had not protected the Naboo Princess. She probably would never have chance. Tears streamed down her face, letting off steam on her burnt face. She would never be able to protect her own Naboo Prince and Princesses. She had failed them too. She had failed Riv, not being there for her children. Dormé was suddenly at her side. She gently turned her friend over. “Versé…Versé…! Speak to me! Tell me you’ll live!” Versé barely registered Dormé’s words. It took her a few moments to push away the pain for only a little bit, to tell Dormé…everything. “Dormé…I’ve failed all of you…” “No! No! No…don’t say that…” Dormé choked out. Versé stared distantly into Dormé’s eyes. “No…not if you take care of them. Take care of my little Naboo Prince and Princesses…let them remember me and their father! Don‘t let them forget their father! Tell them I loved them so much…their father did too…he did…tell them I failed them and I’m so sorry I did…tell…” Versé grabbed Dormé’s arm, as if the action would allow her to grab a little more time in this life. “Tell Milady I’m so sorry I failed her. You and Cordé are the only ones left now…tell…” Versé passed away then…softly and quietly amid the noise and the chaos around her. She died in her friend’s arms…having made her peace. She had died, knowing that Dormé would not fail her as she had failed everyone… It was the best she could do, at the end of a rainbow with no treasure at the end of it. It was a fool’s gold at the end of a stretch of iridescent color. She had to give what she could from nothing. For there was no treasure at the end of the rainbow, only death… ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ -----signature----- Official Games Forum Index Chick She was tiny. About as tiny as a stick of dynamite. Currently gaming: The Force Unleashed, Soul Calibur IV, & Mass Effect "Now I'm like this big nerd, and everyone's like, yeah, applaud the nerd." -Natalie Portman
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bobilll Registered: Aug '02	Date Posted: 2/28/03 5:59pm Subject: RE: Rainbow's End: Versé's Story
	NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO Verse died!!!!!!! What will happen to the world without verse?????????? As for a review, well it's pretty obvious you've progressed through the story, so my favorite posts are near the end. Your description gets better and the words flowed better. I loved the loving sense that surrounded Verse along with the humor with it. The romance was very sweet, and very tearbreaking for the kids. Tell me when you get the sequel up!!! -----signature----- You'll have to buy him a sweater.
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Anyanka Registered: Nov '02	Date Posted: 2/28/03 8:13pm Subject: RE: Rainbow's End: Versé's Story
	AHHHH!! Versé!!! I knew it was going to happen all along, but it's still sad! Wow, it's finally over. This last post was definitely worth the wait, Yané. The descriptions were lovely, as was the foreboding atmosphere you managed to create. I think this was probably my favourite post. I really liked this line: “I’ll be with you soon,” And, of course, the last line: For there was no treasure at the end of the rainbow, only death… Again, great stuff, Yané. As for a general critique, I do agree with bobilll. Your descriptions got better as the story progressed, but I love some of the earlier carefree posts between Versé and Riv. Another thing I liked is how Versé had to adjust to living with her father. Those are just the things I can think of off the top of my head. This was a great story and I really enjoyed reading it. I'm definitely looking forward to the sequel! -----signature----- "I was being patient, but it took too long." --Anya
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Sache8 Registered: Mar '00	Date Posted: 3/1/03 9:03pm Subject: RE: Rainbow's End: Versé's Story
	Oh, that was nice having Dorme be there for her in the end. So bittersweet. I'd have to skim the story again to remember the chapters apart from one another, but... I liked the parts with the babies the best, and Verse's matchmaking tendencies. The humor surrounding the color yellow sticks in my head for some reason, and I also like the hints you gave to Naboo culture woven into your writing. Great job, Yané and Congrats. -----signature----- Everything inside you knows there's more than what you've heard There's so much more than empty conversations filled with empty words You're on fire when He's near you; You're on fire when He speaks. You're on fire burning at these mysteries. ~ Switchfoot
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Knight-Ander Registered: Jul '02	Date Posted: 3/2/03 10:38am Subject: RE: Rainbow's End: Versé's Story
	Well, I have to say that that was a well done ending to a long awaited final post. Good job, Yane. I especially like the Naboo Princess portion of the post and how that suddenly came to Versé's mind in her final minutes. Then her belief that she had failed to protect her own Naboo Prince and Princesses. So sad. As for the whole story... well, I agree with alot of what has already been said. Your writing and this story has slowly been improving post by post, especially compared to the original bare-bones version of your first story, Yané's Journal, which has been vastly improved by your edits. That's all I can think of for now, so I might come up with more comments in the future. But until then, I'm eagerly waiting for more. Great job, HM Yane. -----signature----- An Introduction - Ahsoka and Padmé finally meet http://boards.theforce.net/the_saga/b10476/29181766/p1/?0
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Handmaiden_Yane Title: Manager Emeritus Top Games Character Host Registered: Jul '02	Date Posted: 3/2/03 6:11pm Subject: RE: Rainbow's End: Versé's Story
	bobill- The cold, unfeeling world will go on... I'm glad I've gotten better and that you were able to enjoy this! I'm also glad that you found it funny!! Don't worry, I'll be sure to tell you when the sequel is up! Anyanka- I was crying as I wrote this post! It was so hard to write, I could barely see! I'm happy that you liked this!! Sache8-The baby parts were kinda hard for me to write! I didn't know how far advanced those little tykes were! As for the yellow, I have no idea what possessed me to put that in, but I[ found it funny and so I did! Good thing, huh? Knight-Ander-I got that idea from Princess in Love by Meg Cabot where Mia is telling about a childhood memory just before she starts telling about the best night of her life. It's great to know I've improved...it excites me to know that I can get so much better... As an author, I want to thank all of you who read this for...urm, actually reading it and giving me feedback! You have no idea how much it means to me! If I had had a particularly bad day, I would read some of your comments and cheer right up! Your ever truly grateful author, Sillé Yané -----signature----- Official Games Forum Index Chick She was tiny. About as tiny as a stick of dynamite. Currently gaming: The Force Unleashed, Soul Calibur IV, & Mass Effect "Now I'm like this big nerd, and everyone's like, yeah, applaud the nerd." -Natalie Portman
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Handmaiden_Yane Title: Manager Emeritus Top Games Character Host Registered: Jul '02	Date Posted: 3/12/03 3:15pm Subject: RE: Rainbow's End: Versé's Story
	Ah ha! Here 'tis! The sequel to Rainbow's End: Versé's Story...::drumroll:: Like Scattered Seeds: Part I: Melona's Story -----signature----- Official Games Forum Index Chick She was tiny. About as tiny as a stick of dynamite. Currently gaming: The Force Unleashed, Soul Calibur IV, & Mass Effect "Now I'm like this big nerd, and everyone's like, yeah, applaud the nerd." -Natalie Portman
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Connemara Registered: Nov '00	Date Posted: 6/1/05 8:20pm Subject: RE: Rainbow's End: Versé's Story
	Just finished! This is really awesome Jen!!! Particularly the end, so sad!!! "“Cordé, it’s a ship. It moves. It’s what it does.” Versé shook her head. How was Cordé ever going to survive this trip, the way she was carrying on?" That first line is like hysterical, and the second is an incredibly brilliant use of irony. The whole thing is wow! fan girls all over you -----signature----- @~`~ So you think you can love me and leave me to die? RIP Jeffy- clear skies from here on out
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