Jedi Council Forums - In Love With Night (AU, Xani/Qui Angst, Drama) **NOTE: 2/4**

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Author	Topic: In Love With Night (AU, Xani/Qui Angst, Drama) NOTE: 2/4
obi_ew Registered: Apr '02	Date Posted: 7/16/03 8:04am Subject: RE: In Love With Night (AU, Xani/Qui Angst, Drama) * SMALL NOTE 7/13*
	Hey now! I'm going to need them back! -----signature----- In Loving Memory Of CC Price of Courage- Obi/Whie/Luke- http://boards.theforce.net/The_Saga/b10476/20124958/?37 Updated 4/20 Finally!!
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Padawan_Travina Registered: Aug '02	Date Posted: 7/17/03 7:21am Subject: RE: In Love With Night (AU, Xani/Qui Angst, Drama) * SMALL NOTE 7/13*
	No I dont think you need them back..cause you will only hurt them, and we cant have that ya know... turns to the guys You all want to leave? they shake their heads no See told ya... -----signature----- Padawan to Cliffhanger Master-CalaisKenobi Twin Padawan to DOT
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obi_ew Registered: Apr '02	Date Posted: 7/17/03 1:22pm Subject: RE: In Love With Night (AU, Xani/Qui Angst, Drama) * SMALL NOTE 7/13*
	That's just because you're holding them at lightsabre point! -----signature----- In Loving Memory Of CC Price of Courage- Obi/Whie/Luke- http://boards.theforce.net/The_Saga/b10476/20124958/?37 Updated 4/20 Finally!!
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Padawan_Travina Registered: Aug '02	Date Posted: 7/17/03 1:24pm Subject: RE: In Love With Night (AU, Xani/Qui Angst, Drama) * SMALL NOTE 7/13*
	Me hold them at lightsaber point....Never!! puts saber away SEEE NOTHING?!!! -----signature----- Padawan to Cliffhanger Master-CalaisKenobi Twin Padawan to DOT
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Darth_Bog Registered: Dec '02	Date Posted: 8/9/03 7:37pm Subject: RE: In Love With Night (AU, Xani/Qui Angst, Drama) * SMALL NOTE 7/13*
	sigh I'm going to have to re-read this entire story if/when JS ever posts again because I've forgotten the whole thing by now... -----signature----- The Darth Vader Trial --- http://boards.theforce.net/message.asp?topic=11883726&page=1
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Jedi_Suzuran Registered: May '02	Date Posted: 9/24/03 8:49pm Subject: RE: In Love With Night (AU, Xani/Qui Angst, Drama) * SMALL NOTE 7/13*
	whimpers I'm still writing the post, btw Xan is being very stubborn. -----signature----- FIGS Suzaé, Handmaiden of the Crest Su is like, the Den Mother of Perv -- Etessie For My Soul http://boards.theforce.net/message.asp?topic=9409845&replies=0 COMPLETE 5/26 ...as shadows claim my light.
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Jedi_Suzuran Registered: May '02	Date Posted: 10/9/03 8:52pm Subject: RE: In Love With Night (AU, Xani/Qui Angst, Drama) * SMALL NOTE 7/13*
	Wow, dead story. Kidding, although it's understandable if no one is reading this anymore it has been six months since the last update. Bad me. I said this would be about 20 pages, but not true. I was at fifteen, and the finished post would have been over 40. Soooo, I'm cutting it in two. Makes more sense that way. WARNING!!!: This has some heavy kissing and petting, mentions of sex and a bit of nakedness. Just thought I'd let you know. I think I'm staying in PG territory for this one, but it's close. Okay, enough jabbering. On with the story!!! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Chapter XXXIV: Power Shift "Xani, help me out with this problem, would you? How would the hyper drive be repaired if the navigation circuits were melted?" I didn't look up from my datapad. "Why are you asking me? You're the one who's great at applied quantum mechanics." "Don't give me that, Xani. You're better at this than I am! Please, help me." "No. You'll figure it out, Shar. The answer's in your notes. Master Erost specifically mentioned it in his lecture two days ago." She sighed. "I wasn't paying that much attention." "And why not?" I said, trying to keep my amusement in check. "You were doing that thing with your hand, touching my neck! I can't concentrate when you do that, and you know it." "It's not my fault you lost focus." "Oh yes it is." I shrugged, not bothering to defend myself. "It was a way to pass the time." Shar reached out from across the table and touched my chin. I looked up. "Most of the class was watching us, Xani." "I know." I grinned. She shook her head. "You're evil, Xani." I stiffened a little at that. I didn't like hearing those words. "No, I'm not." I never will be. Her mouth twisted into a small smile. "Just try to keep your hands off me when we're class, please? My master expects me to be near the top in quantum mechanics, and I can't do that if you keep distracting me. I'm sure Master Jinn also wants you to be at the head of the class." "Of course he does, and I'll do my good little padawan routine and be the best for him. It is, after all, a Jedi's way," I spat. Shar's gray eyes darkened with concern. "You still haven't told me what happened three weeks ago, Xani." I did not look away. "Nothing." She frowned. "Don't lie to me, Xanatos deCrion. I've known you since I can remember, and I know something happened when you came to me that night. You made it quite clear when we were teen agers that a sexual relationship between us would be a mistake, and yet three weeks ago you come to me for sex. It's awfully intriguing, isn't it, Xani?" "There's no great mystery to it," I said. I didn't want to tell her what the council in all their wisdom (I mentally snorted) had done to me; it was too raw, too humiliating. I had a feeling it always would be. "And why are you complaining? I know you want this, I know you want to sleep with me." Her eyes changed, filling with hurt. "Am I so transparent?" "I never said that." I told her. She looked around. We were in the library. It was early in the day, before classes were set to start, and only the two of us were in the vast chamber, apart from Madam Jocasta. She began to whisper, which I thought was a futile effort. There was no one to watch or hear us. "I know I'm very clear about my relationship with you, Xani. I don't want to pry, but what happened? I'm your best friend." "You're also my lover," I reminded her. "You can't be wholly objective about this." "Does that even matter? I've never judged you. I've always supported you." "I know that, Shar. But I'm not ready to talk about it yet." "Are you sure?" "Positive." I want to forget it. She sighed, not pleased. "All right, Xani. I won't pry, but please, please consider telling me. I'll always be here." I smiled at her. "I'll always be here too." She smiled back, then laughed. "I hope you tell me before you tell the Council!" I stiffened, trying to suppress the deep anger that suddenly flowed through my body. The Council. Damn them. I stood. "If you haven't figured that problem out by now, I doubt that you ever will, Shar." She looked at her notes once more. "I don't want to give up so easily." I sat back down, suddenly tired. My body was tightly wound up, my muscles stiff as I tried to suppress the violent urges that seized me nowadays when someone close to me mentioned the Council. I resisted the urge to tap on the blue table. We used to do that when we were very small children; the noise would echo throughout the huge chamber. The acoustics of this place were incredible. Madam Jocasta however, had not been amused by our antics. I jiggled my foot. "If you're so impatient, then help me out, Xani," she said, not looking up. "You can do it." "Of course." She sounded skeptical. I tapped the table. The wild echoes were very satisfying. Several minutes later, as I expected, Madame Jocasta came to the table that we were sitting at. She had a stern look on her face, one that Shar and I remembered very well. "Padawan deCrion, you know you're not supposed to cause noise in the library." I raised an eyebrow at her. "Madame, you know that Shar and I are the only people here, besides yourself. I don't think we're disturbing anyone, do you?" Shar looked up and smiled briefly at both of us. Madame Jocasta shook her head. "Be that as it may, you shouldn't do it, padawan. The library is a quiet place for learning." I rolled my eyes, I couldn't help it. "Yes, Madame." I knew that if I didn't acknowledge her she would lecture us for the rest of the day about the sanctity of her beloved library. "Good." She gave us another censuring look then left. As I watched her retreating back, I suddenly knew what I wanted to do to, if only to show her that her library could be more than a place for quiet studying. Minutes later, Shar sat back in her seat, grinning. "I figured out the last problem, Xani. It was tough, but I did it." "I knew you would, Shar." She looked at the chrono on her datapad. "We should really head to class, Xani. My master won't like to hear that I was late." She stood. I did the same. We began to walk out of the library, but halfway there, grinning, I grabbed her and dragged her into one of the aisles, which were filled with data disks almost to the ceiling. "Xani! What in the world? We have class to get to, what are you-" I pushed her against the case. "We're going to be late, you know." I took her datapad away and put it down on a shelf behind her. My own pad followed, then I reached out and stroked her mouth with my fingers. Her eyes widened. "My master won't like to hear that I was late," I parroted in a mocking whisper. "Your master won't either, and you're doing so well. We need to -" I kissed the side of her mouth. She gave a tiny squeak. "Oh! Yes, we really need to - Xani..." I nibbled on her ear for a spell, then leaned back. Her eyes were darkening by the second. "Xani, please stop it," she whispered, but her voice trembled. Her hands lifted and twined themselves around my neck. I brushed the pad of my thumb across her quivering lips, knowing that this would drive her mad. She nipped at my wandering finger. "Xani..." I lifted my other hand and tucked back a long lock of her hair. I kissed her left temple once, twice, then settled on her lips, giving her a deep kiss. She gave a muffled squeak. "We mustn't..." She managed to whisper. I ignored her, recognizing the lie behind her words. Her back arched in a fluid motion as she pushed against me for more leverage, her mouth mere centimeters from mine. I heard a small crash behind us; several of the data sets must have fallen. "We- we're in the middle of the Temple-" That's exactly the point. I began to brush light kisses over her nose, holding my balance with one hand resting on the case. She protested with a whimper, trying to kiss me on the lips. "Xani, please, please..." I grinned, then leaned over and gave her a light peck on the neck, my free hand giving her waist a squeeze. She nearly lost it. Her hand immediately left my neck, and she bit the back of her wrist hard. Shar was very vocal during our activities; that hadn't changed in all the years since we'd first slept together. It was torturing her to be quiet. I didn't want her to be. Scream for me. Let them hear. I slapped her hand away, then kissed her, tongue and all. The games were over, I knew that. Her lips were such a pleasing, swollen red, and her eyes were almost black with lust. I rather liked her that way ... "Padawan deCrion!" A shocked voice cried. I broke the kiss with a great deal of reluctance. Suppressing a sigh, I leaned back, then turned to look to our right. I lifted an eyebrow and spoke calmly. "Madame Jocasta?" I accompanied my words with a deliberate kiss to Shar's right ear. Madame Jocasta's face was bright pink with embarrassment. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Shar's was the same shade of pink. I smirked and kissed her again. "Padawan deCrion, what is the meaning of this?" Instead of answering her, I gave Shar another deep kiss, my tongue thrusting in and out in the most lurid way possible. She moaned when I stopped, her embarrassment forgotten in the moment. I turned back to Madame Jocasta. "I'm kissing my best friend, Madame. What else can this possibly look like?" Shi-Ara moaned once more, her flushed face dropping to my shoulder in both chagrin and pleasure. I brushed my fingers on her collarbone. She was used to this. We'd had activities all over the Temple, in places that were quite public. We hadn't been caught so far. She had been reluctant to make out where everyone could see, but I knew she would never ask me to stop. She didn't like this exhibitionist side of me, but as long as I was with her, she didn't care who saw us, even if it was our librarian. This was actually the first time we'd been detected. Said librarian began to sputter in indignation. "The library has never been a place for this! You have always come here to learn, it's-" I laughed. "But Madame, I am learning. I'm learning how much she likes it when I kiss her." "That is not a valid lesson, Xanatos deCrion, and you know it!" "Of course it is." I kissed my best friend again. "Would you like to watch, Madame? You're welcome to." Shar squeaked. "Xani!" "What?" I told her with an innocent smirk. "I'm sure Madame is curious." I gave her pouty bottom lip a sharp tug with my teeth. She cried out. I looked back to Madame. She looked horrified, and a little curious. I laughed again. "Keep watching, it only gets better." I kissed Shi-Ara so hard that her lips bled. I spoke to our audience, who was still there, watching. "See how much she likes it? She's going to scream if I stop, I've learned that already. Before that, though, she has to--" "Xani, Xani..." Shar whimpered. "Please, please..." "--beg for it." I smirked again. My tone turned analytical, much like my master's when he was instructing me on how to hold my lightsaber properly for a new kata. "At this point, the entire Council could be watching and she wouldn't care. All she wants now is for me to give her pleasure. I'm always accommodating." I kissed her again. "Of course, you're the first to catch us, but you probably won't be the last. We've come close many times to being watched. Who knows? We probably have been watched and we just don't know it yet. Hard to say." "Oh Gods, Xani, stop it..." "She doesn't mean that, of course. If I stopped now, she'd probably kill me. I have a healthy streak of self preservation, so I oblige her. It's far better that way. "Did you ever make out in public, Madame? If you haven't, I highly recommend it. I'm sure all the materials here don't do anything for you in that respect. Unless you have a book fetish? I met someone who did, back when I was a slave." I winked. Shi-Ara was moaning in frustration. "She's quite beautiful when she begs, isn't she? Many people are, you know. It's probably because--" My words were cut off by the pressure of her insistent mouth. I didn't protest, and kissed her back. After we seperated for air, I tried to continue my nonchalant tone, but my voice was unsteady. I was enjoying this too. "She's not the only one who's learned. She just did this--" I didn't finish, for she began to pinch at my ear with her mouth. She laughed, not bothering to muffle the sound. She was shaking. I was too. After a moment, I spoke in a breathless murmur. "And that is what we were learning, Madame. It's a far better lesson than what our masters could have taught us, don't you think?" I turned to look, but Madame Jocasta wasn't there anymore. I managed another smirk. "I think she went behind her desk to kiss the datapads, don't you? I would, after seeing that." Shar lifted her head from my shoulder with great effort. "Xani, how could you?" "How could I what? You wanted this." "I'll never be able to look her in the eye again." "Nonsense. I don't care and neither should you." I knew that she was protesting for the hell of it, not because she was really embarrassed. I was right, of course, for a minute later, she pouted then gave me a light kiss. "You were naughty, Xani," she breathed. I lifted an eyebrow. "Very naughty." She kissed me again. "This was nothing. Too bad it wasn't the Council who caught us." Her eyes widened. "Xani! That's a horrible thought! I'd leave the Jedi if they did." "They'd probably enjoy it. It would certainly entertain, especially during those boring mission debriefings." She sputtered with laughter. "Oh you are evil, Xani." I straightened, handing her back her datapad. "You realize that we're late for class, don't you?" "Of course." I adjusted my robe and picked up my datapad. She did the same. "Let's go." We walked out of the library. It was empty, so only Madame Jocasta would have heard us. A pity. I wouldn't have cared if others had seen. "We're going to be in a great deal of trouble with our masters for being late, Xani." "Maybe, but it doesn't matter. They'll forgive us. They always do." She laughed. "You are evil, though." No, just trying to prove a point. "... and it was a disgraceful display! He should be censured, Master Jinn ..." I stuffed my hands deep in the sleeves of my robe, nodding at the Temple librarian. She had, for the first time in years, sought an audience with me. I'd been surprised to see her, but she had not spared any time for pleasantries. She had launched straight into a monologue concerning the exhibitionist padawan that I had and his display this morning. I had a headache. "I've already spoken to Padawan Tayuuri's master, and she should be punished as well. Imagine if the children had seen! There is no justification for such behavior. I thought you taught him better than that, Master Jinn." I stiffened at the criticism. "My padawan's training has always been sufficient until today, Madame. The Jedi Code is in his blood, and his education has never lacked for anything. I don't appreciate the insinuation." Her pale eyes narrowed. "If, as you say, his education has not lacked in anything, why did he persist in public affection?" "Is that the crux of the problem with what you saw this morning?" I asked, beginning to understand. She was embarrassed because she had caught two young people in flagrante. I relaxed a little. Madame Jocasta shook her head, and the stiff, uncompromising air she wrapped herself in lessened to an extent, making her appear years younger. "No, Master Jinn. I would be lying if I said that catching them like that was a nice thing. It was not. My worries are for the bigger picture." "And that is ...?" "Your padawan and Padawan Tayuuri are lovers. You are a man of the Code, Master Jinn. How can you let this -- this -- situation continue when you know it is forbidden? They should not be together." I closed my eyes at that. I would have yelled at her, if I had the strength to oppose her. I did not. Padawan relationships were not explicitly forbidden, but they were considered taboo, sometimes even more so than Master/Padawan couples. I reminded her of that. She huffed in indignation. "It doesn't matter if it's not written down for all to see. It's wrong. You know it, and I know it. Padawans have more chances to fall in love, seeing as how they're in the same age group and have been together all their lives. The ties can only strengthen with a physical relationship. A master/padawan pairing can still be a case of exploitation, or hero worship gone amuck. The connection is very real, but it's not as intimate as that of your peers." I sighed. "I know that there are many exceptions to that. Some masters are closer to their padawans than their peers. It happens. However, Qui-Gon --" here she paused and leaned forward, her eyes earnest, "They have been together all their lives. They are very attached to each other. Sex is making them inseparable. Xanatos is losing his objectivity, and Shi-Ara is too. That is the worst thing that can happen to any Jedi. We both know that. You need to stop this. Their futures will both be ruined if this persists." She was right, she was absolutely right, and I hated her for that. "You make it sound easy," I told her. "It won't be." "I realize that, but please, end it between them. I know you're fond of your padawan, the whole Temple knows that, and I'm sure his future is your priority." "It is." Madame Jocasta stood, smiling. "Thank you, Qui-Gon. I knew you would see it that way. I'm glad you've come to your senses." I snorted mentally. "I appreciate your concerns." She bowed a little. "Always a pleasure, Master Jinn." "Indeed." I watched as she walked out of our quarters. I was annoyed with her. I didn't like the fact that she took it upon herself to lecture me about my padawan. He was my responsibility. I was his master, after all. Interference was not kindly looked upon when it related to a padawan's education, unless the matter was very serious. This was very serious indeed. She was right. Xanatos was becoming attached to Shi-Ara. I had a feeling it wasn't for the sex, but for the stability she provided. The Jedi as a whole had treated him shabbily (I would never excuse them for that), and he needed someone to keep him grounded, sort of speak. Shi-Ara was doing that perfectly. It was also very dangerous. Attachments of any sort were forbidden. Affection was not openly displayed among the Jedi either, and my padawan was breaking both rules. I knew that Shi-Ara had long ago abandoned the thought of being objective about Xani. She could never distance her emotions from him; she loved him. This had been true since she was fifteen. She would not let Xanatos go. I had to find a way to break them up. My task would not be easy. I didn't want to interfere. I had turned a blind eye to what was going on for these last weeks, hoping, in a cowardly way, that it would stop. It had before, after all. My padawan was hurting, but he was sensible. He was very fond of Shi-Ara, but a deep, blinding connection had never been there; he had never allowed it. An excellent Jedi in that respect, I mused. All of that was in the past now, unfortunately. I'd hoped he would put a stop to this. He wouldn't let it get very far. I was wrong. I didn't want to do this. Xanatos was in enough pain as it was. I couldn't bear the thought of hurting him again. You'll eventually betray me as well, Qui-Gon. His words haunted my sleep. He had sounded so certain. I had dismissed such thoughts, but now, I realized he was right. This was a form of betrayal. Not as deep as the one done by the Council, of course, but it was betrayal. I was taking away his emotional crutch. I winced. Had I lost my objectivity as well, since I could refer to Shi-Ara Tayuuri as a crutch? She was more than that. She was a person, a Jedi. There was more value to her than being a stabilizing influence for Xanatos. I had never realized before how all encompassing his pain could be. I had been rationalizing his behavior because I thought he was unstable. He had seemed to cope, but I knew that was a lie now. I needed to end this as soon as possible. It was consuming the three of us, and one of us had to exert sanity. It was the only way. I would give him a few days, I decided. I needed to prepare what to say, and plan for the consequences of their break up. I had a feeling that Shi-Ara would never forgive me. I was taking away the love of her life. I just hope Xanatos forgives me. He is my only concern. "Where are you off to, Xani?" I turned a little, barely glancing at Shar as I walked out of my last class. "I have an appointment." She looked intrigued. "An appointment?" She started to follow me. "Yes." "Who with?" "Someone." "Who?" "Someone." She wrinkled her nose in exasperation. "Xani, who is it?" "None of your business, Shar." "Xani!" she whined. I stopped abruptly, and faced her. "Will you stop prying, Shi-Ara? If I want to tell you, then I'll tell you, otherwise, shut up." Her mouth dropped open in surprise. I'd called her by her full name only two times, both when I was angry with her. She knew I was perfectly serious. I narrowed my eyes at her. "Xani, I --" "No, Shar. I don't need to tell you what I do every second. We may be having sex quite regularly, but that doesn't mean you can find out every single detail about my life. Are we clear?" Her gray eyes flashed with emotion. "Crystal." "Good." I resumed my walk. I could feel her eyes on my back. Why was it so important for her to know what I was doing? We were lovers, yes, but that didn't mean she was allowed to know where I was every single moment. Her curiosity, and her proprietary insistence was beginning to annoy me. My master, whom I'd lived with for over half my life, was not as obsessed with my life as she was. I was beginning to resent her for it. I would need to make this very clear to her again. My personal moments were private for a good reason. My appointment today was very private indeed. I walked to the reception area of the temple, smiling at the Knight who was on duty there. I walked past him to one of the sleek, comfortable chairs, where visitors waited for their guides. "Darew," I whispered. He had been looking at the floor, but his head snapped up immediately after I spoke. He smiled, a somewhat tired expression. "Xan." He stood. "I hope I'm not too late," I said. "You're not, I only just got here." "Good." I gestured to the Temple walls. "Would you like to wander around the Temple or go outside?" He looked around, and there was sadness and faint loathing in his eyes as his gaze swept through the heart of the Jedi. "I'd rather not stay here, if you don't mind. I don't think I could stand it." I'd been hoping he would say that. I wanted to get out of here as well. My time out in Coruscant had been very restricted ever since my incident with Rudill. Since Coruscant outings were seen as a pleasure, they had been the last things to be lifted from my probation. Qui-Gon thought it prudent to keep me focused on my studies, and as a result, I hadn't been to the capital in months. I'd been stuck at the Temple. "Let's go then." He blinked. "Are you sure you can leave?" "Even if I can't, I will, Darew. Come on." We left, and I felt a knot inside of me relax as we descended to the streets. It was nice to be away from that place. "Is there anything you would like to do?" Darew bit his lip. "I'm a little hungry, is there a place to eat around here?" He looked apologetic. "I still know so very little of Coruscant." "Don't worry about it, there are some natives here who don't know very much either. There's a restaurant over there" I pointed to my left "where the food is great. It's casual, and cheap. Pretty popular with the padawan set." That light of sadness was back in his hazel eyes. "I'd rather not run into other J-Jedi today," he said. "Is there another place?" "Of course. Let's go this way, there's something only two blocks from here." "All right." We said nothing on the way to the restaurant. It was not a strained silence, and I was glad of that. I didn't want any awkwardness between us. He'd called me two days ago, and asked to see me. I had not tried to contact him after the decision, I'd been in a daze, both of hurt, and sex, to pay much attention to anyone around me. I'd come out of my personal fog after the call. I knew that we would talk about what the Council had decided. He needed to understand. He said as much when we'd talked. I hadn't dealt with any part of this mess, but for him, I would. He needed me. The restaurant was almost empty, and I was glad. We needed the privacy. We sat down and ordered our food. After it was delivered to us, we began to talk. "How have you been, Darew?" He cut a piece of meat from his plate, slender fingers manipulating the cutlery with a grace that I envied. Despite the fact that he'd been in environments that ruthlessly crushed gentility for most of his life, he had always been very graceful in his eating habits. It used to make Beyu in particular, furious. He ate with more finesse than she did, and he was the dirty slave. It had amused all of us, especially Tassynn. "I'm ... I'm not even sure what I feel, Xan. This was unexpected." "I know." He wiped at his mouth. "I just don't understand why they would do this to us. We're being victimized and enslaved all over again. It's not fair, Xan, it's not fair." "I know it's not. I told my master the same thing." "Couldn't you have stopped them? You're a padawan, you could have made them change their minds!" I shook my head. "It's just not that easy. My master is one of the best Jedi there is, but he has run afoul of the Council" I spat the title with disgust, tightening my grip on my fork,"many times before, and he's not looked upon with complete leniency. There are some who think he's too rebellious to be a Jedi. Those sort of thoughts apply to me, as well." "Oh." He looked down. "Besides, they had already made their decision. I couldn't have stopped them even if I wanted to. Which I would have. They told me after the fact." My breathing hitched for a moment. "They were already free when Qui-Gon told me." Darew took a sip of his drink; his fingers were shaking a little. "I don't understand their reasoning." "You think I do?" I snapped. "I let them know the reality we faced every day, but they still did this. I don't have the answers for you, Darew. I don't think I ever will." "I didn't ask to speak with you for the answers. I ..." he trailed off, then bit his lip. "Never mind. I just wanted to speak to you about this, so I could understand your perspective." "You know that doesn't solve a thing." "Of course I know that." He looked away. I sighed. I didn't want to alienate him. I'd done that before, and regretted it bitterly ever since. "How is everyone else?" "How are they coping, you mean?" "Yes." "They're as confused as I am, Xan. We were rescued by Jedi, and thought we'd get the justice we deserve." "I thought so too." "The prosecutors came to see us last week. He came to apologize. He explained that the government thought that Jedi being asked to help in the case would be beneficial to all involved, so as to foster a greater sense of knowledge about what you do. Your fairness and so on. He was as shocked as everyone else when they proposed this. His superiors thought it would be good to catch more criminals, and they agreed with the Council to let them go. I think he was genuinely sorry that this had happened." "As well he should be, for listening to them." "He did the best he could, Xan. He's still looking out for us, you know. He got the government to extend the budget for our expenses so we could still stay in Coruscant in relative comfort. I'm glad of that, for most of us have no idea where to go now." I sighed. "How is it that you can make my anger towards the Jedi seem petty by telling me of the struggles you go through?" "I don't mean to do so," was the reply. "All of what I've told you is merely fact. I'm not trying to sway you, Xan." "I know, ignore me, please. I'm being facetious." He smiled faintly. "Point taken." A pause. "Are you angry with the Jedi?" This time it was my turn to look away. "You have no idea." "I'm sorry, Xan," he whispered. "Don't be, I should be apologizing for you. We're supposed to be the guardians of peace and justice in the galaxy. Justice for us hasn't been easy, has it?" "It never will be." I closed my eyes. "I know." I looked at him again. "What will you do, Darew? Do you know?" His mouth twisted. "I could go back to the streets. It's all I really know. I'm sure there's someone out there who will pay me a fortune to use me." "You would go back to all that?" I was aghast. How could he? He had told me, in great detail, what he'd had to do to survive in the streets of Coruscant. It had been a graphic tale that sometimes made our daily beatings as slaves seem harmless in comparison. That said a lot. He would even consider going back to such hell? I tried to shake off my disbelief. "Sometimes, when you've nothing else, you go back to the familiar, even if you despise it. Xan, I can't live on the largesse of the government forever. Eventually, support will be gone. What then? The Jedi, as they've shown, can't help us. Neither can the prosecutor. I've known all my life that I need to take care of myself." His eyes wandered to the ceiling. "I'd forgotten that, for a brief time. I won't do so again." "You could -" "Could what? Get a job? Don't make me laugh," he sneered. My eyes widened. I'd never seen or heard him look like this; cynical, simmering with anger. "My education is almost nonexistent. I can read and do some science and math, but that's it. Hardly glowing qualifications, wouldn't you agree? The only real skills I have are cleaning and enduring beatings." I nodded. "I've never heard you speak this way before. You've taken everything that's happened -- your enslavement, this latest -- with such calm. You've never been bitter." I didn't like the thought of him this way. It hurt me. He had always been sweet and patient through everything that had happened, and his attitude had gone a long way toward keeping my spirits up through the darkest of days. "I can't live in fantasy anymore, Xan, I just can't. You can only take so much, and I think I've reached my limit." I nodded, saddened. I had never pictured that our lives after being freed would be this complicated. I had been just as naive as Darew in that respect. We finished the rest of the meal, including dessert, in silence. After we paid, we wandered the surrounding streets, but finally, I knew I needed to go back. I didn't want to say good bye yet though. I'd missed him. "I need to go back, Darew." I stopped abruptly. He turned back, and the light in his eyes dimmed considerably. "I see." "Would -- Would you like to come back to the Temple, even if it's just for a little while?" Please say you will. Say yes. Indecision twisted his features. "I -- I don't know --" I wanted him to come back. I didn't want to let of go of him so easily. I was surprised at the sudden strength of my feelings about this, but I didn't question it. Darew was the only person who understood my life now. Shar, Qui-Gon, Momma, none of them would ever share this with me like the man before me would. It bound us. It consumed us. That connection was what I had been fighting all along, I realized. My past treatment of him had been fear because I couldn't handle being so naked in front of another person. There were parts of me, secrets, that even Shar had never been told. Darew knew everything. Everything. That had scared me. I had pushed him away. No more. "Just for a little while?" I smiled at him, hoping he would not resist. He didn't. His shoulders slumped a little as he conceded. "I will, but not for very long, Xan." "I know. Come on." We made it back in record time. As we walked down the cavernous hallways, Darew got closer and closer to my side. His eyes were darting everywhere. "What is it?" I asked, concerned. Perhaps this wasn't such a good idea. He looked very nervous. "I -- I don't want to see your master. I really don't want to see anyone, Xan." "I understand. Why don't we go to the Upper Temple Gardens? They're beautiful, and secluded. We'll have privacy there." "Yes, please." It was a small garden, sometimes used for meditation. A large water fountain and pond dominated the space. Sleek, silver fish swam in the water, providing some life to an otherwise quiet space. It was one of my favorite places. "I used to come here when I was very small," I told Darew, smiling. "You did?" We settled on the grass, a few feet near the pond. "Yes. Before I became a padawan, I'd come up here to practice saber drills. I was determined to become an apprentice as soon as possible." "And did it pay off?" The pinched, nervous look began to fade from his face, replaced with a reluctant smile. "It did. Qui-Gon told me once that he saw me practicing the night before he chose me as his padawan. He saw the potential in me, and was intrigued. Everything happened from there." "Do you ever wonder what would have happened if he hadn't chosen you?" "Another master would have." "You sound so certain." "I am. I was an excellent initiate, Darew. I've always had the talent, and I've known how to use it to the fullest. You can't ask for a better Jedi, really. Someone would have chosen me sooner or later." "I thought Jedi weren't supposed to brag?" He said, eyes sparkling with mirth. It warmed me to see him relax at last. "It's not bragging if it's true. I am the best." "And who declared that?" I turned around to see a group of padawans behind us. They were a year or so younger than I was, but I recognized them; they'd been in a few of my classes after I had come back to the Temple. "What?" "Who named you the best? You haven't proven that yet, deCrion." "I will in the competition coming up." "So you say. I think that your little girlfriend will beat you." I raised an eyebrow at that. Girlfriend? I didn't know that was going around the Temple gossip machine. It was inevitable, I suppose. Darew tensed beside me. "Why would you call Shar my girlfriend?" "Well, Madam Jocasta seems to think so." Jocasta? Oh damn her. "What does this have to do with that old hag?" "Someone heard her discussing your behavior two days ago with Tayuuri. You were kissing and stuff." "And what else do the rumors say?" I wouldn't give them the satisfaction of knowing how startled I felt. I'd had no idea whatsoever that she would blab about what had happened. I shrugged. Oh well, my point had been very well made, and that was all to the good. My master though ... How would he react to this latest bit of gossip about me? I had reassured him that my affair with Shar was brief. He might not be so easy to convince after hearing all this. I knew that the facts would be twisted and twisted until everyone thought that I had been having wild orgies with ten people instead of just kissing my best friend. "Nothing much, just that she liked the view." I laughed. "I would damn well hope so, I am pretty nice to look at. She didn't look like she was enjoying the show at the time. Must be a nice memory to store for her when she's reshelving all those data files." The other padawans roared with laughter at the joke. I smirked. "Xani? Xani, are you in here?" We all turned to look at the doorway as Shar came into the garden. Expressions of unholy glee broke out on the faces of the other padawans. I raised an eyebrow. She had dubious timing. "Shar?" "I've been looking for you, Xani." She threw a glance at the group of men, then her eyes went straight to Darew. They stared at each other, assessing, dueling, for a long moment. She blinked after a moment, but not before I saw the jealousy deep in her eyes. Hmm, now that is interesting. So, she was still jealous. It was almost amusing. I looked at Darew out of the corner of my eye. The other men had ignored him, and he had sidled close to me during our talk, so that his shoulder was touching my back. His knee brushed my leg. His eyes were shuttered, showing nothing at Shar's scrutiny. It was almost unnerving. "Did you need me for something?" I drawled. My comment was said deliberately; I knew the others would get the double entendre. They muffled their snickers. "I wanted to get the class notes for navigation from you," she said. It was a flimsy excuse, and we both knew it. She'd been looking for me, probably for another make-out session. She was fixated on being with me, I suppose. I couldn't blame her for wanting me, but I wished she was more forthcoming about her desires. "They're in my quarters." "Oh." She looked disappointed, since I wasn't about to leave to go with her. "You can get them later," I told her. Let it not be said that I didn't indulge her; I did, more than was probably good for both of us. "I can wait in your room, if you want." My eyebrows nearly shot to my hairline. Well, that was a hint if ever I'd heard one. Her message was loud and clear, made all the more blatant by the quick lick of her bottom lip with her tongue. She had never been so plain in her intentions; she had always preferred to keep our affair a secret. Her eyes briefly met Darew's. Ah. She was staking her claim, giving him the opportunity to see that she had me, and he didn't. I'd had no idea that she felt this threatened by Darew. She must really hate him. This really was very funny to me. The watching padawans thought so too. They were leering at Shar, all too knowledgeable about the undercurrents behind our words. Shar and I were "out" so to speak, to the whole Jedi community. They were enjoying the show. Darew, I could feel, was not. He was tense beside me, although his face still revealed nothing. Was he hurt by this evidence that Shar and I were very close? We were still friends. I knew he understood everything. My best friend's brazen intentions were meant for him, after all. "All right, you go right in. My master won't care." She smiled, looking triumphantly at Darew. That little glance bothered me. "I'll be waiting, Xani." She ignored the outright laughter by our amused group. I unfolded my legs and got to my feet. She was smirking at Darew, and that really bothered me. I decided to teach her a lesson. She wanted to be out to the Temple, fine. I'd give her all the publicity she needed, and then some. I laughed silently. I walked up to her, put one hand on her hip, and kissed her. She didn't have time to protest my actions. I slipped my tongue into her mouth, determined to make her moan. It was far too easy; within a moment or two, she did so, loudly. Still kissing her, I reached out and yanked down the bodice of her simple dress, bearing her breast, nipple and all. I turned my body to the side, so the others could see what I had done. She never even noticed, for her arms had gone around my neck. I broke the kiss, stepping back. She looked dazed and thoroughly debauched, with her ruddy cheeks, hungry eyes, and moist, swollen lips. Her right shoulder and breast were completely bare to our gaze. I smirked. Shar stared at me for a long moment, incredulous, then realized we were not alone, as she saw the shock and lust on the faces of our spectators. The color in her cheeks deepened, and she yanked the dress back into place, wrapping her arms around her torso. Her hands clenched on the fabric and she stared at me with large wounded eyes. How could you? My gaze narrowed. You are not my keeper, and you never will be. She started trembling at my silent rebuke, then fled the gardens. I stared after her, nonplused. This particular lesson had been coming for a very long time now. No one owned me. No one. -----signature----- FIGS Suzaé, Handmaiden of the Crest Su is like, the Den Mother of Perv -- Etessie For My Soul http://boards.theforce.net/message.asp?topic=9409845&replies=0 COMPLETE 5/26 ...as shadows claim my light.
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Jedi_Suzuran Registered: May '02	Date Posted: 10/9/03 8:55pm Subject: RE: In Love With Night (AU, Xani/Qui Angst, Drama) *YES!! THERE IS A POST!!!!!! 10/9*
	The second part of this? Not done writing it yet. That'll be loooooooooong also. I'll have it up as soon as I possibly can. -----signature----- FIGS Suzaé, Handmaiden of the Crest Su is like, the Den Mother of Perv -- Etessie For My Soul http://boards.theforce.net/message.asp?topic=9409845&replies=0 COMPLETE 5/26 ...as shadows claim my light.
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obi_ew Registered: Apr '02	Date Posted: 10/10/03 10:00am Subject: RE: In Love With Night (AU, Xani/Qui Angst, Drama) *YES!! THERE IS A POST!!!!!! 10/9*
	Oh my! Xani is certainly a bad boy! Wonderful to see you writing again Padawan ! -----signature----- In Loving Memory Of CC Price of Courage- Obi/Whie/Luke- http://boards.theforce.net/The_Saga/b10476/20124958/?37 Updated 4/20 Finally!!
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Jedi_Suzuran Registered: May '02	Date Posted: 10/24/03 10:24pm Subject: RE: In Love With Night (AU, Xani/Qui Angst, Drama) *YES!! THERE IS A POST!!!!!! 10/9*
	Master! Thankee! I'm glad you're still reading this. It's just you and I now. Working on post.... [/sotto voice] -----signature----- FIGS Suzaé, Handmaiden of the Crest Su is like, the Den Mother of Perv -- Etessie For My Soul http://boards.theforce.net/message.asp?topic=9409845&replies=0 COMPLETE 5/26 ...as shadows claim my light.
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Happy_Hobbit_Padawan Registered: Feb '03	Date Posted: 11/3/03 12:26am Subject: RE: In Love With Night (AU, Xani/Qui Angst, Drama) *YES!! THERE IS A POST!!!!!! 10/9*
	I'm still reading, too! Thoroughly enjoyable chapter. You have such talent. Said librarian began to sputter in indignation. "The library has never been a place for this! You have always come here to learn, it's-" I laughed. "But Madame, I am learning. I'm learning how much she likes it when I kiss her." "That is not a valid lesson, Xanatos deCrion, and you know it!" "Of course it is." I kissed my best friend again. "Would you like to watch, Madame? You're welcome to." Can't help but laugh at that. Xan certainly is a bad boy. Poor Darew, being confused and all. (And Xan too). The last scene was very ominous. I don't like how he treated Shar, but I understand where it comes from. -----signature----- Belaé, Handmaiden of the Crest Get jiggly with it at Jello Anarchy.
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obaona Registered: Jun '02	Date Posted: 11/3/03 12:59am Subject: RE: In Love With Night (AU, Xani/Qui Angst, Drama) *YES!! THERE IS A POST!!!!!! 10/9*
	Still reading. I found that rather dark, actually. The way Xanatos treated her, and how Qui-Gon thought he was too emotionally dependent on her. His attempts to distance himself, to the extent of hurting Shi-Ara, and Qui-Gon's musing on how he must separate because it's the rules. No one came out of that situation unhurt, is the feeling I'm getting. Qui-Gon turns into I-won't-feel-anything man, Xan turns, Shi-Ara . . . Still, lovely post, especially after so long! huggles -----signature----- atty is the bestest! MS Word is designed by sadists with masochists in mind. - teh atty
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Jenny_The_Jedi_Girl Registered: Jul '01	Date Posted: 1/9/04 10:08pm Subject: RE: In Love With Night (AU, Xani/Qui Angst, Drama) *YES!! THERE IS A POST!!!!!! 10/9*
	Still reading this....... -----signature----- Lover of: Obiwan, Anakin, Quigon, Xani, Des, Ji, Shai, Adair, Hale, Lorcan, Enovan, Eitan,Tamir, Kyran, Garen, Briggs, Quinlan. Star Wars freak and Lord Of The Rings freak! Master of the evil beanie babies.
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Jenny_The_Jedi_Girl Registered: Jul '01	Date Posted: 1/9/04 10:40pm Subject: RE: In Love With Night (AU, Xani/Qui Angst, Drama) *YES!! THERE IS A POST!!!!!! 10/9* - Date Edited: 1/9/04 10:41pm (1 edits total) Edited By: Jenny_The_Jedi_Girl
	shar got what she deserved, stupid little..... grrrrr.... i can understand xani he doesn't ever wanna feel owned or controled again..... poor baby.......and quigon well he's quigon -----signature----- Lover of: Obiwan, Anakin, Quigon, Xani, Des, Ji, Shai, Adair, Hale, Lorcan, Enovan, Eitan,Tamir, Kyran, Garen, Briggs, Quinlan. Star Wars freak and Lord Of The Rings freak! Master of the evil beanie babies.
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Jedi_Suzuran Registered: May '02	Date Posted: 2/4/04 3:28pm Subject: RE: In Love With Night (AU, Xani/Qui Angst, Drama) *YES!! THERE IS A POST!!!!!! 10/9*
	hangs head in shame Yes, this should have had a post. No, it won't be coming anytime soon. I haven't worked on it since October, as my energies have been wrapped up in For My Soul. I apologize profusely for that, but this fic has been giving me major teething problems and I've become very dispirited about it, and even started to hate large parts of it. My poor baby, but I can't help that at the moment. However! I have faith that I will finish it. I'm determined to finish this story and NOT leave it. Xani is demanding and I intend to do as he says. It'll just take a while. For those of you who wanted an update on this, I don't know when it'll happen. DRL and insecure muses can give no guarantees. I just hope you can be patient. Perhaps when Soul is finished, we shall see. Until then, don't look for this to have an update. Sorry, everyone. I don't like this anymore than you do. -----signature----- FIGS Suzaé, Handmaiden of the Crest Su is like, the Den Mother of Perv -- Etessie For My Soul http://boards.theforce.net/message.asp?topic=9409845&replies=0 COMPLETE 5/26 ...as shadows claim my light.
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