Jedi Council Forums - Heir to the Empire

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Author	Topic: Heir to the Empire
TheDarkPrince Registered: Apr '05	Date Posted: 4/4/05 7:10pm Subject: Heir to the Empire
	I think this is the right place for this. Im still working on it but its really just for fun. Hope you enjoy it. (Just an Imaginary opening Scroll) http://zed.cbc.ca/go?c=contentPage&CONTENT_ID=235761&user=BritishChap007
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VaporTrail Registered: May '02	Date Posted: 4/4/05 7:16pm Subject: RE: Heir to the Empire - Date Edited: 4/4/05 7:21pm (2 edits total) Edited By: VaporTrail
	Woah. If you listen closely, you can hear a million English professors scream. Your crawl needs work dude. Lots and lots and lots of work. Take this lightly, I'm not trying to be mean. You're not actually making the Thrawn Trilogy, right? You just wanted the crawl? If so.. your writing has the feel of someone trying to be epic, but lacking the vocabulary to do so. Thesaurus.com would be a big help. Just choose words that sound better, for one. Then if you have someone to look over it with some writing experience, or who is at least a higher level writer than you, that wouldn't be a bad idea. -----signature----- Fanfilmers shoot first and talk copyright later. http://www.vimeo.com/vaportrail/videos http://thespenceleyspoileriffic.blogspot.com/
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Douz Registered: Mar '00	Date Posted: 4/4/05 7:21pm Subject: RE: Heir to the Empire
	Agreed. -----signature----- http://www.tbxproductions.com
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bgii_2000 Registered: Jan '05	Date Posted: 4/5/05 3:19am Subject: RE: Heir to the Empire - Date Edited: 4/5/05 3:33am (3 edits total) Edited By: bgii_2000
	How 'bout this: STAR WARS It is a critical time for the ALLIANCE. Five years have passed since the destruction of the second DEATH STAR at Endor, and the fall of the evil GALACTIC EMPIRE. LEIA ORGANA SOLO, already struggling under the burden of leading the fledgling NEW REPUBLIC, is expecting twins. LUKE SKYWALKER, having established his JEDI ACADEMY on the fourth moon of Yavin, now faces the daunting task of restoring the JEDI ORDER as the guardians of peace and justice in the galaxy. The Empire is scattered, the great IMPERIAL FLEET strewn across the galaxy, it’s warlords waging civil war from within. The Empire is poised at the very brink of defeat. But a new power is rising.... How's that for super cheesieness? Star Wars opening crawls need cheese to work. Terms like: -Evil galactic empire -Luke Skywalker and his band of freedom fighters -Striking from a hidden base -Little does luke know that evil galactic empire -The vile gangster, Jabba the Hutt And my favorite "When completed, this ultimate weapon will spell certain doom for the small band of rebels struggling to restore freedom to the galaxy...." Certain doom?! What was GL thinking when he wrote this?! HAHA! But that's just it! That's the way an opening crawl is supposed to read. We've just chosen to ignore it. I think that this is also the reason that the EP1 crawl was rather weak. No Cheese! Trade disputes? What's a trade dispute? But Vile gangsters, Evil Empires? Yeah those we know. The Star Wars opening crawl also has a certain cadence to it. I'm no poet, but I'm sure someone out there can identify the metre. You also should start with some sort of variation of: "It is a time of..." Never, Never say "also". Anyway, the Thrawn Trilogy sure would be cool as a fan film. Good work. -----signature----- The circle is now complete. When I left you I was but the learner. Now I am the master. My website, blog, and movies http://www.theBradPlace.net What IS meatball? Holy crap I'm learning things everyday. - JeffCaauwe
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anth Registered: May '04	Date Posted: 4/5/05 3:34am Subject: RE: Heir to the Empire
	I'm not trying to knock you or anything. Just speaking from experiance. I was very happy with a script i wrote. But, i still handed it to a girl with an English Major, who really polished it up beyond anything i expected. If this crawl is all you plan to do, my thinking would be make it as good as it can possibly be. It might be that you're going for an individual style? However, i like to see crawls that look like the real thing. It's not that hard to do. I used a tutorial from right here. From that i got colours, fonts, and alot of good tips.
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NitroBlade Registered: Jan '04	Date Posted: 4/5/05 7:25am Subject: RE: Heir to the Empire
	You should start it with: "War!" -----signature----- GEEKS UNDERGROUND http://geeksunderground.com [Jon Starr Films] [ http://www.JonStarrFilms.com ] [Jonathan Starr]
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HanJones Registered: Nov '02	Date Posted: 4/5/05 9:43am Subject: RE: Heir to the Empire
	What is it good for? Absolutely nothin'! Say it again!!! -----signature----- "Trust me." Relive the Star Wars Travesty from 1978: http://us.imdb.com/Title?0193524 Sith Shadow Trooper & Aspiring Hand of the Dark Lady Lumiya
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Jedi-Knight_Uk Registered: Feb '05	Date Posted: 4/5/05 10:21am Subject: RE: Heir to the Empire
	oh dear .. -----signature----- http://www.blenderwars.com http://www.xwaupgrade.com Can i offer you a chocolate Pretzel?
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VaporTrail Registered: May '02	Date Posted: 4/5/05 10:59am Subject: RE: Heir to the Empire
	You don't know nothing 'bout no war. -----signature----- Fanfilmers shoot first and talk copyright later. http://www.vimeo.com/vaportrail/videos http://thespenceleyspoileriffic.blogspot.com/
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TheDarkPrince Registered: Apr '05	Date Posted: 4/5/05 1:00pm Subject: RE: Heir to the Empire
	Sorry I watched it again and realised how much I screwed up. Ill re-do it.
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NitroBlade Registered: Jan '04	Date Posted: 4/5/05 4:48pm Subject: RE: Heir to the Empire
	This is why you review everything you do, over and over and over again untill it's perfect, then show it to the public so they can laugh at it. -----signature----- GEEKS UNDERGROUND http://geeksunderground.com [Jon Starr Films] [ http://www.JonStarrFilms.com ] [Jonathan Starr]
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Azerael Registered: Mar '05	Date Posted: 4/6/05 7:39pm Subject: RE: Heir to the Empire
	These are the greatest Star Wars books of all time... The only problem is that Thrawn dies. THRAWN RULES DAMNIT. THRAWN > EVERYONE!!!!! DAMNIT! DAAAAAAAAAAMNIT!!!!!!! DAMN YOU ZAHN! YOU EVIL- Okay, I'll take my pills now... There's only one problem I see with it... Where are you going to find Mark Hamil, Carrie Fisher, Harrison Ford, Billy Dee Williams, etc. lookalikes? Unless you modify the story a bit, that could be very hard. Still, as long as Thrawn is in it, I'll watch it. Go forth and make a movie, lad. -----signature----- hu u how u get on the msn http://azerael.5gigs.com im hak cs pls LOL NUBE!
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