JCC IMDB Parental Guide? HELL. YES.

The Lindsay Lohan version of The Parent Trap?

 

Hehehe. Noooooo.

This movie has a more talented cast.

 

A video game killing, a swimsuit dancing scene and a philosophy about the basic worth of life? I'm stumped.

 

It sounds like the Greatest Movie Ever Made regardless.

 

...Adanna?

 

I love how now it looks like it was Rogue_Ten who said that quote.

 

that best thing about this guy is how obviously intelligent he fancies himself. it drips from every paragraph. like an evangelical ender sai

 

Video Game Death = Buzz getting blasted by Zurg in Rex's video game.
Philosophy about Life = Woody's dilemma about going back to Andy or the toy museum.

 

On another board I visit, this guy was going on about how all movies nowadays have too much nudity and sex, and how he can't enjoy anything with his son (12 years old) with it being ruined by gratuitous sex. Then he talks about how they were watching a really good movie, but it was spoiled by a topless scene. The movie in question? The Godfather.

Actually, the animation in Polar Express is kinda creepy.


Did anyone find it funny that the CAP guy even bothered to review South Park: Bigger, Longer & Uncut? Dude, what did you expect?

(I was hoping to find a review of Schindler's List, but alas, not.)

 

Can I do one?

Wanton Violence/Crime (W)- Zero out of 100

• action violence of varying intensity, frequent
• breaking and entering
• physical assault with multiple slaps
• reckless endangerment with knives, repeatedly
• threat with knife and broken bottle
• multiple firearms to control
• reckless gunfire
• prison break
• fighting with weapons
• multiple assaults on law enforcement personnel
• attempted murder by drugs

 

alright who gave CAP alert a virus? chrome is wiggin' out on every page

is that v for vendetta?

 

Nope. Here's the next bit:

• Impudence/Hate (I) - 31 out of 100
• desertion
• regurgitation in detail
• rampant destruction of private property
• lying, repeatedly
• wielding a knife to intimidate
• physical rudeness
• child being forced up an elephant's anus or vagina
• masking of the most foul of the foul words
• masked profanity, twice

 

Ace Ventura 2: Nature Calls

Though wasn't it a rhinoceros?

 

Good guess, but no.

Here's the rest. I'll do the last three together since there's not much under the last two.

• Sexual Immorality (S) - 64 out of 100
• vulgar innuendo
• reference to performing in the nude
• attention to and animated display of human-like posterior, repeatedly
• pelvic thrusts
• women as toys/ornaments
• exaggerated female anatomy (clothed), repeatedly
• rude gaze
  
  Drugs/Alcohol (D) - 88 out of 100
• use of tranquilizers to control, repeatedly
• smoking
  
  Offense to God (O) - 92 out of 100
• gambling
• devil imagery

 

I so want to say "Operation Dumbo Drop" because the thought of Denis Leary shoving the Vietnamese orphan boy into Bo Tat's rectum is just too awesome.

 

Another good guess. But it's more recent than any of the movies mentioned thus far.

 

Why is it listed as "anus or vagina?" There was no way to distinguish between the two? Or did you add that to make it more ambiguous, which would suggest their are multiple movies that feature human beings being shoved into pachyderm orifices?

I am not really sure I want to know the answer to all this.

 

Well now I'm dying to know what movie this could possibly be?

 

It's an exact quote from the website, so presumably it's difficult to distinguish in the movie.

The movie is, of course, Madagascar 3: Europe's Most Wanted!

It is worth noting that he gives the movie a 0 out of 100 score in the violence category, which is the worst possible score, I think. Yes, Madagascar 3 is as violent as movies get. Here's a quote from the review: It is indeed equivalent to some R-rated films in violence (W) and impudence/hate (I).

Yup, if you're going to let your kid watch Madagascar 3, you might as well cue up Reservoir Dogs and make it a double bill. What is this guy smoking?

 

He has the devine powah of Jeezus inside him! PRAISE THA LAWD!

 

You misspelled it.

It's "Jaheezahus". And he's not Jesus. Jaheezahus was Jesus' egocentric Pharisee cousin whom he hated with a passion.

Jaheezahus was all like "Yeah! Stone this bitch!"
And Jesus was like "Dude, are you [f-bomb] INSANE?"

But King James cut that story out.

 

Because King James was a ****.

 

Here's a good one:

Wanton Violence/Crime (W)

• attempted eating of animal character
• threat of violence, repeatedly
• coercing to kill
• planning murder
• imagery of nazi-esque servitude
• physical assault, repeatedly
• order to kill
• threat to kill
• animal attack to kill, repeatedly
• trickery to kill
• fight to the death
• animal killing
  
  Impudence/Hate (I)
• deceit with the young, betrayal, repeatedly
• adolescent lie to mother
• sneaking to defy parents
• song of freedom from accountability
• defiance of parental authority endangering one's own health and the health of another
• lies, repeatedly, especially to deflect accountability and to falsely place guilt
• violence during protective actions
• "It's to die for"
• coaching to run away
• gross-out humor: eating insects
• "You don't deserve to live"
  
  Sexual Immorality (S)
• Homosexual suggestion by "Want me to dress in drag?"

 

The Lion King?

 

Yeah it has to be that.