Speculation In this thread, please fabricate "scoops" for Episode 7-9!

Darth Obama will be the main villain.

 

Before the fall:

 

Are Crosscurrent, Riptide, and FOTJ EU stories along these lines?

 

Speculation:
smoking pot high Quinlan Vos as Johnny Depp
Captain Rex in steroids as Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson
Hot and Sexy Ahsoka Tano as Beyonce Knowles

 

Following the pattern of the first 6 films will see a "baddie" in the upper hand at the end of Ep IX

Ep I - Sith are shown to have started the plans to bring about the Empire - Upperhand=Baddies
Ep II - Jedi & Clones save the day - Upperhand=Goodies
Ep III - Vader is created, Jedi die, Empire is born - Upperhand=Baddies
Ep IV - Death Star blown up - Upperhand=Goodies
EP V - Han frozen, Luke lost hand, Upperhand=Baddies
EP VI - Death star II blown up, Emporer dies, Upperhand=Goodies
EP VII Upperhand=Baddies
EP VIII - Upperhand=Goodies
EP IX - Upperhand=Baddies

Thoughts?

 

Is there only going to be one sequel trilogy? That would be a bad way to end a star wars franchise...with the bad guys winning.
(I hated Episode 3 and its the one Star wars movie I do NOT own)




Oh, I have another scoop!

There will be a spin off movie set before Episode 1 and it will be called Jedi Academy Musical.
It will feature a young obi-wan, and other young jedi that were in his "class" when he was a Padawan learner.
During Lightsaber training lessons, they will break out in song and start dancing.
Qui Gon will dance something that looks like Irish River Dancing. Mace Windu will breakdance. Yoda will do the Y-O-D-A

 

Fred Durst just hit me over the head and said that the soundtrack will feature entirely tracks off "Significant Other".

 

I went Deep under cover at Disney & found out that EP7 will focus entirely on Han & Leia's wedding from the Stag Night right through to guest's arriving , the ceremony , speeches , dancing & everything you can imagine ....alot of the movie will be done with hand held camera's so you get right in the wedding action ....Episode VII : My Big Fat Star Wars Wedding...........

 

More or less.

 

Coco the Hutt
Obi-Wan Cownobi
Bozo Fett

 

Just recieved some shocking news from Kathleen Kennedy, since all there money will be focused on Episode 7 they cant afford to pay John Williams to compose original music. So they've setteled on scoring it to Abba songs hoping to cash in like Momma Mia did and plan to market as a Star Wars you can take your girlfriend to or a Momma Mia movie you can take your boyfriend to based on what channel you watch the commercial on.

Another source hinted It will be an original story taking place after RotJ of just how Han and Leia get hitched.

 

BusinessWeek just reported that Lucasfilm cutbacks are getting so severe that they can't afford the word "Episode" or even the word "Lucas" So therefore the new movie being released will be called "7: Jedi Stuff" and a "Film" production!

 

Disney will take the opportunity to make a successful remake of The Black Hole by turning its concept into a "standalone" STAR WARS movie.

 

Is it strange that I could see them actually doing that?



EXCLUSIVE!!! An interview with the Maker himself in next month's Empire magazine reveals baddie of sequel trilogy.

EMPIRE: So the Sith are gone, right? So there'll be a new villain?
GEORGE LUCAS: Not entirely new.
E: So the Emperor is coming back?.
GL: No. But the villain...I don't know what I can say...I mean you've seen him before.
E: In one of the movies?
GL: Yeah
E: Can I ask which one?
GL: Uh, the first one.
E: A New Hope? So it's like Tarkin or someone?
GL: No, Episode 1. It's not Jar Jar.
E: Well Darth Maul was recently brought back in Clone Wars...
GL: It's not him. It's...well I really shouldn't say, it's J.J.'s thing...it's uh, Valorum.
E: The Chancellor...Terence Stamp?
GL: Yeah...it was all part of his plan. He knew he couldn't hold on to office. Palpatine was his puppet. Valorum is the true Sith Master.
E: But what about the rule of two?
GL: A lie to deceive the Jedi. It's in the novelisation of A New Hope where it says that Palpatine was a pawn. I've been planning this for decades. Valorum stepped down, Palpatine took over but Valorum has been in the shadows, pulling the strings. He knew about Anakin. And Luke. He knew the Emperor would die. So when he left, he went outside the galaxy and built a massive Sith army.
E: Wow. But Terence Stamp said he didn't like working on Star Wars so I guess he won't be back?
GL: I told him to say that. I told him he'd have to wait 15 years for the good stuff but I needed him in Episode 1. He'll be back.
E: So wait...you haven't been making it up as you go along? This was all part of the original plan in 1975?
GL: Of course it was. Valorum was in my original draft as Prince Valorum who was a Sith. I took him out and replaced him with Darth Vader because I came up with the idea of the long game. All the clues were there. In fact I almost gave it away in the late 70's when I talked about sequel trilogies and defining good and evil. Valorum is the ultimate evil. And he's older than Yoda. He was there when the old Jedi Knights beat the Sith and nearly wiped them out. This is all part of his grand plan for revenge.
E: What is his grand plan? To destroy the Jedi once and for all? The Republic?
GL: To destroy the Force. But to do that he has to destroy all life. But to do that he has to master the very thing he wants to destroy so he can manipulate the universe and change history.
E: Wait so the changes in the Special Editions...
GL: Are Valorum testing his ability to rewrite history. The difference between Han and Greedo shooting first, young Anakin appearing at the end of Episode 6, replacing Yub Nub. It's all part of the story, part of Valorum's story.
E: That's....that's genius.
GL: Yes. Yes it is.


There are only two words to describe this revelation - HOLY SITH!

 

Don't worry - we've noticed.

 

A first for Star Wars. Keep it hush now.

We actually see Chewie taking a "number 2", but he does it on the floor. (See, for the first time we will see that the people of SW do indeed go to the toilet, but unfortunately not use the bathroom)
Then it is "scooped" up and "fabricated" in tissue before being flushed away.

Remember, SSSSHHHH

 

And I heard that Stifler from American Pie was going to be introduced as Han's Best Man!

 

Also, Leia rubs his nose in it and swats him with a rolled up newspaper.

 

Disnian spies have reported that the elite 501st, the dreaded Vaders Fist, have retreated with a shaman of the whills into the far reaches of the galaxy to restore balance to the force. Thats all i can tell you.

 

Rob Riner just kicked down the door to Bad Robot productions and hog-tied JJ Abrams, stole his glasses, and tossed him in the basement. He's now running around with a wig and JJ's eyewear, trying to grab the script and change Episode 7 into a 2 hour anti-smoking infomercial with lightsabers, yelling "I'm JJ Abrams! Gimmie the script, I just gotta tweak it a bit." In response, Micheal Arndt has decided to take the script and start running for the hills. It's all very silly.

 

Episode VII will have a blooper reel at the end.

 

It worked for The Cannonball Run.

 

..to the tune of the Benny Hill Show

 

Nic Cage will play every single character, voice every single being, and his freakouts will be used as the new soundtrack for the ST.