Speculation In this thread, please fabricate "scoops" for Episode 7-9!

Disney has just desided to build their first Star Wars Land. The choosen location though is Wyoming and completely surrounds Harrison Ford's house... as such he has fleed the country swearing never to return.

 

The entire plot for Episode VII is actually is Reclamation ( proposed animated series ) so the older cast will have to digitally altered to look younger as it's set 15yrs after ROTJ......

 

Episode VII is actually an elaborate ploy to create Clone Wars II.

 

This time though *gasp* the clones are the bad guys from the start. They also are used to kill and replace enemies of theirs, so randomly an unbeknownst clone of senator x starts shooting up the senate chambers.

The New Republic will use droids to fight them but hidden in their programming is order 67 to exterminate all Jedi.

 

and this time the Clone Wars are Jedi vs. Mandalorians, so the novel of TESB accurately descibes Boba Fett.

 

Episode VII will be a faithful adaptation of the EU.


European Union

 

So it's going to be about bankruptcy then?

 

YES. Greece will be the Trade Federation.

 

I just bought a pack of smokes with a warning label that reads: "Luke, I am your father. Also! - Darth Plaguies" I'm still wondering how it got there.

 

Having been dancing and partying for 30 odd years, Star Wars Episode VII is said to pick up on exactly where we left off in Return of The Jedi, with our favorite characters still hanging out in the Ewok village on the moon of Endor. Hence, the EU is completely scrapped. A new animated series called "Ewok Party Nights" will fill us in on all the debauchery we missed out on.

 

Zombie ewoks.

 

Darth Pire is the lastest Sith lord. He is undead and it's stars Robert Pattinson as Pire.

 

Patton Oswalt's got the biggest scoop on Episode VII:

 

The title has been revealed to be 'The Twin Buns', an allusion to Leia's hairdo.

 

Sigh... appears Solo will die. Lucas just told me they writing him dying of cancer because he inhaled too many toxic fumes from all the times he blasted people...

 

Breaking news - It seems that Han and Chewie have had a falling out - According to sources, Leia is 'Still spitting up hairballs'....

 

The interdimensional beings from Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull will be prominent in Episode VII, along with the overlords from Howard the Duck.

 

that can't be good

 

Benedict Cumberbatch to be in Star Wars but will once again play a high functioning sociopathic genius with the voice that makes girls swoon. Reports in are that the cumberb!tches are rejoicing.

 

Lucas just sent me a candygram that says the opening scene is Han, Leia and Luke discussing their retirement planning portfolio. It goes on for 16 pages. There's cool stuff happening in the background, sure, Sith Lords and Stormtroppers and all that, but the script never leaves the Big Three's financial discussion. In a related scoop, Michael Arndt just took out a second mortgage on his house and the only way that happened was by allowing his financial planner to write 16 pages.

 

All the while their very helpful banking clan retirement planner, Hego Damask, helps them plan it very gleefully.

 

In the "Han Solo" spinoff movie, the title role will be played by Shia LaBeouf.

 

Awww helllll naw!

 

No worries about Shia LaBeouf, my sources just told me Kathleen Kennedy just Jedi mind tricked Chris Pine to play a young Han Solo in that spinoff. Due to scheduling issues, like JJ Abrams, he wont be able to be in the third Star Trek reboot sequal. He then called Kathleen Kennedy a 'producing genius'.

Will Shatner still hasnt gotten a phone call for a roll from either LFL or Parmount.

 

CONFIRMED:

Episode VII to be sequel to both Star Wars Episode VI AND Back To The Future III !

TRAILER: