Lit Join Me and Achieve Perfection: A Reread of The Glove of Darth Vader

I would just like to point out this is quite possibly the greatest thing I have ever seen. Thanks to you I now know that I should only by "Whaladon Free" tuna. Keep it up .

 

Ken's identity is just more proof of what a literary masterpiece this series is. It is just such a readerly novel, open to so much individual interpretation, filled with so many artfully subjective narrative elements like this.

What more could a true literature buff ask for? Ken's surname is high art right there.

 

Luke Skywalker doesn't sleep around. This is a man who'd rather violate his own sister than have a one night stand.

Besides, did you miss the part in ESB where Yoda says, "Keep it in your pants you will"?

 

Yeah, Luke had more girlfriends than Kyle Katarn has chest hairs, but for some reason in my mind he never got very far with most of them. He's probably not a virgin by the time he gets married, but I definitely don't think he's a Han... or an Obi-Wan

 

I really don't remember this particular book all that well.

This whole scene is bizarrely disturbing. Ken's 12. Not 4. Not 6. 12.

I suddenly want one of the mainstream authors to write a novel about adult Ken on a journey to learn about Grandaddy Palps and finding... 11-4D.

GFFA's lions and tigers and bears?

 

Vaporizing-tooth cleaner sounds like it should be either an ACME product used by Duck Dodger, or alternately, horrifying.

 

Oh I don't know... some 12-year-olds can be very infantile. Add to that "raised alone and by droids in a creepy underground facility" and it would actually be more surprising if we didn't see lots of regression and stuff.
I mean, silver pajamas.

THIS.

 

A droid helping Ken with his tooth-cleaner has nothing to do with being infantile: he's a prince.

I take it nobody has heard the story of courtiers putting Prince Charles' toothpaste on his toothbrush for him in the morning.

 

I come back from a week-end trip and this thread is on the second page? Are you guys so full of zoochberry juice you can't appreciate art?

"Personally, I don’t think real princes have to put up with getting tooth-cleaner pushed into their mouths every morning by some droid."
"I’d like to have some friends who are my own age."

 

Do we ever learn who hid Ken in the Lost City? Obi-Wan?

Because whoever it was appears to have left a young boy in the care of a personal child-molesting droid programmed in six million forms of sodomy.

It's like they were grooming a future villain......

 

This honestly does surprise me. It seems like exactly the sort of thing that Abel Pena would have established in the golden age of mid-2000s Insider/Hyperspace articles.

And I mean that in a good way, a high compliment. I'm really saddened we don't have a continuity master making those great retcons any more.

 

It vaporizes your teeth?

 

So every night the creepy "boy droid" literally vaporizes Ken's teeth, through the will of the Force his teeth painfully grow back only to be vaporized again? What kid of a hell did the Jedi Order toss him into?!

 

Lugija That would be my fault. Been on a somewhat hectic schedule, and haven't had much time to do in-depth summaries. Was gonna do one tonight, but I'm about to fall over. This is something you do thoroughly, or don't do at all. Never fear, though. I should be back on a consistent schedule tomorrow. I'll try to do four chapters this week. All who believe in the Glove are rewarded eventually.

If I recall correctly, it's later unambiguously revealed to be Obi-Wan. Apparently, Ken was important enough that Obi-Wan felt he could just blow Luke off for awhile.

 

GODV pretty clearly intended it to be Obi-Wan, but I don't think it was ever established. And Abel was more likely to retcon it that Rahn hid him there or something. Which I'd actually prefer; Obi-Wan should stay on Tatooine.

 

No rush. Doing a quick job about The Glove of Darth Vader would be like writing this about Mona Lisa: "It's a small picture of a smiling woman. There is a river on the background".

 

For all the places in SW where Imperial privateers actually show up for once, it had to be here...

 

Once again, I want to apologize for the delays. I don't expect anyone waits by their computers in anticipation of their next step through the Jedi Prince reread series, but still, I really should try to be more consistent. And I will try to be. It's a hefty task, transcribing such revered documents into a form that can be understood by the uneducated public, but that's no excuse for failing to fulfill my duty. If I have the dark blessings of all who read this thread, I will march on.

Chapter 3: Flying with the Force

As Grand Moff Hissa gazes into space from the bridge of His Imperial Majesty Trioculus' Imperial Strike Cruiser, he reflects that it's good to be back into space, where they are safe. He briefly recalls, through the art of summary, his close escape from Calamari, and his encounter with Luke Skywalker. His thoughts then turn to the future. He and the three-eyed Trioculus (the three eyed part is specifically noted in the text, if you had missed that detail) are on their way to meet the Supreme Prophet of the Dark Side, Kadann, in a place called the "Null Zone". It is also noted that Trioculus now proudly bears The Glove of Darth Vader.

Hissa's most trusted commander, Grand Moff Dunhausen, "his earrings jangling and shaking", (indeed, the text points out that Dunhausen always wears earrings shaped "like little laserblasters") gives Hissa a disturbing a message, a message in which the contents are kept from the reader. Hissa dutifully journeys to Trioculus' private quarters so that he may depart the message.


"My Dark Lordship," Grand Moff Hissa began, "Grand Admiral Grunger still refuses to accept your claim to be Emperor-that is until Kadann, as Supreme Prophet of the Dark Side, officially gives you his dark blessing. In that case, Grunger will withdraw his objections and will order his fleet of starfighters to follow your command."


Either this Grunger is the superstitious type, or this "dark blessing" carries extremely great weight within the Empire.


Trioculus gritted his teeth. "And what is his excuse for withholding his loyalty?"

"Like so many of the others, my Lordship, he doubts your claim to be the son of Emperor Palpatine."

Trioculus snarled in anger. "What about COMPNOR?" he hissed in a low growl. "Has COMPNOR replied to my demand for loyalty?"

COMPNOR was the Commission for the Preservation of the New Order-a group of powerful, brutal Imperial terrorists.

"My Lordship, COMPNOR also waits to serve you until you receive the dark blessing of Kadann."


Even terrorist groups bow down before the dark blessing. I suppose it makes sense, though. Obviously all who are evil follow the exact same moral code and share the same beliefs.


Trioculus furiously blinked all three of his eyes-his two ordinary ones, plus his third eye, which was perched in the middle of his forehead. "What more does that black-bearded dwarf want?" Trioculus stormed. "He made a prophecy that the new Emperor would wear the glove of Darth Vader, and I have found the glove-that should be enough for him!"

"Kadann may be a dwarf, but I suggest that you don’t underestimate him, my Lordship," Grand Moff Hissa offered. "Before he will give you his dark blessing, he has to examine the glove himself to make sure it’s really Darth Vader’s. I suggest you respect him-and be wary of him. He’s crafty and sly. Expect him to try to trick you. And to test you."

The Hand that Bears the Glove grips a round control knob on the navigational panel.


"One other thing about Kadann, sir," Grand Moff Hissa added. "It’s important that you speak the truth to him, no matter what he asks you. No one has ever deceived the Supreme Prophet of the Dark Side and lived to tell about it."

Trioculus frowned, squeezing the control knob even harder, as if he were choking a disobedient stormtrooper. The beacon at the top of his Imperial strike cruiser turned on. It sent out an intense light, sweeping across the blackness of space in search of his destination-Space Station Scardia, home of the Prophets of the Dark Side.




We leave the Glovebearer to his infinite anger for now, as we join Luke Skywalker, as he travels above the forests of Yavin in his airspeeder, at a speed that the vehicle was not designed to reach. It is as if he is not even in control of the airspeeder, as if he is being pulled by a "power greater than his own". Almost as if he is being pulled by some kind of "force"...

He passes ancient pyramids and numerous trees, yet feels as if he has not yet found what he is seeking. As he begins to think he may have been acting impulsively, he see's a "stone sticking out of the trees", and decides to check it out. As he gets closer, he see's that it's actually a temple.

He lands and exits the vehicle, and finds himself at a crossroads. The Force is telling Luke to proceed to the temple, yet a voice in his head, perhaps his conscience, is telling him that he shouldn't go in there alone, that Leia, Han and Chewie will be worried about him. One guess which choice he makes.

As he approaches the temple through thick foliage, he hears someone speak in rhyme.

"You come from afar

So very welcome you are."

A strange alien humanoid with green, rubbery skin was leaning over, digging up a purple flower. When the alien stood erect, Luke could see that he was almost nine feet tall. Instead of hair, there were short, snakelike vines growing out of the top of his head.

The alien glanced at Luke and spoke again:

"Baji is my name

I’m glad that you came."

And now we've got a rhyming character. You'll forgive me for quoting everything she say's.




Luke’s experience in life had taught him never to be too trusting. He put one hand on his lightsaber, unsure whether Baji was a friend, or an enemy pretending to be a friend.

"What are you doing here, Baji?" Luke asked.

"A Ho’Din healer am I

May these plants never die

From them comes health

The only true wealth."

Baji held up the purple flower just beneath Luke’s nose. Luke cautiously took his hand away from his lightsaber and touched the flower. He took in its sweet, strong fragrance.

Baji explained:

"A Ho’Din healer never lies

Kibo plants cure the eyes

So rare and hard to find

For the blind man, so very kind."


"Health the only true wealth". I'm gonna have to steal that.

Luke notices a silvery gleam of light moving through the bushes, and thinks it might be a weapon. He ignites his lightsaber, and demands the figure to come out of the bushes.


A silver, boy-shaped droid instantly popped up from behind the bush. "This is highly irregular!" the droid exclaimed. "Do you always threaten innocent droids who are merely taking a walk in the forest?"

"Why are you spying on us?" Luke asked. "Who are you?"

"I’m not programmed to give out my name to strangers," the silver droid said.

"That’s just what I’d expect a spy to say," Luke replied.


That's not what I'd expect a spy to say. I think it's closer to what every kid is taught to say. Luke obviously doesn't have a very high opinion of Imperial Intelligence training programs.


A boy who seemed to be about twelve or thirteen poked his head up alongside the droid. "Don’t blame Chip," the boy said. "I was the one who said we should come here. But I’m warning you, if you’re a soldier of the evil Empire, you’ll never take me alive!"

Luke grinned. "I’m not an Imperial soldier," he said. "I’ve probably fought more Imperial stormtroopers than you can count. What’s your name?"

"Ken," he replied.

"Ken what?"

The boy shrugged. "Just Ken. I was never given a last name by the droids."

"What droids?" Luke asked suspiciously.

"Chip, and the droids who live near my dome-house, of course," Ken said, touching the silvery crystal he wore around his neck. Then he squinted and looked Luke in the eye. "Do you always ask strangers so many questions?"



For someone who's been taught all about the exploits of Luke Skywalker, it's strange how Ken apparently doesn't even recognize him. Especially with the lightsaber as a handy visual aid. I suppose no one ever accused the kid of being bright.

Ken brushes the leaves off of his silver clothes. Chip, however, is stuck in some vines.



"Here, let me help," Luke offered.

FWOOP!

With one quick stroke of his lightsaber, Luke cut the vine between Chip’s feet, setting the droid free. Then Luke returned the lightsaber to his belt.

"Thank you," Chip said. "That’s much better. But just in case you were wondering, I was about to get untangled all by myself."

"And now we’d appreciate it if you’d tell us your names," Ken said.

Baji spoke first:

"Baji is my name

From the planet Moltok I came."

"And I’m Commander Skywalker," Luke volunteered, "Jedi Knight and Alliance pilot, from Tatooine."

Ken’s mouth fell open in shock, his sparkling blue eyes gleaming with wonder.


Now he's got it. No wonder he got such bad grades. It's especially bad since his study of history apparently only covers about seven people.


He dropped down on one knee and bowed his head, as if he were a serf who expected to be knighted by a great king. "Commander Luke Skywalker," he said, "I can’t believe it. I thought it was you, but I said to myself no, it couldn’t be. This is the greatest honor of my life!"


Suuuure you did, little liar.


"You’ve heard of me, then?" Luke said.

"Heard of you! I’ve studied you! I know almost everything you’ve ever done!"

Luke smiled and put his hands on his hips. "Really now? I don’t think even I remember everything I’ve ever done."

"Yoda was your Jedi Master!" Ken said. "And before you met Yoda, you learned about the Force from Obi-Wan Kenobi! And you saved your sister, Princess Leia, from Darth Vader, who was really your own father, who turned to the Dark Side when-"

Now it was Luke’s mouth that fell open in shock. Who was this boy?

Good job Ken, now recite every adventure Luke had in 0 ABY in a cohesive and logical order, and I'll be impressed. Come to think of it, that would be a bitch of an essay question for HC to put on Ken's final exam.



"This is highly irregular," Chip interrupted. "Why just this morning, HC was correcting Ken’s homework, and Ken seemed to know almost nothing about you, Commander Skywalker. He thought you were the pilot of the Millennium Falcon, instead of Han Solo. But now that he’s run away from our underground home, he suddenly thinks he knows everything and doesn’t need his droid teachers anymore."

"Why have you run away from home?" Luke asked.

"You’d run away from home, too, if your only friends were droids."

For Ken, every moment is an opportunity to take a jab at droids.

A lightbulb goes off in Luke's head. He puts his hand on Ken's shoulder, and asks him if he comes from an underground city built by Jedi Knights.

Before he can get an answer, they hear footsteps. They turn around, and see a powerful looking droid move aside the vines.


The droid’s body was white, and his radiant red eyes shone like rubies. His strong, dignified metal face even had a metal beard.

"Dee-Jay!" Ken exclaimed. "What are you doing here?" He was so surprised, he accidently dropped his computer notebook to the ground.




Metal beard. Obviously the Jedi Knights of old had a sense of humor. Or had a shared vision of Kyle Katarn and decided that his aura should permeate all areas of life.



"You have a great deal of explaining to do, young man!" Dee-Jay scolded. "The rules were made to protect you, to keep you safe until you are old enough."

The towering, white droid then turned to Chip. "And you, Chip," Dee-Jay continued. "You’ve broken my trust."

"I did my best to talk him out of coming Topworld," Chip explained timidly. "But he’s a disobedient boy, with a head as hard as stone. He never takes orders, you know."

"I’d be happy to take orders from Commander Skywalker," Ken said. He glanced at the last of the Jedi Knights. "Commander Skywalker, I want to sign up with the Alliance. Will you take me with you? I want to fly in starfighters, and fight the Empire, and-"

Before Ken could say anything more, and before Luke could reply, Dee-Jay raised his hands, releasing a foggy white smoke from his fingertips.

FWISHSHSHSH!

The smoke spread instantly, creating a thick, blinding mist.

Luke coughed as he breathed the white smoke and fanned the air with his hands. Rubbing his eyes, he strained to see. But he was enveloped in the misty cloud. Luke called out for Ken. But when the mist began to clear, Ken, Chip, and Dee-jay were gone.

"I’ve got to find Ken!" Luke exclaimed. He was convinced that Ken could show him how to find the Lost City of the Jedi that Obi-Wan Kenobi had spoken about in his dream. Luke now understood why the Force had led him to this spot.


Seems like a disrespectful way to greet a person you seem to treat as almost an object of worship.


Saji, refusing to drop her Dr. Seuss schtick for even a moment, has some helpful advice for Luke.


"Jedi Knight

Your search is in vain

Gone they are

Deep into the forest of rain."


Wait... that wasn't helpful at all! And half of it didn't even rhyme! Lousy plant...



Now I feel better.


But Luke was determined to try to find out where they had gone. He began looking for a trail, for some hint of their path.

It wasn’t until Luke was out of sight that Baji discovered the computer notebook that Ken had dropped on the ground. He opened it. On the inside cover, the boy had written:

This notebook belongs to Ken

Dome-house 12

South Jedi Lane


Commentary: South Jedi Lane? On a forest planet? How will Luke ever find that???

And so the boy meets the master, only to be swiped away by the mean old bearded droid. As if we needed any more evidence these books kick ass; a bearded droid. A bearded droid named Deejay. I'd add getting the better of Luke Skywalker to his list of credits, but considering the average food pirate does that these days, it's not much of an accomplishment.

While I was mostly poking fun at Ken, I actually have to wonder; has he learned everything about Luke Skywalker, yet never seen a picture? Are the authors under the assumption that, like in the real world circa 1992, pictures would be physical, and not through a datapad? Of course, even without a picture, I would think the lightsaber would be enough to tip him off (though I suppose the EU has established that there are quite a few other lightsabers floating around the galaxy).

Speaking of which, how in the world is Ken aware that Darth Vader is Luke Skywalker's father? That, unfortunately, is one of those issues that changes based on the author; Troy Denning seemed to write Tatooine Ghost as if it was public knowledge, whereas years down the line, Mara Jade and Corran Horn are completely unaware. My continuity experts, I present you with a challenge: how exactly would Dee-Jay be aware of this fact? Perhaps he has monitoring equipment on Yavin IV, and caught Luke mentioning it in conversation with Leia?

Also, an insignificant detail that I could not help but noticing: Ken is constantly described as shiny. From his shiny silver clothes to his shiny necklace to his "sparkling eyes", the kid is painted as a walking diamond. Probably contributes to my growing desire to reach through the page and smack him.

On the evulz side of things, we see that Trioculus has grown into his role as the Glovebearer. I like how, in the picture, he doesn't wear a glove at all on one hand, only drawing attention to the hand that bears the Glove. Nothing too significant happens in this portion, though we do get our first description of Kadann, a black bearded dwarf. I find it so strange that the Emperor has to get approval from a religious leader. It really does go against everything we know about the Empire, a galactic government that may have been founded on the squabbles of Force users, but is itself entirely secular. I've never seen it as an accident that the only religion we see in the films come from the Jedi and the Sith. Surely, in a galaxy as diverse as the GFFA, there are thousands, if not millions of religions, but I can't see the Emperor declaring any one religion, especially anything having to do with the Force or the dark side, as an official religion. In fact, the only time in canon I can recall religion playing a prominent role is, in all things, the Dark Forces audio drama, where Kyle Katarn's friend is a monk, and religion is noted as something discouraged by the Imperial military, as it can only get in the way of a persons loyalty (and now, I have gotten away with mentioning Kyle Katarn twice in this summary. All is good).

Perhaps the best way to integrate this into larger canon is to view the Prophets as a popular religion, one that does not rule anything directly, but whose official endorsement would make great strides in building public support for Trioculus? Perhaps Trioculus wants to use the Prophets as a stepping stone to overcoming political adversaries, such as Ysanne Isard? Of course, now that leaves the problem of having such a large church being dedicated to the dark side of the Force... not only do I not feel Palpatine would approve of such a thing, it stands to reason that not every single citizen of the Empire enjoys reveling in their evilness every waking hour. Then again, this is a universe where evil elements apparently exist, so I may very well be wrong about that.

I'll end this post on a lighter observation. I loved the description of Trioculus squeezing the knob "like he would a disobedient stormtrooper". Don't get me wrong, I like it when authors go a bit against the films and portray the stormtroopers as highly efficient soldiers, but I can't help but laugh when they're described as so useless either. I wish I was a high ranking Imperial officer; then I'd get to strangle Stormtroopers for fun.

 

Well you have mine. We could never achieve perfection without you.

So Grand Moffs are now serving under Grand Moffs? I guess this organisational chart was created by the same guy who had every military and naval leader from the Empire to have extremely confusing promotion path during the Republic.

 

DARK BLESSINGS!!

I totally get it that you're late. These things happen.

 

You're wrong.

So, my favorite part of this chapter by far was the one where Luke is pushed and pulled in different directions by multiple voices talking in his head --

-- a scene that is almost constructivist in its depiction of the human mind as a locus of intersecting forces and "voices" talking "through" it, rather than the Cartesian theater of inferior novelists who still insist on showing "characters" making their "own" decisions from some hypothetical abstract place called "free will".

Also, South Jedi Lane.

 

Not as many responses this time. Don't tell me I'm gonna get my funding cut before I get to the end of the second book! By the end of this one I may be just talking to myself. Then my indoctrination into The Glove of Darth Vader will be complete.

Reality is so boring. I'd rather just hang out with Ken and Chip...

Chapter 4: The Dark Blessing

Imperial Commodore Zuggs, the "beady eyed, bald officer" announced to Trioculus that they are nearing the Null Zone. Trioculus, in his infinite wisdom, does what no one expects, and orders the navigation officer to keep an eye out for their destination, Space Station Scardia, the "cube shaped distant outpost in the Null Zone where the Prophets of the Dark Side lived".

We quickly switch over to Space Station Scardia, where we meet the exalted lead Prophet Kadann.


Wearing his glittering, flowing prophet’s robe, the black-bearded dwarf strolled slowly through one of Scardia’s many corridors, on his way to the Chamber of Dark Visions. He was calmly sipping his tea, boiling tea that would have scalded the tongue of any ordinary man.

Kadann’s tea was made from fungus-infested bark that came from the forest moon of Endor, where the furry Ewoks lived. Some said that it helped him dream of the future.


I see. The differentiating factor between an "ordinary" and "extraordinary" man lies entirely in the temperature of their tea. And whether it's made from teddy bears.



But Kadann’s prophecies didn’t always come from dreams. The inspiration for Kadann’s prophecies more often came from his secret network of very ruthless and efficient spies. They dutifully brought him secret information. This outpost was, for all intents and purposes, the Imperial Bureau of Investigation.

Information from spies helped Kadann figure out what was likely to happen. And if his prophecies didn’t come true by themselves, then Kadann and the other Prophets of the Dark Side used their great influence to make them come true, using bribery, sabotage, and treachery-and sometimes even murder. In that way they kept their power and influence in the Empire.

Brutal, yet efficient. I admire that quality in a Church.

Trioculus and Hissa are met by a welcoming committee of Prophets, who are apparently all dwarfs, except for High Prophet Jedgar, who is seven feet tall. All of them wear beards and flowing black bath robes.

Jedgar, in a soothing, deep voice, inquires about their trip, hoping that all went well and that they were not harmed by the gamma radiation emitted in the Null Zone. Hissa assures him that their ship has the best protection from gamma rays. Unfortunately, we probably won't be seeing Trioculus turn into the Incredible Hulk anytime soon.

Trioculus' three eyes sweep Kadann's trophy room, which is adorned with valuable trinkets from every corner of the galaxy.



What's Boba Fett doing in Kadann's trophy room?

Jedgar then leads his guests into the Chamber of Dark Visions, where Kadann waits to receive them.


There they found Kadann up on a podium, seated on his ornate prophet’s chair. Even with the podium, Kadann was so short he still didn’t come up as high as Trioculus’s chin.

At Kadann’s side was a low table with many small balls resting on it. The balls seemed to be made of chalk, and each one was a different color.

"Dark Greetings, Slavelord Trioculus," Kadann said.

"Dreamer of Dark Dreams, Supreme Prophet of the Empire," Grand Moff Hissa began, "Trioculus is no longer merely the Chief Slavelord of the spice mines of Kessel. The Central Committee of Grand Moffs recognizes the mighty Trioculus as the Empire’s one true leader-our new Emperor."

"And what does the mighty Trioculus want of me?" Kadann asked, though he already knew the answer.

"I’ve come to ask you for your dark blessing," Trioculus said. "As you once gave your dark blessing to my father, Emperor Palpatine."


Okay, the idea of Palpatine seeking this guys permission and dark blessings to rule the galaxy is absolutely hilarious.


Kadann picked up a yellow ball and held it in front of him. He closed his eyes and crushed the ball, which turned to powder in his hands.

Trioculus put his lips close to Grand Moff Hissa’s ear. "Yellow is the color of a lie," Trioculus said. "What have I said that he doesn’t believe?"

"That you are Emperor Palpatine’s son," Hissa whispered. "Kadann knows the truth."

"Emperor Palpatine’s son does not look like you," Kadann declared boldly.

Kadann is many things. Subtle is not one of them.


"Since you ask, I shall tell you exactly what I know," Kadann said, in a forceful voice that showed not even a hint of fear. "The Emperor had a son he rejected from the day that son was born-a son he sensed might grow to become even more powerful in the Dark Side than he himself. And so he banished his son to the planet Kessel, where he was forced to work in the spice mines like a common slave." Kadann stared at Trioculus and smiled slyly. "Yes, his son was born with three eyes. In that you are correct."

Trioculus nodded with satisfaction.

That's not really like Palpatine, who has a habit of either ending or making use of potential threats, rather than just shoving them off to the side... but whatever, I'm not the writer.

"But where were those three eyes?" Kadann asked. "One was here." Kadann pointed to his own right eye with his forefinger. "And one eye was here." He slowly moved his forefinger to his left eye. Then Kadann moved his finger behind his head. "And his third eye was here, at the back of his head. With his third eye, he could see his enemies from behind."

Trioculus, whose three eyes were all at the front of his face, scowled.

"And you were one of those enemies, Trioculus," Kadann added. "As Chief Slavelord, you had authority over him."

Kadann picked up the red ball and crushed it in his hands. A breeze gusted through the chamber and blew the red-colored chalk onto Trioculus’s clothes, staining them like blood.


It's so obvious. True power lies not in just having three eyes- any schmuck could get a prosthetic eye- but how it's used. The back of the head. That way, no one could ever sneak up on him! No wonder Palpatine was afraid of him.

Trioculus, however, doesn't take kindly to the unspoken accusation (note the subtlety in the prose).



"You seem to be accusing me of being a murderer," Trioculus said in a quiet but furious voice.

"Are you not?" Kadann replied in a very low voice. "Do you deny murdering Triclops, the Imperial royal son?"

Trioculus hissed beneath his breath and clenched his gloved right hand.

"Your Lordship, I beg you, remain calm," Grand Moff Hissa whispered to Trioculus. "Kadann knows many things. Whatever happens, don’t become angry, or you will fail the test."

Trioculus gnashed his teeth and squeezed both of his hands into tight fists.

"The truth," whispered Grand Moff Hissa very quietly. "You must tell him the absolute truth. I promise, Kadann will understand."

"I may be a murderer," Trioculus said to Kadann, "but I never killed Emperor Palpatine’s son."


Damn. For just a moment, I thought Trioculus was gonna tell Kadann that he may be a murder, but that he has a heart. Good things come to those who wait, I suppose.

"Are you saying that someone else killed him?" Kadann asked with a cagey smile.

"Obviously your spies haven’t done their job, Kadann," Trioculus said, frowning. "They are telling you lies and misinformation. Perhaps Triclops would be better off if he were dead, but for the moment, he is still alive."

Grand Moff Hissa interrupted. "It was the secret judgment of the Central Committee of Grand Moffs that Triclops, the Emperor’s son, was both mad and criminally insane. He was a menace to everyone he ever met, friend and foe alike."

"A very unfortunate situation," Kadann agreed, nodding his head.


Does anyone else think Trioculus may be Ric Olie?

Hissa decides to drive the fact that Triclops is a mad tyrant even further into our brains.



"After Emperor Palpatine died in the explosion of the Death Star, those of us grand moffs who knew of the Emperor’s wishes had to do something to protect what was left of the Empire," Grand Moff Hissa continued. "Did we dare let his son Triclops lead us-a son he had banished? Why if Triclops were ever put in command, I have no doubt that he would have destroyed us all-every grand moff, grand admiral . . . and every Prophet of the Dark Side! In fact, we grand moffs believe that if ever Triclops is allowed to sit on his father’s throne, he’ll destroy the galaxy, planet by planet, until there is nothing remaining."


"The black-bearded dwarf" suavely says nothing. He merely sits back and listens, all the while stroking his stylish beard.


"So you see, Kadann, we were in desperate need of a new leader," Hissa went on. "We couldn’t keep fighting among ourselves, warlord against warlord. The lower-ranking officers and common stormtroopers knew there were rumors that a three-eyed son existed who had a legal right to his father’s throne. And so-"

"So you decided your new leader had to be a man with three eyes," Kadann said, completing Grand Moff Hissa’s sentence. "Someone the grand moffs thought they could trust. One who could claim to be the Emperor’s son without arousing any suspicions."

"Exactly!" Grand Moff Hissa said, breathing a sigh of relief. "That’s why we asked Trioculus, Slavelord of Kessel, to claim to be Emperor Palpatine’s son and to serve as our new Imperial leader. Trioculus understands full well that the Central Committee of Grand Moffs is the real power behind the throne."

"I have fulfilled your prophecy, Kadann," Trioculus said in a confident voice. "You foretold that the next Emperor would wear the glove of Darth Vader. And as you can see, I wear it."


Trioculus regally presents the Hand that Bears the Glove, and demands, if Kadann should see anything wrong with the Glove, that he speak. Kadann confirms that it is, indeed, the all-powerful Glove, and declares that the one who bears the Glove will be the next Emperor, as he picks up the silver ball. He cuts off midsentence, however, as if interrupted.


"What is it?" Trioculus insisted.

Kadann squeezed the silver ball of chalk until it crumbled to dust. "Silver is the symbol of a Jedi Prince. There is a Jedi Prince from the Lost City of the Jedi who can destroy you."

Trioculus sneered in disbelief. "The Lost City of the Jedi is only a legend!"

"A legend only to those who don’t know the truth. For it does exist. And you, Emperor Trioculus, must find the Jedi Prince who lives there, or you will not rule for much longer." Kadann now raised his right hand and pointed his forefinger upward, as though uttering a commandment. "This is your destiny. Find the Jedi Prince and destroy him-or he will destroy you!"

Trioculus frowned in dismay.


Look out Trioculus. You may have defeated Luke Skywalker, but now Ken is coming for you. Don't think you'll get off so easily from that one.


"And where is this Lost City of the Jedi?" Grand Moff Hissa asked.

"There are four continents on the fourth moon of Yavin," Kadann replied. "The Lost City is on the largest continent, deep beneath the ground, under the rain forest. Look for a round wall made of green marble in the forest. There you will find the entrance to the city. But you must find it soon. Very soon."


You know, you could have just as easily have told him to go to South Jedi Lane.


"I shall," Trioculus said, putting his hands on his hips triumphantly. "Not only shall I destroy the Jedi Prince, but as ruler of the Empire, I shall rid the galaxy of Luke Skywalker and the entire Rebel Alliance."

"Well spoken, Emperor Trioculus." And with that Kadann leaned forward and kissed the glove Trioculus wore. "You have my dark blessing," he said.

Trioculus smiled. It was one of the first real smiles of his life. However, it was cut short by a stabbing pain in the center of his head. Everything then became blurry and dim. Emperor Trioculus could see only dull blobs of light, shadows, and streaks of gray-and nothing more.



Commentary: He kissed the Glove

Anyway. On to more pressing business.

This is a short chapter, but filled entirely with evil. To be perfectly honest, I thought I was gonna have to bow out halfway through it, was having a bit of an evil overload. Only so much doomium and phobium you can handle at once.

Interesting cliffhanger, I suppose. I can't actually remember what causes Trioculus' (now referred to as Emperor Trioculus) pain, so I suppose it will be a surprise for me as well. Of course, knowing this series, it will most likely be a complete copout.

As filled with evil as this chapter is, it's also relatively full of revelations. Here, we learn quite a bit more about Triclops, finally get a solid explanation on what exactly the Prophets of the Dark Side are supposed to be, and we learn a little bit about Ken's destiny... well, actually, no we don't. One of the biggest failings of this series is that the "Jedi Prince" is never something that's defined. Here, we're left with the impression that Ken is the one destined to stop Trioculus, but, well... you'll see.

Also: Trioculus loves to put his hands on his hips. He does it twice in this chapter alone, and has done it a few times before. I guess it makes him look threatening?

Until next time.

 

yay, infodump chapter!

So we learn that...
... Kadann is just as fake as Triocolus (one uses the Imperial Bureau of Investigation to supply or carry out his prophecies, the other uses the Council of Grand Moffs to bolster his illegitimate claim to power)
... gamma radiation shielding is apparently uncommon enough that Jedgar and Hissa spend two whole paragraphs talking about it
... the Davises know just how to hide an infodump in cleverly constructed lines of dialoge, viz

... indeed.
... Also, Triclops is the true heir of Venamis, destroying the whole galaxy planet by planet until there is nothing left.

All in all this is a very physical chapter, what with all the hip-grabbing, chalk-crumbling, beard-stroking and glove-kissing going on -- to say nothing of Triocolus' mysterious stroke at the end of the chapter.

The two things I really, seriously liked in this were:
-- the fact that the Prophets of the Dark Side are a self-admitted fake (this makes it so much easier to incorporate this into the rest of the continuity... with the Prophets basically being a false lead planted by Palps or even Plagueis before him to snare anyone who looks to deeply into the Dark Side; either they think the Prophets are the real thing and thus the real power behind the Empire, or they dig deeper and conclude that this "Dark Side", if not the "Force" itself, is nothing but a monumental fake. If I were Palpatine, that would be just what I want.)
-- and the balls-of-chalk thing. Seriously. Apart from the silver one, which makes me cringe, I think this is a visually awesome idea.

Oooh, and I'm so excited about the resolution to the cliffhanger at the end of the chapter...

Spoiler

 

It's odd, especially as we've just had Luke and Ken meet, but...does anyone else feel, genuinely, that Trioculus is currently the most...protagonist-y character in the series?

Yes, that he's Dark and Evil is constantly emphasised, but he is the only one with a overarching goal, who is going off on quests to find an important treasure, discover a lost city and battle a prophesied nemesis, all in service to achieving that larger goal. He's the one overcoming character flaws in service of said goal. He's the one driving the story forward with Things He Needs To Do To Become Emperor, whereas Ken just has a vague wish to see the galaxy and join the good guys, and Luke seems to have no driving narrative at all. Yes, the villain makes the plot and all that, but this just feels like it goes beyond Thrawn, Daala or whoever - Trioculus doesn't just have an arc, he has the arc.

Alright, yes, obviously Kadann has the Ark, but, well, dash it, you know what I mean.

 

I wonder how Imperial Intelligence and the ISB felt about this Imperial Bureau of Intelligence. Seems like those two, who had turf wars at the best of times, would not appreciate this upstart little agency run from a single space station.

A lot of the retcons make some of the Information dumped here a lot more amusing in retrospect. "So you see, Kadann, we were in desperate need of a new leader," Hissa went on. "We couldn’t keep fighting among ourselves, warlord against warlord. The lower-ranking officers and common stormtroopers knew there were rumors that a three-eyed son existed who had a legal right to his father’s throne. And so-"

This sounds like a grasping at straws by the Central Committee, as by now we probably have Zsinj, Harrsk, and Teradoc going rogue, and much of the mess caused by things like Lumiya and the Nagai/Tof. Ironically, this coalition seems like it could be the same group that later supported Pestage after the Trioculus plot fell through, until Isard came along and won that little power struggle. Then they licked their wounds as the Central Committee of Moffs/Grand Moffs, until the great Imperial Civil war before Palpatine returned. Also ironic is that later we see the attempt at a peace treaty which would have put Palpatines great niece (or something) on the throne, but she was assassinated. Probably because she actually had a better chance of making a go at it than poor delusional Trioculus.