JCC What's your favorite dumb joke?

Good news insomniacs!

Only three more sleeps until Christmas.


A ham sandwich goes into a bar and orders a beer.

"Sorry," says the barman, "we don't serve food in here."


Shakespeare goes into the same bar. The barman sees him and shouts, "Oi, get out, you're bard!"

What's got two legs and flies?

Half a dead badger.

 

Pour vous, @Sarge

 

Do you guys know the difference between a hippo and a zippo?

One is very heavy and the other is a little lighter.

 

It's easy to convince ladies not to eat Tide pods, but it's harder to deter gents.

 

Why did the man buy the television with broken volume controls?


He was offered a good price, and he couldn't turn it down.

 

One day this dude was driving on a country road and hit a rabbit. He pulled over to see it if had died, or if it was suffering. It was dead, and when the guy was about to get back into his car, another car pulls behind his. A lady gets out and inspects the rabbit and says,"I may have something that will fix this." The guy looks at her with surprise as she runs back to her car and pulls out a aerosol can and liberally sprays the dead bunny with it. The rabbit immediately jumps up and starts to run away, although it seems to wave at the two people every thirty seconds or so. "What is in that can?" asked the dude. The lady shows him the can which reads," Wonder Hair Spray: Immediately revives dead hairs with permanent wave!"

 

What did the God of Thunder say when he dropped his hammer on his foot?

“Ouch! That’s very Thor!”

 

Okay, I've put up with some of these jokes, but I just have to say enough is enough. No, really, it is. It's literally the same word.

 

What does your signature even mean? The joke is that Admiral Piett is the President?

 

It's a quote from a really terrible fanfiction I read some years ago. I find the entire premise of the scene funny with Palpatine, Yoda & Mace visiting the President of the United States. And the dialogue is incredibly stilted. It's just a reference to a particularly terrible scene in a terrible fanfic.

 

All this time, thinking it was supposed to be a joke, I've never laughed. Now realizing that was completely earnest. . .

I would have voted for you in the JCC awards.

 

Coincidence that you tell a joke involving a rabbit?

@queen of the jackalopes

 

That didn't even occur to me!

 

A rich widow decides she wants a young male virgin, to train in the art of love making, something to tick off her bucket list.

She searches the world and then, in Australia, meets a young @DebonaireNerd

She invites him to her hotel room, and asks, "are you sure you've never had sex with a woman before?"

"No I have not" came his reply.

She strips off and lays on the bed, "well let's get it on!"

The young man immediately begins moving furniture into a pile in the corner.

"What are you doing?", the impatient widow asks.

"Well, if this is anything like with a kangaroo, we're going to need a lot of room."

 

This thread is for jokes, not unauthorised biographies.

 

You’re the joke. YOU'RE THE JOKE!

 

What a joke

 

What do you do if you're eaten by an elephant?



Run around until your pooped out

 

*you're

 

At lunch time I saw a donkey cross the road!

Before he did, he looked both ways. What a smart ass.