Jedi Council Forums - Kyle Katarn is so tough...

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Author	Topic: Kyle Katarn is so tough...
Kenobi_Kid Registered: May '05	Date Posted: 9/22/06 7:08am Subject: RE: Kyle Katarn is so tough... - Date Edited: 9/22/06 7:09am (1 edits total) Edited By: Kenobi_Kid
	Darth_Davi posted: Kyle Katarn's overall fight record is 3,533,621-1. The one loss was to Bruce Lee. Nobody beats Bruce Lee, not even Kyle Katarn. Only because Bruce Lee is Jan Ors brother, and is therefore awesome. Kyle Katarn is so tough, he has a six page thread devoted to recording his toughness. -----signature----- High Prophet of the Church of Kyle and loyal suitor of HIH Marasiah Fel Star Wars: Now with 100% more Lyle Waggoner! Lick enough wallpaper and eventually you will find the Snozzberry I have seen the enemy and he is you
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Knight-8311 Registered: Sep '06	Date Posted: 9/27/06 7:15pm Subject: RE: Kyle Katarn is so tough...
	Kyle Katarn keeps a pillow under his lightsaber. Never bring a blaster to a lightsaber fight. Never bring a lightsaber to a Kyle Katarn fight. Luke Skywalker once killed 12 Slayers, Kyle Katarn calls this a "Blue milk run." Kyle Katarn was going to be carved into the Valley of the Jedi but the stone wasent hard enough for his beard. Luke Skywalker can walk on lava. Kyle Katarn can walk on Luke Skywalker. Kyle Katarn can divide by zero. Contrary to popular belief, there is indeed enough Kyle Katarn to go around. Kyle Katarn always knows the EXACT location of the droids your looking for. Kyle Katarn can drink an entire gallon of blue milk in thirty-seven seconds. It takes 14 puppeteers to make Kyle Katarn smile, but only 2 to make him destroy an orphanage. Kyle Katarn once ate an entire bottle of sleeping pills. They made him blink. Kyle Katarn played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded blaster and won. The Force is Kyle Katarn's bitch. Kyle Katarn does not own a stove, oven, or microwave , because revenge is a dish best served cold. Kyle Katarn can slam a revolving door. Kyle Katarn doesn't play god. Playing is for children. -----signature----- Ash nazg durbatulûk, ash nazg gimbatul, ash nazg thrakatulûk, agh burzum-ishi krimpatul.
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SephyCloneNo15 Registered: Apr '05	Date Posted: 9/27/06 9:01pm Subject: RE: Kyle Katarn is so tough...
	Knight-8311 posted: Luke Skywalker can walk on lava. Kyle Katarn can walk on Luke Skywalker. -----signature----- Member: GDG, GMG. Sub-GM: CDG Zam Wessel Lives! Recipient of Thrawn McEwok's Squib Creations Limited-Edition Replica Glove of Darth Vader™ "Samuel L. Jackson isn't only a fine actor, but a gamer. He's one of us." ~ Kotaku
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AdmiralWesJanson Registered: May '05	Date Posted: 9/27/06 10:21pm Subject: RE: Kyle Katarn is so tough...
	Knight-8311 posted: Kyle Katarn keeps a pillow under his lightsaber. Never bring a blaster to a lightsaber fight. Never bring a lightsaber to a Kyle Katarn fight. Luke Skywalker once killed 12 Slayers, Kyle Katarn calls this a "Blue milk run." Kyle Katarn was going to be carved into the Valley of the Jedi but the stone wasent hard enough for his beard. Luke Skywalker can walk on lava. Kyle Katarn can walk on Luke Skywalker. Kyle Katarn can divide by zero. Contrary to popular belief, there is indeed enough Kyle Katarn to go around. Kyle Katarn always knows the EXACT location of the droids your looking for. Kyle Katarn can drink an entire gallon of blue milk in thirty-seven seconds. It takes 14 puppeteers to make Kyle Katarn smile, but only 2 to make him destroy an orphanage. Kyle Katarn once ate an entire bottle of sleeping pills. They made him blink. Kyle Katarn played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded blaster and won. The Force is Kyle Katarn's bitch. Kyle Katarn does not own a stove, oven, or microwave , because revenge is a dish best served cold. Kyle Katarn can slam a revolving door. Kyle Katarn doesn't play god. Playing is for children. These are among the best posted so far. These are deserving of Corellian Ewokstripes. Congratulations -----signature----- Duke of Corellia Join the Corellian Browncoats in their fight against the evil Alliance! Fix the K-Wing! No more XJs! Make the next X-Wing a T-65K!
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Darth_Kuthuus Registered: Sep '06	Date Posted: 9/30/06 10:46am Subject: RE: Kyle Katarn is so tough...
	There's a reason rockets and Stouker rounds never touch Kyle. They, unlike blaster bolts, have enough sense to know that they'll come out worse than he will. -----signature----- It's not a lockin until someone has a discussion about Communism How do you stop an exploding man?----Hiro Nakamura "Don't make him angry. He's exactly the same as when he's happy, except he hits you. -Me ======Official Cookie-Dunking Guru of Theforce.net
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Lank_Pavail Registered: Sep '02	Date Posted: 9/30/06 6:38pm Subject: RE: Kyle Katarn is so tough...
	the REAL reason Palpatine created the Death Stars, the Eye, and the 47 other superweapons: He caught a glimpse in the Fore of Kyle Katarn, and proceeded to void his bowels in sheer terror. -----signature----- High Keeper of stuffed EwokWJFC New holiday fic! http://boards.theforce.net/beyond_the_saga/b10477/29552605/p1/ http://boards.theforce.net/Message.aspx?topic=14345682&brd=10477&replies=8 Admiral, JO
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Kenobi_Kid Registered: May '05	Date Posted: 9/30/06 8:35pm Subject: RE: Kyle Katarn is so tough...
	Kyle Katarn once cooked and ate a Hutt, inventing escargot. Kyle was once in posession of The Hat, but George Lucas had to take it away from him because otherwise he would've been too awesome for human minds to comprehend. -----signature----- High Prophet of the Church of Kyle and loyal suitor of HIH Marasiah Fel Star Wars: Now with 100% more Lyle Waggoner! Lick enough wallpaper and eventually you will find the Snozzberry I have seen the enemy and he is you
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AdmiralWesJanson Registered: May '05	Date Posted: 9/30/06 8:38pm Subject: RE: Kyle Katarn is so tough...
	If at first you don't suceed, Kyle Katarn has beaten you to it, completed it already, and is out shooting stormtroopers with the Bryar pistol now. Anything that can go wrong, does go wrong. Unless Kyle Katarn wants it to go right. Then it does. Murphy knows better. An Anzat once tried to eat Kyle Katarn's soup. Katarn laughed, offered him a salad, and let him try. Rumor has it that the beard got him. Jar Jar doesn't have a speech problem. Kyle Katarn just hit him over the head with the Bryar pistol before Qui Gon showed up, and he never recovered. -----signature----- Duke of Corellia Join the Corellian Browncoats in their fight against the evil Alliance! Fix the K-Wing! No more XJs! Make the next X-Wing a T-65K!
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Ulicus Registered: Jul '05	Date Posted: 10/7/06 7:54pm Subject: RE: Kyle Katarn is so tough...
	When Qui-Gon Jinn asked Shmi Skywalker "Who was his father?", of Anakin, the answer he expected was "Kyle Katarn". -----signature----- This is an imaginary story... aren't they all supposed to fit together, though? An animated cartoon about Obi-Wan and Padawan Anakin would have made more sense. Recipient of Golden Ewok™ and Golden EwokTrooper™
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JaySkywalker01 Registered: Oct '05	Date Posted: 10/7/06 8:54pm Subject: RE: Kyle Katarn is so tough...
	All Gonk droids make that sound because Kyle Katarn "gonked" the first one off the line. Darth Tater is a reproduction of what would happento Darth Vader, if Vader were to encounter Kyle. The only reason Boba Fett is the most feared bounty hunter in the galaxy is because Kyle Katarn once dressed up like him for halloween. That was all it took. Kyle Katarn was attacked by a Voxyn during the Vong war. He now keeps the Voxyn in his room. It has its own little water bottle and hamster wheel to run on. Kyle Katarn once slaughtered an entire legion of stormtroopers on Myrkr and was having a beer before he realized he couldn't use the Force....Then he used it anyway. -----signature----- Jay: "Ben Franklin said, speak softly and carry a big stick!" Carnage: Uhm, Ben Franklin was more like "Speak Loud, Get Wasted, and use his "Stick" on French Women." Oh yeah....
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Havac Title: Lit Mod of War Registered: Sep '05	Date Posted: 10/8/06 1:25pm Subject: RE: Kyle Katarn is so tough...
	JaySkywalker01 posted: Kyle Katarn once slaughtered an entire legion of stormtroopers on Myrkr and was having a beer before he realized he couldn't use the Force....Then he used it anyway. You get a cookiee. -----signature----- "Is there a captain's hat involved in this?"
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Kenobi_Kid Registered: May '05	Date Posted: 10/8/06 3:03pm Subject: RE: Kyle Katarn is so tough...
	One day, Kyle decided to go for a walk. But he had no road to walk on, so he created Hyper-space instead. Every action except Kyle's has an equal and opposite reaction. Kyle Katarn used to bullseye T16's with a wamp-rat. -----signature----- High Prophet of the Church of Kyle and loyal suitor of HIH Marasiah Fel Star Wars: Now with 100% more Lyle Waggoner! Lick enough wallpaper and eventually you will find the Snozzberry I have seen the enemy and he is you
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Wraith20878 Registered: Sep '06	Date Posted: 10/8/06 3:06pm Subject: RE: Kyle Katarn is so tough...
	Kyle Katarn wrote Spy Primer and became the Battlemaster of the New Jedi Order to try to make his day to day opponents less pathetic. Kyle Katarn kidnaped a bunch of the whitches of Dathomir. Nine months later they gave birth to the first Mandalorians. Kyle Katarn's tears cure the Death Seed plague. Too bad he has never cried. Ever. -----signature----- The road to hell is paved with good intentions. People are stupid. People will believe anything if they want to believe it's true or are afraid to believe its true. Your life is yours alone. Rise up and live it.
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Admiral_Keller Registered: Nov '05	Date Posted: 10/8/06 5:11pm Subject: RE: Kyle Katarn is so tough...
	Sorry if any have been said...I don't have the time to look at everyone: "Kyle Katarn is the reason Palpatine gave Order 66" "Kyle Katarn can block lightsabers with his pinky." "Kyle Katarn is considered a honorary Corellian...why? He just is." "Luke Skywalker didn't blow up the Death Star, Kyle Katarn light a match after he farted." -----signature----- Imperial Hardliner Imperial Holonet Radio Listener Corellians have Seven Hells...Chew on that one Catholicism Creator of the Njophobia Theory™ a sadly common Star Wars fan disorder
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SephyCloneNo15 Registered: Apr '05	Date Posted: 10/8/06 7:43pm Subject: RE: Kyle Katarn is so tough...
	The Battle of Yavin occurred because the Alliance was able to analyze the plans Kyle brought them and determine a weakness to the Death Star. There are two important things about this event. 1. The Death Star did not originally have a ray-shielded, two-meter thermal exhaust port. The stolen plans installed this weakness because Kyle captured them. 2. If no weakness had been found, they would have called Kyle Katarn in. -----signature----- Member: GDG, GMG. Sub-GM: CDG Zam Wessel Lives! Recipient of Thrawn McEwok's Squib Creations Limited-Edition Replica Glove of Darth Vader™ "Samuel L. Jackson isn't only a fine actor, but a gamer. He's one of us." ~ Kotaku
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