Jedi Council Forums - Kyle Katarn is so tough...

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Author	Topic: Kyle Katarn is so tough...
Darth_Cerus Registered: Jan '06	Date Posted: 12/4/06 9:14am Subject: RE: Kyle Katarn is so tough...
	Kyle Katarn went to Hoth without a shirt and complained about the heat. -----signature----- These aren't the posts you're looking for.
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HedecGa Registered: Apr '06	Date Posted: 12/4/06 1:11pm Subject: RE: Kyle Katarn is so tough...
	-----signature----- "The Coming Evil, Book One: The Strange Man" available NOW at http://www.thecomingevil.blogspot.com Author of the Dusty Duck databank entry - The 71st "Greatest Thing About Star Wars...Ever!" - SW Insider 100 Co-author of the Silya Shessaun databank
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Kenobi_Kid Registered: May '05	Date Posted: 12/4/06 1:36pm Subject: RE: Kyle Katarn is so tough...
	If Kyle Katarn says that there is no spoon, then there had sure better be no spoon. -----signature----- High Prophet of the Church of Kyle and loyal suitor of HIH Marasiah Fel Star Wars: Now with 100% more Lyle Waggoner! Lick enough wallpaper and eventually you will find the Snozzberry I have seen the enemy and he is you
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Master_Keralys Title: Manager Emeritus Registered: Oct '03	Date Posted: 12/4/06 3:12pm Subject: RE: Kyle Katarn is so tough...
	Wrong: the moment Kyle says "There is no spoon," all spoons in the universe simultaneously - defying all laws of physics - simply cease to exist. No conversion to energy. No destruction. They just cease to exist. Completely. - Keralys -----signature----- God made man. Man rejected God. God became the man Jesus Christ, died and rose again to life, saving man from himself. The craziest story ever told. The truest.
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Ulicus Registered: Jul '05	Date Posted: 12/4/06 3:25pm Subject: RE: Kyle Katarn is so tough...
	Fighter, from 8-Bit Theater, is a red-dyed hair from Kyle's beard given intelligence.. uh, not a lot of intelligence mind you. -----signature----- This is an imaginary story... aren't they all supposed to fit together, though? An animated cartoon about Obi-Wan and Padawan Anakin would have made more sense. Recipient of Golden Ewok™ and Golden EwokTrooper™
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Kenobi_Kid Registered: May '05	Date Posted: 12/4/06 7:51pm Subject: RE: Kyle Katarn is so tough... - Date Edited: 12/4/06 8:00pm (1 edits total) Edited By: Kenobi_Kid
	How the Star Trek film series could have been improved by adding Kyle Katarn, part one: Star Trek: The Kyle Picture: The film ends an hour earlier, (saving us from long and boring footage of a giant model ship), as Kyle materializes on the bridge of the Enterprise and destroys V'gere with a wave of his hand. Then he kills Decker and Ilyia because they annoy him. Star Trek II: The Wrath of Kyle: Kyle Katarn uses his mighty power to destroy Alpha Ceti 5. Khan thinks it was Kirk who did it and sets off to gain his revenge. He attacks Regula station and destroys it, mainly because Kyle wasn’t there. Later on, Kirk utters the famous line; “KATAAAAAAAAARN!!” David Marcus is revealed to be Kyle’s son, not Kirk’s. Spock dies because he was annoying Kyle. Star Trek III: The Search for Kyle: Sarek reveals to Kirk that Kyle used the power of his beard to preserve Spock’s katra. David and Saavik discover a Spock-child on the Genesis world. After extensive testing they are shocked to discover that he is not related to Kyle. The Klingons arrive at the Genesis planet because they know Kyle created it. And anything created by Kyle must be good. A Klingon kills David. Kyle destroys the planet in retaliation. Star Trek IV: The Journey to Kyle’s home: A Waru probe comes to earth looking for whales. It becomes angry that Kyle killed them all a long time ago and tries to destroy earth. Kyle takes Kirk back in time to find some whales. Despite Kyle’s best efforts the whales are released into the ocean where whalers attack them. Kyle stops the whaler’s harpoon with his lightsaber. Then he puts them into a tank and keeps them alive without water through his sheer awesomeness. The Waru probe leaves after Kyle imitates the call of the whale. Star Trek V: The Kyle Frontier: Kyle’s half-vulcan brother takes over a small planetary colony by using the power of his beard. Even though it is not as good as Kyle’s, the power of the lesser beard enables him to steal the Enterprise. He wants to take it to the Garden of Eden where, legend has it, Kyle was created. When he gets there he discovers a very angry Kyle. The rest is obvious. There are also Klingons, but we don't know why. Star Trek VI: The Undiscovered Kyle: Kyle decides that he’s tired of killing Klingons and has the Federation sign a peace treaty with them. He also sends Kirk to meet the Klingons in order to pay him back for stealing all the credit over that whale incident. When the Klingon leader is murdered, Kirk gets the blame and is sent to Klingon Siberia. Meanwhile, Kyle messes up the proceedings for fun and then makes peace with the Klingons again. And he rescues and demotes Kirk for the fun of it. -----signature----- High Prophet of the Church of Kyle and loyal suitor of HIH Marasiah Fel Star Wars: Now with 100% more Lyle Waggoner! Lick enough wallpaper and eventually you will find the Snozzberry I have seen the enemy and he is you
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SephyCloneNo15 Registered: Apr '05	Date Posted: 12/4/06 9:09pm Subject: RE: Kyle Katarn is so tough...
	One day, a special package arrived for Kyle. It was a gigantic box of almost solid Durasteel. The package had been express mailed from Shola, and the cargo ship that had brought it to Kyle exploded on its way away from making the delivery because the box had leaked a few drops. Contained in the box were three Mustafarian Magma Peppers, only able to be cultivated by obsolete, but no less malicious assassin droids, and only capable of growing in the hottest, most inhospitable square kilometer of ground on Mustafar, Sullust, and Shola. Mustafarian Magma Peppers had been outlawed by the Old Republic after Sheldab the Hutt, a prominent businessman with an obsession for spicy food, spontaneously combusted from the mouth down after trying a single bite of a Mustafarian Magma Pepper. They had been used sporadically, by those foolish enough and bionic enough to handle them, as a low grade incendiary device akin to an organic A-class Thermal detonator. Long story short, Kyle ate all three in a single gulp. He even chewed them (which was wholly unnecessary because, come on, it's Kyle. His food chews itself out of fear) because he wanted to actually taste the peppers. For one standard week, the peppers lay in Kyle's mouth, and the mighty Katarn didn't even break a sweat. After that first week, he swallowed them, and killed the man who sold him the Peppers, calling him a dirty liar. Turns out the Peppers might have actually burned even Kyle to the ground, but when they learned where they were going, the three Mustafarian Magma Peppers agreed that Kyle might be merciful if they didn't try to hurt him. -----signature----- Member: GDG, GMG. Sub-GM: CDG Zam Wessel Lives! Recipient of Thrawn McEwok's Squib Creations Limited-Edition Replica Glove of Darth Vader™ "Samuel L. Jackson isn't only a fine actor, but a gamer. He's one of us." ~ Kotaku
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Barriss_Coffee Registered: Jun '03	Date Posted: 12/4/06 9:20pm Subject: RE: Kyle Katarn is so tough...
	Kenobi_Kid posted: (Everything Kenobi Kid just posted) As a closet Trekkie, that was sheer brilliance. SephyCloneNo15 posted: (Everything SephyClone just posted) It seems Sephy's broken out of the 1-liner Kyle lines and entered the realm of Kyle-oriented Geek-mythology.... -----signature----- SAN HILL LIVES!
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Kenobi_Kid Registered: May '05	Date Posted: 12/5/06 2:02pm Subject: RE: Kyle Katarn is so tough...
	Barriss_Coffee posted: Kenobi_Kid posted: (Everything Kenobi Kid just posted) As a closet Trekkie, that was sheer brilliance. Meh. Save your praise for part two. (But if you reeeallly want to you don't have to.) -----signature----- High Prophet of the Church of Kyle and loyal suitor of HIH Marasiah Fel Star Wars: Now with 100% more Lyle Waggoner! Lick enough wallpaper and eventually you will find the Snozzberry I have seen the enemy and he is you
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The_Four_Dot_Elipsis Registered: Mar '05	Date Posted: 12/5/06 2:12pm Subject: RE: Kyle Katarn is so tough...
	Katarn developed the Dark Troopers for personal entertainment. -----signature----- "You were fantastic. We're free!" "Kara, we're inside a Russian airbase in the middle of Afghanistan."
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Corusca_One Registered: Oct '05	Date Posted: 12/5/06 2:25pm Subject: RE: Kyle Katarn is so tough... - Date Edited: 12/5/06 2:26pm (1 edits total) Edited By: Corusca_One
	Kenobi_Kid posted: and destroys V'gere with a wave of his hand. Hmm Reminds me of a certain maybe thats the galaxy the Vong came from ------ The Yuuzhan Vong didn't leave their galaxy because of a galactic war, they left because Kyle fancied a galaxy of his own to kick back and relax in - why else do you think we saw so little of him in the NJO war?* *If you are wondering how Kyle got to their galaxy, don't. Such trivial things as distance don't bother him. -----signature----- What would Gryph do? Zayne Carrick is Zayne Carrick! "I don't want to hear any Pessimistic Panakas and their prophecies of continuity gloom and doom..." -Barriss_Coffee Bouncy, bouncy oh such a good time!
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rumsmuggler Registered: Aug '00	Date Posted: 12/5/06 2:42pm Subject: RE: Kyle Katarn is so tough...
	The_Four_Dot_Elipsis posted: Katarn developed the Dark Troopers for personal entertainment. The Predators are the ulimate hunters of the universe, but since they witnessed Kyle taking down an alien hive with only his bryar pistol, and taking the alien queen as his new pet, they swore to serve as Kyle's minions if he ever needed any. -----signature----- W.W.L.D. What Would Lando Do
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SephyCloneNo15 Registered: Apr '05	Date Posted: 12/5/06 2:47pm Subject: RE: Kyle Katarn is so tough...
	Which he doesn't, of course. -----signature----- Member: GDG, GMG. Sub-GM: CDG Zam Wessel Lives! Recipient of Thrawn McEwok's Squib Creations Limited-Edition Replica Glove of Darth Vader™ "Samuel L. Jackson isn't only a fine actor, but a gamer. He's one of us." ~ Kotaku
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rumsmuggler Registered: Aug '00	Date Posted: 12/5/06 3:00pm Subject: RE: Kyle Katarn is so tough...
	indeed.. -----signature----- W.W.L.D. What Would Lando Do
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Talon_Kenobi Registered: Sep '03	Date Posted: 12/6/06 6:07pm Subject: RE: Kyle Katarn is so tough...
	Kyle Katarn can fold a piece of paper in half 15 times! -----signature----- Draft Team: Kenobi's Talons Starfighter Draft winner The 3.5th Southern Nevada Jedi Draft Winner
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