Jedi Council Forums - Kyle Katarn is so tough...

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Author	Topic: Kyle Katarn is so tough...
BootlegVader Registered: Aug '04	Date Posted: 9/10/06 12:36pm Subject: RE: Kyle Katarn is so tough... - Date Edited: 9/10/06 12:40pm (1 edits total) Edited By: BootlegVader
	The Death Star superlaser really was just one of Kyle's old Bryar Pistols that he threw away for being to low-powered. When Ben said "You can't win Darth. If you strike me down, I shall become more powerful than you can possibly imagine." he did not mean coming back as a force ghost but as one of Kyle's beard stubble. -----signature----- Archie Goodwin and Abel G. Pena best Star Wars EU Writers ever!!!!!! Pet a Hoojib for Good Luck.
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Mandalorian_Crusader Registered: Jun '05	Date Posted: 9/10/06 1:34pm Subject: RE: Kyle Katarn is so tough... - Date Edited: 9/10/06 1:44pm (2 edits total) Edited By: Mandalorian_Crusader
	Kyle Katarn is so tough that when he goes fishing he puts space slugs on his hooks. The real reason the Naboo blockade was lifted was because the Republic threatened to send Kyle Katarn after them. And that was before he was born! -----signature----- Who cares... Fear the Pie!!!
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CernStormrunner Registered: Jul '00	Date Posted: 9/10/06 1:56pm Subject: RE: Kyle Katarn is so tough... - Date Edited: 9/10/06 1:58pm (1 edits total) Edited By: CernStormrunner
	Kyle Katarn is the father of every kid on this board! His poop is considered currency on Endor. I once saw him scissor-kick Mon Mothma. Did I ever tell you about the time Kyle Katarn took me out to go get a drink with him? We go off looking for a bar and we can't find one. Finally Kyle takes me to a vacant lot and says, 'Here we are.' We sat there for a year and a half — until sure enough, someone constructs a bar around us. Well, the day they opened we ordered a shot, drank it, and then burned the place to the ground. Kyle yelled over the roar of the flames, 'Always leave things the way you found 'em!' He once punched a hole in a Nerf just to see who was coming up the road. He drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls. Did I ever tell you about the time Kyle Katarn went hunting? Kyle decides he's going to hunt down all four of the Banana Splits. He stalks and kills every one of them with a machete. They all begged for their lives...except Fleegle. I remember one time, Kyle Katarn took his family to SeaWorld...They were watching Shamu the whale and Kyle got splashed. So Kyle yells, 'I'm Kyle Katarn and no one gets me wet!' So he climbs into the tank, grabs Shamu and throws the whale into the audience, splashes him and yells, 'Now how do you like it?' And then damn if Katarn didn't step in there and finish the show. We once had a bachelor party for Katarn. He ate the entire cake before we could tell him there was a stripper in it. Kyle Katarn's family crest is a picture of a Gundark eating Mace Windu. Kyle Katarn named the group The Modal Nodes. They did not want to be called that. Did I ever tell you about the time he taught his son how to drive? He did it by entering him in the Boonta Eve Podrace. The kid wrecked and died. Katarn said it would've happened sometime. He killed Lak Sivrak with a trident. He slept with all of our wives, punched us in the face, and we loved him for it. -----signature----- "Zathras is used to being beast of burden to other people's needs. Very sad life. Probably have very sad death, but at least there is symmetry."
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SephyCloneNo15 Registered: Apr '05	Date Posted: 9/10/06 1:59pm Subject: RE: Kyle Katarn is so tough...
	There's gotta be one out there about Death Star Plans. Someone figure it out. -----signature----- Member: GDG, GMG. Sub-GM: CDG Zam Wessel Lives! Recipient of Thrawn McEwok's Squib Creations Limited-Edition Replica Glove of Darth Vader™ "Samuel L. Jackson isn't only a fine actor, but a gamer. He's one of us." ~ Kotaku
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ThrawnRocks Registered: Apr '04	Date Posted: 9/10/06 2:06pm Subject: RE: Kyle Katarn is so tough...
	There may have been as many as a dozen different parts of the Death Star plans lying around when Kyle stole them, all incomplete. However, the piece Kyle stole was so scared of Kyle that it completed itself. By the time the Rebellion got the other pieces, Artoo already had Kyle's complete technical readout stored in him. -----signature----- My Icons: http://www.powow.com/thrawnrocks/icons.html Roan Fel's badassery knows no bounds. "The next Allston book should be all Syal and Myri, all the time." - Jello
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Kenobi_Kid Registered: May '05	Date Posted: 9/10/06 3:06pm Subject: RE: Kyle Katarn is so tough...
	The Sun Crusher's missiles were so powerful because they contained a glob of Kyle's spit. Tattooine wasn't always a desert. But one day Kyle got thirsty... Grand Admiral Thrawn was one of Kyle Katarn's greatest students. -----signature----- High Prophet of the Church of Kyle and loyal suitor of HIH Marasiah Fel Star Wars: Now with 100% more Lyle Waggoner! Lick enough wallpaper and eventually you will find the Snozzberry I have seen the enemy and he is you
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LtNOWIS Registered: May '05	Date Posted: 9/10/06 3:41pm Subject: RE: Kyle Katarn is so tough...
	The Sun Crusher was originally concieved as a humane alternative to Kyle Katarn. -----signature----- A little bit about me: http://tinyurl.com/bnmcck
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SuperSaiyaMan12 Registered: Aug '05	Date Posted: 9/10/06 3:45pm Subject: RE: Kyle Katarn is so tough...
	The real reason why Freeza destroyed Planet Vegeta wasn't because he feared that a Super Saiya'jin would arise, it was because Kyle was there at the time. Freeza was afraid of him.
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Rogue_Follower Title: Manager: • Lit Registered: Nov '03	Date Posted: 9/10/06 3:58pm Subject: RE: Kyle Katarn is so tough...
	When playing as Kyle Katarn, keep in mind that F9 is quicksave. Every other key leads to armageddon. Kyle Katarn stole the Death Star plans because destroying the Death Star would be far too easy. Men are from Corellia. Women are from Hapes. Kyle Katarn is from the Maw. Kyle Katarn's shoulder pad is greater than The Hat. Kyle Katarn's killed five of the Emperor's clones with his sharp wit alone.
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CernStormrunner Registered: Jul '00	Date Posted: 9/10/06 3:59pm Subject: RE: Kyle Katarn is so tough... - Date Edited: 9/10/06 4:00pm (1 edits total) Edited By: CernStormrunner
	Kyle Katarn once holorecorded himself making sweet love to my wife, and then made me watch it! I cried my eyes out, it was the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. Nine months later, my wife gave birth to a delicious 20 ounce steak. -----signature----- "Zathras is used to being beast of burden to other people's needs. Very sad life. Probably have very sad death, but at least there is symmetry."
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BootlegVader Registered: Aug '04	Date Posted: 9/10/06 4:00pm Subject: RE: Kyle Katarn is so tough...
	Vader may have been powerful as he was conceived by the force but the force was conceived by Kyle. -----signature----- Archie Goodwin and Abel G. Pena best Star Wars EU Writers ever!!!!!! Pet a Hoojib for Good Luck.
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SephyCloneNo15 Registered: Apr '05	Date Posted: 9/10/06 5:10pm Subject: RE: Kyle Katarn is so tough...
	Rogue_Follower posted: Kyle Katarn's shoulder pad is greater than The Hat. Careful there, RF. [Family Guy]There's Edgy, and then there's just plain offensive.[/Family Guy] LtNOWIS posted: The Sun Crusher was originally concieved as a humane alternative to Kyle Katarn. -----signature----- Member: GDG, GMG. Sub-GM: CDG Zam Wessel Lives! Recipient of Thrawn McEwok's Squib Creations Limited-Edition Replica Glove of Darth Vader™ "Samuel L. Jackson isn't only a fine actor, but a gamer. He's one of us." ~ Kotaku
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JaySkywalker01 Registered: Oct '05	Date Posted: 9/10/06 5:11pm Subject: RE: Kyle Katarn is so tough...
	Contrary to popular belief, Kyle Katarn did not steal the Death Star plans. They turned themselves in out of fear. Kyle Katarn takes his baths in a carbon-freezing chamber. Kyle Katarn once tried to use a lightsaber to trim his beard. Naturally, the lightsaber couldn't cut his beard. He then mined his stubble and cortosis was born. When the Emperor died on DS2, Katarn travelled to Naboo to let the Gungans know that "Theysa free no more". After that, there was another parade. Kyle roundhouse kicked the statue of Palpatine down on Coruscant because it blocked Kyle's view of the Jedi Temple. Kyle Katarn enjoys reading Popular Gardening magazine. Many Bothans died to bring us this information. Kyle Katarn once made the Kessel run in less than ten parsecs. When someone mentioned that parsecs had nothing to do with speed, Katarn sabered them for their ignorance. After all, he's Katarn. Katarn only needs a ship to carry his multitude of Twi-lek dancers. Kyle Katarn is fluent in over 8 million forms of communication. Dark Forces was released in the GFFA as an historic account of events. Players complained there was a glitch that anytime they pressed a button, Katarn would slag away anything on the screen. When Katarn was informed of the mistake he said, "That's no glitch..." Kyle's got a lightsaber when he was born; it was his first rattle. Ganner and Kol Skywalker stole the line "None shall pass" from Kyle Katarn when an aqualish thug tried to butt in front of him in line. Kyle Katarn's favorite snacks are jawas. When Obi-wan told Luke that "Only Imperial Stormtroopers are so precise...." Kyle got so mad that he reduced aunt Beru and uncle Owen to skeletons with a pocket shiv, just to prove the point. -----signature----- Jay: "Ben Franklin said, speak softly and carry a big stick!" Carnage: Uhm, Ben Franklin was more like "Speak Loud, Get Wasted, and use his "Stick" on French Women." Oh yeah....
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Ender_Sai Title: Manager Emeritus Registered: Feb '01	Date Posted: 9/10/06 5:17pm Subject: RE: Kyle Katarn is so tough...
	CernStormrunner posted: Kyle Katarn once holorecorded himself making sweet love to my wife, and then made me watch it! I cried my eyes out, it was the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. Nine months later, my wife gave birth to a delicious 20 ounce steak. I like! E_S -----signature----- In this truth he knew himself to be. From sinking sands he stepped into light's embrace.
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Spike2002 Title: Former FF-UK RSA and Arena Manager Registered: Feb '02	Date Posted: 9/10/06 5:38pm Subject: RE: Kyle Katarn is so tough...
	When Obi-wan told Luke that "Only Imperial Stormtroopers are so precise...." Kyle got so mad that he reduced aunt Beru and uncle Owen to skeletons with a pocket shiv, just to prove the point. Awesome!! -----signature----- "It may be that our role on this planet is not to worship God, but to create him." - Arthur C. Clarke I agree with halibut Master to Louis_Skywalker Proud Recipient of the Golden Elegos™
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