Jedi Council Forums - Kyle Katarn is so tough...

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Author	Topic: Kyle Katarn is so tough...
Lank_Pavail Registered: Sep '02	Date Posted: 9/10/06 9:24pm Subject: RE: Kyle Katarn is so tough...
	Jerec wasn't born blind. He was blinded by the unbearably beautiful sight of Kyle Katarn taking off his shirt. The real reason Centerpoint ceased to function after the Fondor shot in NJO? Kyle glared at it. -----signature----- High Keeper of stuffed EwokWJFC New holiday fic! http://boards.theforce.net/beyond_the_saga/b10477/29552605/p1/ http://boards.theforce.net/Message.aspx?topic=14345682&brd=10477&replies=8 Admiral, JO
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Crazydan Registered: Apr '05	Date Posted: 9/10/06 10:42pm Subject: RE: Kyle Katarn is so tough... - Date Edited: 9/10/06 10:43pm (1 edits total) Edited By: Crazydan
	So many funny quotes!! Let me try: The reason why the Eclipse Star Destroyer crashed into the Galaxy Gun and why the Galaxy Gun misfired and destroyed itself and Byss? It's not R2-D2, but it was Kyle that just burped! Galaxy Gun was made from Kyle Katarn's beard hair after he shaved. The Dark Troopers were modelled after Kyle without his permission. In a fit of rage and anger, Kyle destroyed all of the Dark Troopers and all the Dark Trooper research and production factories. That's why "Dark Forces" happen. The creators of the World Devastors based the design off Kyle Katarn's stomach and his appetite. Why the Emperor built the Galaxy Gun? He is envious of Kyle Katarn's "sizeness". Kyle Katarn is Darth Krayt from the Legacy comics! He got bored with the Jedi Order and thought it would be fun to dresses up as a Vong and becomes a "Sith".
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SWBob Registered: Jun '03	Date Posted: 9/11/06 12:28am Subject: RE: Kyle Katarn is so tough...
	Amphistaffs are just Kyle's toenail clippings. Kyle once stuck his tounge out at someone and they were so terrified that they named this after it. Kyle once punch a Yuuzhan Vong and it stripped the force from all of them. Sekot lied. Nal Hutta is what happens when Kyle gets an upset stomach. -----signature----- Think of something funny. Got it? Is it really funny? Good. Thats my signature.
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Princess_Liar Registered: Mar '01	Date Posted: 9/11/06 4:52am Subject: RE: Kyle Katarn is so tough... - Date Edited: 9/11/06 5:31am (2 edits total) Edited By: Princess_Liar
	Kyle Katarn's smile once brought an Ewok back to life. Kyle Katarn floats like a butterfly and stings like a C4-CZN ion field gun. In the face. Kyle Katarn lost both legs in a speeder crash, and still managed to walk it off. Kyle Katarn can blow bubbles with nerf jerkey. When Kyle Katarn goes out to eat he orders a whole bantha, but he only eats its soul. Tenel Ka only has one arm. Kyle Katarn needed a back scratcher. Edit The words "Jedi Kyle Katarn" can be rearranged to form "Jade reality kink". In unrelated news, Ben Skywalker was born with a beard.
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KamSolusar Registered: Mar '01	Date Posted: 9/11/06 8:41am Subject: RE: Kyle Katarn is so tough...
	There are no force sensitives - only people Kyle Katarn breathed on. Anakin Skywalker was conceived when the dust of Tantooine made Kyle Katarn sneeze. Kam
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EH_Pilot Registered: Dec '03	Date Posted: 9/11/06 9:49am Subject: RE: Kyle Katarn is so tough...
	Kyle Katarn is so tough he can steal the Death Star plans, mow down countless stormtroopers, commandoes, and officers, defeat an army of deadly sword-weiling or giant gun/rocket launcher gun weilding robots, blast his way into the heart of the Imperial City, beat Boba Fett, punch a Kell dragon to death, kill hundreds of non-human thugs, fight his way through an Imperial garrison into a fortress, beat several Dark Jedi and an Inquisitor with no Force or Jedi training, stop an Imperial invasion force, fall to the Dark Side and become invincible, save the Jedi Academy, defeat hordes of Dark Jedi with lightsaber-resistant armor, save Lando, and be the most heavily armed and deadly Jedi with the highest body count of any in recent history. -----signature----- Pilot of the Emperor's Hammer TIE Corps www.tiecorps.org Golden Ewok™ Recipient x4; Trojan Ewok™ Recipient -Carpe diem, quam minimum credula postero-
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Havac Title: Lit Mod of War Registered: Sep '05	Date Posted: 9/11/06 9:57am Subject: RE: Kyle Katarn is so tough... - Date Edited: 9/11/06 10:50am (1 edits total) Edited By: Havac
	When Kyle Katarn was on a mission with the Katarn Commandos, one of their pack banthas died. Kyle brought it back to life with a sustained beard rub. While the Katarn Commandos celebrated, Kyle killed the bantha with a Bryar pistol shot to the face, just to remind them that the Good Kyle giveth and the Good Kyle taketh away. "The Sith" is actually just a nickname that's used because it's way shorter than their proper name, "Kyle Katarn's Target Practice". Kyle Katarn is Darth Krayt. Not because he fell to the dark side or thinks that the Sith have the right idea, but because he wanted to have 10,000 Sith running around so he could kick all their asses. -----signature----- "Is there a captain's hat involved in this?"
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Ulicus Registered: Jul '05	Date Posted: 9/11/06 11:23am Subject: RE: Kyle Katarn is so tough...
	These'll do for now: Kyle Katarn doesn’t tie his shoes, they just know they better hang the **** on. When Kyle Katarn enters a Tusken village, Tusken women and children kill themselves. One day, Kyle Katarn was walking down a Mos Eisley street when he saw an hot twi’lek trying to cross at a busy intersection. As he was helping her across, a landspeeder came charging towards them. Kyle tossed the hot twi’lek to safety and placed his body directly in front of the landspeeder, stopping it instantly. He then proceeded to eat the landspeeder. Then he ate the hot twi’lek. Kyle Katarn never takes chances. KotOR 2 says the Exile killed thousands of Mandalorians and Jedi with the Mass Shadow Generator at Malachor V. When Lucas asked Kyle Katarn what he thought about that, he said, "That's one way to do it." Lucas laughed at Kyle's wisdom, and said, "I knew you were going to say that." Kyle Katarn cultivates a small population of outer-rim world orphans with brown hair so he can harvest them at a moments notice for his beard. Kyle Katarn’s sperm is so fertile that a woman without ovaries, a uterus, or any reproductive organs is still guaranteed to become pregnant if she has sex with him. The phrase, "You are what you eat" cannot be true based on the amount of ***** Kyle Katarn eats. It is a valid theory that a black holes' gravitational pull is so intense that it can bend light. However, it is also a known fact that any punch or jab delivered by Kyle Katarn will break light's neck. Every time someone wins the Duelling Championship on Taris, the corporate office must, by Tarisan law, send an official letter to Kyle Katarn reminding him that the match was scripted. If this does not happen even once, Kyle Katarn will destroy every duelist that has ever existed. Kyle Katarn does not hunt because the word hunting implies the possibility of failure. Kyle Katarn goes killing. Kyle Katarn never physically touches people. He simply tells them to be hurt, and they are. Kyle Katarn only got a cameo in the NJO series because the writers knew it wouldn’t be realistic for a war to last that long if Kyle was involved. The Rebellion offered Kyle Katarn 20 billion credits to capture and kill the Emperor but he declined due to the "lack of compounds filled with dark jedi ninjas". Kyle Katarn does not stick it to the Man. He is the Man. Almost all of the Lego design team was lost when they attempted to dismantle a life-size replica of Kyle Katarn they had built. At the assault on the Jedi Temple, it was Kyle Katarn that killed the masters. He told Anakin to "take care of the kids". When he found out Anakin had actually killed the kids, he impersonated Obi-Wan Kenobi, travelled to Mustafar and kicked his ass. If ever you have a day when you feel that the gods are against you, just be glad that Kyle Katarn isn't. -----signature----- This is an imaginary story... aren't they all supposed to fit together, though? An animated cartoon about Obi-Wan and Padawan Anakin would have made more sense. Recipient of Golden Ewok™ and Golden EwokTrooper™
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Havac Title: Lit Mod of War Registered: Sep '05	Date Posted: 9/11/06 11:38am Subject: RE: Kyle Katarn is so tough...
	There is no such thing as hyperspace. It's just Kyle Katarn picking up a ship and throwing it. -----signature----- "Is there a captain's hat involved in this?"
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DARTH_MARK-22 Registered: Mar '03	Date Posted: 9/11/06 12:31pm Subject: RE: Kyle Katarn is so tough...
	Wookiees rip people's arms out of their sockets when they lose at Dejarik. So you really don't want to see what happens when Kyle Katarn loses at Dejarik. Lucky for you, he doesn't lose. Ever. -----signature----- "What the Hell's an Aluminum Falcon?!." --Emperor Palpatine
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KamSolusar Registered: Mar '01	Date Posted: 9/11/06 12:40pm Subject: RE: Kyle Katarn is so tough...
	Wars not make one great. Katarn makes one great. That's no moon. It's Katarn! The explosion of the second death star never reached Endor - because Katarn said so. Even shock waves and radiation know not to **** with Katarn. Kam
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SWBob Registered: Jun '03	Date Posted: 9/11/06 1:06pm Subject: RE: Kyle Katarn is so tough...
	Ulicus posted: KotOR 2 says the Exile killed thousands of Mandalorians and Jedi with the Mass Shadow Generator at Malachor V. When Lucas asked Kyle Katarn what he thought about that, he said, "That's one way to do it." Lucas laughed at Kyle's wisdom, and said, "I knew you were going to say that." And then killed Luke for trying to predict what he is going to say. That is how Luke died. -----signature----- Think of something funny. Got it? Is it really funny? Good. Thats my signature.
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Jedi_Commander_Faofa Registered: Mar '03	Date Posted: 9/11/06 1:11pm Subject: RE: Kyle Katarn is so tough... - Date Edited: 9/11/06 1:12pm (1 edits total) Edited By: Jedi_Commander_Faofa
	This is without doubt the best thread I have seen in over a year. I have some here... - The chief export of Kyle Katarn is pain. - Kyle Katarn is Luke Skywalker's real father. - In every Star Trek episode, if a ship blows up or if someone dies, it's because Kyle Katarn hates Star Trek. - It is believed that asteroid fields were made by Katarn's roundhouse kick. - Zonoma Sekot can travel in hyperspace, but needs Kyle Katarn to make the planet's rotation possible. - The Jedi Council won't send Kyle Katarn to deal with Jacen Solo because it's against the Jedi Code. - The reason the Jedi Mind Trick was invented was because Jedi wanted to copy Kyle's powers. That was after they learned Kyle doesn't use the Force to pull the Mind Trick off. - Force lightning was invented for the same reason. - If paper beats duracrete, duracrete beats vibroblade, and vibroblade beats paper, what beats all three at the same time? Kyle Katarn. - Kyle Katarn's tears can cure more than Vergere's. Too bad he's never cried. - Kyle Katarn's victims invented the Wilhelm scream. - If you ask Kyle Katarn what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds till." After you ask, "Two seconds to what?" he shoots you in the face with his Bryar pistol. - Kyle Katarn's normal power is setforceall 1138. (Jedi Outcast joke... ) - Duct tape is like Kyle Katarn: It has a light side, dark side, and holds the universe together. - When Sith go to sleep, they double-check their closets for Kyle Katarn. - Kyle Katarn can slam a blastdoor. Ah.. That was great fun. -----signature----- "'Not guilty' is not the same as 'innocent.'" - William Adama If ignorance is bliss, why aren't more people happy? http://www.freewebs.com/scokefaofa http://fencerscokefaofa.deviantart.com JeedaiElf is my TWIN SISTER!!!
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Winged_Jedi Registered: Feb '03	Date Posted: 9/11/06 1:16pm Subject: RE: Kyle Katarn is so tough...
	In reference to Traitor... Kyle Katarn is always greater than the words we use to describe him. -----signature----- "Men are more ready to repay an injury than a benefit, because gratitude is a burden and revenge a pleasure." -Tacitus
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s65horsey Title: EUC and Arena Moddess Go Colts! Registered: Jun '06	Date Posted: 9/11/06 1:24pm Subject: RE: Kyle Katarn is so tough... - Date Edited: 9/11/06 1:42pm (1 edits total) Edited By: s65horsey
	- Duct tape is like Kyle Katarn: It has a light side, dark side, and holds the universe together. I like that one. Kyle Katarn can win a game of connect four in only three moves. Contrary to popular belief the GFFA is not a democracy, it is a Katarnatorship. Kyle Katarn grinds his own caf with is teeth and boils the water with his own rage. Some people wear Darth Vader pajamas. Darth Vader wears Katarn pajamas. The original draft of Lord of the Rings featured Kyle Katarn instead of Frodo Baggins. It was only 5 pages long as Kyle Katarn kicked Sauron's *** halfway through the first chapter. A single hair plucked from Katarn's beard is enough to allow him to spear through Mandalorian armor. There's an order to the universe: Space, Time, Kyle Katarn.....Just kidding, Kyle Katarn is first. Kyle Katarn puts the "laughter" is manslaughter. Force ghosts are actually caused by Kyle Katarn killing people faster than death can process them. -----signature----- Corran Horn is mine. Get used to it. One of Hammer's Angels Has reverted to being a 14 yr old. YAY JOBROS and TWILIGHT! Just laugh at it.
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