Jedi Council Forums - The Kyle Katarn Facts thread.

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Author	Topic: The Kyle Katarn Facts thread.
Barriss_Coffee Registered: Jun '03	Date Posted: 4/3/07 6:25pm Subject: RE: The Kyle Katarn Facts thread.
	People argue whether it was Wedge or Lando who really blew up the Second Death Star. In truth, it was Kyle. He heard the Rebels had foolishly revealed their presence on Sullust before moving to Endor. Not wanting to wake up the next morning to find the Death Star blocking traffic near Sulon, he took a shot at it with his Bryar. On low power. Most ships have fire alarms. Star Destroyers have Kyle alarms. "There is another Skywalker." But there is not another Kyle. The women of Dathomir treat men with contempt because, once long ago, Kyle had paid a visit to their planet. After that.... well, let's just say no other man could compare. Kyle wouldn't have needed the high ground to defeat Anakin. He wouldn't have needed the low ground, either. Heck, he wouldn't have needed any ground at all. He would have walked straight across that lava flow and whipped that punk's @$$ good. When playing Jedi Academy, Rosh clearly seems to be an idiot. In truth, he isn't. Actually, if Rosh had ever appeared in his own game, he would have been on par with the likes of Revan. The reason Rosh seems like such a moronic twerp is that he was always seen alongside Kyle Katarn. The greatness of Kyle overshadowed him. If you were ever in Kyle's presence, you'd seem like a moronic twerp, too. The government is wrong; our CO2 emissions aren't creating global warming. Kyle stopped by a few years ago and exhaled. -----signature----- SAN HILL LIVES!
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SephyCloneNo15 Registered: Apr '05	Date Posted: 4/4/07 9:24am Subject: RE: The Kyle Katarn Facts thread.
	I_am_darth_chewbacca posted: SephyCloneNo15 posted: The Lord Giveth; the Lord taketh away. Kyle Giveth [pain and grievous wounds]; Kyle taketh away [life and virginity]. One day, while fighting against a bunch of Dark Jedi, Kyle Katarn saw an Ewok that had pasted out from the heat. Kyle went over to it and gave it a long beard rub across its face. The Ewok stood up brought back to live. Kyle looked around in a shocked manner then took out his lightsaber and cut the Ewok in two. When asked why he did this he simple responded "The good Kyle giveth and the good Kyle taketh away" For those few moments before being cut in half, however, that Ewok was transformed Thor-like into Simon the Killer Ewok. -----signature----- Member: GDG, GMG. Sub-GM: CDG Zam Wessel Lives! Recipient of Thrawn McEwok's Squib Creations Limited-Edition Replica Glove of Darth Vader™ "Samuel L. Jackson isn't only a fine actor, but a gamer. He's one of us." ~ Kotaku
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FarmboyKatarn Registered: Feb '01	Date Posted: 4/4/07 3:03pm Subject: RE: The Kyle Katarn Facts thread.
	An actual Kyle fact: I just replayed Jedi Outcast and added up the number of enemies killed in each level. On the hard setting, Kyle killed a whopping 1,280 enemies. But really not that impressive...I mean, it's KYLE. He could do so much better without even trying. -----signature----- A knight shall come, A battle will be fought, And the prisoners go free...
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CernStormrunner Registered: Jul '00	Date Posted: 4/4/07 6:28pm Subject: RE: The Kyle Katarn Facts thread.
	While out for a stroll on Coruscant one evening, a vagrant asked Kyle for some change. Kyle told the man he should just accept things they way they are. He then threw back his head and laughed at his own joke. Then he shot the man dead. Moral of the story-The only kindness Kyle will give you is a quick merciful death. And that’s still probably better than you deserve. -----signature----- "Zathras is used to being beast of burden to other people's needs. Very sad life. Probably have very sad death, but at least there is symmetry."
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CernStormrunner Registered: Jul '00	Date Posted: 4/4/07 6:29pm Subject: RE: The Kyle Katarn Facts thread.
	Al Gore traveled the country, warning people of the dangers of ManBearPig. ManBearPig traveled the country, warning people of the dangers of Kyle Katarn. Until Kyle shot him. And Barbequed him. And ate him. When asked what ManBearPig tasted like, Kyle replied, “Surprisingly, like chicken.” He then shot, barbequed, and ate the person that asked him that question, because Kyle hates cliché’s. ... The legend of Johnny Appleseed was based on the life of Kyle Katarn. Except for the part about planting apples. And not killing Sith. ... While stranded on Hoth, Kyle killed and hollowed out a Wampa with his bare hands so his Taun-Taun could sleep inside it and stay warm. Kyle’s beard was all the insulation he really needed. -----signature----- "Zathras is used to being beast of burden to other people's needs. Very sad life. Probably have very sad death, but at least there is symmetry."
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SephyCloneNo15 Registered: Apr '05	Date Posted: 4/4/07 9:43pm Subject: RE: The Kyle Katarn Facts thread.
	Mustafar used to be colder than Hoth...until Kyle built himself a campfire there. -----signature----- Member: GDG, GMG. Sub-GM: CDG Zam Wessel Lives! Recipient of Thrawn McEwok's Squib Creations Limited-Edition Replica Glove of Darth Vader™ "Samuel L. Jackson isn't only a fine actor, but a gamer. He's one of us." ~ Kotaku
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Sabrajaguar Registered: Dec '01	Date Posted: 4/4/07 9:58pm Subject: RE: The Kyle Katarn Facts thread.
	Too Bad Kyle was Killed By Kreatos the god slayer....Who became Darth Krayt. -----signature----- You are no warrior. Warriors win battles without murdering the weak.-Jacen Solo This Jeedai brenzlit slave spit upon your grandfather's bones.-Jacen Solo Don' thinkof it as murder, think of it as blessed release-Jacen Solo
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Whitey Registered: Jan '03	Date Posted: 4/4/07 10:14pm Subject: RE: The Kyle Katarn Facts thread.
	Kyle Katarn does not get his power from the Force. The Force gets its power from Kyle Katarn. Katarn once broke his arm when he attempted to stop the Death Star in mid-flight with his bare hand. -----signature----- "Reach for the stars, my friend. The HOA waits for no man." -AaylaSecurOWNED
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Ganner_The_Hero Registered: Apr '03	Date Posted: 4/5/07 12:47pm Subject: RE: The Kyle Katarn Facts thread.
	Sabrajaguar posted: Too Bad Kyle was Killed By Kreatos the god slayer....Who became Darth Krayt. and then he woke up.... -----signature----- Kyle Katarn: "The Dark Side? I've been there. Do your worst." The Prophet of Doom of the Church of Kyle
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Evil_King_Wiggins Registered: Aug '03	Date Posted: 4/6/07 12:35am Subject: RE: The Kyle Katarn Facts thread.
	Kyle Katarn's shadow weighs 42lbs. Kyle's beard is listed as a reproductive organ. Evil. -----signature----- » My icons ( http://evilkingwiggins.proboards19.com/index.cgi?board=general ) » "Dude, you're pumping yourself full of way too much liquid self-pity. Try the tablets. They taste better." » "Your female Chiss icon makes my peepee tingle" - Jon_Goodfellow
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CernStormrunner Registered: Jul '00	Date Posted: 4/6/07 10:20am Subject: RE: The Kyle Katarn Facts thread.
	I once saw Kyle eat a whole live Fosh. Kyle goes jogging with a refridgerator on his back! Kyle's a ten foot tall beastman who showers in Correllian whisky and feeds his baby bruallki. -----signature----- "Zathras is used to being beast of burden to other people's needs. Very sad life. Probably have very sad death, but at least there is symmetry."
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Havac Title: Lit Mod of War Registered: Sep '05	Date Posted: 4/6/07 2:15pm Subject: RE: The Kyle Katarn Facts thread.
	The Clone Wars cartoons had the Jedi being so powerful because George told the creators to make them "like Kyle Katarn, except tone it down far enough that the human brain can comprehend it." They exploded the heads of seven test audiences before they got it right. -----signature----- "Is there a captain's hat involved in this?"
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browwiw Registered: Jan '07	Date Posted: 4/6/07 6:16pm Subject: RE: The Kyle Katarn Facts thread.
	It is believed that cortosis fiber deposits are naturally occurring. This is a fallacy. These 'deposits' are simply where Kyle Katarn cleaned his beard trimmer. -----signature----- When a man is freed of religion, he has a better chance to live a normal and wholesome life. - Sigmund Freud Religion is the most malevolent of all mind viruses. - Arthur C. Clarke Beware of the man whose God is in the skies. - George Bernard Shaw
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StateOfLoveAndTrust Registered: Nov '01	Date Posted: 4/7/07 12:08am Subject: RE: The Kyle Katarn Facts thread.
	Master Zao used to be able to see a kreetle on a bantha's back from 400 yards away. Then he suggested that the problem was not with the food, but with Kyle. -----signature----- "Like fire boobs?"
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SephyCloneNo15 Registered: Apr '05	Date Posted: 4/7/07 3:47pm Subject: RE: The Kyle Katarn Facts thread.
	If Kyle ever needs to determine whether something he's experiencing is real or a dream, he pinches himself. If it hurts, he knows he's dreaming. -----signature----- Member: GDG, GMG. Sub-GM: CDG Zam Wessel Lives! Recipient of Thrawn McEwok's Squib Creations Limited-Edition Replica Glove of Darth Vader™ "Samuel L. Jackson isn't only a fine actor, but a gamer. He's one of us." ~ Kotaku
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