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Author	Topic: The Kyle Katarn Facts thread.
darth_Boba Registered: Aug '02	Date Posted: 6/12/07 5:07pm Subject: RE: The Kyle Katarn Facts thread.
	He didn't even need a change of clothes. -----signature----- I can't say rim.
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CernStormrunner Registered: Jul '00	Date Posted: 6/14/07 9:23pm Subject: RE: The Kyle Katarn Facts thread.
	Scientists theorize that Kyle Katarn is composed of a super-dense element called "Katarnium." It's highly unstable and has a half-life of 0.4 nanoseconds -- which is still more than enough time for it to shoot you in the face. Objects in motion tend to stay in motion, unless Kyle Katarn looks at them. Then they just lay there and whimper. What happens in Cloud City, stays in Cloud City because Kyle Katarn hates a tattle-tale. Kyle Katarn has never needed a hug. Kyle Katarn's preferred way to kill a bill in the Senate is the Bryar Pistol. -----signature----- "Zathras is used to being beast of burden to other people's needs. Very sad life. Probably have very sad death, but at least there is symmetry."
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Ravenor Registered: Jul '04	Date Posted: 6/15/07 4:59am Subject: RE: The Kyle Katarn Facts thread.
	Palpatine's soul didnt jump to a clone body to escape death. He did it because Kyle was waiting for him at the bottom of the reactor shaft.
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Kenobi_Kid Registered: May '05	Date Posted: 6/16/07 9:13am Subject: RE: The Kyle Katarn Facts thread. - Date Edited: 6/16/07 9:14am (1 edits total) Edited By: Kenobi_Kid
	^ ^ How the Star Trek film series could have been improved by adding Kyle Katarn Star Trek: The Kyle Picture. The film ends an hour earlier, (saving us from long and boring footage of a giant model ship), as Kyle materializes on the bridge of the Enterprise and destroys V'gere with The Bryar Pistol. Then he kills Decker and Ilyia because they annoy him. Kirk makes a soliloquy and Spock looks on. Star Trek II: The Wrath of Kyle: Kyle Katarn destroys Alpha Ceti 5 out of boredom. Khan thinks it was Kirk who did it and sets off to gain revenge. He attacks Regula station and destroys it, mainly because Kyle wasn’t there. Later on, Kirk bellows the famous line; “KATAAAAAAAAARN!!” David Marcus is revealed to be Kyle’s son, not Kirk’s. Spock dies because he was annoying Kyle. Kyle destroys Kahn. Kirk makes a soliloquy. Star Trek III: The Search for Kyle: Sarek reveals to Kirk that Kyle used the power of his Beard to preserve Spock’s katra, because he felt he might be of use later on in the series. David and Saavik discover a Spock-child on the Genesis world. After extensive testing they are shocked to discover that he is not related to Kyle. The Klingons arrive at the Genesis planet because they know Kyle created it, and anything created by Kyle must be a source of power. A Klingon kills David. Kirk blows up the Enterprise. Kyle blows up the entire planet. Star Trek IV: The Journey to Kyle’s home: A Waru probe comes to earth looking for whales. It becomes angry that Kyle killed them all a long time ago and tries to destroy earth. Kyle takes Kirk back in time to find some whales. Despite Kyle’s best efforts the whales are released into the ocean where whalers attack them. Kyle catches the whaler’s harpoon with his teeth. Then he puts them into a tank and keeps them alive for twelve hours without water through his sheer awesomeness. The Waru probe leaves after Kyle imitates the call of the whale. Star Trek V: The Kyle Frontier: Kyle’s brother takes over a small planetary colony by using the power of his beard. Even though it is not as good as Kyle’s, the power of the lesser beard enables him to steal the Enterprise. He wants to take it to the Garden of Eden where, legend has it, Kyle was created. When he gets there he discovers a very angry Kyle. The rest is obvious. Star Trek VI: The Undiscovered Kyle: Kyle decides that he’s tired of killing Klingons and has the Federation sign a peace treaty with them. He also sends Kirk to meet the Klingons in order to pay him back for stealing all the credit over that whale incident. When the Klingon leader is murdered, Kirk gets the blame and is sent to Klingon Siberia. Meanwhile, Kyle messes up the proceedings for fun and then makes peace with the Klingons again. And he rescues and demotes Kirk for the fun of it. Afterwards cosmic energy aligns itself to look exactly like the signitures of the actors. Astronomers everywhere are confused. Star Trek VII: Kyle’s Generation: At the beginning of the film, Kirk discovers Kyle’s secret lair in the Nexus. Kyle is righteously cheesed off and banishes him to the backwoods of Iowa for the rest of his life. Forty years later, Captain Picard also attempts to find the Nexus, but instead finds Malcolm McDowell in the company of much Klingon Kleavage. Picard goes down to a planet where the Nexus will pass over and fights with Malcolm McDowell. Kirk shows up out of banishment in Iowa to help, but gets killed trying to defuse some missiles. Kyle destroys the Klingon ship and forces the Enterprise to make an emergency landing in order to showcase some cool special effects. Picard buries Kirk. Data finds his cat. Everyone goes home happy except for Kyle, who misses Kirk. Kyle decides to resurrect Kirk for a series of novels, but that’s another story. Star Trek VIII: Kyle Contact: Kyle and Picard travel back in time to prevent the Borg from altering Earth’s history by destroying Zefrem Cochrane’s warp-speed vessel, The Beard, before it catches the notice of some vacationing Vulcans. Kyle ‘makes contact’ by destroying the Borg cube with a single punch, but the Borg Queen escapes to the Enterprise and attempts to seduce Data. Picard, Worf and Neil McDonough go outside of the Enterprise to fight the Borg’s on the roof. Neil McDonough gets killed, but he’s only a redshirt so the mission is considered a success. Kyle kills the Borg queen by shooting her with The Bryar Pistol’s destroy-flesh-only setting, and everybody goes back to earth for a party. Zefrem Cochrane gets the Vulcans drunk. Picard and Company go back to the future. Kyle decides to stay behind and mess up continuity by producing Enterprise. Fans everywhere are not amused. Star Trek IX: Kyle’s Insurrection: Kyle discovers that a group of humans are living on a planet that makes them immortal. As he is already immortal and omnipotent, Kyle does not care. This is the shortest and most boring of all the Kyle-Trek movies. Star Trek X: Nemesis of the Beard: A Romulan clone of Kyle’s beard destroys the Romulan senate and declares itself Emperor. Kyle decides not to sit still for this and takes Picard and the Enterprise to attack the clone Beard. On a side-trip he discovers B-4; a clone of Data. Kyle ponders the use of clones in this film. The Clone Beard’s ship attacks the Enterprise, and the Enterprise and a Romulan ship conveniently dragooned into action by Kyle fight back. The Romulans and the Enterprise are no match for the power of the Beard though, and Kyle attacks the Clone Beard’s vessel single-handedly, destroying most of the ship in the process before finally impaling the Clone Beard on a sharp pole. Everyone drinks copious amounts of beer to celebrate the death of franchise. Then Kyle announces he will be directing Star Trek 11. -----signature----- High Prophet of the Church of Kyle and loyal suitor of HIH Marasiah Fel Star Wars: Now with 100% more Lyle Waggoner! Lick enough wallpaper and eventually you will find the Snozzberry I have seen the enemy and he is you
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SephyCloneNo15 Registered: Apr '05	Date Posted: 6/16/07 2:40pm Subject: RE: The Kyle Katarn Facts thread.
	Kenobi_Kid posted: Then Kyle announces he will be directing Star Trek 11. Best thing that could happen to the series. -----signature----- Member: GDG, GMG. Sub-GM: CDG Zam Wessel Lives! Recipient of Thrawn McEwok's Squib Creations Limited-Edition Replica Glove of Darth Vader™ "Samuel L. Jackson isn't only a fine actor, but a gamer. He's one of us." ~ Kotaku
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CernStormrunner Registered: Jul '00	Date Posted: 6/16/07 7:25pm Subject: RE: The Kyle Katarn Facts thread. - Date Edited: 6/16/07 7:27pm (1 edits total) Edited By: CernStormrunner
	The motion picture, "The Story of Ricky" was loosely based on the events of Kyle Katarn's youth, except for the part about being in Prison (no cell can hold Kyle) and that Kyle can crush a mans skull with just the power of his mind. (Warning - that last link may not be safe for work...or during a mealtime.) -----signature----- "Zathras is used to being beast of burden to other people's needs. Very sad life. Probably have very sad death, but at least there is symmetry."
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Ris_jSarek Registered: Feb '05	Date Posted: 6/16/07 10:37pm Subject: RE: The Kyle Katarn Facts thread.
	CernStormrunner posted: The motion picture, "The Story of Ricky" was loosely based on the events of Kyle Katarn's youth, except for the part about being in Prison (no cell can hold Kyle) and that Kyle can crush a mans skull with just the power of his mind. (Warning - that last link may not be safe for work...or during a mealtime.) No cell can keep him OUT, though, either (see Orinackra), so it might well take place in a prison. -----signature----- http://churchofbrad.com/jsarek/ Proud recipient of Halagad_Ventor's MOO (Master of Obscurity) Award, Brett_Bass's Spiffy Crown™, and Thrawn McEwok's "Ohh...? Interesting..." Award™
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AdmiralWesJanson Registered: May '05	Date Posted: 6/16/07 10:57pm Subject: RE: The Kyle Katarn Facts thread.
	If Kyle is in prison, it's for dramatic effect. -----signature----- Duke of Corellia Join the Corellian Browncoats in their fight against the evil Alliance! Fix the K-Wing! No more XJs! Make the next X-Wing a T-65K!
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SephyCloneNo15 Registered: Apr '05	Date Posted: 6/17/07 12:23pm Subject: RE: The Kyle Katarn Facts thread.
	AdmiralWesJanson posted: If Kyle is in prison, it's for dramatic effect. Of course, Kyle doesn't break laws. Laws break themselves to avoid Kyle's wrath. -----signature----- Member: GDG, GMG. Sub-GM: CDG Zam Wessel Lives! Recipient of Thrawn McEwok's Squib Creations Limited-Edition Replica Glove of Darth Vader™ "Samuel L. Jackson isn't only a fine actor, but a gamer. He's one of us." ~ Kotaku
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CernStormrunner Registered: Jul '00	Date Posted: 6/17/07 1:36pm Subject: RE: The Kyle Katarn Facts thread.
	AdmiralWesJanson posted: If Kyle is in prison, it's a women's prison, and it's probably going to end up on Cinemax. fixed -----signature----- "Zathras is used to being beast of burden to other people's needs. Very sad life. Probably have very sad death, but at least there is symmetry."
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IcePirate Registered: Jul '05	Date Posted: 6/17/07 5:36pm Subject: RE: The Kyle Katarn Facts thread.
	CernStormrunner posted: AdmiralWesJanson posted: If Kyle is in prison, it's a women's prison, and it's probably going to end up on the Spice channel. fixed no... now it's fixed. :P -----signature----- ---Sure, the Marines are a Dept. of the Navy. The Men's Dept.--- One riot, One Dark Trooper.
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SephyCloneNo15 Registered: Apr '05	Date Posted: 6/18/07 1:59am Subject: RE: The Kyle Katarn Facts thread.
	IcePirate posted: CernStormrunner posted: AdmiralWesJanson posted: If Kyle is in prison, it's a women's prison, and it's probably going to end up on the Kyle Katarn **s All the ***es Channel. fixed no... now it's fixed. :P Triple-fixed. -----signature----- Member: GDG, GMG. Sub-GM: CDG Zam Wessel Lives! Recipient of Thrawn McEwok's Squib Creations Limited-Edition Replica Glove of Darth Vader™ "Samuel L. Jackson isn't only a fine actor, but a gamer. He's one of us." ~ Kotaku
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Kenobi_Kid Registered: May '05	Date Posted: 6/18/07 7:29am Subject: RE: The Kyle Katarn Facts thread. - Date Edited: 6/18/07 7:31am (1 edits total) Edited By: Kenobi_Kid
	I'd try quad-fixing the prison bit, but I think it's gone as far as it will. Kyle needs only two-miliseconds of sleep a day. He takes them in between shooting The Bryar Pistol and reloading. -----signature----- High Prophet of the Church of Kyle and loyal suitor of HIH Marasiah Fel Star Wars: Now with 100% more Lyle Waggoner! Lick enough wallpaper and eventually you will find the Snozzberry I have seen the enemy and he is you
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KodaVonnor Registered: Jul '06	Date Posted: 6/18/07 9:51am Subject: RE: The Kyle Katarn Facts thread.
	A face to go with all these "facts" ... Katarn Standing Katarn Unleashed I wore that to CIV. ~ Koda -----signature----- Koda Vonnor Jedi Sentinel Knight of the Old Republic
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SephyCloneNo15 Registered: Apr '05	Date Posted: 6/18/07 10:27am Subject: RE: The Kyle Katarn Facts thread.
	You look kinda like the lovechild between Kyle Katarn and George Lucas... -----signature----- Member: GDG, GMG. Sub-GM: CDG Zam Wessel Lives! Recipient of Thrawn McEwok's Squib Creations Limited-Edition Replica Glove of Darth Vader™ "Samuel L. Jackson isn't only a fine actor, but a gamer. He's one of us." ~ Kotaku
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