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Topic:
Grand_Admiral_Jedi's Love Advice Column
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Grand_Admiral_Jedi
Registered:
May '02
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Date Posted:
1/23/03 11:24am
Subject:
Grand_Admiral_Jedi's Love Advice Column
- Date Edited:
1/23/03 11:26am (2 edits total)
Edited By:
Grand_Admiral_Jedi
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Since I am both an Imperial Grand Admiral and a Jedi Knight I have over the years developed a number of counseling skills. For example, I have learned that the best way to keep your male and females from socializing when they should be working is to kill one of them.
You'll be surprised what a good public execution can do for morale.
But as a Jedi Knight I know that sometimes we should err on the side of compassion. Afterall, even Obi-Wan was known to give into his emotions and sing in a few underground Coruscant musicals, but we didn't kick him out of the Order for that.
All this being said, I have decided to start my own forum in which I will do my best to answer your Star Wars love questions.
First up is a question from a guy in the Southern Wilderness Region
He says that he has experienced feelings for his sister and he doesn't know what he should do.
He signed his letter.
"Forget The Wookee I'd Sooner Kiss My Sister"
Well Sir being from the Southern Wilderness Region I can understand your feelings. I can't begin to count the times that I got butterflies when I saw my half Chiss sister Neradu. Her blue skin was really something to gander at in the moonlight.
But in the end, I realized that acting on my feelings would get me executed. The Chiss government doesn't allow that kind of behavior you know.
So I guess what I'm saying is you better shape up or well you know - be executed. Not much of a choice there you see.
On the hand, I have heard that people from Tantooine are a little more open to that kind of deviant behavior. I'm not saying you should go there - I'm just saying it's an option.
Anyway I suppose that's enough of my column for now.
May The Force Be With You.
GAJ
-----signature-----
"This should work uh - in theory."
"Every man serves a master - the only question is who will it be."
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whipwarrior
Registered:
Oct '02
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Date Posted:
1/23/03 1:17pm
Subject:
RE: Grand_Admiral_Jedi's Love Advice Column
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I have a question. WHERE does one find a single woman who loves Star Wars and Indiana Jones as much as I do? I'm currently single, and my mom is trying to hook me up with a girl who doesn't appear to be much of a movie fan. She's very nice, but not quite the kindred spirit that I have been longing for.
Help me, Obi Wan Kenobi... you're my only hope.
-whipwarrior
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"If you strike me down, I shall become more powerful than you can possibly imagine, Vader." -Dave Nelson (NewsRadio)
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sabrann
Registered:
Oct '02
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Date Posted:
1/23/03 1:39pm
Subject:
RE: Grand_Admiral_Jedi's Love Advice Column
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hee hee hee 
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Grand_Admiral_Jedi
Registered:
May '02
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Date Posted:
1/23/03 2:04pm
Subject:
RE: Grand_Admiral_Jedi's Love Advice Column
- Date Edited:
1/23/03 2:06pm (1 edits total)
Edited By:
Grand_Admiral_Jedi
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Dear whipwarrior,
I understand your plight. It is difficult to be in a relationship with someone who does not share your same passions.
But you must accept the fact that there are only so many Sabranns, Brightstars, and Sithvixens in this part of the universe.
Plus, the question is do you really want to be with someone who just wants you for your collection? I've seen this happen and the results are quite distressing.
There was a Twilek once who sweet talked her way into my life with a Big Headed Han Solo figure but in the end she stinked like the Sarlac Pit after digesting 100 Jawas.
Trust me, no woman is worth losing your collection over.
But on the other hand, what if the Force really does intend for you to find that one in a million Star Wars lady who isn't out to take your collection?
How do you know what you're suppose to do? I guess you just have to search your feelings and be patient. Afterall, Yoda and Obi-Wan didn't rush out and take on the Sith when they were outgunned. They waited till the time was right. Are you ready to date?
If so, it doesn't hurt to go on one date with this lady your mom has for you. It is not like one date gets you betrothed, and well if it does I know the name of a good Nogri assassin.
Just don't string the girl along if you know it's not right. Assassinate her quickly. Understand?
That's all for now.
GAJ out.
-----signature-----
"This should work uh - in theory."
"Every man serves a master - the only question is who will it be."
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Force_Me
Registered:
Nov '02
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Date Posted:
1/25/03 6:26pm
Subject:
RE: Grand_Admiral_Jedi's Love Advice Column
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Who cares if she likes all the same stuff just find out if she looks good.
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sabrann
Registered:
Oct '02
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Date Posted:
1/25/03 11:53pm
Subject:
RE: Grand_Admiral_Jedi's Love Advice Column
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you know, there is something to say for having something in common with girl. at least it will give you a starting point and you....looks ain't everything.
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Allie Fox
Title: FanForce CR
Macon GA US
Registered:
Jan '00
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Date Posted:
1/26/03 8:20am
Subject:
RE: Grand_Admiral_Jedi's Love Advice Column
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"Looks ain't everything."
Yes BUT money IS!
If you were to marry a rich person, the rewards would be. . .
well, more Star Wars stuff than you could imagine.
-----signature-----
Visit the Clone Home at http://www.maconclones.com Don't Be Like Everyone Else. Be A CLONE!
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GeorgeL-
Registered:
Jan '03
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Date Posted:
1/27/03 8:46am
Subject:
RE: Grand_Admiral_Jedi's Love Advice Column
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Dear Mr/Mrs Grand Admiral Jedi, thank you for taking my letter and I hope you can help me. I am a single loving father of three who is financially secure. I care deeply for my children, though I have recently shown images of one of them hanging outin a seedy bar while under age, to about a billion people, the point is I do care. I have been dating an interesting girl for some time now and I can't decide what direction the relationship should go in. I mean I'm all like "now try this one on" and she's all like "at last we shall reveal ourselves, at last we shall have revenge" and so on, and so on. When I am with her I feel I am on top of the universe, but she always seems elsewhere......elusive. I am stuck between unity or solitude and it now seems that either may be bitter. My next step is crucial. This choice could mean the difference between legacy or lunacy. Help me wise one, how shall I proceed?
My kindest appreciation
Geor....uh, I mean Jim L.
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whipwarrior
Registered:
Oct '02
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Date Posted:
1/27/03 8:39pm
Subject:
RE: Grand_Admiral_Jedi's Love Advice Column
- Date Edited:
1/27/03 8:45pm (2 edits total)
Edited By:
whipwarrior
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Thanks for the advice. Actually, I have met her. I visited her at work and we had lunch in the break room, where we chatted for nearly an hour and a half. She's very pretty and nice, and she claims to love going to the movies (like me), but when questioned about Star Wars, she replied with a noncommital "Yeah, I've seen them each once or twice."
This is kind of a turn-off, but it could also be an opportunity. I theorize that a casual viewer can be turned into a fan if they are subjected to it enough. After all, Star Wars, Indiana Jones, and NewsRadio are all part of the package with me. She gets all or none. Some assembly required. Or, in the words of Jimmy James from NewsRadio:
BILL: "You had me scared there, for a minute."
MR. JAMES: "Yeah, well... I just had to play her game until she got interested. I'll bring her over to the Dark Side later."
But in all seriousness, I've spoken with her on the phone a few times, and we're definitely warming to each-other. (The eerie part is that she sounds exactly like my ex-girlfriend from high school, which by the way, is the last time that I dated.) On the one hand, it's kind of creepy, but on the other, sort of comforting. I feel that I can trust her and tell her anything. On the downside, her birthday is March 1st, making her a Pisces (again, just like my ex). According to the astrology, Capriquarians and Pisces aren't the best match, relationship-wise. To my credit, my previous relationship lasted for nearly two years, and we split amicably.
Finally, Cyndi is a blonde, and I've never dated a blonde before. I'm actually a redhead fanatic, due to a certain Miss Vicki Lewis of NewsRadio fame. (I mean, I've dreamed of this woman for YEARS). Now in terms of my 'type', all of my previous experience was with that one girl in high school, and so I'm attracted to brainy, bookish girls who wear glasses. My current prospect wears glasses too, but she doesn't seem to fit the preexisting mold. She is just a normal, fun-loving (albeit somewhat shy) girl.
Regarding your other question, I feel that I am ready to date again (it's been more than five years). I'm nervous and a bit rusty (obviously), but confident in the fact that I'm smarter, better looking, and more charming than I used to be. So I have all those things going for me. What do you suggest, Master Jedi?
-Dale
P.S.- Due to the fact that she's not a Star Wars fan, I don't feel the need to worry about her trying to steal my collection.
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"If you strike me down, I shall become more powerful than you can possibly imagine, Vader." -Dave Nelson (NewsRadio)
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Grand_Admiral_Jedi
Registered:
May '02
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Date Posted:
1/28/03 9:43am
Subject:
RE: Grand_Admiral_Jedi's Love Advice Column
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Dear Mr. George/Jim L.
Over the course of many years, I have studied various artforms and this practice has taught me one thing - women are not logical. It's a good thing there are only like five women in the entire Star Wars universe or I'd be in trouble.
That being said, I can't tell you exactly what might be going through this ladies mind. I do know that women fall for men more based upon emotional intuition while men use more logic in determing their relationships. In other words, women act more like a Jedi while men are more Grand Admiralish.
It could be that on some level, she knows the relationship is not right. On the other hand, you might be over analyizing things. The best thing for you to do is to talk to her.
All this being said, I'd like to address a more disturbing part of your letter - your desire to dress your women up.
I can just imagine that you're the kind of guy who likes to put his women in tight fiting black choker garbs. Am I right? Or maybe white outfits that show off a lot more flesh than they should. Why I bet it wouldn't even be past you to dress a woman in a gold bikini.
You're sick, sir, very sick. Women shouldn't be treated as objects. On the Chiss homeworld we'd know exactly what to do about you.
Execution.
-----signature-----
"This should work uh - in theory."
"Every man serves a master - the only question is who will it be."
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whipwarrior
Registered:
Oct '02
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Date Posted:
1/28/03 9:55am
Subject:
RE: Grand_Admiral_Jedi's Love Advice Column
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LMAO!!!
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"If you strike me down, I shall become more powerful than you can possibly imagine, Vader." -Dave Nelson (NewsRadio)
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Smiling-Otter
Registered:
Mar '01
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Date Posted:
1/28/03 10:57am
Subject:
RE: Grand_Admiral_Jedi's Love Advice Column
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Dear GAJ -
I'm worried about my brother-in-law. For a while I was worried that he was actually interested in his sister (now my wife.) At least he's better than their father, who I believe tried to kill each of them on more than one occasion. Anyway, at least now he's over her.
The problem now is this: I think the girl he's hot for now is trying to kill him. She used to work for a competitor of his, and now she's out of work, and blames him for it. He, as usual, is thinking with something other than his brain. I've read through "Men are from Corellia, Women are from Alderaan," but it wasn't much help.
Any advice you could pass along would be a lot of help.
Signed,
"Nerf Herder"
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whipwarrior
Registered:
Oct '02
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Date Posted:
1/28/03 12:22pm
Subject:
RE: Grand_Admiral_Jedi's Love Advice Column
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Oh, this just keeps getting better and better...
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"If you strike me down, I shall become more powerful than you can possibly imagine, Vader." -Dave Nelson (NewsRadio)
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Grand_Admiral_Jedi
Registered:
May '02
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Date Posted:
1/29/03 7:48am
Subject:
RE: Grand_Admiral_Jedi's Love Advice Column
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Dear Nerf Herder,
It appears your brother-in-law is suffering from what we in the therapy world like to call a "Hero Complex". Am I right or am I right? Does he tend to always talk about being chosen? Does he act like he is the only one in the universe who has the ability to solve certain problems? Does he feel like he always must go off and rescue his friends?
I think this explains his attraction to this woman who is obviously no good for him. This relationship can only lead to disaster.
Hmm . . . but I suppose it's not as bad as him loving his sister. So I guess you just have to look at the good in every situation. But if he does choose to get serious with this gal I know the name of a good assassin who can help out the situation if you know what I mean. Wink wink.
Anyway that's all for now.
GAJ Out.
-----signature-----
"This should work uh - in theory."
"Every man serves a master - the only question is who will it be."
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Force_Me
Registered:
Nov '02
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Date Posted:
1/29/03 11:20pm
Subject:
RE: Grand_Admiral_Jedi's Love Advice Column
- Date Edited:
1/29/03 11:24pm (1 edits total)
Edited By:
Force_Me
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" looks don't matter" ???
Would you marry Jabba if you both liked cheese cake and talking about moon light slithers? ( icky )
Opposites attract. I've been married 14 years now and have almost nothing in common with my wife. ( probably why we are still together )
Go for looks first. It would take a very wealthy lady to make me over look ugly.
( millions )
IMHO personality ain't worth waking up to Greedo every morning. ( still icky )
Personality will change once your married anyway. ( trust me )
Everyone has two faces and some have more.
( read Batman )
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GeorgeL-
Registered:
Jan '03
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Date Posted:
2/11/03 8:10am
Subject:
RE: Grand_Admiral_Jedi's Love Advice Column
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Greetings once again Mr/Mrs Grand Admiral Jedi. I have taken you words to heart and followed your advice. It turns out you are truly the wise. I was over analyzing the entire relationship and my fears were no more than that, just fears. Insecurities I guess. I dont feel insecure, in fact just today Ric..uh, I mean, my assistant at work, told me that my ideas were too over the top and a little disturbing but I did'nt listen because I know who I am, and what I want...nay, what I expect! But perhaps my securities lie only in my work.
never-the-less though I felt a certain excitement when you mentioned the metal bikini. It was like finding a treasure map as a young boy or getting behind the wheel of your first sports car. Its a feeling of unwarranted joy and anticipation, dare I say Magical. An overwhelming sensation that, alas, proved to be the end of the relationship and my concerns over her. Perhaps you are right. Perhaps my views on females are warped. Your words have become a puzzle that doesnt make sense to me, its all so confusing. And with valentines day looming like a Rancor in a bunny suit, my nights are long an fitful. *sniff* Where is my sith vixen?
Help me Grand Admiral Jedi! Fore-go the execution, bring pardon to reform a soul! Have faith in your abilities of redemtion and make unto thee a changed man! Together we can win back my dark lady! TOGETHER WE WILL FIND MY SITH VIXEN! AND WE SHALL.... oh, gotta go, wardrobe called, they're auditioning the new models.
well, I never said it would be easy.
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