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Topic:
Two Hours of My Life I'll Never Get Back: The Absolutely, Obscenely Awful Movie and TV Thread
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Qui-Gon Tim
Title: CR Emeritus: Memphis, TN
Registered:
Apr '00
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Date Posted:
7/12 1:08am
Subject:
Two Hours of My Life I'll Never Get Back: The Absolutely, Obscenely Awful Movie and TV Thread
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Yep. Sometimes you lose a couple hours of your life that you really didn't mean to lose. And sometimes you lose brain cells and IQ points in the process.
Because sometimes you end up watching really, absolutely, obscenely-awful movies and TV shows.
What sparked this thread?
The "Star Wars Holiday Special"? Almost, but not quite.
Catwoman? Close, but no Tender Vittles.
Showgirls? Getting warmer, (but only because "I got towels").
No... It was Andy Warhol's 1974 piece of cinematic tripe Flesh for Frankenstein, which is on as I type this, and which is soooooooooooo..... wait a sec... I need to add more "o's" to that.... oooooooooooooooooooo awful that I keep looking for Joel, Tom Servo, and Crow at the bottom of the screen.
Yes, folks. This movie is so bad that I wish we could watch it together at a movie night just so I could hear the jokes everyone would make. It's bad enough to make Ed Wood say, "Damn, that's bad." It has enough fake gore and nudity to make Roger Corman say "Damn, that's a lot of fake gore, and some damned ugly naked people." It makes The Sensuous Nurse look like Citizen Kane. (At least if Ursula Andress was in it there'd be someone hot to look at!) It makes me want to watch the last Lord of the Rings movie again... in super slow motion! And if I weren't laughing so damned hard right now, I'd dig up Andy Warhol and tell him that I want my two hours back!
So, share with the rest of the class, boys and girls... Tell us about the movies and shows that robbed you of a couple of hours of your lives.
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Inked Monkey Productions: http://www.inkedmonkey.com Official Sergeant-At-Arms and Token Deliah Blue Fanboy of the Cade Brigade Once you go Blue, you never go back!
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StarBlazerM31
Registered:
Jan '05
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Date Posted:
7/12 7:55am
Subject:
RE: Two Hours of My Life I'll Never Get Back: The Absolutely, Obscenely Awful Movie and TV Thread
- Date Edited:
7/13 7:44am (1 edits total)
Edited By:
StarBlazerM31
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The Hulk (the one from a couple years ago)
Casino Royale
Mission Impossible 3
Doomsday
-Darth Grace 
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hyperspace_police
Title: FanForce CR
Arkansas US
Registered:
Jun '05
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Date Posted:
7/12 8:05am
Subject:
RE: Two Hours of My Life I'll Never Get Back: The Absolutely, Obscenely Awful Movie and TV Thread
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Ummmm...
I like the Holiday Christmas Special...Star Wars version... Only if it's played with the Riff Tracks behind it...
You should show that and tape us all making fun of it and put it on the internet...
I've got another one for you...
But, The think is I kind of like it but, it's so wrong that it's not funny.
It's called Reefer Madness the Musical and I'm bringing it with me next time I come to your place and we really really need to watch it...
of course, you need reefer to watch it... but, thats another story...
I think it was called
The Age of Innocence... great costumes but my roommate at the time fell asleep....
-----signature-----
Proud member of the "Cade Brigade" (Obi, please forgive me)
Stories in bio
We managed it with the power of "assless chaps"... Oh yes... that one is a direct quote from myself...
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Commander Antilles
Title: Administrator Emeritus
Registered:
Jul '99
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Date Posted:
7/12 1:45pm
Subject:
RE: Two Hours of My Life I'll Never Get Back: The Absolutely, Obscenely Awful Movie and TV Thread
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The Blair Witch Project.
It took me two nights to get through it on DVD, mainly because I couldn't believe it could be this bad with everyone raving about it and because I thought it had to improve at some point (it didn't). 2 hours of braindead idiots lost in a wood, swearing constantly, filmed with a camera that's being used by an epileptic who's forgotten his meds, in a film that dared call itself a horror when I've seen scarier Disney films, is my benchmark for cinematic hell. And you know the worst bit? Not one of them got turned into hamburger as a small gesture to make me feel slightly better over watching this abortion.
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Beer is the answer.....but I can't remember the question
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Qui-Gon Tim
Title: CR Emeritus: Memphis, TN
Registered:
Apr '00
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Date Posted:
7/13 2:06pm
Subject:
RE: Two Hours of My Life I'll Never Get Back: The Absolutely, Obscenely Awful Movie and TV Thread
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Holy crap, Ben... That stupid movie was on this afternoon when I turned on the TV. I could've made that same movie at my sister's house for 20 bucks. (You could have made it for 8 pounds since the American dollar has crapped out on us. In fact, you may start seeing illegal aliens showing up in the UK- Illegal American aliens seeking work to send the more valuable British currency back home to support their families.)
My movie submission for today: The Fountain. What in the high holy hell was up with that movie? It should have come with a vial of crack.
-----signature-----
Inked Monkey Productions: http://www.inkedmonkey.com Official Sergeant-At-Arms and Token Deliah Blue Fanboy of the Cade Brigade Once you go Blue, you never go back!
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hyperspace_police
Title: FanForce CR
Arkansas US
Registered:
Jun '05
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Date Posted:
7/13 4:42pm
Subject:
RE: Two Hours of My Life I'll Never Get Back: The Absolutely, Obscenely Awful Movie and TV Thread
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This episode of Dr Who called Warriors of the Deep....
It was absolutely hideous. But had great fight scenes. I won't subject you to it... But, you still have to watch Reefer Madness the Musical.
-----signature-----
Proud member of the "Cade Brigade" (Obi, please forgive me)
Stories in bio
We managed it with the power of "assless chaps"... Oh yes... that one is a direct quote from myself...
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Obi_J_Kenobi
Registered:
Nov '02
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Date Posted:
7/13 9:56pm
Subject:
RE: Two Hours of My Life I'll Never Get Back: The Absolutely, Obscenely Awful Movie and TV Thread
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The Hulk (ERic Banna version) *STill havent seen the new one..but I'll wait for the 2 buck theater*
The Truman Show. (Walked out of that one.)
Godzilla (Matt b. Version)
*I'm sure there are more to come*
-----signature-----
"Do you understand Antares?"
"No Sire, but I will obey."
"I have a bad feeling about this..."- Juno Eclipse
"Good, then it means we're doing a good job..." Starkiller
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JohnJacksonMiller
Title: Author:
-Empire
-Knights of the Old Republic
Registered:
May '05
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Date Posted:
7/15 9:09pm
Subject:
RE: Two Hours of My Life I'll Never Get Back: The Absolutely, Obscenely Awful Movie and TV Thread
- Date Edited:
7/15 9:10pm (1 edits total)
Edited By:
JohnJacksonMiller
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Not playing. The time I wrote in a magazine that Batman & Robin and Highlander 2 were noteworthy for having been the only two feature films completely written by baboons, I got an angry letter from the guy who worked the primate area of the Chicago Zoo, sticking up for the honor of his animals. Swear to God -- we even ran the letter.
So I don't need to be ticking off any more of the animal kingdom... 
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Qui-Gon Tim
Title: CR Emeritus: Memphis, TN
Registered:
Apr '00
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Date Posted:
7/15 9:37pm
Subject:
RE: Two Hours of My Life I'll Never Get Back: The Absolutely, Obscenely Awful Movie and TV Thread
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Man, John, how could you insult baboons that way? I can understand their anger, especially considering those two films. You should have shot for the absolute lowest denominator on the writing scale and said that they were written by viruses or Joe Eszterhas.
Here's mine for today: Starship Troopers. Brain Bugs, Doogie Howser, and... well, geez... is there any reason to continue after just those two? This one made me question the film studio industry's right to exist. This movie was so incredibly awful that it had to violate the Geneva Convention in some way. Had I been President Clinton back in 1996 and I had the foresight to know just how much of a cinematic colostomy bag of sheer torture that this film was going to be, I would've sent military troops into Tri-Star Studios to halt production.
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Inked Monkey Productions: http://www.inkedmonkey.com Official Sergeant-At-Arms and Token Deliah Blue Fanboy of the Cade Brigade Once you go Blue, you never go back!
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Commander Antilles
Title: Administrator Emeritus
Registered:
Jul '99
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Date Posted:
7/16 11:11am
Subject:
RE: Two Hours of My Life I'll Never Get Back: The Absolutely, Obscenely Awful Movie and TV Thread
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JohnJacksonMiller posted:
Not playing. The time I wrote in a magazine that Batman & Robin and Highlander 2 were noteworthy for having been the only two feature films completely written by baboons, I got an angry letter from the guy who worked the primate area of the Chicago Zoo, sticking up for the honor of his animals. Swear to God -- we even ran the letter.
So I don't need to be ticking off any more of the animal kingdom...
I sat through Highlander 2 in the cinema. And enjoyed it. Then again, I was only 15 and.....
**** it, I have no excuse. 
-----signature-----
Beer is the answer.....but I can't remember the question
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hyperspace_police
Title: FanForce CR
Arkansas US
Registered:
Jun '05
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Date Posted:
7/16 11:25am
Subject:
RE: Two Hours of My Life I'll Never Get Back: The Absolutely, Obscenely Awful Movie and TV Thread
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Hmmmm.... I don't think that there will be that much hate mail directed to these forums...
But... I came up with another one.... How about.... Strangers. And thats a recent movie.
I've never been so glad that I snuck into a movie before...Cause if I'd paid money for that??? I would be demanding myself a refund...
-----signature-----
Proud member of the "Cade Brigade" (Obi, please forgive me)
Stories in bio
We managed it with the power of "assless chaps"... Oh yes... that one is a direct quote from myself...
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Aravis_Antilles
Registered:
Feb '03
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Date Posted:
7/16 11:34am
Subject:
RE: Two Hours of My Life I'll Never Get Back: The Absolutely, Obscenely Awful Movie and TV Thread
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Bandits
Dumb and Dumber
Hellboy 2(Yes, I'm well aware it was pretty. Even a little Gaiman-esque. But the storyline just makes me hate...oh wait, I already hated the franchise.)
*more later*
-----signature-----
Vengeance is a small and flighty business. One that has no bearing.
Living, on the other hand, is a beautiful escapade, that is long since regained it's meaning.
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JohnJacksonMiller
Title: Author:
-Empire
-Knights of the Old Republic
Registered:
May '05
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Date Posted:
7/19 7:23pm
Subject:
RE: Two Hours of My Life I'll Never Get Back: The Absolutely, Obscenely Awful Movie and TV Thread
- Date Edited:
7/19 7:28pm (2 edits total)
Edited By:
JohnJacksonMiller
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Highlander 2 we saw in the old Fare 4 as a group, the night before a friend of mine got married; we'd intended to take him out and knock some sense into him, but the movie nearly killed him instead. People were actually jeering the screen Rocky-Horror style about halfway through. Never seen that before...
I remember it also for one of my two favorite movie reviews. Roger Ebert's newspaper review was start-to-finish vicious: "This movie has to be seen to be believed. On the other hand, maybe that's too high a price to pay. "Highlander 2: The Quickening" is the most hilariously incomprehensible movie I've seen in many a long day - a movie almost awesome in its badness. Wherever science fiction fans gather, in decades and generations to come, this film will be remembered in hushed tones as one of the immortal low points of the genre." And that was just the start -- he wraps it up with "If there is a planet somewhere whose civilization is based on the worst movies of all time, "Highlander 2: The Quickening" deserves a sacred place among their most treasured artifacts." (The mere possibility of a review like that is why I never read my own reviews!  )
My favorite review ever, though, came from the late Gene Siskel, who on the "At the Movies" show sat silently for a moment after the clip from Tony Danza's She's Out of Control completed. Then he sort of sighed and said, "You know, I think I'll just quit."
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Qui-Gon Tim
Title: CR Emeritus: Memphis, TN
Registered:
Apr '00
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Date Posted:
7/19 9:31pm
Subject:
RE: Two Hours of My Life I'll Never Get Back: The Absolutely, Obscenely Awful Movie and TV Thread
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Oh...  ... You had to bring up anything with Tony Danza that isn't "Taxi". Going Ape was bad enough.
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Inked Monkey Productions: http://www.inkedmonkey.com Official Sergeant-At-Arms and Token Deliah Blue Fanboy of the Cade Brigade Once you go Blue, you never go back!
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StarBlazerM31
Registered:
Jan '05
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Date Posted:
7/20 5:43pm
Subject:
RE: Two Hours of My Life I'll Never Get Back: The Absolutely, Obscenely Awful Movie and TV Thread
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Got another one.
Nightwatch (the one with Ewan McGregor in it)
The only reason I watched that messed up waste of time was because of Ewan and because Brad Dourif had a minor role in it. >.>
-Darth Grace
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hyperspace_police
Title: FanForce CR
Arkansas US
Registered:
Jun '05
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Date Posted:
7/26 1:19am
Subject:
RE: Two Hours of My Life I'll Never Get Back: The Absolutely, Obscenely Awful Movie and TV Thread
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Nightwatch... Is that the one with the dead girls and at the end some guy cuts his hand off or something like that to get out of handcuffs???
-----signature-----
Proud member of the "Cade Brigade" (Obi, please forgive me)
Stories in bio
We managed it with the power of "assless chaps"... Oh yes... that one is a direct quote from myself...
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