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Author	Topic: Appearances- (late JA) Very small update 6-30-02
Alli-Wan Registered: Dec '99	Date Posted: 10/27/00 10:06pm Subject: Appearances- (late JA) Very small update 6-30-02 - Date Edited: 6/30/02 5:20pm (3 edits total) Edited By: Alli-Wan
	Dear All, As I mentioned in the "Jedi Dreams" thread, while I was home with a cold, I began developing some ideas and scenes I had floating around in my head. I decided to post what I had (however short) to see what kind of response I’d get. (Never fear, I am not stopping "Jedi Dreams;" I just didn’t work on it at home because that file is formatted for a Mac, and my computer at home is a PC which is not on the web. (This will be remedied during the Tax-Free Computer Week in my state, but sadly, not until February.) In any case, you didn’t need to know all that. As for the story, I’d rate this one PG-13 (or at least that’s my intention). It is much more adult than "Jedi Dreams" and the characters are older and more adult issues will be addressed. (As for humor content, there is one dirty joke planned, which will be referred to several times. Basically, it was inspired by the Ewan McGregor’s infamous comment about his ‘lightsabre,’ so if you can handle that, the rest of the story should be fine. However, knowing me, we might not even get to that part for years, so if you start the story now, you may be old enough to find it inoffensive by the time I actually get there.) In any case, I didn’t want readers too young or sensitive to such material to come over from "Jedi Dreams" and expect the same kind of story. This isn’t it. I don’t think the content will be a problem with this forum in general, but if anyone is offended by the content (or anything else) let me know. This story is one of three floating around in my head which deals with how normal people react to and interact with Jedi, ("Jedi Dreams" being the first.) (Now maybe I should get to the story because I think the disclaimer is longer than what I’ve got so far.) --Alli-Wan, Queen of Iffy (with an Iffy new beginning.) Appearances * * * "Weapons! Please check your weapons at the gate. You may NOT leave the terminal without checking your weapons." Clerise rolled her eyes. It was the same every season. (Why don’t they just get a droid to say it? They always say the same announcement over and over.) "Hurry Clerise! Make haste!" her tall thin companion hissed in her ear. "I don’t want you exposed to this . . . riff-raff any longer than absolutely necessary. " Straightening up, his cold gray eyes scanned the crowd, eyes narrowing in suspicion. Clerise followed his gaze. (Riff-raff? It’s just the same people who are here every year.) Shrugging slightly, Clerise regarded he man’s slightly wary and disgusted countenance for a moment until he turned back to face the front of the inspection line and began dragging her along by the arm behind him. "Every moment we waste here is another moment your mother and sister are left to themselves." The line stopped moving and he turned back to face her. "You know what happens when we leave them to their own devices." Clerise made a face. (They actually have fun on vacation?) A black and silver eyebrow began to rise, waiting for her dutiful response. "Yes, Father." (Nothing.) The eyebrow returned to its accustomed place as he pressed his lips together for a moment, the closest he ever got to an actual smile. "Indeed. And we have much to so and only two months to do it in." Without waiting for another ‘Yes, Father,’ Gilded turned to glare at the one remaining passenger before them in line. "Please remember to check all of your weapons. It is illegal to carry weapons beyond the terminal. All of your weapons will be checked and stored in the terminal for the duration of your stay and will be returned to you when you leave the planet. Weapons which must be checked include but are not limited to blasters, projectiles, stun guns, lightsabres, and personal electrical or chemical dischargers." Clerise grinned. The officials, like always, were very thorough. (Stun guns? Lightsabres? Why would anyone bring a lightsabre on vacation?) "I really don’t know why we are forced to wait on this line. Do we really look like the kind of people who would carry such things?" Clerise suppressed a snort. It would not do to snort. Even though her father was standing in line looking about him as id the kind of people who do carry such things were all around him and would leave behind some sort of greasy residue if they accidentally bumped into him. (Besides, we are those kind of people, whether we look like them or not.) "You do have that rifle collection at home, Father." This time it was Gilded who snorted, and he felt no need to suppress it. "That’s different, Clerise. Those are not weapons. Those are antiques." It was their turn. "Sir, do you have any weapons to check? When I say weapons, I am referring to all the items listed on the wall behind me, as well as similar items not listed." Clerise scanned the list. As always, there were a few new items since last year. (What is a Jawa Popper?) Her father bristled at the agent in annoyance. "No." "Has anyone in the terminal padded you any item or handled your baggage since you left your spacecraft?" "No." "Please put your bags on the belt and walk through the scanner." Looking annoyed and much put upon, Gilded complied. Clerise followed a moment later. And set the alarm off. "Back through please!" a large, heavyset woman gestured firmly for Clerise to go back the way she had come. The seventeen-year-old glanced helplessly at her father’s stern face and complied meekly. Confiscating Clerise’s walletsac, the guard motioned her through again. The alarms remained silent. Rooting through the bag, the guard removed a small cylinder from the girl’s identification disk and passed the remaining items through a small scanner. Minus the cylinder, the bag came out clean. Throwing all the items back in, the guard handed the bag back to the mortified girl along with a datapad. "I’m sorry, Miss. Cayenne spray is contraband. New rules this year." Clerise blushed. She had forgotten all about the small canister she had bought at school as protection against attackers and thieves. At school it was a wise thing to carry. But this was a resort planet. Surely she wouldn’t need such things here. Here, where it was illegal to carry not only this puny weapon, but anything else more dangerous anyway. "I’m sorry." (How could I forget?) The guard smiled gently. "Don’t worry about it. You’re not the first to forget about those, and you won’t be the last. Normally, something like that wouldn’t be banned since it’s not designed to be fatal, but the spray can cause life-threatening reaction in some species, so they’re banning them too. Just fill out the form and we will return it to you before you leave." Clerise complies as quickly as possible, trying not to look impatient as the guard carefully checked her form, labeled her spray canister and handed over her claims ticket. "Don’t forget to bring a hologram identification with you when you claim it." Nodding her thanks, Clerise ran off to find her father. He wasn’t far. "Come now, Clerise. Your mother sent the car." Another moment and she was secure in the plush, emerald seat, the noise and bustle of the ground terminal firmly kept out by the soundproof doors and darkened windows. Outside, people stared at those windows, curious about but blind to the occupants inside. Overhead, she could hear the last of the luggage being loaded as her father calmly poured out a glass of his favored liquor and offered her a seltzer. A brief blast of noise echoed through the cabin as the driver entered and shut the door behind him. "To the Villa, Sir?" Gilded sniffed. "Of course." Smooth as silk, the transport glided into the bustle of traffic, smaller vehicles making way for its passing like gup fish for a sandshark. Clerise pulled out a novel. Gilded settled into his seat. They had made it. They were leaving this common ground for the finer things in life. They were going to where they belonged. -----signature----- “And occasionally, a handkerchief comes out to wipe away a tear of laughter. That is my reward. The rest goes to the government.” --Victor Borge http://www.geocities.com/alli_wan Like the truth, I'm still out there.
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Jane Jinn Registered: Jan '00	Date Posted: 10/27/00 10:14pm Subject: RE: Appearances- (please critique my second fanfic) (late JA)
	Hey, I like it! More soon, please! -----signature----- Mostly retired now Just making the occasional guest appearance
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Julie Title: Moderator Emeritus Registered: Aug '98	Date Posted: 10/27/00 10:14pm Subject: RE: Appearances- (please critique my second fanfic) (late JA)
	Good start Alli-Wan! You gave an excellent introduction to your characters. -----signature----- My stories at TFN: If I Don't Catch You http://fanfic.theforce.net/fanfic.asp?action=view&ID=178 I Won't Fail You http://fanfic.theforce.net/fanfic.asp?action=view&ID=287
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Abbi_Cee Registered: Jul '00	Date Posted: 10/27/00 10:31pm Subject: RE: Appearances- (please critique my second fanfic) (late JA)
	Well, you've got my interest. I'm ready for more. ;-) -----signature----- AKA: QuiGal The Republic's "Ambassadors" are two fanatical, heavily-armed religious nuts with elite commando training and the ability to invade your mind and manipulate your thoughts. They say they are here to negotiate. ~ Ben Krauskopf
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Alli-Wan Registered: Dec '99	Date Posted: 10/27/00 10:51pm Subject: RE: Appearances- (please critique my second fanfic) (late JA)
	This is all I have written so far, but I will get back to this, and to "Jedi Dreams." I promise. Glad you've liked it so far, and thanks for the encouragement. --AWK * * * "Clerise! Clerise!" a loud, boisterous voice called from the courtyard below. "Put down that datapad and come out here! We know you’re in there!" With a sigh, Clerise shoved the last of her packed clothes into the bureau and walked out ontot the balcony outside her room. Of all the things she enjoyed about these annual summer holidays, having a room with a balcony was surely the most savored. Most of the time. "Jacey, Jacey, Jacey. Such ladylike manners." Clerise smiled at the low, faintly nasal voice’s admonishment. Some things never changed. "Shut up Willow!" Never changed. "CLE-" "I’m here! I’m here!" Jacey’s blue eyes immediately lit up as she caught sight of Clerise’s face above her. Willow tried to appear cool and unconcerned, but the smile tugging at her the corner of her lips gave her away. Clerise grinned. "You know Jacey, you and Willow could just knock on the door like everybody else." Jacey’s impish smile widened. "Besides, if you keep up the yelling, my father may send out the hounds." Even Willow laughed at the familiar joke. The truth of the matter was the Gilded didn’t keep any hounds, rather his wife did, and far from being guard hounds, the pampered little things were little more than balls of fluff with noses and legs. The only danger from encountering the little dears seemed to be nausea from their excessive adorableness. "Then we would be forced to run from the premises in a most unbecoming manner." Jacey rolled her eyes at Willow’s Tattoine-dry wit and called back up to Clerise. "We haven’t seen you since Winterbreak! It’s summertime! We only have two months and you’re sitting in there all by yourself while the whole planet is out here and not bothering to wait! We’ve been here a whole week already! What took you so long?" Clerise sighed. "I had exams to take." Jacey and Willow huffed. Although different as night and say, both agreed that Clerise took her education far too seriously. They had other matters to concern themselves with . . . such as achieving the perfect tan and marrying well. "Exams are over! Get your bu—" At this moment, Jacey became aware that Clerise’s mother was peering at her though the sitting room curtains. "Uhh, get your body down here and let’s go! Daylight’s a-wasting and there’s somebody I want you to meet!" Clerise raised her eyebrows. Jacey usually had ulterior motives when there was someone she wanted Clerise to meet. Willow confirmed the suspicion a moment later. "She means there is someone she wants you to introduce her to after you catalog her virtues." "I DO NOT!" Willow slid her smoked glasses down her nose and stared at her friend. Jacey stared back for several minutes, then turned back up to Clerise with a shrug. "But he’s really cute!" she begged. "Come on! He was just on the beach! If we go to the boardwalk now, we might see him!" Clerise looked to Willow for confirmation. Jacey also turned to the lithe girl, eyes pleading for support. After a moment, Willow sighed. "He was cute," she conceded. Jacey turned back toward Clerise, arms frantically waving a summons like a motor trafficking droid. Willow gave her another scrutinizing look before she continued. "If you like braids." (Braids?) "He only has one!" Clerise winced at Jacey’s tone. Jacey whirled back to her friend. "Please! He really was cute and I won’t make you introduce me, I promise." Shaking her head, Clerise admitted defeat. Same thing every year. (And she did say he was cute.) Giving her datapad a last wistful glance as she picked up her sunhat, knowing it would remain unread all summer, Clerise closed the door and went downstairs to join her friends. Same thing every year. -----signature----- “And occasionally, a handkerchief comes out to wipe away a tear of laughter. That is my reward. The rest goes to the government.” --Victor Borge http://www.geocities.com/alli_wan Like the truth, I'm still out there.
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Alli-Wan Registered: Dec '99	Date Posted: 10/28/00 10:49am Subject: RE: Appearances- (please critique my second fanfic) (late JA)
	Just popping this up during more highly read hours. Will post on "Jedi Dreams" tonight, I promise. --AWK -----signature----- “And occasionally, a handkerchief comes out to wipe away a tear of laughter. That is my reward. The rest goes to the government.” --Victor Borge http://www.geocities.com/alli_wan Like the truth, I'm still out there.
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Jane Jinn Registered: Jan '00	Date Posted: 10/28/00 11:01am Subject: RE: Appearances- (please critique my second fanfic) (late JA)
	Braid? Cute? Why does Obi-Wan spring to mind? Run, Obi-Wan, run! There are three girls about to descend on you, girls with nothing better to do than achieve the perfect tan and marry well. And they're not chasing you for the suntan lotion! -----signature----- Mostly retired now Just making the occasional guest appearance
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Abbi_Cee Registered: Jul '00	Date Posted: 10/28/00 11:19am Subject: RE: Appearances- (please critique my second fanfic) (late JA)
	I like braids. ;-) I think Obi looks cute in his. Now I wonder, is Obi-Wan, and Qui-gon too I presume, here on a mission or are they just taking some time off? Looking forward (cuz looking backward I trip a lot). -----signature----- AKA: QuiGal The Republic's "Ambassadors" are two fanatical, heavily-armed religious nuts with elite commando training and the ability to invade your mind and manipulate your thoughts. They say they are here to negotiate. ~ Ben Krauskopf
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Healer_Leona Title: Manager Emeritus Registered: Jul '00	Date Posted: 10/28/00 11:56am Subject: RE: Appearances- (please critique my second fanfic) (late JA)
	Adding another one to my ever expanding list to read. Alli-Wan your writing is impecable, loved the phrase, Tattoine-dry wit. Post often, post soon. -----signature----- Break away from everybody Break away from everthing If you can't stand the way this place is Take yourself to higher places
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Kaylla Norn Registered: Mar '00	Date Posted: 10/28/00 11:04pm Subject: RE: Appearances- (please critique my second fanfic) (late JA)
	one braid? That sounds promising....
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Jedi Gryph Grin Registered: Sep '99	Date Posted: 10/29/00 1:13pm Subject: RE: Appearances- (please critique my second fanfic) (late JA)
	This definitely looks like it's going to be a lot of fun!! presses 'bookmark' key And now ready to hound you for more! grin QUOTE: "Although different as night and say, both agreed that Clerise took her education far too seriously." Hmmmm...Alli-Wan...including a bit of yourself in the story as well, are you? -----signature----- ACCIO FIREBOLT!!!
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Alli-Wan Registered: Dec '99	Date Posted: 10/29/00 10:41pm Subject: RE: Appearances- (please critique my second fanfic) (late JA)
	Got inspired. Hope it gets you through the week. --AWK * * * "I can't believe it! We looked everywhere." Clerise tried not to laugh. They had failed to find their target, (or rather 'The Infinitely Cute Braid Boy' as Willow dubbed him in response Jacey's unending commentary about the glories of his cleft chin) and Jacey was starting to sound despondent. "Where could he have gone? He was just here!" With a dramatic sigh, Jacey slumped in her seat and slurped noisily on her Iced Kremdeir. Clerise stirred hers slowly with the elaborate straw (probably the most expensive component of this overblown snow-cone) and watched the people walk by. Privately she thought Jacey was acting a little more Jacey-ish than usual. She never actually looked for a long-term relationship, her cute beach boys usually didn't even last until the next summer. (This one must be really cute if she is STILL thinking about him). Especially because there were lots of cute boys all around them now. Some were even preening and strutting around, performing their courtship displays. (Probably for Willow. Beach boys always like Willow.) Golden, muscle-bound limbs with large allowances and short attention spans gamboled about them, egging one another on and issuing challenges on the volley courts. Several offered to buy Willow (and her friends, though they never actually looked at said friends) a fresh drink, but Willow always managed to nip those advance in the bud, and would continue to do so . . . at least until her spring water ran out. She didn't go for the beach crowd. Willow was a 'cultured' girl. Muscles and brawn were all well and good, but if a young man couldn't survive one of her aunt's high society parties, he wasn't worth her time. Still, it didn't prevent her from enjoying the view . . . from behind her smoked glasses. "There's a lovely one right behind you Jacey. I can't tell who he is staring at though." Willow's voice retained it's normal, conversational tone, but she spoke more quietly, not wanting to be overheard. "Does he have a braid?" Jacey asked miserably. "No. Don't turn around Clerise. Only turn around halfway." Willow continued to unobtrusively observe the young man, screened by the dark lenses. "I still can't tell who he's looking at, but it's definitely someone at this table. Is anyone behind me?" Clerise giggled around another frozen swallow of her drink. "There's nobody behind you, Willow. Face it. He's looking at you." Willow clicked her tongue at Clerise in lieu of raising an eyebrow and smiled her mysterious half smile at the young man, watching for his response. Of course, with her glasses on, he couldn't be sure if she were smiling at him, or at Clerise. She was testing him. Clerise shook her head at her friend's methods. (Maybe Willow should be the one studying politics and diplomacy. She has the all the skills to play the game.) Not to mention the looks. Boys had been fawning over Willow's pale skin, satin straight hair and near weightless build since primer school. She was striking. Of course they were staring at her. "No, he's not staring at me. Jacey," Willow's quiet direction continued. "Turn around halfway. Look at Clerise. Look as if you are going to turn and look behind you, but don't." Clerise could tell Willow's gaze never left the young man in question, but her face was angled as if in deep conversation with her friends. Jacey balked. "He doesn't have a braid." Willow didn't back down. "No, but he has a cravat. Family crest. Academy jacket. Just off the ship, but upper crust." (Marriage material.) Not some summer fling then, but someone their parents would approve of. "Or so he appears." Jacey rolled her eyes, but finally complied. The pain of losing the Infinitely Cute Braid Boy was still fresh, but perhaps the trip could still be salvaged. A new face, a new name to find out about. Someone for her mother and aunt to talk about over drinks while they tried to arrange the perfect marriage (or rather, find the perfect young gentleman for Jacey to fall in love with.) It had worked for Clerise's sister, and she was only twenty. Soon Livy would be married and it would be their turn. Willow clicked her tongue again, getting Jacey to turn back. "Clerise," Willow paused, her voice perfectly serene. "Snog." "What?!" Clerise burst out laughing. It was a private joke between them, a misheard name for one of her mother's dogs. Willow, not wanting to offend Clerise's mother, had managed to carry on a conversation for twenty minutes in her calm, controlled voice about 'Snog's' eating habits before a tearing, doubled-over Clerise dragged her from the room so they could finally laugh about it. Even today, one mention of 'Snog' was enough to send her into giggling hysterics. As Clerise's laughter subsided, Willow folded her hands and sat primly, a smug expression on her face. "My apologies, Jacey. He is not looking at you." "Told you Willow." Clerise took a triumphant sip of her Kremdeir. "He's looking at Clerise." Clerise's mouth contorted in shock as she fought to keep the frozen juice from dribbling down her chin. Having won that small victory, she turned in time to catch a glimpse of the young man Jacey and Willow were staring at (although with her glasses on, WIllow seemed to have every iota of awareness consumed by her very interesting spring water.) Tall, dark brown hair, almost black eyes. Crested jacket from a very good school. Definite marriage material. (Mother would be thrilled.) Still swallowing, Clerise caught his eye and his smile a moment before he turned to pay for his drinks and leave the cafe. She turned back to Willow. "He was not looking at me." "Yes. He was." "They never look at me." "He was. Face it, Clerise. You're grown up now. You're on the market, whether you like it or not. He was looking at you." Another eye roll. "So where does that leave us? He didn't come over and say anything. I don't even know what his name is. And assuming he was looking at me, he's no better off than Jacey with the Infinitely Cute Braid Boy." Jacey scowled. "He knows nothing about me, he never even talked to me, and I know nothing about him." Willow smirked. "He is better off than Jacey. He knows you've seen him." "So what do we call him? Infinitely Cute Cravat Boy?" Jacey sighed for her lost lust. "He wasn't as cute as the Braid Boy." Clerise gave Jacey a questioning look. The young man who had supposedly been looking at her had been . . . well, cute. Very cute. Handsome even. Which was precisely why he couldn't have been looking at her. Willow gave a delicate snort, like a doe-mare. "I'm afraid young Jacey is correct, at least by most standards. Barring the braid itself, Braid Boy was more aesthetically pleasing than your beau, Clerise." "He's not my beau, Willow." Willow's smirk grew. "And regardless of how handsome or not handsome he was, it's not as if we have even spoken with either of them. How can we compare them, when we don't even know what they're like?" "You're being too idealistic, Clerise. And given the standards at hand, allowing for the unusual hair, Jacey's intended wins. But then, we know nothing of his schooling, his breeding, his wealth and potential. All in all, in the marriage game, you are far ahead of our good friend here. But then, I don't think Jacey is trying to wed the Braid Boy, Infinitely Cute or otherwise." Clerise shook her head. This was a ridiculous conversation. Some young man looked at her and now she was practically engaged? Some other boy wore a braid and now he was almost unweddable, but worth walking the boardwalk all afternoon to try and find? What did Willow base these assumptions on anyway? Appearances. Just appearances. And how cute was the Infinitely Cute Braid Boy? With this kind of build-up, he probably had a brain the size of a muja pit. Or smaller. Clerise began to gather up the stray napkins on the table and pulled out her credit chip. Jacey did the same, but Willow waved them both away and pulled out her own. "My turn. It's your first day here. You can pay next time." Clerise made a face as well as a mental note to remember that next time was her turn. It wasn't as if any of them couldn't afford it, but it was the principle of the thing. Clerise put away her chip, rearranging her purse which the terminal agent had so thoroughly randomized. She was so engrossed in her task that she never noticed Jacey's startled gasp. Nevertheless, the joyous shriek which followed caught not only her attention, but likely everyone else within the star system. "THERE HE IS!" -----signature----- “And occasionally, a handkerchief comes out to wipe away a tear of laughter. That is my reward. The rest goes to the government.” --Victor Borge http://www.geocities.com/alli_wan Like the truth, I'm still out there.
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Abbi_Cee Registered: Jul '00	Date Posted: 10/30/00 3:16am Subject: RE: Appearances- (please critique my second fanfic) (late JA)
	You're leaving us here! Infinitly cute Braid Boy appears and we have to wait?! Well... well... darn. ;-) -----signature----- AKA: QuiGal The Republic's "Ambassadors" are two fanatical, heavily-armed religious nuts with elite commando training and the ability to invade your mind and manipulate your thoughts. They say they are here to negotiate. ~ Ben Krauskopf
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Rosemary Registered: Aug '00	Date Posted: 10/30/00 4:06am Subject: RE: Appearances- (please critique my second fanfic) (late JA)
	You're leaving us there?????? Awwwww! I'm bookmarking Keep going! =) -----signature----- I haven't been replying much.. =\ Stupid summer obligations..
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mouse2 Registered: Oct '99	Date Posted: 10/30/00 12:38pm Subject: RE: Appearances- (please critique my second fanfic) (late JA)
	I love it Alli-Wan! Now give us some more!!! -----signature----- Want to know what ANTAR and TLST are? Visit Hell's Chance! http://www.hellschancecantina.com Proud Master to Lola64! I've gone into lurking mode... If you need me feel free to PM me...
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Jedi Gryph Grin Registered: Sep '99	Date Posted: 11/2/00 5:06pm Subject: RE: Appearances- (please critique my second fanfic) (late JA)
	C'mon Alli-Wan, you had me captured by the end of the first post, and now you leave us hanging! More, more, more!! grin -----signature----- ACCIO FIREBOLT!!!
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