[TheForce.net]
» Jedi Council Forums
» Fan Fiction
» The Saga
Register
|
Login
|
Search
|
Help
|
New Boards
|
Harassment Policy
|
Rules of the JC
|
TOS
|
Markup Codes
Locked Topic
|
Read Only Topic
|
Previous Active Topic
|
Next Active Topic
Pages:
1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
10
11
12
13
14
15
16
1
|
2
|
3
|
4
|
5
|
6
|
7
|
8
|
9
|
10
»
-
Previous
|
Next
|
Reload
Author
Topic:
Through the New Dawn-Valin Halcyon to Hal Horn -Complete-
RosyRedFinguredDawn
Registered:
Jan '03
Date Posted:
6/29/03 4:37pm
Subject:
Through the New Dawn-Valin Halcyon to Hal Horn -Complete-
-
Date Edited:
6/17/04 10:39pm
(17 edits total)
Edited By:
RosyRedFinguredDawn
Title: Through The New Dawn
By: Rosy Red Fingured Dawn
Summary: The beginning of the transformation from Valin Halcyon to Hal Horn
Disclaimer: I don't own the universe, that's George Lucas' nor the character's, the important ones are Michael A. Stackpole's. I do own the story so just ask me before you take it if you want to archive it, etc. Most likely I will be happy to let you have it. Enjoy!
A great big thanks is owed to SpeldoriontheBlended: Not only the beta but also the bunny spawn-er
The passengers on the craft bustle about, young women carrying children, old men tottering along, species beyond the imagination bumping into one another as they move along. A whirlwind of activity has descended on the travelers as the ship approaches the planet, their final destination. Amid this chaos a young man stays seated without any indication of planning a contribution to the crush of bodies headed for the view port. He is really nothing to those who see him, average height, dark brown hair, just another person on a ship of many. Most assume him to be asleep. The vest he decided upon to wear seems perfect to those passers-by, but the few who really look deep, see it as clashing with something just under the surface. Without any pockets or the promise of warmth on a cold day, it possesses a playful impracticality that just doesn't fit him.
A jolt announces the final docking into Coronet's port and he swiftly grabs his bag off the floor. Even among this mass of people he walks with an economy of motion. He doesn't really react when sideswiped by an over-eager child and later an inconsiderate businessman, instead he seems flat, in that sort of even state achieved only when one is bombarded by so many emotions that they just shut everything down. Pushed through customs he emerges at the ramp leading into the welcoming plaza. Spotting his destination he heads over while talking deep calming breaths.
Though forced, it sounds genuine when he shouts "Dad, hey, over here. It's so great to see you!" Despite its success in convincing others, inside he recoils. To him it was a great betrayal of one long dead, not just a simple salutation. The group of three then departs, all the while speaking among themselves in happy abandon lest anyone think something amiss.
***********
The older man sits hunched at their kitchen table. Shoulders bent, back curved, hands clutched around a cup of caf that had long ago grown cold. He is not asleep, nor did he ever indulge in that luxury the night before. Instead he stares out the window into his gardens as the sun rises, red touches illuminating the sky.
"Rostek, you never came to bed last night." Her voice cuts through his musings and causes his first movement in over eight hours. Standing up, he makes his way over to the caf pot, a movement born of habit as opposed to any real need to wake up. "I missed you." She added. He moves to explain but she cuts him off saying, "Bonni commed, she really needs me at work. This flu virus seemed to really have hit hard." She pauses then continues, "They can't get anyone else to cover and they need me." Another pause. "I said I'd go in 'til half past 3."
"Ok." He accepted and added, "love you, Scerra," as she left the room.
"Tell him I'll be home soon." She threw over her shoulder in the doorway to the bedroom. Before leaving she enters her son's room and kisses him without disturbing his sleep. It was something she hadn't done for seven years and it took her back to an earlier, easier time. All the way to work she thought of the two men she had shared her bed with in her life, neither of whom had been there to comfort her in her tears last night.
***************
As a weathered, sun bronzed hand shook the young man's shoulder, the sleeper mumbled and rolled over. The action surprised Rostek in its normality, and when he again shook him he was almost expecting some garbled statement about wanting to avoid school. That touched something deep within him, but he couldn't identify what it was. Instead of an adolescent plea, big hazel-green eyes met his own. "Mornin'," was the only response.
"Afternoon, actually," Rostek corrected, playfully. "It's about two."
"That late ?" he asked , confused, "I haven't slept this long since..." His eyes wandered, thinking about his last sleep indulgence so far in the past that it seemed a lifetime ago
"You must have been tired from the trip." was the excuse the older man gave to reel him in from memories. "Scerra will be back in a bit. Meanwhile, let's fix you some breakfast- well, lunch." The two adjourned to the kitchen and soon found themselves sitting in somewhat strained silence punctuated only by the intermittent crunch. Rostek took the leap to make the atmosphere completely uncomfortable and declared the statement that has brought fear to all sorts of domestic conversations, "We need to talk." In response he got a brief look down. Again he started, perhaps a little more tenderly, "Valin, we need to set up some things now, okay?" A nod this time. "Okay , that's good." Now suddenly that he had the audience a touch of stage fright descended, "Come into my office when you finish." He stood and walked over to his office, filled with a purpose he desperately wanted that morning. Back at the table, Valin set down his lunch and closed his eyes. Breathe in; hold, one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, expel everything. Twice more he went through the motions then stood, straight backed, a professional face that he had been without since awaking, to join Rostek in the office.
The sound of a door closing caused Rostek to look up suddenly. He had not been expecting him so soon, but it was time to do this. He had retreated into his impersonal work office so he might convince himself that it was "just another case." He helped people do this every day at work; this should be no different.
"Valin, as you know with the current political climate and the hunters about its unsafe to be a..." Rostek began but a swift nod ended that line of speaking. Rostek silently cursed his stupidity. Of course he would know. Again he moved into his speech this time covering the logistics of his aborted statement. "I worked with several good friends who knew your father to begin to craft a new identity for you, as well as alter files about the Halcyon's in general." He paused for deep breath and continued for his silent audience. "Your name will be Hal Horn. You are my son with Scerra. Assuming anyone ever does a genetic scan between the two of us we will just explain it through adultery." The last statement clearly caused Valin some grief, the skin around his eyes tightened and he looked as if he might speak, but then thought better of it. "Your absence has been explained by boarding school, but you are returning now because we felt that with the current upheaval it would be better to have you finish your last year at home."
"But..." Valin spoke out this time to point out the obvious error in that plan: on Corellia school ends at seventeen and he is eighteen. Nevertheless Rostek continued on to address this question.
"You are sixteen, you physically pass for one that young." He said surely, reminding that this is a new identity. "Your next birthday will be in two and a half months. You will attend the local school." His voice softer now, he explained his reasoning. "If you are about sixteen and three fourths then you would have been ten at the end of the war, not twelve. No one new went to the Temple about a year after the war. So, if they search around for people who could have gone to the Temple at eleven and a half, as all Corellian Jedi do, then 'Hal' just misses the cut. It's one fewer thing to link with the Jedi." A nod demonstrates Valin understands and a few moments later a door shuts.
"There are a lot more things to cover, documents for instance, but that is the basics in case you go out and are asked questions." Rostek finished so they could join Scerra.
"One quick question," Valin threw in as they entered the kitchen, his minding grasping at the information for understanding, "when do I start school?"
-----signature-----
Through the New Dawn -Complete-
Valin Halcyon into Hal Horn
http://boards.theforce.net/message.asp?topic=12224235&replies=2
Compost Happens
Therefore, Recycle
Locked Topic
|
Active Topic Notification
|
Private Message
|
Post History
dianethx
Registered:
Mar '02
Date Posted:
6/30/03 4:37am
Subject:
RE: Through the New Dawn-Valin Halcyon to Hal Horn 6-29
Good start. I liked the way you set up the scenerio and the explainations of how "Hal" is only 16 and would have escaped going to the Jedi.
Keep up the good work!! And I'm looking forward to more...
-----signature-----
Betrayal -
http://boards.theforce.net/s/b1/10935143
updated 11/2/09
jedidas3's Master
Merlin - Diplomatic Immunity -
http://boards.theforce.net/nswff/b10808/30459852
Locked Topic
|
Active Topic Notification
|
Private Message
|
Post History
RosyRedFinguredDawn
Registered:
Jan '03
Date Posted:
6/30/03 9:21am
Subject:
RE: Through the New Dawn-Valin Halcyon to Hal Horn 6-29
Thanks dianethx. It seemed to me we working out ages that Valin was a litle too young so I changed that. I'm working on the next post so it should be up fairly soon.
~Rosy
-----signature-----
Through the New Dawn -Complete-
Valin Halcyon into Hal Horn
http://boards.theforce.net/message.asp?topic=12224235&replies=2
Compost Happens
Therefore, Recycle
Locked Topic
|
Active Topic Notification
|
Private Message
|
Post History
SpeldoriontheBlended
Registered:
Apr '02
Date Posted:
7/2/03 9:13am
Subject:
RE: Through the New Dawn-Valin Halcyon to Hal Horn 6-29
I got here! Wahoo! I would heap mountains of lavish praise on the author about how good the story is, but as i betaed it that would be a bit unfair.
-----signature-----
'I quote too much' - Me
Society is always in danger of imminent collapse. That is what sustains it.
Beware the power of the elipsis...
Locked Topic
|
Active Topic Notification
|
Private Message
|
Post History
RosyRedFinguredDawn
Registered:
Jan '03
Date Posted:
7/2/03 11:17pm
Subject:
RE: Through the New Dawn-Valin Halcyon to Hal Horn 6-29
Thanks Blended, I appriciate the sentiment. Now a question for anyone reading: What are some good techniques to avoid passive voice and bring verb tenses into the present? I'm half way through the next post but I keep running into those two problems. Thanks!
~Rosy
-----signature-----
Through the New Dawn -Complete-
Valin Halcyon into Hal Horn
http://boards.theforce.net/message.asp?topic=12224235&replies=2
Compost Happens
Therefore, Recycle
Locked Topic
|
Active Topic Notification
|
Private Message
|
Post History
jade51999
Registered:
Nov '99
Date Posted:
7/3/03 7:02am
Subject:
RE: Through the New Dawn-Valin Halcyon to Hal Horn 6-29
Hmm..the best thing i would say to avoid passive voice is to constantly look back and make sure your object is the one doing the action..
but as passive voice is my WORST grammatical problem..you may not want to listen to me
as for present tense..*shrug* no clue
but its a good start for your story!
-----signature-----
Into Oblivion (L/M) Now Completed
http://boards.theforce.net/beyond_the_saga/b10477/30188512/p1/?0
Living in De'Nile, TKL Apts
Locked Topic
|
Active Topic Notification
|
Private Message
|
Post History
SpeldoriontheBlended
Registered:
Apr '02
Date Posted:
7/3/03 9:50am
Subject:
RE: Through the New Dawn-Valin Halcyon to Hal Horn 6-29
i'm not sure how to spot it. I'll keep an eye out for it in the next post, though.
Idea: why don't you ask in the Fanfic writers rescourse board?
-----signature-----
'I quote too much' - Me
Society is always in danger of imminent collapse. That is what sustains it.
Beware the power of the elipsis...
Locked Topic
|
Active Topic Notification
|
Private Message
|
Post History
RosyRedFinguredDawn
Registered:
Jan '03
Date Posted:
7/3/03 10:55pm
Subject:
RE: Through the New Dawn-Valin Halcyon to Hal Horn 6-29
Jade and Blended thank you very much for your advice. I took it to heart when editing the next post. Speaking of the next post, I just sent it to Blended, so I'll put it up when its done. Thanks again for advice and reading, I hope you enjoy it.
~Rosy
-----signature-----
Through the New Dawn -Complete-
Valin Halcyon into Hal Horn
http://boards.theforce.net/message.asp?topic=12224235&replies=2
Compost Happens
Therefore, Recycle
Locked Topic
|
Active Topic Notification
|
Private Message
|
Post History
SpeldoriontheBlended
Registered:
Apr '02
Date Posted:
7/4/03 9:52am
Subject:
RE: Through the New Dawn-Valin Halcyon to Hal Horn 6-29
OK, I've got the post now. I'll try and get it back to you today or tomorrow.
-----signature-----
'I quote too much' - Me
Society is always in danger of imminent collapse. That is what sustains it.
Beware the power of the elipsis...
Locked Topic
|
Active Topic Notification
|
Private Message
|
Post History
RosyRedFinguredDawn
Registered:
Jan '03
Date Posted:
7/4/03 6:20pm
Subject:
RE: Through the New Dawn-Valin Halcyon to Hal Horn 7-4
-
Date Edited:
7/4/03 6:24pm
(1 edits total)
Edited By:
RosyRedFinguredDawn
Ok, here's the next post. Thanks to everybody who reviewed and Blended for a very swift beta. I hope you enjoy it.
Italics
=thoughts
****************
They spent the week after Rostek and Valin’s first conversation solidifying the information on “Hal Horn” and his family. Documents were destroyed in droves new, “improved” ones took their place. Of all the creation the worst in everyone’s mind was the night the three sat down and created a full story of “Hal’s” life, complete with fake anecdotes and other stories. All action in the house moved at such a frenzied speed that it seemed to Valin he was almost back on the front, fighting in the war that did away with the common conception of a soldier’s life as ninety-nine percent boredom, one percent pure terror. So much to be done that it was easy to continued existing in the calm state he had crafted to survive the front.
Most of the initial, vital work completed, Scerra and Valin jumped into the smaller jobs left for the week before school began. Like so many other students Valin set off with his mother to buy a few new clothes for the school year, however, they had to assemble a complete wardrobe - he hadn’t been able to fit much in his carry-sack. Once the two arrived at the store he drifted to the shirts while Scerra attended to leggings. She reached the racks, and then halted. Confused eyes swept over the rack- she didn’t know how long his legs were, what size to be looking for. Contemplating this revelation for a few minutes she then returned to the task at hand by locating Valin among the long shirts. All 7 of the options were some form of brown, most a medium tan, the color of padawan robes.
“How about some color, dear?” She ribbed him a bit, using the humor to cover deeper concerns.
In the one of his, inarticulate moments Valin responded, as he looked down with an “Oh,” and returned all but three of the shirts. Quickly she explained her predicament and Valin answered his mother, so the two continued their shopping endeavor.
Upon the second rendezvous Scerra returned with an adequate number of pants and was happy to see that Valin had expanded his color scheme.
“Have you tried them on yet?” Scerra inquired, ready to move onto the next logical step.
“No.” Valin answered, economical in his choice of words as had become his usual style. A pause permeated their conversation; Scerra expecting him to enter one of the close stalls while Valin was unaware of any such obligation.
“Are you going to go try them on?” She finally asked, perturbed by his lack of movement.
“Okay,” Valin acquiesced, understanding the reason for trying them on. Scerra seated herself beside another woman on a bench outside the stalls. “You don’t need to stay.” Valin added nodding to her. Scerra just smiled and Valin retreated.
To her left her seatmate commented, laughing, as a boy who Scerra could only assume to be her son exited a changing room, “You wonder sometimes if they could even dress themselves without us.” Scerra just shook her head and chuckled. Five shirts later Valin walked out to show his mother another at her insistence. She reacted, breathing in sharply. The shirt was a dark evergreen that complemented his pale skin and hazel eyes but despite how good he looked her one thought was:
He looks just like Nejaa in his “hunting clothes.”
“Should I keep it?” he asked, having noticed the effect it caused.
“Yes, I think you should.” She returned thoughtfully. “You look quite nice.”
Soon afterwards they completed their mission with only one real disaster, a rather horrific, glaringly orange shirt.
***********************
Valin was sitting quietly in what had become his bedroom after preparing for the next day, the first day of school. He looked up quickly at the door as if he could gaze though it out into the kitchen where his mother was sitting. Things had been…tougher this week than the week before. He had to admit that he was desperately missing the emotionless abandon brought by constant activity. But, besides these worries there was something deeper that seemed, well… wrong.
She’s waiting up again, he thought. She has every night that he’s been late, which has been every night this week.
It was really at that moment that Valin identified “he” as the culprit behind his worries.
It’s not that I don’t like him, or want him around its just that he’s not supposed to come here at night.
He reflected upon this isolationist desire for another long period before one more burst of understanding hit.
I never have truly thought of them as married. I’ve never actually seen them together like this before. When I left it was still Mom and Dad, Dad died when I was at the Temple. I never saw Mom and Rostek really together, in everyday life. I wonder if even after attending there wedding I thought, subconsciously of the two of them as Mom and Uncle Rostek: my fathers’ friend who would bring birthday presents and helped me with my botany project. I guess I never really made the switch in my mind, that Dad was gone.
I saw more of Dad during the war than I would have had I been here,
he reflected.
Once things got worse and he moved from the engagements around here to wherever he was stationed he came to the Temple a lot. I never really appreciated how much extra time that gave me.
As any thoughts of his father acted this too inevitably arrived at the memory of his death. It had occurred during one of the initiate training classes. Sixteen twelve year olds sat around in the room playing around until the teacher/disciplinarian, Master Snead arrived. He explained the lesson so completely that a few “listeners” had begun to nod off, but luckily he summarized it in the end.
“You will need to open yourself up completely to the force. Bring down your mental walls and let your partner to begin to try and guide you through the task of arranging the tiles. Trust your partner as your eyes just as you trust the force to guide you. After the occurrences last week, I will partner you off. Dan with Ang, Sari and Xue, Valin and Taryn…”
With these partnerships confirmed each group found each other and sat down to complete the task. In the case of Valin and Taryn a little verbal sparring occurred between the friends before the former won the right to begin and tied the blindfold around his partner. With the swiftest success of any group Taryn received Valin’s mental instructions and set the tiles in the prescribed swirl pattern of blue and red.
The success achieved so easily with the first attempt did not carry over when leaders switched. It was not that Valin did not trust Taryn, they were best friends, but that well…
“Would you please try very hard not to project, Valin.” The teacher instructed after a prolonged period of time. “I realize that what you see within the force is captivating, but you’re interfering with Taryn’s ability to project to you. Pull your shields all the way down and open up your mind.” Valin completed his assigned action only to find that yet again he was projecting. After reigning in the errant images Taryn set to work. Meanwhile, Master Snead walked away, and perhaps he might have been muttering “Halcyons” while shaking his head.
Suddenly the pull at his mind came from another source. Pain swirled with determination yanked through the mind unguarded by shields. Frenzied action, calm acceptance, sudden power. Then absence. Absence and pain tearing through his mind and then blackness, blackness unmarked by anything but abandon.
He awoke sometime later in the infirmary to hear muted voices confirm what he knew without a doubt.
“He was killed.”
“They were practicing exchanging images mentally without shields. Had Nejaa not shut down the bond with his son Valin would been much worse than a bit of psychic shock.”
The voices drifted away, thankfully to leave the boy alone.
I need to concentrate on being in character and not reflect on what has been.
He forced all memories of that event out and began to repeat his mantra in preparation for the next days trials.
I am a Jedi and this is a mission like any other I have been on. I will succeed. I am Hal Horn. I am a Jedi...
************
Remember, reviews make my day
-----signature-----
Through the New Dawn -Complete-
Valin Halcyon into Hal Horn
http://boards.theforce.net/message.asp?topic=12224235&replies=2
Compost Happens
Therefore, Recycle
Locked Topic
|
Active Topic Notification
|
Private Message
|
Post History
ROGUE_49
Registered:
Apr '02
Date Posted:
7/6/03 2:25pm
Subject:
RE: Through the New Dawn-Valin Halcyon to Hal Horn 7-4
oooh fun
Rosy
I have a feeling this is going to be painful to read though...
Keep up the good work.
-Rogue
-----signature-----
"Yub yub, Commander!"
Against Fate (Obi-Wan/Anakin, post TPM)
http://boards.theforce.net/message.asp?topic=10930668&start=10930682
The Man Who Killed Ithor (A Collection of Corran Horn Vignettes)
http://boards.theforce.net/message.asp?topic=10934467
Locked Topic
|
Active Topic Notification
|
Private Message
|
Post History
RosyRedFinguredDawn
Registered:
Jan '03
Date Posted:
7/6/03 3:25pm
Subject:
RE: Through the New Dawn-Valin Halcyon to Hal Horn 7-4
Oh, thanks for stopping by Rogue. As for "painful" maybe a little bit, I do admit to liking angst, but if everything is angst it gets far to depressing so there will be happiness in here somewhere. Thanks again.
~Rosy
-----signature-----
Through the New Dawn -Complete-
Valin Halcyon into Hal Horn
http://boards.theforce.net/message.asp?topic=12224235&replies=2
Compost Happens
Therefore, Recycle
Locked Topic
|
Active Topic Notification
|
Private Message
|
Post History
jade51999
Registered:
Nov '99
Date Posted:
7/7/03 7:33am
Subject:
RE: Through the New Dawn-Valin Halcyon to Hal Horn 7-4
Ahh the problem of disguise..that really stinks,
Poor Hal..
Good post though..
looking forward to more.
-----signature-----
Into Oblivion (L/M) Now Completed
http://boards.theforce.net/beyond_the_saga/b10477/30188512/p1/?0
Living in De'Nile, TKL Apts
Locked Topic
|
Active Topic Notification
|
Private Message
|
Post History
SpeldoriontheBlended
Registered:
Apr '02
Date Posted:
7/7/03 9:34am
Subject:
RE: Through the New Dawn-Valin Halcyon to Hal Horn 7-4
The quick work wasn't that hard. My parents had some friends over, and they brought their rather obnoxious six year old with them. I managed to escape him by doing some 'work'.
-----signature-----
'I quote too much' - Me
Society is always in danger of imminent collapse. That is what sustains it.
Beware the power of the elipsis...
Locked Topic
|
Active Topic Notification
|
Private Message
|
Post History
RosyRedFinguredDawn
Registered:
Jan '03
Date Posted:
7/7/03 3:36pm
Subject:
RE: Through the New Dawn-Valin Halcyon to Hal Horn 7-4
"Work" huh Blended, well, I've been known to have "work" such as that too. Don't worry, I'm working on more "work" for you right now.
jade51999
disguse is one of the bigger themes of this, the story is sort of chronicaling when the transformation of a disguise to truth so there will be more disguse for you. Thanks for reading.
~Rosy
-----signature-----
Through the New Dawn -Complete-
Valin Halcyon into Hal Horn
http://boards.theforce.net/message.asp?topic=12224235&replies=2
Compost Happens
Therefore, Recycle
Locked Topic
|
Active Topic Notification
|
Private Message
|
Post History
SpeldoriontheBlended
Registered:
Apr '02
Date Posted:
7/8/03 11:44am
Subject:
RE: Through the New Dawn-Valin Halcyon to Hal Horn 7-4
-
Date Edited:
7/11/03 10:20am
(1 edits total)
Edited By:
SpeldoriontheBlended
*Rubs hands together* Excellent.
Talking of that, in the new scientist, there was a section on Pub names. (Don't ask). Apparently, there's one named 'The Office', and one named 'Walk the Dog'!
Sorry. Random trivia fix of the day.
-----signature-----
'I quote too much' - Me
Society is always in danger of imminent collapse. That is what sustains it.
Beware the power of the elipsis...
Locked Topic
|
Active Topic Notification
|
Private Message
|
Post History
Pages:
1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
10
11
12
13
14
15
16
1
|
2
|
3
|
4
|
5
|
6
|
7
|
8
|
9
|
10
»
-
Previous
|
Next
|
Reload
[TheForce.net]
» Jedi Council Forums
» Fan Fiction
» The Saga
© 2009 IGN Entertainment, Inc (9.02.17.2300, IGNPRDAPPW64214) 0.468