Jedi Council Forums - -=-Mists of Deception-=-

Locked Topic | Read Only Topic | Previous Active Topic | Next Active Topic

Pages: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 - ~~Previous~~ | Next | Reload

Author	Topic: -=-Mists of Deception-=-
Sekotian_Jedi Registered: Feb '05	Date Posted: 5/22/05 5:22am Subject: -=-Mists of Deception-=- - Date Edited: 6/5/05 5:14am (2 edits total) Edited By: Sekotian_Jedi
	Title: Mists of Deception Story Type: ~AU~ Time Period: post KotOR2 Beta-er: Tyranus230 Notes and Acknowledgment: First off, I would like to thank my great beta, T, who helped make the writing/typing more streamlined and grammatically correct. I would also like to thank several JCF users who allowed me to use their user-names and their own 'character profiles' to make this story much more enjoyable to write. Posting and PMs: If you post a review you will be entitled to a free update PM when the next section is up. If you ever feel that you do not want this service from the start or later on, just include that in your post. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Korriban was a small planet located on the Outer Rim. It was a dry, desolate, and mountainous world devoid of most life. Its warm climate making the entire planet’s surface an arid and wretched rock. The only noticeable concentration of life was to be found in the planet’s single colony outpost. The Dereasha Colony was founded in an ill attempted colonization of the planet; later colonization was deemed unviable due to the planet’s scarce supply of natural water and minerals. All this didn’t matter for the pilot of the small fighter that had just exited hyperspace above Korriban. Guiding the small and agile Sith fighter down to the colony and landing it with the precision that attracted the eyes of staff who had long forgotten such pilots still existed. The pilot drew even more attention as he got out of the fighter’s cockpit and his boots clapped against the hard paved surface of the docking bay. The pilot, with a tall chiseled physique and wearing a set of black robes, was something of an unseen quality to the maintenance workers. They had become accustom to seeing overweight and bulky freighter pilots who wore tattered uniforms and greasy faces. What drew their attention more was odd black tattoos that poked up from underneath his trappings. Looking over with his pale sapphire blue eyes, that had an almost grayish quality, he strode over to the nearest staff member. Though, what he saw didn’t suggest any good qualities, or intelligence. The deck officer was dressed in a pale brown jump suit that was adorned with a single official patch and several stains. “I seek a certain person,” Vassago declared in a calm and even voice. “I believe he may have passed by a short while back.” “So? Wha’ it mean to me?” The officer sneered at the pilot. “We’ve got lots er’v people ‘passing by’. It ain’t my job to keep tabs on people. ” “I assure you he was quite noticeable,” Vassago said, his voice still calm. He pulled out several Republic credits as if to make a point, “And quite worth the time in remembering.” The officer’s attention perked up and he asked in a low tone, “And what might this person look like? I may be able to remember for the right inspirations.” “I believe he was wearing Mandalorian armor,” Vassago said as he quietly moved the credits around in the palm of his hand. “And had several tattoos on his face.” “Ohhh…you mean that weird dres’ person on the last shuttle?” “Yes, him. Do you know where he went?” “Maybe…my memory is starting to go bad in my old age…maybe something more tangible than those pieces of plastic will perk’ it up.” Vassago looked at the officer who was probably no older than twenty-eight. Subtly waving his free hand and also using it to reveal his lightsaber he said, “What I offer you is enough for your assistance.” “What yos offer me ais enoug’.” The offer muttered in an almost dumbfounded way with his eyes seeming to stare off into space and his face neutral of any emotions. “Good…where’d he go?” Vassago quietly asked in a sly tone. In the same dumbfounded tone he said, “He left the colony from the north entrance and headed for the shyaak caves…” After handing credits to the man, Vassago waved his hand ever-so slightly and said, “You will make sure no one touches my fighter.” Nodding the officer left to check on something else, leaving with the same empty expression and dumbfounded look. Vassago merely let out a chuckle and mumbled something that sounded like “weak-minded fool” before disappearing into the colony. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ -----signature----- There will always be someone to recognize another's hard work... [=-=FanFics=-=] http://boards.theforce.net/message.asp?topic=19833992&replies=0 [updated: Dec 23] http://boards.theforce.net/Message.aspx?topic=22645782&brd=10476
	Locked Topic \| Active Topic Notification \| Private Message \| Post History
JediKnightEmily Registered: Apr '04	Date Posted: 5/22/05 5:43am Subject: RE: -=-Mists of Deception-=-
	Very nice beginning -----signature----- "Do you really think you can pull something like that, and not have to pay for it?"
	Locked Topic \| Active Topic Notification \| Private Message \| Post History
dri-ma-kadi Registered: Oct '04	Date Posted: 5/22/05 6:02am Subject: RE: -=-Mists of Deception-=-
	Very cool!!!Whns the next part ready?
	Locked Topic \| Active Topic Notification \| Private Message \| Post History
Kit' Title: Manager Emeritus Registered: Oct '99	Date Posted: 5/22/05 6:28am Subject: RE: -=-Mists of Deception-=-
	This looks interesting, Fantastic start! Kit -----signature----- Some people are like slinkies; Not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile as you push them down the stairs * Writers wanted.... http://boards.theforce.net/the_saga/b10476/27996678
	Locked Topic \| Active Topic Notification \| Private Message \| Post History
Jerjerrod-Lennox Registered: Mar '05	Date Posted: 5/22/05 6:37am Subject: RE: -=-Mists of Deception-=-
	An interesting beginning SJ. More! -----signature----- I have got to get me one of these! See my sock Innox for profile details. ""Great men never hurry, great men cause others to hurry" Moff Jerjerrod
	Locked Topic \| Active Topic Notification \| Private Message \| Post History
DarthKakarot Registered: Mar '05	Date Posted: 5/22/05 9:52am Subject: RE: -=-Mists of Deception-=-
	awesome, keep up the good work sekot!
	Locked Topic \| Active Topic Notification \| Private Message \| Post History
SwordoftheJedi Registered: Jan '05	Date Posted: 5/22/05 10:16am Subject: RE: -=-Mists of Deception-=-
	That was excellent! Write more! -----signature----- Master to Ithonya - New Jedi Trials Team WNU member- Teh Awesome Jedi Knight - New Jedi Trials Chief Commando in the War Unit - SWC Rebel Alliance Proud Master to Darth_Rancor04
	Locked Topic \| Active Topic Notification \| Private Message \| Post History
Nightstalker23 Registered: May '05	Date Posted: 5/22/05 10:18am Subject: RE: -=-Mists of Deception-=-
	Very good job!!! -----signature----- ~A man walks in, seeking to become an honorable Jedi~ Member of the Cadet Clan: SWC Rebel Alliance Jedi Knight in the SWC Jedi Trials/Order. Pilot in Saber Squadron (Jedi Starfighter). Looking for a padawan.
	Locked Topic \| Active Topic Notification \| Private Message \| Post History
MaceWindu-the-Bald Registered: Mar '05	Date Posted: 5/23/05 7:53pm Subject: RE: -=-Mists of Deception-=-
	Cool. Please write more. -----signature----- At some point we have to take responsibility for our actions. Purple-bladed lightsaber, accept no substitutes. Hamburgers, the cornerstone of any nutritious breakfast
	Locked Topic \| Active Topic Notification \| Private Message \| Post History
Sekotian_Jedi Registered: Feb '05	Date Posted: 5/24/05 9:10am Subject: RE: -=-Mists of Deception-=- - Date Edited: 8/9/05 9:41pm (3 edits total) Edited By: Sekotian_Jedi
	REVIEWS JediKnightEmily -- Thanks! dri-ma-kadi -- Whens the next part ready -- Right now! Kit' -- Fantastic start -- Thanks! it's so cool that a Manager Emeritus thinks that! Jerjerrod-Lennox -- An interesting beginning SJ -- And hopefully it shall stay that way...anyway, your character is up, JL, I hope you enjoy. DarthKakarot -- awesome, keep up the good work sekot! -- I plan to Kakarot!! Thanks for reviewing my work. SwordoftheJedi -- That was excellent! Write more! -- Here we go, second post is up...I hope you like it. Nightstalker23 -- Very good job -- Thanks again...it seems that's the concenus... MaceWindu-the-Bald -- goody, a new reader that isn't actually someone I know. I hope you enjoy this Fanfic as it progresses. NOTE: For anyone not familiar with KotOR or/and KotOR 2, do note that when I say Sith Officer or Sith Trooper I'm refering to the non-force sensitive people part of the Sith Empire. Actual 'Sith' (Darkside users) will be identified by such items as their saber or other traits that are Force-sensitive like. Admiral Scyther Jerjerrod-Lennox watched the count down before reentry back to normal space. As she turned to the main viewport, she caught the reflection of a tall and lean person with brown eyes and short hair of the same color, a reflection of herself. There was not much a person could have guessed about her history from the calm and composed look. She joined the Sith Navy back in the birth of the Sith Empire. Her career had been one full of achievements and contrasted with failures too. Lennox was the youngest officer to gain the rank of Admiral, the promotion was one of her greatest achievements, and perhaps one of the Emperor’s greatest gains. She led many successful campaigns against the Republic forces. She was not infallible; she was far from it. Admiral Lennox experienced times when even she had made a mistake and failed to complete the objectives before her. Her own forces occasionally sustained heavy losses and let the Republic gain the momentary edge over the empire. Those were only times when she had discovered vital data or ideas had been forgotten in her planning. She had learned from each mistake and in time the Republic had come to fear, her personal command ship the Sith Cruiser, Roadblock. Suddenly, the view of millions of racing white lines that was dominating the viewports morphed back into the familiar look of normal space, which was now dotted with white pinpricks against a never ending black sea. Immediately the deck’s illumination took on a red hue as klaxons blared away indicating RED ALERT. None of the officers took notice of this change and continued making the necessary adjustments to their instrument because they were trained and briefed on the battle up ahead. “Admiral, we’ve come out of hyperspace at sector five-four mark one-one-four. All ships report ready,” an officer announced from his terminal. “They request permission to break formation and move in on the Republic forces up ahead.” “Permission denied,” Scyther said in a calm voice. “Patch me through to all ships.” The officer nodded and punched in a code at his terminal before motioning to Lennox that it was done. She looked out the viewport at the several Republic ships heading toward them, gathering her thoughts, and then said, “All ships are to remain in formation Aldego-Major and are only to deploy all fighters.” She then paused for a moment to let the orders sink in before continuing. “Angle your deflector shields for maximum frontal power and hold off firing until 5 tactical units away from the enemy. Once you are in range concentrate your fire on the middle of the fleet.” Seeing her orders obeyed, she signaled to the officer to cut the connection and then turned back to watch as her ships edged closer to the enemy; closer to another victory… -----signature----- There will always be someone to recognize another's hard work... [=-=FanFics=-=] http://boards.theforce.net/message.asp?topic=19833992&replies=0 [updated: Dec 23] http://boards.theforce.net/Message.aspx?topic=22645782&brd=10476
	Locked Topic \| Active Topic Notification \| Private Message \| Post History
Jerjerrod-Lennox Registered: Mar '05	Date Posted: 5/24/05 9:22am Subject: RE: -=-Mists of Deception-=-
	I certainly enjoyed that. Good work SJ! -----signature----- I have got to get me one of these! See my sock Innox for profile details. ""Great men never hurry, great men cause others to hurry" Moff Jerjerrod
	Locked Topic \| Active Topic Notification \| Private Message \| Post History
dri-ma-kadi Registered: Oct '04	Date Posted: 5/24/05 9:24am Subject: RE: -=-Mists of Deception-=-
	Very good Sekotian.Your a talented writer.
	Locked Topic \| Active Topic Notification \| Private Message \| Post History
JediKnightEmily Registered: Apr '04	Date Posted: 5/24/05 11:53am Subject: RE: -=-Mists of Deception-=-
	Nice 2nd post. Your writings beautiful -----signature----- "Do you really think you can pull something like that, and not have to pay for it?"
	Locked Topic \| Active Topic Notification \| Private Message \| Post History
MaceWindu-the-Bald Registered: Mar '05	Date Posted: 5/25/05 6:23pm Subject: RE: -=-Mists of Deception-=-
	Great update. -----signature----- At some point we have to take responsibility for our actions. Purple-bladed lightsaber, accept no substitutes. Hamburgers, the cornerstone of any nutritious breakfast
	Locked Topic \| Active Topic Notification \| Private Message \| Post History
Three-Eight Registered: Mar '05	Date Posted: 5/27/05 3:12am Subject: RE: -=-Mists of Deception-=-
	Very nicely done, Sekotian!! Can't wait till the next part! -----signature----- Uttini!!
	Locked Topic \| Active Topic Notification \| Private Message \| Post History
Darth_wanderguard Registered: Apr '05	Date Posted: 5/27/05 3:24am Subject: RE: -=-Mists of Deception-=-
	Wow. When you PMed me, asking me to reveiw and offer what construcive criticism I could, I was expecting you would need some work. I was wrong. You've taken me completely by surprise! There's not much I could do to help you improve, except tell you this: Remember that it's always betterto not just describe your character's surroundings, but to get inside the individual's head, and write on how that person relates to their surroundings. Also, there are certain words alone that can always make your peice sound better. For a wild example, instead of using the word "rock." Maybe use "stone." Because stone is a cooler word. Ori nstead of straightforward "evil." say something more like "Malevolant." or "wicked" Or, for one last example, instead of the word "jump." Say "leap." Because it's more sophisticated. Other than that, there's nothing more I can do for you. -----signature----- I belong to Jag4Me, and I always will "Give me the gum." - Jag4Me I've got a girl, she tastes like rain on my tongue. She's got the moon in her hips, and her eyes burn up like the sun.
	Locked Topic \| Active Topic Notification \| Private Message \| Post History

Pages: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 - ~~Previous~~ | Next | Reload