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Author	Topic: "I Shall Reach Enlightenment" (Jacen joins a monastery)[post 3 12.30.02 HAN]
Aunecah_Skywalker Registered: Mar '02	Date Posted: 10/28/02 12:28pm Subject: "I Shall Reach Enlightenment" (Jacen joins a monastery)[post 3 12.30.02 HAN] - Date Edited: 12/30/02 11:07am (3 edits total) Edited By: Aunecah_Skywalker
	Well, my humor is pathetic and hence I decided that this boards could use a pathetic humor story. You have zero spoilers except for a little inconsequential detail from Traitor. Disclaimer: Unless you're George Lucas worried about somebody stealing your toys, move along. Author's Note: ~ ... ~ = thoughts, // ... // = dialogue through the Force. Finally, I am not going to be updating this like my other stories. So, if anybody actually finds it interesting enough to come back a second time, you might - oh wait, this is assuming the 'if' part is true, which isn't. Aunecah
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Aunecah_Skywalker Registered: Mar '02	Date Posted: 10/28/02 12:29pm Subject: RE: "I Shall Reach Enlightenment" Jacen/Tenel Ka (NJO Post-Traitor AU Humor) [post 1 10.28.02]
	day zero Leia and Han Solo hurried down a deserted corridor of the star destroyer Errant Venture , wearing looks of disdain on their faces. They had been sitting through a pointless meeting with a dozen senators, when their prayers had been answered: They got an emergency call from Jaina, who claimed that Jacen— “You would think,” Leia suddenly exploded, “that, after suffering cleaning all the toilets of Kashyyyk, Jacen would know not to irritate us like this with his little escapades.” “Hey, don’t look at me,” Han replied, throwing up his hands. “If you hadn’t insisted on having kids, we wouldn’t be here in the first place.” Leia glared at her husband. “ I insisted on having kids?” Han was spared the necessity to answer Leia’s challenge when the door opened. The two vexed parents stormed in, startling nobody already in there, and certainly not Jaina and Anakin. ~So much for our dramatic entrance,~ Han thought in a grimace. He wanted to redo his entrance, asking Leia to demand the Force that Jaina and Anakin be startled. “All right, out with it. How did this happen?” he asked instead. “Really, Dad, you must be getting old if you are asking us ‘how’?” Anakin raised a cynical eyebrow at his father, completely ignoring the glare that came back his way. “Is there any point is attaching the word ‘how’ or ‘why’ when it comes to Jacen?” ~Give the boy a medal, he speaks the truth. But I have to admit, Jacen is crazier than I thought he was.~ Han cleared his throat, opening his mouth to ask a question, but Leia got there first. “You expect me to believe that you two just … wished Jacen out of here?” Leia waved her hand around. She tapped her foot on the floor in a pointless gesture of impatience as Jaina and Anakin struggled to come up with the right answer. “Well, no.” “Then, why did he do it?” Han asked, his patience growing thinner by the moment. “Look, all I said was that he shaved off that ugly-looking beard on his face because Tenel Ka felt that he no longer looked dashing and daring.” Jaina shrugged, picking up her abandoned holonovel. “Not my fault if he decided that that was enough to go join a monastery.” “So Jacen is thinking—what the sith is Jacen thinking?” “Don’t swear, Leia.” “Why not? You swear every two minutes,” Leia replied testily, momentarily forgetting about Jacen. “Because I said so,” Han answered crossly. “Besides, you and curses simply don’t go together—it’s like mixing chocolate into … rotten eggs.” “I didn’t need to hear that,” Anakin muttered. His stomach made a small, growling sound. Jaina carefully moved away from him. “So what about Jacen?” Jaina asked. Han and Leia gave their daughter a sweet smile. “You were the one who got him into this mess. You are the one who is going to pull him out of it.” “But I—” “Jaina, let me translate what Mom and Dad are saying,” Anakin interrupted. “Would you rather spend an hour locked in a room with Threepio or drag Jacen back into the ship for their pleasure?” Jaina looked at Anakin, then at her parents, and then at Anakin again. “I see your point.”
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Jade_Max Registered: Jun '02	Date Posted: 10/28/02 12:32pm Subject: RE: "I Shall Reach Enlightenment" Jacen/Tenel Ka (NJO Post-Traitor AU Humor) [post 1 10.28.02]
	LOL! Great start -----signature----- You'll Like me when I'm Dead - V/P Dark Drama - http://boards.theforce.net/the_saga/b10476/29236355 Don't think, write. And have faith that your subconscious mind is smarter than you.- lazy RIP my babies; Nibbler, Boo & Mister Magoo
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Aunecah_Skywalker Registered: Mar '02	Date Posted: 10/30/02 5:20am Subject: RE: "I Shall Reach Enlightenment" Jacen/Tenel Ka (NJO Post-Traitor AU Humor) [post 1 10.28.02]
	Jade_Max : Why, thank you. I did not expect readers. [face_shocked] Aunecah
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The_Hooded_One Registered: May '02	Date Posted: 11/1/02 6:10pm Subject: RE: "I Shall Reach Enlightenment" Jacen/Tenel Ka (NJO Post-Traitor AU Humor) [post 1 10.28.02]
	So scary it's funny, so funny it's scary. -----signature----- I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it. FADA fanatic and proud of it. WARNING: YJK die hard
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_Tenel_Ka_ Registered: Sep '01	Date Posted: 11/1/02 6:39pm Subject: RE: "I Shall Reach Enlightenment" Jacen/Tenel Ka (NJO Post-Traitor AU Humor) [post 1 10.28.02]
	LOL! Jacen's joing a monastery.... after Balance Point, I can so see that! Can't wait for more! -----signature----- Sister to _Alisas_Silverleaf_ "One day love just hits you with a flash, leaves you staring blindly just like a photograph..."
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Aunecah_Skywalker Registered: Mar '02	Date Posted: 11/2/02 8:08am Subject: RE: "I Shall Reach Enlightenment" Jacen/Tenel Ka (NJO Post-Traitor AU Humor) [post 1 10.28.02]
	The Hooded One : What's so scary? _Tenel_Ka_ : Yep. Aunecah
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Aunecah_Skywalker Registered: Mar '02	Date Posted: 11/4/02 4:04pm Subject: RE: "I Shall Reach Enlightenment" Jacen/Tenel Ka (NJO Post-Traitor AU Humor) [post 1 10.28.02] - Date Edited: 11/5/02 10:12am (1 edits total) Edited By: Aunecah_Skywalker
	Every post from now on is going to be 1st person POV from whatever the character I choose to write the story from. Anyway, enjoy. . . . . day one Anakin We seemed to have chosen a very bad time to set foot on Kamino. We are doing that a lot of that lately, and we still haven’t learned anything. The Force was fine for banging two droids together and playing pranks on Lando, but it couldn’t be used for inducing common sense and into yourself. That was a real shame. It was raining heavily on Kamino. Mind you, I have no idea how it can rain the whole time on the whole planet—didn’t that go against Astrophysics? But then, I can’t really trust what Professor Dilga said anyway. She managed to somehow get her way to the top of the hierarchy even though she majored in music and failed all of the very few science classes that she’d been forced to take. For a planet that was supposed to be so technologically advanced that it could create clones, it didn’t seem to have progressed very far in shielding. The only other planet apart from this one that was habituated but didn’t have any shields was Tatooine. Of course, there was no reason whatsoever for Tatooine to have shields. If anything, people should be afraid of the planet instead of the other way around. My sister was cursing by the time she landed our ship on the docking bay. I think I know exactly what’s going on in her mind. At least, so I thought. Dad already warned us quite clearly that if his beloved ship came back sprouting fungus or hosting Who Wants to be a Million Colors contest, he was going to enslave us to the Hutts—or what was remaining of them. I don’t think he liked it very much that Mom was able to strangle the great Jabba the Hutt in one minute with her own two little hands when he hadn’t been able to do it in all his life. My sister, however, seemed to be more concerned for her hair than the Falcon and Dad’s possible retaliation. Then again, she was Dad’s favorite kid, and if she told him that I choked orange juice on Falcon and that’s why it was blue, then he’d believe it. If you were to ask me, parents shouldn’t be allowed to have favorites. For people who are supposed to be so mentally advanced than their kids to be able to have the last say in their matters, they sure are gullible sometimes. There have been times, I suppose, when I wondered how it would have been like if Uncle Luke had been my dad. Believe me, I’ve heard enough horror stories from my parents’ past in general (and my mother’s past in specific) that that possibility is not as implausible as it might seem. Uncle Luke might be more emotionally balanced than Dad, but it was impossible to hide anything from him. I dutifully followed my elder sister out of the cockpit and into the rainstorm outside. I don’t know what it’s with me and rainstorms. Whenever I set foot on a planet the first time, it rains. If I were to go to Tatooine today, the planet would be splashed on the front page of every single newspad in the galaxy, under the glaring headlines: “Young Anakin Solo is being hailed a hero by the moisture farmers of Tatooine.” Interesting. I should try that sometime. My sister was muttering to herself, eyeing the rainstorm with intense distaste. If looks could kill, she would win the contest. She had her hood up, but it beats me how she ever thought that would save her from anything. I mean, even if she flunked Climates and Disasters course way back when (something that she somehow managed to keep from both our parents and our aunt and uncle), she should at least have remembered something from the cloth-rock-rain game that we’ve been playing for umpteen years. It was simple math, really. If certain something was less cooler than certain something else, which in turn was less cooler than something else-else, than that certain something was less cooler than that certain something else-else. I shook of my thoughts. I was good at Mathematics, but that didn’t mean I had to like it. Math made me feel as if my brain was being used in place of a ball in shock-Tennis by a couple of sadistic Sith lords. Besides, math reminded me of that cute Twi’lek girl who sat next to me. I nearly befriended her—only Tahiri scared her off. I was going to find this little, neat way to get back to Tahiri on that one. “So, we’re just going to walk in, look cheery, and wave a hand at everybody?” I inquired my sister, who nodded sweetly. “Like Dad and Uncle Luke when they were glaring blaster-bolts at each other while trying to rescue a gorgeous princess from the clutches of an evil, evil man and be her hero?” I added with a raised eyebrow. “Something like that,” Jaina said. She sounded distracted, and I finally looked at the door to find something along the lines of an ostrich—only it didn’t have feathers—walking towards us. There was something about her face that suggested she didn’t like us very much (don’t ask me how I know that it’s a she; I just do—it’s one of those Jedi things that you Force-senseless beings won’t understand). Now, when I said that she didn’t like us, I was lying. Boy, did I have a way of understating the biggest debacles of the galaxy? “What do you want?” I’ve seen Federation battle droids (or what was remaining of them) that had better attitude toward visitors. That was really saying a lot, not as much because battle droids were not supposed to know the rules of decorum and etiquette, but because the droids were Trade Federation droids. What can you expect from droids that were programmed by idiots who couldn’t even oppress a fifteen-year-old girl from a farm? Speaking of fifteen-year-old girls from farms, I heard that my grandmother, the one and only Padmé Amidala, was scared of thunderstorms. I didn’t know how much faith I could put in that rumor, but then she did fall in love with my grandfather. (I never actually figured out when “Amidala” switched roles from being the official title of Naboo’s ruler to my grandmother’s last name before she married everybody-knew-who, but that’s a whole another story.) “Hi, my name is Jaina Solo.” If Jaina were to be thrown into a cockpit and said to shoot this ostrich-creature from twenty meters distance, she would do it with pinpoint accuracy. Apparently, that wasn’t the case when it came to diplomacy. Maybe she should have spent more time tailing Mom instead of vexing Dad and Chewie out of their minds. “This is my brother, Anakin—” “Maybe we are speaking different languages, but I believe I asked you what you are doing here?” the ostrich-creature said crossly. She was tapping her foot on the floor in impatience, a gesture that was somehow completely lost on my sister, who was too busy staring at her face. “You actually said ‘What do you want,’” she said with a big smile. Nobody can switch gears more quickly than my sister. If the ostrich-creature continued acting the way she was at the moment, she would soon end up being decompressed into whatever Dad threatened Threepio was going to become (give me a break—I didn’t spend eighteen years of my life learning the Force to become a ship technician). Unfortunately, some people just didn’t take a clue. The ostrich-creature’s eyes narrowed until they were slits. “I am Tira,” she said finally. Dad once told me that involving myself in a fight between two women was a very bad idea; I was starting to wonder if I was going to witness a fist-fight that somehow winds up turning into a “Whacking Anakin Solo” session. That had happened once. I had no intention of going through it again. (You wouldn’t either, if you had ever been in one, especially when one of the contestants them was your girlfriend who was self-proclaimingly heads-over-heals in love with you.) “Good,” said Jaina, the steal in her voice softening slightly. “We are here to meet Jacen Solo.” Jaina was fingering her blaster very lovingly. You know, now that I think about it, it’s been a very long time since my sister had worked with a blaster. I doubt she figured out how to work the blaster that was twelve times newer than the last one that she’d worked with. If she set the blaster to kill instead of stun, we are going to have problems. “There is no Jacen Solo here,” said Tira frowning. She might have fooled Vader, but not my sister. It was, of course, kind of easy to figure out that Tira was lying, when she had Jacen’s lightsaber hanging at her waist. “Wrong answer, buddy,” Jaina said with a sweet smile. She stretched out her hand and the lightsaber flew into her palm. “Can you explain this?” The logic of the whole thing—or rather the lack of it—finally hit the ostrich-creature-woman. “This is my planet. You don’t have the authorization to be here. Leave immediately—” “Wrong once again,” said Jaina, unholstering her blaster and pointing at Tira. “You either tell me where Jacen is, or this little blaster is going to fire a golden little drop that is going to happily settle in your heart and warm your life.” I think Tira was confused by the flowery language that my sister used. Maybe Basic wasn’t the first language of these ostrich-creatures. She said finally, “I can’t guarantee you anything. I will take you to our Prime Minister.” Prime Minister? They were always fun. The last time I met one, I threw him out the window into a garbage dump. Ever since then, my hands had been itching to do it again. Being a funky Jedi really is addicting. Once you start down the funky path, there was no coming back. //Uh … Jaina?// I asked as I and my sister walked after Tira. //Yeah?// came back my sister’s sarcastic voice. You know, it was supposed to be that only words were transmitted through the Force bond, not tones and pitches. At least that’s what Uncle Luke said. He is lying. When I go back to Coruscant, I’m going to let in Aunt Mara on this little secret. //You didn’t even peel of the purchase-sticker from the business-end,// I said earnestly. Jaina gave him a sinister grin as she did that now. //Oh yeah, I forgot about that. Besides, what good is a blaster without the fueling fire?// I stared at her, my jaw dropping so that mosquitoes could enter.
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LadyMairead Registered: May '02	Date Posted: 11/5/02 12:53am Subject: RE: "I Shall Reach Enlightenment" (Jacen joins a monastery)[post 2 11.04.02] - Date Edited: 11/5/02 12:54am (1 edits total) Edited By: LadyMairead
	Oh my goodness, I just found this and I can't believe no one reviewed the last post! [face_shocked] It was so funny! I hope you're planning to continue this! I just wanted to tell you that I liked it. Teehee! So funny.
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Utuu Registered: Dec '02	Date Posted: 12/26/02 1:11am Subject: RE: "I Shall Reach Enlightenment" (Jacen joins a monastery)[post 2 11.04.02]
	This is hilarious. You have to write the next chapter. I have to know, What is Jacen doing at a monastery? I mean besides to obvious, that is. -----signature----- There is Nowhere Left to Go When You're The Handsomest Man in the World
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Sebulba2179 Registered: Feb '02	Date Posted: 12/26/02 7:31am Subject: RE: "I Shall Reach Enlightenment" (Jacen joins a monastery)[post 2 11.04.02]
	Oh, brother. Aun, this is a scream! I think a first-person narrative was a great idea. Many more prospects for hilarious lines. Please gimme more! This is the kind of humour I wish I could've written into CPGS. -----signature----- YOU LAUGH AT ME BECAUSE I'M DIFFERENT. I LAUGH BECAUSE YOU'RE ALL THE SAME. http://rangersebulba.livejournal.com http://www.myspace.com/durinsbane2187 Malcolm Reynolds is my evil twin.
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Aunecah_Skywalker Registered: Mar '02	Date Posted: 12/26/02 8:04pm Subject: RE: "I Shall Reach Enlightenment" (Jacen joins a monastery)[post 2 11.04.02] - Date Edited: 12/26/02 9:02pm (1 edits total) Edited By: Aunecah_Skywalker
	I ignored this fic for a very long time. (Oh really, can't you tell?) Don't worry, though, I'm going to be writing more soon. Utuu : What's Jacen doing in a monastery. It might not be what you think it is. Seb : I first started this in 3rd-person, but then realized that I just couldn't write humor in third-person. (It's the same with extreme angst ... or anything extreme in general.) So, I switched over to first-person. EDIT: Lady_Mairead : I somehow missed you. But thanks! Aun
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Aunecah_Skywalker Registered: Mar '02	Date Posted: 12/30/02 11:06am Subject: RE: "I Shall Reach Enlightenment" (Jacen joins a monastery)[post 2 11.04.02]
	Tell me how bad I did. ~~~~ Han You know, my brother-in-law held such a high respect and love for his first old mentor that he named his first kid after him, but Ben Kenobi sure didn't seem as wise and powerful as Luke made him to be. When I had been all "cocky" and had a wonderful, carefree life, I remember Kenobi telling me "in my experience there is no such thing as luck." He's wrong. Or maybe he's completely right. My luck (or rather the lack of it), I got a transmission from Hapes that Tenel Ka (the Queen Mother) was coming here on a vacation trip and was wondering if Jacen was free. And to prove my point more, it was a gigantic oaf that called me. I mean Hapes, itself, had a population of some three point seven billion, and nearly ten thousand lived on the royal palace (according to my wife). All the more, Tenel Ka had a number of relatives who I knew -- Tenaniel, for one. It just had to be Isolder who called. If somebody told you that Isolder and I were friends, they're lying. If they told you that Isolder and I were enemies, they're not completely wrong. If they told you that we usually punched each other in the face as a greeting, they're probably telling the truth. And hang on; before you make any judgements about my (and Isolder's) sanity, think of how you would act toward somebody who tried to steal your wife. Granted, Leia wasn't my wife then, but still.... Everybody in the galaxy knew that we were planning for one day marrying and ruling the galaxy, but then again, the Hapans isolated themselves so much from the rest of us, I don't have much trouble finding them to be uninformed, dim-witted, paradoxical ... what-was-that-curse-Jaina-uses-all-the-time-again?--oh yeah, "Sithspits." There I said it. Jaina. I hope she is taking good care of Falcon* . Nobody understood my possessive nature toward my ship, probably because they didn't have ships of their own--well, nobody except Mara, maybe, but then again she crashed her ship (or so Luke tells me) for something mysterious, and I wasn't so sure about it anymore. Falcon was outmodeled from the latest standard by at least ten, but I would eat Chewie if somebody managed to beat it in say, Kessel Run. You can't say the ship isn't the best (and that would go well about the Captain, too). The Falcon is my precious. It is mine, my own. I wouldn't care if it were Jaina or Tina or Kana or whoever Jaina made up to take the blame; I'm still going to kill my daughter if there was as much a scratch on my ship. Anyway, back to the point. Isolder called. "Greetings, Solo." Isolder didn't seem to have gotten any better in all the years that had passed (how many had it been again? Nearly two decades, right?) "Hi, uh, Isolder." Wait, him calling me by my last name, and I calling him by his first? Am I perverted? Of course not. Isolder didn't have any last name that I knew of, though it could be Chume. But that reminded me too much of the mad, old lady Isolder called his mother, and how she nearly succeeded in killing Leia, so I had to scrape that. Besides, imagine calling a broad, tall, muscled man who just happens to be the king of sixty some richest planets in the galaxy "Chume." No? That's what I thought. "How are you and ... Leia doing?" "As usual." That was a blatant lie, and I hated lying to anyone - except maybe people like Isolder. Actually, it felt good to lie. I can't believe I said that. I'm a smuggler and I've lied a dozen times a day way back then. Apparently, Threepio and Leia had been having more influence on me than they thought, though I would never admit it to them. "I actually wanted to talk to your son." "Oh. Anakin!" I shouted. I knew who he wanted to talk to, of course, but if Isolder wanted to play (which I actually find difficulty imagining), then I can too. Besides Anakin wasn't about to come anyway; he had gone with Jacen. "No-no, I want to talk to Jacen." "Why?" I asked in feigned surprise. Yes, I didn't know anything about Isolder's daughter, and I most certainly didn't know anything about her relationship toward Jacen. No, I didn't know anything. "Well--" Isoler seemed to be struggling. "My daughter was wondering if Jacen was free to spend time with her while she visits Coruscant." That's right, Isolder, feel uncomfortable. That makes me feel as if I'm the supreme ruler of the galaxy. "Jacen is at Kamino. He's not here." "What's he doing at Kamino?" "Who knows?" "Didn't he tell you?" "No. Actually, I have to go. Chewie is ready to take my head off if I don't." "But--" "See you later." ~~~*~ Aun
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Sebulba2179 Registered: Feb '02	Date Posted: 12/30/02 11:19am Subject: RE: "I Shall Reach Enlightenment" (Jacen joins a monastery)[post 3 12.30.02 HAN]
	And hang on; before you make any judgements about my (and Isolder's) sanity, think of how you would act toward somebody who tried to steal your wife. Granted, Leia wasn't my wife then, but still.... Loved it! And the Falcon is "my precious", hmmm? Somebody's seen TTT even more often than I have. Anyway, yeah. I dunno, that post was just so...Han. BTW, did you happen to catch those last two APA updates before they got buried in mush? -----signature----- YOU LAUGH AT ME BECAUSE I'M DIFFERENT. I LAUGH BECAUSE YOU'RE ALL THE SAME. http://rangersebulba.livejournal.com http://www.myspace.com/durinsbane2187 Malcolm Reynolds is my evil twin.
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_Tenel_Ka_ Registered: Sep '01	Date Posted: 12/30/02 12:32pm Subject: RE: "I Shall Reach Enlightenment" (Jacen joins a monastery)[post 3 12.30.02 HAN]
	gets up of the floor from laughing so much Oh gosh this is HILARIOUS! The Falcon is my precious. It is mine, my own. I wouldn't care if it were Jaina or Tina or Kana or whoever Jaina made up to take the blame; I'm still going to kill my daughter if there was as much a scratch on my ship. LOL! Can't wait for more! -----signature----- Sister to _Alisas_Silverleaf_ "One day love just hits you with a flash, leaves you staring blindly just like a photograph..."
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Agent_Jaid Registered: Feb '03	Date Posted: 4/1/03 3:54am Subject: RE: "I Shall Reach Enlightenment" (Jacen joins a monastery)[post 3 12.30.02 HAN]
	I love this Goddess!!! LOVE IT!!!! Please updated it? I want to see what JAcen think's he's doing....... Hiding away from sweet Tenel Ka....... Humour it most certaintly was/is! COME ONE COME ALL!!!! READ THE [so far] FUNNIEST J/TK FIC EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! looks around Just a moment, I need to go round up readers........ wanders off thread -----signature----- Wasn't Enough: One-Shot http://boards.theforce.net/message.asp?topic=21015893
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