A New Hope: The Pants Version

Uncle Pants! Aunt Pants! Uncle Pants!

 

Vader:
And now, Your Highness, will discuss the location your hidden Rebel pants

 

Ben: There's nothing you could have done had you been there. You'd have been killed too. And your pants would be in the hands of the empire.

 

I want to come with you to Alderaan. There is nothing for me here now. I want to learn the ways of the Pants and become a Jedi like my father

 

Ben: You must wear what pair of pants you feel is right of course.

 

BEN: Mos pantsley pantsport. You will never find a more wretched hive of
scum and villainy... and of course pants. We must be cautious.

 

Stormtrooper: How long have you had these pants?

Luke: about three or four seasons.

Ben: They're for sale if you want them.

 

Stormtrooper: We'll need to see your pants.

Ben: You don't need to see his pants.

Stormtrooper: We don't need to see his pants

 

Ben: These aren't the droids you're looking for.

Stormtrooper: These aren't the droids we're looking for

Ben: He can go about his business

Stormtrooper: You can go about your business

Ben: He can put his pants back on.

Stormtrooper: Put 'em on. Put 'em on.

 

Luke: I don't understand how we got past those troops - I thought we were dead.

Ben: The force can have a strong influence on those who wear pants on their head.

 

Luke: Do you really think we'll find a pair of pants here that I can wear to Alderaan?

Ben: Most of the best brands are here, only watch your step - this place can be a little expensive.

Luke: I'm ready for anything.

 

Bartender: We don't serve their brand here?

Luke: What?

Bartender: Your pants. You'll have to keep them outside. We don't want them here.

Luke (for some reason talking to his pants)Why don't you wait outside. We don't want any trouble.

Luke's Pants: I heartily agree with you sir.

 

Luke (to bartender): Can I have a pair of those?

Alien (wearing a nice pair of Dockers) growls

Ugly Guy: He doesn't like your pants.

Luke: Sorry

 

Ugly Guy: I don't like them either. You just watch yourself. I have the death sentence on 12 systems!

Luke: I'll be careful

Ugly Guy: You'll change your pants!

 

Ben: This little one's not worth the effort. Come, let's look at some dress slacks...

Ugly Guy: AHHH!

(Fight breaks out)

Bartender: Keep your pants on! Keep your pants on!

(Ben ignites his saber and cuts the belts off of both men sending their pants to the floor)

 

Deformed Human: I don't like them either. You just watch yourself and your pants. We're wanted men. I have the death sentence for stealing pants,and some are parachute pants, on twelve systems.

Luke: We'll be careful

Deformed Human: You'll be stone-washed!

 

Ben: This is Chewbacca. He is first-mate on a pair of pants that might suit our needs.

 

Parachute pants - BWAHAHAHA!!!!

Han: I'm Han Solo, captain of the Millenium Falcon. Chewie here tells me your looking for passage to the Alderaan system?

Ben: And a pair of pants.

Han: Pair of pants? You've never heard of the Millenium Falcon?

 

Ben: What's that got to do with pants?

Han: Its the ship that made the Dillard's run in less than 12 parsecs. I've outrun imperial starships - not the local bulk cruisers mind you, I'm talking about the big corellian ships. We've got plenty of pants for you old man. What's the cargo?

 

Ben: Only passengers: myself, the boy, two droids... and no wrinkle-free, cotton khakis!

Han: What is it some kind of trouble with your ironing board?

 

Ben: Let's just say we'd like to avoid any button-fly jeans.

 

(I'm completely out of control now)

Han: Well that's the real trick isn't it (checking his fly)...and it will cost you something extra. 10,000 - all in advance.

Luke: 10,000? We could buy a lot of pants with that.

Han: But who's gonna wear 'em kid, you?

 

That's the real trick isn't it. And it's going to cost you something extra. Ten thousand pairs of camoflouge pants. All in advance.

 

(I'm to slow, D@#M it)

You bet I could. I don't look so bad in a pair of jeans myself. We don't have sit here and listen...

 

Luke: You bet I could - I'm a size 32 waist - we don't have to sit here and listen to this...

Ben: We can pay you 2,000 now. Plus a pair of black leather pants when we reach Alderaan.

Han: Black leather pants? Allright, that and a red stripe down each side and you've got yourself a ship. Dockers Bay 94.

Ben: 94