JCC it would be cool to have a pet giraffe and name him 'hambone'

who here agrees?

 

We're not going to be shagging him are we?

 

i agree! also a penguin named 'beeeeeeeep!'

 

pet penguin is actually probably the coolest thing. with his little backpack. and he goes and gets the fish.

 

If you are, you'll need a stool or a step-ladder or something.

 

that penguin knows EXACTLY what he's doing.

 

it would be pretty ironic, because ham is a great cut of meat because of its fat content or whatever but i don't think the corresponding area of meat on a giraffe would be a succulent because it would be a whole hell of a lot larger which would mean it would be more stringy and less moist or whatever it is that makes ham great.

certainly you would need to feed a giraffe called hambone more brown sugar than a pig called hambone.

 

but don't you just think hambone is a pretty good name for a giraffe?

 

you know, i think in high school i knew a football player tackle guy they called hambone.

though i may be thinking of that fat guy from not another teen movie.

 

i suppose calling a pet giraffe hambone would have to be tasters choice. it wouldn't be the name i picked for a pet giraffe, but i could not deny a man his right to call his own pet giraffe hambone. we live in america and that sort of communism is against the constitution.

 

What temp do you put the oven at?

 

what if the giraffe wore sunglasses? then you'd pretty much have to call him hambone.

 

YOU DON'T COOK HAM IN AN OVEN YOU COOK IT ON A SPIT OVER A WOOD-FED FIRE.

and if i had a giraffe that wore sunglasses, i imagine he'd be a john bender sort of giraffe, in which case i would totally call him hambone. probably while trying to score cigarettes from him.

 

yea, this giraffe hambone. he definitely wears sunglasses. and he smokes cigarettes. and he sells drugs.

 

hopefully only cool drugs like pot and mescaline. if hambone sold coke or heroin he wouldn't be cool. he'd just be lost and a weak facsimile of cool-dudeness.

 

i never said he was very cool. hambone is the kind of pet giraffe who kind of pisses you off sometimes.

 

Man I hate being the only sober one.

 

shows up banging on your window at 2am and you're like "holy hell hambone i've got work in 4 hours what do you want" and what hambone wants is for you to front him 20 bucks because he owes this dude he met through another dude and this dude doesn't have teeth and sores on his face and holy hell you don't want to deal with this because your boss is making your life hell and your mind is foggy enough that it seems like throwing twenty bucks at hambone would be a good idea if it meant he would just go away and let you sleep and then you forget about all of this until a few days later when you see him again and he has a black eye and that danger sense in the back of your mind goes off and is like GET AWAY FROM THIS GIRAFFE RIGHT NOW HE'S NOT WEARING SUNGLASSES BECAUSE HE'S COOL HE'S WEARING THEM CAUSE HE'S GOT BRUISES. and at this point you consider 20 bucks a worthwhile price to pay for the lesson you just learned about trusting strange giraffes smoking cigarettes.

 

and what could you say but, "hambone you are a bad giraffe." ? hambone of course would be like, "i don't give a ****!" that's just him. that's why we love him.

i mean, he does have problems though. he's no saint.

 

Although,. St. Hambone does have a nice ring to it, should he ever mend his ways and decide to fly straight.

 

there comes a time when we can't put up with hambones antics any longer. like he's just treaded that line for so long and gone over once too many times and we have to ask ourselves why we're bothering with him in the first place. but lets face it, it takes a certain kind of person to love a drug dealing, glasses wearing giraffe in the first place and if we've put up with him for this long, its because there's something beneath these basic bits. some intangible draw in the character of hambone that makes him worth all our time and money and effort. and sometimes it seems like he's trying to push us away from that core. like he doesn't want us to see him for what he really is.

i don't know about you guys, but i saw hambone for what he was the first time i met him. that maybe while other giraffes are always reaching up in life, he's content to bend down. check out the grass beneath his feet, instead of the leaves above his head. hambone somehow captures that intrinsic part of soul that so many other giraffes miss, so when he lashes out time and time again, all you want to do is hug him tighter and tighter and tell him that it's okay


....i love hambone.

 

at least somebody here really gets hambone.

 

What if you had two giraffes?

Amazing.

 

I want a giraffe with a penchant for smoking & drinking whiskey.