Man Bites Dog - the zany headline game - game has a winner

Emperor=50

Falls for=25
Wanted=25
Sullustan=25
Lost=25

Total=150.

Headline:

Emperor Falls For Wanted, Lost Sullustan.

The Emperor has fallen for a Sullustan on the run from authorities for racketeering and credit laundering. No trace of the felon can be found. he even has his Hands looking for her. Mara Jade, his primary Hand, seriously questions both Palpatine's and the Sullustan's ... tastes.

 

Ackbar 50
The Force 50
Mara Jade Skywalker 50
New 10

The Force: New Ackbar; Mara Jade Skywalker?!

Mara Jade Skywalker has shockingly annouced that she will be playing the role of Admiral Ackbar in the coming series of TV hit "Rebel Scum; It's a way of life."

 

Crooked 25
Holostar 10
Anakin Skywalker 50
Star Wars 50
Slays 10


Anakin Skywalker slays crooked Star Wars holostar

He had it coming.

 

Booster Terrik 50
Secretary 10
Drops 25
Feds 10
Noghri 50

Feds Drop Noghri on Booster Terrik's Secretary

Only a Noghri can catch such a slippery crook.

 

Nom Anor 50
Cruel 10
Grand Admiral Thrawn 50
340 Lbs. 50
Nails 10

Cruel Grand Admiral Thrawn Nails 340lb Nom Anor!

Apparently both came back from the dead last night! Witnesses say that Thrawn stalked Nom Anor for three days and three nights and finally found him hiding in a dumpster from Jacen Solo and Leia Organa Solo. Thrawn dragged Anor out of the bin, took out some nails and fastened him to a wall. He then proceeded to cruelly mocked Anor on how he died; not being able to board an escape pod. Also he mentioned how he was a loser. Anor, mentally fragile, cracked and drowned his sorrows by eating chocolate after escaping. Lots of it. Apparently, he gained 175 lbs in one night! It is a scandal indeed.

Thrawn was later reported throwing credits at Nom Anor mocking him to buy more chocolate.

Pictures will be posted as soon as they are in our hands!

 

Model 10
Mandalore 25
Defends 25
Biggie 25
Convict 25

Model Convict Biggie Defends Mandalore

In an odd showing, prisoner Biggie, who is known for being somewhat of an oddly-perfect prisoner, defended Mandalore when the planet was verbally attacked on the HoloNet. In a jail interview, he claimed that the people behind the attacks were the ones truly at fault.

 

1. JediVegeta 170
2. darthhelinith 160
3. Jade_Eyes 150
4. FelsGoddess 145
5. NYCitygurl 145
6. Gunny 110

Very nice beginning
Cards are going out

 

First 10
Princess Leia 50
Secret 25
Threepio 50
Doc 10

Princess Leia's First Secret! Doc Threepio...

(read the great revalation in todays 'Galaxy Star!')

 

Lady 25
Attacks 10
Lawyer 10
Captain Rex 25
Tricks 10
Total - 80

Captain Rex Attacks lady! Lawyer Tricks.

Captain Rex, while completely intoxicated, attacked a lady guest at an exclusive night club. During the ensuing trial, the lawyer for the defense pulled a fast one by bringing forth a witness with iron-clad proof that Captain Rex couldn?t have been the assailant. It was his long-lost identical twin. Rex was in the hospital, getting gallbladder surgery.

 

Jedi Knight 50
Fake 25
Burns 10
Lando Calrissian 50
Wookiee 25


Fake Wookiee Jedi Knight Burns Lando Calrissian

Lando regretted participating in the roast.


50+25+10+50+25= 160

 

Teen 10
Nurse 10
Hutt 25
Bites 10
Intern 10
Total: 65

Teen Nurse Bites a Hutt Intern

Zandra the Hutt, interning at the local hospital administration office, threw a tantrum and pinned a teenage nurse to the floor with her tail. The nurse bit the Hutt in an attempt to escape.

 

Cop 10
Mourns 25
Jabba 25
Psychic 25
Accused 10

Psychic Mourns Accused Cop, Jabba

In an odd show, a medium held a small memorial for a police officer who was accused of several crimes on the job before being killed, and Jabba the Hutt, who was killed in an accident on his sail barge.

 

Dead 25
Stormtrooper 25
Rips Off 25
Romantic 25
Vaccine 25

Romantic Vaccine Rips Off Dead Stormtrooper!

In another strange occurrence of people coming back from the dead, witness state they saw a stormtooper, rumored to have died during the Battle of Endor (he was located on Death Star II) roaming the streets of Coruscant yesterday evening. We tracked him down to interview him, asking him why he came back in zombie form. Apparently, before becoming a Stormtrooper, he bought a romantic vaccination from a lab in order to keep himself from ever falling in love. Why? When asked he stated he didn't like getting sappy over girls as they have "cooties".

However, this Stormtrooper claimed that during his time working for the Empire, he met a girl in a Corellian library reading poetry and he fell in love with her as she read really nicely, unike him. She also smelled like cookies. In a panic, he fled the planet and - continuing the hiding in odd places theme - hid in the men's bathroom. No one noticed he was missing as no one cared, and so the "Zombie Trooper" stayed hidden until the space station's destruction.

He claims he was ripped off by the lab who sold him the vaccine and wants to sue them and Luke Skywalker, the latter for blowing up the Death Star. When told Skywalker blew up the first Death Star only, he shrugged and and walked away. We tried to ask him how he came back to life. He stated that the vaccine was probably to blame for that. No clue.

 

JediVegeta!!

If that isn't the zaniest headline ever!!!!

 

XD Thanks!

 

1. darthhelinith 305
2. NYCitygurl 305
3. JediVegeta 295 A++
4. Jade_Eyes 230
5. FelsGoddess 210
6. Gunny 205

Cards are going out

JediVegeta, very nice, I give it an A++

 

Last 10
Mos Eisley 25
Suspect 10
Weds 25

=70.

Exclusive! x2 70x2 = 140.

EXCLUSIVE! Last Mos Eisley Suspect Weds.

A ring of swoop bike thieves has been steadily apprehended. Only one suspect remains; he recently married one of the daughters of Black Sun?s inner circle. The judiciary investigators hope to tie him also to a group that is ?fixing? the pod races and pocketing the proceeds.

 

Sullustan 25
Feds 10
Accused 10
Drops 25
Ackbar 50

Accused Sullustan Drops Ackbar, Feds

In a battle of wits, the Sullustan was able to defeat the Trap Master and the government.

 

Yoda 50
Millennium Falcon 50
Killik 25
Falls For 25
Wanted 25

Millennium Falcon Wanted Yoda, Falls For Killik

You know, since Han wasn't available.

 

Ahsoka 25
Navy 10
Ben Skywalker 50
Czar 10
Angry 25

Angry Czar Ahsoka Sends Navy for Ben Skywalker

Through some freak-time travel accident, Ben Skywalker are together on a dangerous, unknown planet. Ben manages to upset the Czar's daughter. The Czar Ahsoka sends the Navy to destroy the two Jedi.

 

Jealous 10
Mayor 25
Indicted 25
Lover 10
Hero 10

Jealous Mayor Indicted Hero Lover
He didn't like his girl's new haircut after she gave money to save Mon Calamari children from starvation.


(sorry about the wait. Have been living in a field for the last 5 days)

 

Hits 10
Tourist 10
Alderaan 25
Tahiri Veila 50
Chiss 25


Chiss Tahiri Velia Hits Alderaan Tourist!


Being named after an infamous ex-Jedi, Joiner (partial yes), and Sith apprentice is not an easy task; especially if you're Tahiri Veila.

No, she isn't THE Tahiri Velia, but a young lady Chiss named after the human, Tahiri Velia. Tahiri says she is sick of people always calling her "bughugger", traitor and asking if Darth Caedus was her boyfriend or something along those lines.

"Really, do I look like I am a human? No! I have glowing red eyes for crying out loud!" Ms. Veila vented to reporters.

The problem started with Ms. Veila running into a tourist, hailing from the destroyed Alderaan, who was visiting a local bar from where she worked. Overhearing Ms. Veila's name from her boss, the woman turned to her and screamed at her for being an evildoer. Veila, fed up with people who could not tell the difference between her and the human, punched the tourist out cold.

She is now being sued by the tourist. When asked did she want us to forward a statement to the plaintiff, she replied, "You just tell her, I am tired of her disingenuous accusations."

So we will, Tahiri, so we will.

 

1. NYCitygurl 480
2. JediVegeta 415
3. darthhelinith 385
4. Jade_Eyes 370
5. FelsGoddess 330
6. Gunny 325

Cards are going out

 

Mayor 25
Killik 25
Jealous 10
Falls For 25
Millennium Falcon 50

Killik falls for Millennium Falcon, Mayor Jealous

You know its true; its just such a swish ship.

 

Chiss 25
Tahiri Veila 50
Lady 25
Lover 10
Indicted 25

Lady Tahiri Veila, Chiss Lover Indicted

It was complicated.