SWRPF Archive NJO Purges II: The Bigshots Strike Back

I am Lord D'Rewan (my name of state) and it is my pleasure (however in exile) to present:NJO Purges II: Return of the Bigshots
THIS THREAD is the Meisterwerk of Scorsa (alias Gen Dru'br Mc'sil) over there (Scorsa waves), I am a constant patron, designer and backer (we're called bigshots 'roud here) as are JediMaster91 (nods) and Supreme Sithlord (and sometime Jedi Master Arcus) Drake (smiles).
THE PLOT: In short, we find characters we don't like that SHOULD be dead, elect their demise and promptly dispose of them in original strategic fashions that are just loaded with style and flavor. Realism is not a factor and continuity is non-existant. Humor is always welcome. When we aren't engaging in Machiavellian conspiracies we lounge about, chat on our next victim and have some cheesecake (or spinach puffs). We also parody movies for free. ENJOY.
At your service,

~Lord D'Rewan
(By charter from His Honor, DarthAttourney, may he live for ever)

(SURGEON GENERAL'S WARNING: This is not a serious [or for that matter genuine] RPG. If you're looking for Serious RPG action, look elsewhere; this could be hazardous to your mental health)


Locked due to owners request

 

[Drops into couch, props feet up on table, and grabs a leftover peice of cheesecake]

Ahhhhhh...it's good to be home.

 

Hey y'all...DarthAttorney sent this to me after thanking him for his help...

Yep...you're welcome

I'll edit the link into your EUC thread now.
Just don't let things get too violent in there. We're a PG board after all...

Hmmm...we've never been too violent right???
And since Nolan failed to mention the rest of the party, I felt obligated to do so...

We have Rika [grins] over here, who is slowly progressing into a damn fine secretary, but don't be fooled by the datapad...this lone Jedi knows her stuff!
Then there's twin_suns_lead(tsl), [waves, whilst jumping up and down] leader and Colonel of Twins Suns Squadron...also a Jedi, tryin to keep Twins Three in line, and eatin apple slices constantly ...
And how could we forget Wyld [blows a kiss, then trips on her new platforms]? Because, she's a 6 foot, blonde with attitude to spare! Break her nail; she'll break your neck...
Other regs that may show up...
Fett, the_third_darklighter, GI, and who knows who else???

Ok...that's it. I hope y'all get your conformation email soon so we can get going.

It's been far too long...

 

HAHAHAHA! i made it! i'm here! let's go.

 

[Enter SW Theme]
When we last left our anti-heroes Lord D'Rewan (Nolan Sanap) had kidnapped Baby Ben Skywalker (how very bantam of him) and Qwi Xux (soooo naive and blue to this very day) and called the company back to his native Tetan Empire to regroup against (A) The Yuuzhan Vong (who would return even though we'd beat them numerous times and killed their leaders numerous times, etc.) (B) The Galactic Alliance (most notably the New Republic who'd gotten their tooshies whipped by D'Rewan's Krath Sorcery, politica, and Tetan Armies--although now they wanted revenge and had rebuilt w/their Chiss and Imperial allies' help).
D'Rewan, in an internal struggle to become Emperor of the Tetan System, appointed Scorsa as Minister of the Carbonite Guilds so that they could no longer check his power... but no one saw into these hidden motives. He'd also begun to rebuild the Sith fortress of Khar Delba (a la Mordor) on the Planet Ziost for his resident Sith Lord DRAKE (Thunder & Lightning here).
Which leaves us at the present where D'Rewan is overseeing his seizure of the Tetan Imperial Throne and the Completion of Khar Delba...
[Fade to Stars and Starship entering Ziost System]

~D'REwan

 

[D'Rewan stands on the bridge of the Super Star Destroyer "Nova Colossus" and contacts Lord Drake. Kedri, D'Rewan's attractive "attendant" (basically his consort who looks like Travis Fimmel, the CK model) waits off to the side]
D'R: The forces of the Tetan Empire are at your command, Drake, Lord of the Sith... What is thy command?
Drake (via telepathy): Build me a fortress worthy of Ziost...
Kedri (to D'Rewan): What news from Ziost, milord?
D'R: We have work to do...
[Drake's voice returns, D'Rewan's ears perk up]
What is thy bidding, my mast--[can't finnish and belts out his deep baritone laugh] Alright, Sithy Boy, whadda ya want?
Drake: We have a new enemy...
D'R (sarcasm incarnite): I'm in shock.
Drake (ignoring him): Kaelis Tuar is a secret agent of the Yuuzhan Vong, an executor, to be exact, posing as a mod for TOS.
D'R: Explains our eviction...
Drake: Just so.
D'R: Who is his superior?
Drake: Supreme Lord JTS and his Jester, Jaken... They must be destroyed.
D'R: They will join us, or di--They'll be dead duckies, [then to pull Drake's leg] ...doll.
[The shuttle from the Nova Colossus (NC) lands and D'Rewan disembarks--Ziost is cold and the sounds of Khar Delba's reconstruction fills the air and mixes with the wind's howl, Kedri approaches, bows, and wrapps a cloak around him; and they head toward Khar Delba where Lord Drake awaits]
~D'Rewan

 

*hissing laugh*

oooo. drake's gonna get you for that comment, nolan.

*kicks back in the command chair of the Apocolypse, again doing nothing*

 

Gen: [Using telepathy]
Um....Earth to Nolan!
I'm with Drake, right now, not on Ziost. He made me his Sith apprentice...and were off hunting Jaken on Endor...
Did ya miss that little peice of info? Perhaps it's time for a secretary...

Nolan: Grrrr...I have a secretary.

Gen: Then maybe you should get two...

 

Hey y'all
Nice place you got here.
Just letting u know, I'll be dropping by from time to time.
And that pic thing is the closest I could get to my imagined visage.....

 

D3!!!
Welcome to our humble abode...

I like your sig!

 

[Lord D?Rewan enters the throne room of Khar Delba, Kedri at his side. Drums beat and a fanfare is played. A Sith herald belch-announces D?Rewan?s arrival. Lord Darth Drake awaits at the end of the hall on a throne. He is distracted with the Dark Side, thoughts of conquest and is pleased with himself for being added to the Vong Pantheon as Yun?Drake, Destroyer of Worlds after the recent battle of Yuuzhan?tar. Then he notices D?Rewan who is kneeling at the base of the thone?]
Drake (menacingly): Get up, nerf herd. You called me ?doll.?
D?Rewan (urgently lying): IT WAS KEDRI, I SWEAR!
[Outside, Kedri can be seen being thrown out the window screaming ??sorrrrrrrrrrrrrryyyyyyyyyy?!?]
Drake: You were saying.
D?Rewan: YOU were saying actually, about how JTS (breifly known as The Ganner), Kaelis Tuar and Jaken Ohwbraun (of many aliases) are traitors to the NJO and are a threat, and that they [grimly] could destroy us?
[They both try to contain themselves but to no avail and they burst out laughing at the ridiculous idea]
D?Rewan (still laughing): Ahahahahahahah, ahaha, ahaha, ahaaaah ?and I?m spent. But SERIOUSLY they need to be taken out.
Drake (wiping a tear of laughter away): Ahahahahahah? Ahem. Make it happen.
D?Rewan: Yes, Milord. Also, the problem of the Galactic Alliance shall be settled as (A) I intend to use Ben Skywalker as colateral for the Jedi Order. And (B) Qwi Xux will develop something constructive to offter them.
Drake: And then you?ll shoot her?
D?Rewan (nods): And then I?ll shoot her.
Drake: Good. Go out to the command ship and await my orders.
D?Rewan: No. I think I?ll be of better use supervising my business in the Empress Teta System.
Drake: No. You?ll do as I tell you [Gets on CommChannel] JM?
JM91: Yes?
[D?Rewan snatches commlink and, using the force, speaks in Drake?s voice]
D?Rewan (Drakishly): Will you, uhmmmm?. Err, will you? marry me?
[D?Rewan snickers wildly as Drake gropes for the commlink]
Drake: INFIDEL! Give that back!
JM91 (estatic): OH DRAKE! I thought you?d never ask! Of COURSE I will! Oh, Drake you?ve made me so happy! So terribly happy! [cries w/joy] Oh, darling, I need to go plan! I love you!
D?Rewan (Drakesque): I love you too, doll. [smirks] Over and out. AHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHH!!! [Tosses the commlink over his shoulder and turns to Drake who is gaping in horrified shock] Congratulations on your nuptials, Milord. That ought to keep you occupied so I can get my business done in the Tetan Empire. Cheerio! KEDRI! Let?s go.
[They leave for D?Rewan?s the Iron Citadel in Cinnagar]

~D?Rewan
P.S. How do you italicize, underline and bold your text here on TF.N?

 

*on board the Apocolypse--still*
*comm chimes*

JM: yes?

Someone-sounding-like-drake:Will you, uhmmmm?. Err, will you? marry me?

JM: *knows through the Force that it's not really him, but decides to play along anyway* OH DRAKE! I thought you?d never ask! Of COURSE I will! Oh, Drake you?ve made me so happy! So terribly happy! [cries w/joy] Oh, darling, I need to go plan! I love you!

SOSLD: I love you too, doll. [smirks] Over and out.

JM: *collapses into giggles* oh, nakita! should i go buy a dress for the occasion? *more laughter* OMG! i just wish i could have seen his face during that whole thing.

 

(((Nice recovery JM. Way to come off the bench and make a play!)))

 

((This are a few of my original stories indicating the demise of my three most hated characters in all of Starwars...))

Star Wars: Callista
*Luke raises his lighsaber high to defend himself from Sheado's attack. Sheado spins his weapon masterfully and steps in with a sharp thrust toward Lukes midsection. The Amphistaff stretched to its full reach and sped towards Luke like a force lightning attack. Luke rotates and perries the thrust...though not quite fast enough. The Amphistaff shears through his mechanical hand, sending his lightsaber clattering to the floor. The pain receptors screamed for only a second, then the overides shut it down. While all of this was happening, the Vong warrior destroyed the lighsaber with one swift chop of his staff.

"I have you now jeedai. You are a worthy opponent, and your blood will make a worthy sacrifice to the gods!!"

Luke, unarmed, and unable to use the force against this opponent searches deep within himself to make himself ready to become one with the force. Suddenly a sound from behind him startles him out of his spiritual quest.

" I'm here Luke" crys the voice of Callista

Callista, while attempting to sneak into the room slipped on the highly waxed floor, and fell right into sight.

"who are you infedel?" exclaimed Sheado.

"She is Callista," Luke remarked, "I used to have a thing for her, but look at her now...she has gained at least 80 kilos, has taken up spice to try to connect to the force, and it looks like she has an estrogen problem...look at the facial hair!! Man, we don't need a Wookiee replacement for Chewbacca with her around!! I don't even see what I ever was thinking, even Jabba was skinnier!!"

"Thanks alot Luke, after all I did for you, I gave you space, and I let you live your life with Mara, and this is the thanks I get...I'm the one that got My force powers taken away from me, I'm the one that was trapped on that god forsaken ship for an eternity...I was a Jedi master long before you were even THOUGHT about being born, and I'm here trying to save your life, and you are treating my like crap...jerk!!!!"

Sheado decided at that moment to attack. Charging the Jedi Master, his Amphistaff raised high and ready, his muscles tight and ready to spring. Luke turns to see this tattooed mass of muscle charging at him, and makes a split second choice. Tapping into the Force, he gets ahold of Callista, bringing her in line with the descending Amphistaff. The Weapon digs deep into the womans body, severing flesh and bone, it completely severs her body into two halfs. Luke, still tapped into the Force, Luke rips the Arm from the biscected body, and shoots it like a bullet into the large brow of the Vong. Sheado's eyes roll back into his head and he falls to the ground, vanquished, with a hand, still twitching, skewering his head. Luke sits on the ground, tired from the battle that just ended. He looks at the destroyed body of his one-time lover and a tear appears at the corner of his eye. And then, as he had not done since his youth, he laid his head back, and laughed.

Starwars:Bria
Bria sneaked down the damp sewer system beneath Coruscant. Her blaster ready, she continued the hunt. "This J'ptull should be down here, I have tracked him this far" she said to herself. J'ptull was a criminal suspected in selling secrets hacked out ot the Rebel's manframe on Dantooine. In her "Intellegence" line of work, she ran into many cases of data fraud.
turning the next bend she ran into some small creatrue who suddenly screamed and clawed at her leg. The talons of the sewer rat dug down into her calf, sending waves of pain throughout her body. She repressed the desire to scream less she give away her posistion. she continured after her target, with a slight limp in her stance. "Oh, I wish Han was here," she thought, "He would always do somthing for me, no matter how badly I treat him...gentle and stupid" She smiled at all the times that he thought that he was with her, when really she was just using him. "All men are like that", she thought, "allowing u

 

(D thanx gen.))

*calls drake's comm and leaves a message*

hey drake. it's JM. listen, we gotta talk later *devilish grin* i have and idea i think you're going to like. anywho, i'm still stuck on this oversized trash compacter, so you know where to find me. later

 

*is flipping through a dress catalogue for no other reason than boredom*

N: [i think you should get that one] *indicates a dress*

JM: there's nothing there. *cringes at the ammount of skin showing*

N: [exactly]

JM: you're as bad as they are.

N: *settles on the floor* [maybe. or maybe you take things too seriously]

JM: i'm a jedi. it's my job to take things seriously. i think i've been taking things too lightly these days...

N: *shrug* [whatever. just don't forget to kick back once in awhile. so. tell me about this idea of yours]

JM: oh, this one's a doozy. poor guy won't even know what hit him by the time i'm done.....*leans closer and begins to whisper*

 

Who's "N"?
WAY to GO JM! Great Recovery!
~D'Rewan

 

N = nakita. i'm just too lazy to type it all out

 

((Hello all.
I think I'll do something))
*D3 and Krayt squad drop from hyperspace and request permission to land in the Apocalypse's docking bay*
Krayt 4 : Hehe, we're gonna land the X-wing in the docking bay, heh heh heh.

D3 : Drag your mind out of the gutter 4.

Apocalypse Control : Yeah, come aboard. It's not like Lord Drake is here. JM's in charge, I'm sure she won't mind.

D3 : Thanks control. Lets go fellas.

Krayt 9 : Do you think there's a cantina on board?

D3 : Probably. Drake enjoys a drink as much as the rest of us.

*Krayt squad land in the aft docking bay*
((looks at previous postings))
Haha! You'll be Mrs JM Drake!!


"JM: there's nothing there. *cringes at the ammount of skin showing*

N: [exactly] "

Are you sure Nakita isn't a male?

 

oh, hey D3. no, she's female. she was just teasing.

*picks up the comm*

control, why was i not notified D3 was in the system?

*mumbling*

yes, he's a freind of mine, but tell me next time.

 

*On board the Apocalypse*
K2 : Wow, look at the size of this thing!

D3 : Cut the chatter Krayt 2, we're on a serious mission here - to find a bar.

*Krayt Squad continues wandering through the Apocalypse*

 

*over comm*

bar's three levels down, second doorway on the left. tell 'em you know me, and they won't give you any trouble. of course, the way your squad drinks, they prolly won't bug you anyway.

 

*sits on his throne brooding and thinking up the most painful way to kill Nolan*

*comms JM* I'd love to hear your idea...I'd like it if it involved Nolan dying slowly and painfully at my hands. I'll come up to talk momentarily. Oh, and by the way, don't call my flagship a trash compactor.

*turns to Gen*

Gen, I'll be taking a little trip up to the Apocalypse. I want you to take care of business down here.

 

[Gen, taking care of business "down here", is reading over posts and sees....]

SPELLING ERROR BY NOLAN!!! MWAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

Make fun of my crap spelling will you???
[Bursts into laughter again]


P.S. It's collateral...

 

*looks up nolan's "personal" files*

N: [can you do that?]

my friend, there isn't a computer system anywhere in this galaxy i can't hack into. some take longer than others, but they all get cracked open sooner or later.

*scrolls*

hmm. this is interesting.

*after a few minutes of hacking, pulls up Apocolypse scematics*

uh huh. i thought so. those will be very useful. this is going to be fun.