New Jersey The Simpsons quote-a-thon

One of my all-time favorite exchanges.



Insurance salesman: Now before we give you health insurance, I have to ask you a few questions.

Homer: Questions? Questions?? Oh...my whole scheme down the--I mean ask away.

Insurance salesman: Oh good. Now, under heart attacks, you crossed out three and wrote zero.

Homer: Oh..hehe. I thought that said brain hemorrhages.

Insurance salesman: Uh-huh...and do you drink?

Homer: I do enjoy a snifter of port at Christmas.

Insurance salesman: Okay. Here's your policy.

Homer: Now let me tell you something Mr. Sucker. I just--

Insurance salesman: Oh hold on there. You still have to sign it first.

Homer: Oh.

 

Oh no! What have I done? I smashed open my little boy's piggy bank, and for what? A few measly cents, not even enough to buy one beer. Wait a minute, lemme count and make sure... not even close.

 

[Smithers] Well thats our last female competitor, now lets bring on the MEN! [Smithers]

 

Homer: Sometimes dogs or people hate you for no reason.

 

Straight off of the clock:

Homer: But Marge, valet! For once maybe someone will call me sir...without adding, 'you're making a scene.'

 

Homer: Sometimes dogs or people hate you for no reason.


*dies laughing* that works appropriately.

 

Homer to Krusty when he was a stand up comic at Moes.

Homer: DON'T YOU HATE PANTS!!!

---------------------------------

When Ralph took Lisa to the Krusty show and he spilt chocolate ice cream on her dress.

Chief Wiggum: Oh, nothing gets chocolate out...see(points to pants)

--------------------------------

When homer got a job at Hank Scorpios nuclear power plant and later quits becasue it wasnt wokring out


Hank: Oh, and Homer, if you could kill a couple of people on your way out, it would really help...

 

Homer: Barney, am I a pig?

Barney: You're as much of a pig as I am Homer *BUUURRRRPP*

~DG~

 

Hens love roosters, geese love ganders. Everyone else loves Ned Flanders!

NOT ME!!


*dies laughing*

 

Allen Wrench: I need tungston to live! TUNGSTON!

-=just visiting! HI ED!=-

 

Barney:

I'm taking Barbershop to strange new places:

#8...BURP
#8...BURP
#8...BURP

~DG~

 

Bart: You could be my father figure.

Homer: No thanks. I don't want my fingerprints all over that mess.

 

The other day one of my friends was wearing a shirt with Mr. Burns on it with the word "Excellent" on it.

 

There's one with Homer lying on the couch that says,
American Idle.

It's great.

 

BAH! Nothing beats my Duffman shirt.

OH YEAH!!!

 

When Gary and I saw it, we HAD to get it for you.

 

who can take your trash out? the garbageman can!

 

G.K. Willy: That's not how you vwing!!!

~DG~

 

Two favorites.

G-d to Homer in "Homer the Heretic

G-d: I'm due to appear on a tortilla in Tijauanna.

 

The clown is down.