'Yelllow Outpost' (post ROTJ, AU Orig. Characthers[Stormtroopers])

This is the beggining of my first story so far, and when it is finished, I hope to get it posted at TF.N.
Tell me what you think
(I am considering on editing or totaly deleting the text between the stars, and the title is not yet final)

** "Alright, move! Come on, quickly! Quickly!" said the stormtrooper as he pushed the prisoners none-too-gently into the shuttle. His once shining white armor was now grey, with patches of black spread all over it. Thirthy more grey-clad troopers were scattered around the landing pad, rifles at ready. But they were not afraid that the prisoners might try to escape-most of them were already too old, weak and exhausted to try something like that. Worst of all was they did not know what were they afraid of.
Something moved in one of the bushes surrounding the landing pad, and the troopers winced nervously. Never has anyone seen stormtroopers so nervous and afraid.
Sometime ago - a month to be precise - one of the fringe outposts did not report in. Assuming it was just a communication system malfunction, Command did not send anyone to check on them, for such malfunctions were known to happen rather often. But after two weeks someone from the Command realized that they could've fixed their transmitter by now, or at least sent someone out for parts.
So it was then that they sent Nir Fallas and his team of twelve troopers to see what was going on, fearing that some Rebels might have crept on the planet.
And that turned out to be the worst day of Nir's life. **

Two weeks earlier

The barren wasteland of Triwa Prime zoomed past the speeder's viewports. A prison planet as it was, Triwa Prima was chosen by the Imperials because of it's exceptional uglinnes. A huge brown-orange ball of rock floating somewhere in the Outer Rim, forgotten by all except by those who desperately tried to get off from it, and a few prison shuttle pilots. Nothing lived on Triwa Prime, or to be more accurate nothing lives now that the Imperials are here.
There were a few primitive tribes, but since this was a world so unkown, the Imperials did not have to bother to think up some story on how did the native tribes all 'disappear'.
They just slaughtered them.
The speeder rocked as one of the repulsors failed then kicked back on.
"What a piece of crap." grunted one of the stormtroopers. "Bang just fixed it yesterday, and now it's not workin' again!"
"Who's Bang?" asked the other trooper, the only trooper who still had his helmet on.
"I can see you're new 'round here, kid." answered the first trooper. "Bang is our station tech, he can fix anythin' in no time." The speeder rocked again. "Anythin' but this."
"I see..." said the second trooper. "And what's the nickname for?"
All the other troopers laughed and grinned at that question. "Well, you see...in his first days as an Imperial tech, Bang was ordered to fuel some capt's personal Interceptor. But he managed to spill some fuel into one of the ion engines - he didn't notice it, of course. So, when the planet was attacked and overrun by some traitor or somethin', that capt had to run. And just when he punched on his fast little ship--BANG!! he's scattered all over the planetside."
The new trooper just nodded slowly, now understanding that their entire outpost depended on that man, more or less.
"C'mon, Newbie. Don't worry, that never happened to him again." said the first trooper.
The cockpit doors opened and a man wearing stormtrooper armor with lieutenant's insignia peered in.
"Look who's decided to join us." grinned the first trooper.
"Shut up, Jix." answered the lieutenant. "Alright men, we're almost there. I don't expect any trouble, but keep your eyes open and guns loaded. We may have some Rebels down here."
All the troopers put their helmets on and checked their ammo packs. The one sitting next to Jix tapped the side of his helmet.
"Damn, these things used to have cooling systems back on Carida!"
"Yeah, well this ain't no Carida, Zax." said the trooper next to him.
"Oh really?" answered Zax sarcastically. "I'm gla