[Humor] Funny stuff from around the net

Netflix now has Howard the Duck available for streaming. And many fans...rejoice?

 

I'm not clicking that...Howard the Duck is just as bad as being Rick Rolled, neither or which interest me at the moment.

 

I haven't seen that in forever. I'd like to watch it again. I remember feeling confused and dirty when he was looking at the centerfold girl ducks.

 

"There will be no puppet cleavage shown on advertising posters in Colorado Springs bus shelters. "


full story here

 

Language: This picture haz it

Someone may have posted that before.

 

The stupid shall be punished.

MONTESANO, Wash. ? An Elma man was killed by accidentally urinating on a downed power line after a one-car crash near Montesano.

Grays Harbor County sheriff?s Deputy Dave Pimentel said Monday that 50-year-old Roy Messenger was not seriously hurt after he collided with a power pole Friday night and called a relative to pull his car out of the ditch.

When family members arrived they found Messenger electrocuted. Pimentel says Messenger apparently urinated into a roadside ditch but didn?t see the live wire.

Pimentel says there will be an autopsy, but burn marks indicated the way the electricity traveled through the body.

 

this made me laugh pretty hard...watch to the end...hehehe

 

wrong thread...

 

Rocketeer F.U.I.

 

The Washington Post once again has published the winning submissions to
its yearly neologism contest, in which readers are asked to supply
alternative meanings for common words. The winners are:

1. Coffee (n.), the person upon whom one coughs.
2. Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained.
3. Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
4. Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.
5. Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent.
6. Negligent (adj.), a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the
door in your nightgown.
7. Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.
8. Gargoyle (n), olive-flavoured mouthwash.
9. Flatulence (n.) emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run
over by a steamroller.
10. Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.
11. Testicle (n.), a humorous question in an exam.
12. Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.
13. Pokemon (n), Rastafarian proctologist.
14. Oyster (n.), person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.
15. Frisbeetarianism (n.) (back by popular demand), The belief that,
when you die, your soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.
16. Circumvent (n.), opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish
men.



The Washington Post's Style Invitational also asked readers to take any
word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing
one letter, and supply a new definition. Here are this year's winners:

1. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops
bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows
little sign of breaking down in the near future.
2. Foreploy (v): Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of
getting laid.
3. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the
subject financially impotent for an indefinite period.
4. Giraffiti (n): Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.
5. Sarchasm (n): The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the
person who doesn't get it.
6. Inoculatte (v): To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
7. Hipatitis (n): Terminal coolness.
8. Osteopornosis (n): A degenerate disease. ( that one got extra credit)
9. Karmageddon (n): Its like, when everybody is sending off all these
really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's
like, a serious bummer.
10. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day
consuming only things that are good for you.
11. Glibido (v): All talk and no action.
12. Dopeler effect (n): The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter
when they come at you rapidly.
13. Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after
you've accidentally walked through a spider web.
14. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito that gets into your
bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.
15. Caterpallor (n.): The colour you turn after finding half a grub in
the fruit you're eating.
And the pick of the literature:
16. Ignoranus (n): A person who's both stupid and an ***hole.

 

Not quite funny per se, but very, very cool.

Celluloid Celebrities

 

Bad Translator

I put in Star Wars Episode 3 Revenge of the Sith hoping for Backstroke of the West but, after 25 translations, I got...

Three city's Revenge



It works by translating what you write into several languages and back into english.

 

Ooo... This is fun. I was doing famous movie quotes and I tried these:

I've got a feeling we're not in Kansas anymore.

Which came out as:

I'm in Kansas.

Then this one:

"I'm going to make him an offer he can't refuse."

Which came out as:

Discount can not be closed.

And the last one:

You've got to ask yourself one question: 'Do I feel lucky?' Well, do ya, punk?

"You ask: "Congratulations, I must be cheating;"


Edit:

Had to add this one:

"Get your stinking paws off me, you damned dirty ape!"

""I have sweaty feet, Damned Dirty APE!"

 

this is awesome..

"the quick brown fox jumped over the lazy dog."

"Quick Baroque tape."

 

this one made me laugh!

"my cat's name is trinity "

"My name is Trinity Cat"

hi i am trinity cat! >^..^<

 

"and i thought they smelled bad on the outside."


"I feel so bad abroad."

no so funny

 

Fun though, isn't it?

I was doing that for like a half hour and the the only reason I stopped was because I had to leave for work. Not always funny, but interesting, for sure.

 

Outside England ?s Bristol Zoo there is a parking lot for 150 cars and 8 buses. For 25 years, its parking fees were managed by a very pleasant attendant. The fees were for cars ($1.40), for buses (about $7).

Then, one day, after 25 solid years of never missing a day of work, he just didn?t show up; so the Zoo Management called the City Council and asked it to send them another parking agent.

The Council did some research and replied that the parking lot was the Zoo?s own responsibility.

The Zoo advised the Council that the attendant was a City employee.

The City Council responded that the lot attendant had never been on the City payroll.

Meanwhile, sitting in his villa somewhere on the coast of Spain or France or Italy ? is a man who?d apparently had a ticket machine installed completely on his own and then had simply begun to show up every day, commencing to collect and keep the parking fees, estimated at about $560 per day ? for 25 years.

Assuming 7 days a week, this amounts to just over $7 million dollars ? and no one even knows his name.


yahoolaughs.com

 

iPhantom Zone

 

Shane and I saw this commercial last night and we about died laughing!

Commercial

 

Ouch, that looks painful. It should come with a lubricant to reduce chaffing.

 

[image=http://www.savagechickens.com/images/chickenpity.jpg]

 

Loving this blog's movie in a minute feature. It's like reading scripts for MST3K with the snark turned up a bit

 

Ha!

[image=http://www.thinkgeek.com/images/products/frontsquare/e44d_mayor_mom.jpg]

Via ThinkGeek.

 

Some Firefly humor that made me chuckle...

[image=http://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/action_movies.png]