Beyond - Legends Journal of Mark Tantiss: (2012 Diary Challenge: AU, OC, L/M) COMPLETE with fanart

Hehehe! Poor Mark. I imagine this situation can be quite complicated for a man.

 

True. A lot of the future entries for this story are based on real events. You know they say, "Write what you know." Of course, by doing that it leaves me with a whole lot of free time.

 

Lol! Poor Mark! I hope there's nothing wrong with his swimmers.

 

Thanks Hazel and Briannakin for reading. I appreciate the feedback.

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ENTRY 91: Coruscant

A few weeks later Kira and I returned to the doctor's office and I have to say, I was really nervous. We sat down in seats across from the specialist's desk. Kira reached out and grabbed my hand and gave it a reassuring squeeze.

The doctor opened a file drawer and pulled out a folder. "I have good news," the physician said as he sat down behind his desk. "The test results look very positive. Your semen sample showed approximately 40 million spermatozoa per milliliter. Of that amount approximately 88 percent exhibited progressive motility, which is extremely good considering you produced your sample outside of the clinic and there was a twenty-minute delay to delivery. Also spermatozoa morphology is normal and your pH levels are normal." He looked up to me and smiled. "I see no problems."

I grinned happily, but I saw Kira's shoulder's slump. I know what she's thinking…if I'm not the problem, then perhaps she was infertile.

"Should I be tested next?" she asked the specialist.

He rubbed a hand over his chin in thought. "How long have you been trying?"

"Almost seven months," I said.

"Have you been tracking ovulation?"

I furrowed my brow. Tracking ovulation? What the hell is that? Do I put a homing beacon on her ova?

"No, we haven't," Kira chimed in. Obviously she knows what the doctor is talking about.

"You should," the fertility specialist remarked. "You can use a basal thermometer to track your body temperature. You will see a temperature peak at the time of ovulation. At that time you should make sure to have sex."

I shook my head, "Doctor, we have sex all the time. I can't see this as a timing problem."

The doctored chuckled. "I hear that often, but it is rarely true. And, although women are said to be more amorous during ovulation, some women experience the opposite effect. They often aren't in the mood during their most fertile days. It could be that Kira falls in the second category of women." He pulled some pamphlets out of his desk and handed them over to Kira. "These booklets describe how to chart ovulation and the different methods. Try this for a few months and if it doesn't work then we will make an appointment for you to come in for further testing."

Kira took the booklets and nodded sadly.

"It's going to be alright," I assured her as we left the doctor's office and went to the garage where my speeder was parked.

She nodded. "Sure," she said but she didn't sound convinced.

We got into the speeder, but I didn't leave right away. I turned to Kira, sensing her sadness. "Kira, don't worry about this. We'll have a family one way or another. If it turns out we can't have kids of our own, we could adopt. The war created millions of orphans—children who need a home and loving family. Think about it, just about everybody we know was adopted. Luke and Leia weren't raised by their biological parents, Han was orphaned at a young age, Mara never knew her parents, and me…I never had parents."

"I know," she said quietly, "but I also know you want biological children… a family of your own making."

I looked down at the steering column thinking. "True, I want a family, but I already have one. I have more than I ever hoped for." I hesitated for a moment collecting my thoughts.

"I remember the first few days of my life. I woke up in a medical ward. I didn't know where I was. I didn't even know who I was. Later it was revealed to me that I was a clone; I was created by a madman in a laboratory. I never felt the loving caress of a mother's arms. No anxious father eagerly awaited my birth. I felt so alone and scared. I don't think anybody could understand the depth of loneliness I felt. As I lay in the hospital bed, I realized I didn't have family or friends worrying about me or wondering where I was. There was nobody in my life. I could have died and not one person would have mourned my passing." I looked over to Kira and gave her a wane smile.

"But then Mara and Luke came into my life. They accepted me and cared for me. Then I found you. Kira, I already have a family. I have people who I love and love me back. I couldn't ask for more."

I leaned over and gave her a kiss. Kira was teary eyed but a little more cheerful.

"Do you want to go home and try to make your family bigger?" she asked.

I chuckled. "Yeah, I'd like that."

 

Aww. I hope they are able to have little Marks and little Kiras

 

This is a very sweet entry.

 

Thanks Briannakin and Hazel for reading and being so kind to review.

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ENTRY 92: Jedi Temple, Coruscant

Kira took the doctor's advice and has been monitoring her temperature for the last few weeks. So far there hasn't been any variations in temperature.

This morning I got up early to help Kam teach a lightsaber class to the Jedi students. I rolled over and kissed Kira. "Hey sleepy head, I have a few minutes before I have to go to the gym. Do you want to try making a baby again?"

Kira groaned groggily. "I'm tired. It's my day off. I want to sleep in. We can do it later."

"Okay," I said disappointed. A part of my body was wide-awake and raring to go. Oh well.

I get up and shower. I give Kira a kiss before I leave. "I'll be at the training room. I have my comlink."

"Have fun," she said sleepily.

I get to the lightsaber sparring area to find Kam and Corran already there practicing a few moves. Today we were supposed to show the students how to fight off multiple attackers.

Kam and Corran turned off their sabers when I arrived. "Thanks for coming Mark," Kam said as he walked toward the bleachers and grabbed his datapad and punched up today's lesson. "What I want to do is show the students how to keep track of multiple opponents while engaged with another hostile. It is a split concentration technique."

Corran and I were going over the planned instruction when my comlink buzzed. I checked the caller identification and realized it was from Kira. I excused myself from the two for a moment and placed the comlink on 'private' so only I could hear the caller. "Mark here."

"Mark! You need to come home…NOW! My temperature peaked!" I could hear the excitement in Kira's voice. This was our chance to make a baby. If we didn't do it now, we would have to wait another month.

"I'll be there right away!" I said excitedly as I closed down the comlink. I turned to Kam and Corran. "Sorry, something came up. I need to go."

Kam shrugged. "No problem I can get a student to be the second attacker."

"Thanks Kam," I said as I started jogging to my quarters.

"Wait, Mark," Corran called out. I stopped as Corran ran up to where I was waiting impatiently. "Are you being called out on a mission?"

I resumed walking toward my quarters. "Sort of." I say evasively.

"Do you need help?" Corran asked. "If this is a Jedi mission, I could use the experience."

"No! I can handle the mission myself," I bit out a little harsher than I intended. I have no idea why Corran has suddenly become interested in doing missions with me.

"I don't know Mark. You get a call to do a mission with no warning. That sounds dangerous. I think it might be a two man job."

"It is definitely not a two man job!" I said as I turned to Corran.

"Okay, can I at least watch…you know, join you on the mission as an observer?"

"What? No! What's with you Corran?" It was then I saw the ever-so-slight upturn of the corners of his mouth. He was trying not to laugh. Obviously, Corran knows where I am going and what I have to do. "Shavit! Who told you?"

Corran chuckled. "Mirax told me you two were trying to conceive."

I shook my head. "And can I assume Kira told Mirax?"

"No!" Corran's smile grew wider, "Kira told Mara, Mara told Mirax and Mirax told me."

"What do those women talk about when we're not around?"

"Just about everything I guess," Corran laughed. "You better get going. You have a mission to fulfill." He slapped me on the back and turned to return to the training room. As I quickly headed off to my quarters I heard Corran call out "Remember Mark, stay on target!"

 

Lol. Corran is so going to get killed by Mark one day.

Yay! It's baby-making time!

 

Can't beat girl talk.

 

Briannakin --Corran is pushing his luck with Mark. Hazel -- I would think that Kira and Mirax would bond well because they are non-Force user women married to Jedi. You would have to think they would feel a little like outsiders living in a Temple full of Jedi.

I finished NaNo and was certified a winner. I don't know if I will ever post my story because it is way too long and there is way too much non-bootknocking parts...so it is a little boring. Meh...it was 50K words and that is what matters.

Now we are up to the Planet of Twilight and The Crystal Star books...which I rather not cover...so I am going to do something different.
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ENTRY 93: Pregnancy

We're pregnant! Well, Kira is pregnant, but I'm the one who put her in that condition! Mission accomplished! He shoots, he scores!

We went over to Kira's parents' house to give them the good news. I didn't know my mother-in-law could scream so loud. To say she is excited is an understatement. Kira's father was also ecstatic. Jaycen and Shon were initially happy, but now they are not so thrilled. As soon as Kira's mom settled down from our good news she immediately turned to her sons and started lecturing them, "When are you two going to find a nice girl to marry and give me more grandchildren?!"

Ha! I find that amusing.

We don't know if it is a boy or a girl. I don't care. I just hope for a healthy baby. I'm going to be a father! It's the best feeling in the galaxy.


ENTRY 94: Jedi Temple, Coruscant

A few weeks after I learned Kira was expecting, Luke stopped by my quarters to give me and Kira some more good news. The application I put in for New Republic Jump School training was approved and I am scheduled to ship out in two weeks for the four-month course.

I was beaming happily. Unfortunately, Kira wasn't as overjoyed.

"What!?" Kira said as she turned and glared at me. "When were you going to tell me you put in for this school?"

"Ahhh um," I sputtered as I quickly realized that one should tell your pregnant spouse that you applied to a military school BEFORE you are actually accepted. "Sorry Kira," I mumbled and then looked over to Luke hoping for a little help. After all, he's experienced in dealing with hormonally unbalanced pregnant women… but he just smacked the palm of his hand to his forehead in disbelief.

"You didn't tell her?" Luke groaned while shaking his head.

"No he didn't tell me," Kira had her hands on her hips and stared angrily at me.

"I applied over a year ago," I explained. "I forgot all about it."

"Kira," Luke said tentatively. "If it makes you feel any better, Mark's acceptance to this school means he won't be accompanying me on my upcoming mission to Nam Chorios. There has been an outbreak of the Death Seed plague in the sector. It's a nasty disease that causes your skin to rot off your body until you finally die. It looks like Kam will be accompanying me instead."

Kira gave him a suspicious look. "Are you just saying that to get him off the hook?"

Luke shook his head. "Unfortunately, I'm not. There are reports of the plague hitting two of our New Republic ships. I am going to Nam Chorios where the death seed plague originated to try to find a cure."

Kira's face fell. "Luke you're not a doctor. Shouldn't the New Republic Disease Control Center be called in, not the Jedi."

Luke gave her a reassuring smile. "They'll be there, but we know the Death Seed is spread by parasitic drochs and they can be controlled by Tsil, or spook crystals as they are commonly called. Tsil are force-sensitive mineral-based life forms and only a force sensitive can communicate with them. Therefore, I'm going to Nam Chorios to gather information."

She shook her head with worry. "Luke, it's bad enough that trouble follows you, but now you're actively seeking it out." Kira turned towards me and let out an aggravated breath. "I'm happy you were accepted. I just don't like the timing. Next time give me a little more advanced notice that you are going to disappear on me while I'm pregnant."

"I will," I said with an apologetic smile. "I'll be home three months before your due date. I won't miss the birth."

"You better not." Kira turned to Luke. "I hope you told Mara about you plan to investigate a deadly plague."

Luke blanched. "I um…not yet. I just found out yesterday and I've been waiting for the right time to tell Mara. She's been in a really foul mood from lack of sleep. Ben isn't sleeping through the night yet and for some reason I don't hear him crying during the sleep cycle." He sighed. "I guess I need to talk to her."

Opps! Luke's in trouble too; it must be something genetic. I don't envy him. At least my wife doesn't own a lightsaber.

I'm going to Jump School! Hoorah

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Note: This is similar to the way I found out that my spouse was accepted to Explosive Ordnance Disposal School (bomb disposal). It was, "Hey, great news! I was accepted to the 27 week long EOD school!" Surprise, Surprise.

 

Way to go Mark!!!

And he sure picked a handy time to go to Jump School.

 

I see that Mark got the 'Skywalker timing thing'.

And yay for babies!

 

Awww, I love Mark and Kira. I'm happy there is a little Tantiss on the way. And I bet Mara kicks Luke good and hard when he doesn't hear that little one. LOLOL I'm really lucky. My hubby is such a light sleeper that he never minded getting up at night with the little one.

 

I was the one with the babies all the time. It is like mother's develop super hearing. At 3AM mom will be jarred out of a deep sleep by the baby rolling over in bed. My husband never ever heard the kids.

 

I agree. I always hear her. It's like I have the Force when it comes to her. LOL And have done my share of getting up. But he always took his turn. Do they wake him up now that they're loud teens?

 

Yes they do now and I never hear them. They had 9 days off from school for Thanksgiving. The older one decided to sneak into my office at 3AM to grab my iPod. He must have stepped on a creaky floorboard because the next thing I know I am jarred out of sleep by his irrate father doing his best The Great Santini impersonation. He's yelling at him for sneaking around at night. The boys kept getting up in the middle of the night to play video games, use the computer or snag my iPod. Then they would sleep until 2 PM. It's like raising vampire children. They are up all night and sleep all day.

 

Thanks ginchy, Briannakin, and Hazel for reading. I really appreciate you taking the time to read and review. Mark goes to military school. I thought I would write a bit of what I know. Some of the non-Jedi events are loosely on some of my experiences during my eleven years in the military.

I needed to get him into military training because it is mentioned in the epilogue in Second to None and in the sequel to Second to None.


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ENTRY 95: Coruscant

I am at the Military Entrance Processing Station. The higher-ups decided it would be better for me to attend my military training incognito. Therefore I am given a military identification, uniform and a backstory about being a New Republic Embassy guard on some rimworld planet. I will depart for Null in two days where I will report for Jump School.

I had been reading over the training schedule. The first four weeks of jump training is called Drop Camp. It's a grueling physical conditioning training program specifically designed to weed out the faint of heart. The first six days is supposed to be the worst week of a person's life. It consists of continuous training and physical exercise with maybe only a few hours of sleep per night. The other three weeks consists of rappelling, small-unit movements and tactics, jungle operations and, mountain climbing. I was told sixty percent of the candidates never make it past Drop Camp.

Troops that do survive the training continue on Jump School. There are three phases to the training, each taking approximately a month. The first is Air Insertion School where I will learn conventional parachute training, Hawkbat Suit training, and Jump Trooper Jt-12 Jetpack training.

I am really looking forward to the instruction.


Entry 96: Null

Stang! What a day I had, and I don't mean that in a good way.

I started out very excited and full of anticipation. From Coruscant I took a commercial M-Class passenger liner to Null and then a shuttle planet side. At the Docking bay I immediately went to the predetermined meeting place, which was a decrepit waiting room within the terminal. It had torn cushioned seats, trash on the floor and the unmistakable smell of urine. I was a little disappointed. Any Jedi recruits coming to the academy are usually picked up by a hired driver or sent to the dignitary lounge within the spaceport to wait. I guess the military can't afford such luxuries.

My orders said to wait there for the school shuttle to pick up the military students. The next shuttle wasn't scheduled to arrive for two more hours, so I shrugged my duffle bag off my shoulders and sat down in the cleanest seat I could find. Currently there were two other men in the waiting room—one wore a New Republic Uniform like mine and the other man wore a planetary military force uniform I was unfamiliar with.

Over the next two hours more men arrived. A few looked my biological age or older, but a majority of the recruits appeared to be in their late teens or early twenties. They were all human males. The Jump school instructed most sentient species within the New Republic, but determined it was easier to train and feed segregated classes based on food requirements and body composition.

Eventually a stocky looking human wearing a civilian shuttle driver uniform arrived. We were instructed to load up into his speeder and were quickly on our way.

The ride to the military post was quiet. There was a nervous tension on the shuttle. I decided to try to take a nap. Who knows when the next time I would have a chance to sleep.


ENTRY 97: Null

I was awakened some time later by screaming. A very large and angry looking New Republic noncommissioned officer was standing at the front of the shuttle swearing non-stop and demanding that all of us 'crunchbug eating son-of-Hutts' need to get off his shuttle and onto his Octagon. I grabbed my bag and hurried off the shuttle, but obviously not fast enough for the sergeant who took the opportunity to impart to me what I could only describe as homophobic insults and threats of what he was going to do to me if I didn't get my 'ugly redheaded mug' out of his face and off the speeder in the next nano-second.

About twenty-five men exited the shuttle. We sprinted off to a blacktop octagon that had rows and rows of yellow painted footprints. The first man to the location lined up on the set of footprints on the first row and column the rest of us lined up on him falling to attention. The sergeant followed behind us "encouraging" us to move faster and shut up. He then spent the next ten minutes telling us how he has never seen such a mangy group of recruits and predicted that we were all going to fail.

I am so glad that Luke doesn't run the academy like this. I know they intend on breaking me down before they build me back up, but knowing their motive doesn't make it enjoyable.

We were told to wait until the remainder of the class arrived. I thought we would be dismissed or at least put at parade rest, but to my dismay we were left at attention, holding our bags, in the hot humid mid-day sun of Null. After about an hour I was sweating like a Hutt. I had to make sure not to lock my knees. That is a sure way to pass out. Already one unlucky fellow had to take a knee and was promptly shuffled off the octagon pad as the drill sergeant yelled that he didn't want any weak women at his school. Well, that is not exactly what he said. He used a pejorative slang term for 'women'…one that if I ever used in Mara's presence would immediately result in a lightsaber castration from the Former's Emperor's Hand.

I almost smiled as I thought of Mara. She is one woman who could put this instructor in his place. He wouldn't know what hit him.

Over the course of the next three hours more military personnel trickled in until soldiers covered most of the painted footprints. The sergeant called off an attendance sheet and appeared satisfied that all were present and accounted for. It wasn't until then that we were marched to an in-processing building. There we were issued our tactical gear and barracks assignments. We were told to stow our gear and return to the Octagon for dinner formation.

Dinner consisted of some type of unidentifiable food. The fact that I couldn't identify the cuisine is somewhat troubling since my wife is a chef and I own a restaurant. I forced myself to eat, knowing I would need the calories during training. As soon as I get a chance I am sending a message to Kira asking her to send me a big care package of non-issued food (what the military calls pogey bait or boodle).

After dinner we were given a Standard Operating Procedure booklet that detailed how our gear and uniforms are supposed to be stowed and the daily cleanup routine.

Lights out was at 2000 hours. We were told to get to sleep tomorrow we were going to have a long day.

I much prefer Luke's training regimen. I miss Kira and I miss Kira's meals. Luke's right, she spoils me.

 

Mark is spoiled. I would feel bad for him, but he brought this on himself.

 

Lights out at 2000? - not even my mom made me go to bed that early when i was a kid.

This will be a good experience for Mark.

 

Well, that is basically for the first day. Usually the first day isn't too bad because people have been traveling to get there and they may have been up for 24 hours straight. I remember going to my first assignment. The Army must have been trying to save money because they put me on a magical mystery tour. I flew to one airport hub, had a 5 hour layover then flew to another airport hub and had a 7 hour layover and then finally I took a tiny airplane to my destination airport and then waited for a shuttle. By the time I got to my unit I had been awake for 36 hours.

So I figured they would get them to bed and wake them up at 4AM. After that they probably won't get much sleep for weeks. You have night marches, night ambushes. Or you do a night ambush and then your squad leader gets you lost in the woods and you walk in the pouring rain until sunrise before you can get your bearings.

Poor Mark...but he asked for it.

 

I loved reading these parts of the diary. So interesting! I think it's a good fit for Mark, but I know he'd rather be home with Kira!!

 

Thank you Briannakin, Hazel and ginchy for reading. I really appreciate it.

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Entry 98: Drop Camp- Week 1: Physical Fitness Week.

I probably won't have time for many or long entries during this course. The instructors are determined to keep us busy and moving from before sunrise to late at night. Most of the time I get back, shower, attend to my blisters and fall into the rack exhausted. I know I could use the Force and probably breeze through this course, but I am determined to do this as a soldier and not a Jedi. After seeing these men suffer through hours of calisthenics, forced marches and grueling training I would feel like a fraud if I used the Force to aid me when they had to struggle through using only their muscle and willpower.

On day one we were assigned 'Jump Buddies', which is a soldier I will work with throughout the training. My jump buddy is a twenty-one year old human Tarisian named Deke Tavik. He is a tall, muscular, blond haired man who said he played smashball in school before he joined the Tarisian Defense Force at the age of eighteen.

He is not as big as me, but he is one of the larger men here. I think the staff put us together because many of the exercises require us to rescue carry our Jump buddy. He seems like a nice enough guy although he talks way too much about women…which tells me he isn't getting any action. Ha! It's almost like hanging around Chin again.


Entry 99: Drop Camp- Day 5: Physical Fitness Week.

I am finishing up my first week of Drop Camp. Stang, I thought I was going to die after the first few days. I must have gotten a total of ten hours sleep since we started. The lack of sleep causes crazy side effects like hallucinations and waking dreams. Once I caught Deke holding a rock and talking into it like it was a comlink. Another night I swore I saw a ghostlike Kira walking along the forest edge during a long fifty-kilometer forced march. Rumor has it if you go without sleep too long it causes permanent brain damage. I don't need that. Mara already tells me she thinks my synapses weren't hooked up right in the cloning chamber. Shavit, I'm really starting to miss her smart-alecky comments.

Luckily for me, soldiers who come in first in various competitions usually get more rest. So Deke and I have been trying our best to beat the competition. Unfortunately, there is a rival team that often surpasses us. They are two men named Darkin and Tabaz. They both are of average height and build, but they obviously are not lacking in determination.

Today Deke and I came in first place in the platoon's relay race, which consisted of sprints back and forth in various ways over the Octagon. We had to do shoulder carries, crab walks (hands and feet with belly up), bear walks (hands and feet belly down), assisted hand walking (Deke holds my feet and I walk on my hands), low crawl and other painful variations.

As our reward for coming in first, we got to rest while the rest of our platoon went to the Pit. The Pit was a large depression in the ground filled with sawdust. The troops had to low crawl from one side to the other. This doesn't sound too bad until you realize the instructors want you as low as you can go. Therefore the soldiers were using their heads to bulldoze through the sawdust like a Blenjeel Sand Burrower. When you are hot and sweaty sawdust sticks to your face, gets under your clothing and in your mouth and eyes. It is a very uncomfortable form of punishment, but one that conforms to the military's anti-cruelty rules when it comes to constructive reinforcement training.

While we watched our comrades suffer, Deke told me a little about his life on Taris. His parents are both college instructors who were greatly disappointed in his choice to join the service. His longtime girlfriend also showed him her disapproval by dumping him during his Basic Training course. He said she broke up with him by a datapad text message. Wow! That’s not right.

I told him I was on Taris once and heard about the Rakghouls. I asked him if he was nervous about the plague. He just laughed. He said a Rakghoul attack hadn't been reported in thirty years.

"Anyway," he said, "I'm so tough that if I got bitten, I wouldn't turn into a Rakghoul, the Rakghoul it would turn into a Deke."

I had to roll my eyes. Bravado is something Deke does not have a shortage of. Still I'm glad he's my jump buddy. He can definitely carry his own weight.

 

Lol great update.

With final papers and exams, I can totally relate to seeing things from lack of sleep.

 

Looks like Mark is having fun at Boot Camp.

 

Briannakin & Hazel Thanks for reading. I am basing a lot of his little adventures on my experiences in the military. This next post was actually something that was done to me during basic training. Drill Instructors can be a little evil sometimes. Luckily I had soda that day.

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ENTRY 100: Drop Camp-Day 6

Today is the last day of our Physical Fitness week. About twenty percent of our company has dropped out. As a reward, the survivors were given a four-hour pass. Some of the troops went to the commissary or Post Exchange, but most of us went to the small Post cantina where we could purchase ale, greasy sliders and fried Corellian potato sticks.

I bought a soda and some potato sticks. Deke purchased some ale and by 'some' I mean 'a lot'. As I watched the troops eat and drink it became apparent that the goal was to imbibe in as much alcohol as physically possible in the four hours allotted so they could go back to the barracks and relish a nice alcoholic buzz for the remainder of the day.

"Deke, you shouldn't drink so much," I cautioned my Jump buddy. I wasn't sure what was going to happen when we returned, but I could sense amusement and anticipation from the instructors when we were dismissed. An amused drill instructor is never good.

He gave me a squinty glare. "You shouldn't drink so little," he retorted. "I've never seen a non-drinking jump trooper."

I shrugged. "I'm just saying you don't know what the instructors have planned for us when this pass is over."

Deke snorted. "What kind of sleemo would schedule training after giving us a pass?" He then ordered up another round.

At the end of the four hours, fifty or more men stumbled back to the barracks with the intention of falling into the rack and going asleep right after roll call. But it appeared the instructors had other plans.

As we filed into our headcount formation we saw all the drill instructors standing on the Octagon wearing their physical training uniforms. After it was determined everybody was all present or accounted for we were suddenly swarmed by instructors screaming out orders.

"You have five minutes to get into your PT uniform and form up on the Octagon!"

I immediately sprinted toward the barracks. I looked back and saw Deke stumbling over his own feet. I ran back and practically carry him up to the second floor where our lockers were located.

"You know, Deke," I said with a sarcastic chuckle. "I think I know what type of Sleemo would schedule training after a pass."

"Shut up," he snarled as he tried to balance on one foot while shoving a leg into his training shorts. Of course, balance and drunkenness don't go along well and he quickly ended up falling to the ground.

I swiftly got into my PT uniform and helped Deke tie his running shoes. I then practically pulled him out the door and down the stairs.

As we neared the Octagon we could see the senior drill sergeant glaring at his chrono as inebriated men came stumbling down to formation. Once everybody was there we were given new orders. "It took you eight minutes to get formed up. Go back and get into your utility uniform. You have five minutes."

And so we spent the next half hour going from utility uniform to PT uniform until we were able to accomplish the task in the five minutes allotted.

We were then told to spread out at arm's length. We were in our PT outfits so I knew what was going to happen, but I don't think most of my drunken brethren were cognizant of what was about to occur.

"Guerrilla drills!" the instructor bellowed out.

There was an audible groan from the platoon, which resulted in more screaming by the instructors. Guerrilla drills were a series of exercises performed continuously with no rest in between. Push-ups, sit-ups, knee bends, sit-up-twists, leg lifts, flutter kicks, high jumpers, bend and twists, mountain climbers and lunges.

I had to contain a smile as I did the exercises. It is considerably easier to do guerilla drills while sober. After about five minutes I could hear groans of pain from my comrades…and then somebody vomited.

That got the instructors into a tizzy. "What are you doing puking on my Octagon!"

As the smell of upchuck wafted over the exercise pad more and more drunken men started to expel their stomach contents over the instructor's precious eight-sided blacktop.

This continued for another half hour. Slowly the instructors started to dismiss the obviously sober troopers. Deke and I were dismissed. How Deke was able to keep his stomach contents down, I have no idea. I grabbed him under the arm and dragged him as quickly as possible off the blacktop and into the barracks before the instructors realized he was impaired. We got up to our floor and I shoved him into the barracks latrine where he promptly skidded to a stop in front of the 'fresher toilet and got violently ill.

"I told you, you shouldn't drink so much," I said with a chuckle.

"Shut up," was his only response.

Ha! Maybe he'll listen to me next time.