Victoria. BC The Pun Thread

Ouch.

 

K there was this huge chess tournament down in utah. it was being held at the biggest hotel in the city, a very luxuriouse place. and there are all these chess fanatics standing around gloating about past victories and etc. down in the lobby.

and the manager in this prestigeouse hotel is watching all this and leans over to the clerk on duty and says. "i cant stand Chess nuts boasting in an open foyer"


*Badum ching*

 

A rich businessman retired and decided he wanted to start a hobby farm. Being interested in draft horses, he purchased a Clysdale stallion and a couple of mares in the fall and settled in to watch his investment multiply.

In the spring, however, swallows started pestering his horses. In fact it appeared the swallows were trying to nest in the horses' manes. With his investments stampeding around the pasture in a panic, the businessman returned to where he purchased the horses to talk to the original owner who did not appear to have the same problem.

"How on earth do you stop the swallows from bothering your horses?" The businessman asked.

The farmer calmly replied, "Easy. Just sprinkle yeast in their manes."

Mystified, the businessman figured, what the heck, and followed the instructions. Sure enough, in short order the swallows stopped bothering the horses. Astonished, he returned to the farmer once again and asked, "How did you know sprinkling yeast in the horses' manes would drive off the swallows?"

"It's simple," the farmer told him. "Yeast is yeast, and nest is nest, and never the mane shall tweet."

 

Should I? Dare I? * visions of Master Yoda flogging me with his gimmer stick * I shall! (four of you know better than to answer this question --- I want to see if anyone else can figure it out.



What do Scottish Jedi duel with?

 

Is this a good time to mention the beaver?!?

Derisa stop laughing!

 

NO! IT ISN'T!!

 

Okay, so there was this toothless termite who walks into a saloon one day and asks the guy behind the counter: "Is the bar tender here?"

That's a 'bu-dump-bump' joke, people.

 

All right, you whuses --- the answer to the Scottish Jedi pun is:

They duel with light cabres (of course)!

Darth: I bet I can toss my cabre farther than you, laddie.

Luke: You're on, Daddy.