JCC What does it take for you to turn your neighbor into a rat

I needs to know.

 

Convince him to become an Animagus with you.

 

I tried that and it didn't work.

 

Simple. Use a Wabbajack. You'll turn your neighbor into a rat eventually

 

Umm, magic?

 

If my neighbor had children,I would feed them candies filled with a potion to turn them into rats like Roald Dahl's book, " The Witches@

 

Edit: Bah everyone is so flippin' fast when posting.

 

Ugh I was gonna post something about how if he walked in on my secret meeting with the other witches and hid behind a screen in the meeting room, but LifeInTechnicolor just decided to be a little less subtle with it.

 

Slowww dowwwn or I'll turn Beezel into a rat.
Wait...
Carry on.

 

first you should try dealing some drugs. if that doesn't work i'm afraid you'll have to beat your wife.

 

What if neither of those things work? Should I play loud obnoxious music?

 

Polymorph

Transmutation

Level: Sor/Wiz 4
Components: V, S, M
Casting Time: 1 standard action
Range: Touch
Target: Willing living creature touched
Duration: 1 min./level (D)
Saving Throw: None
Spell Resistance: No
This spell functions like alter self, except that you change the willing subject into another form of living creature. The new form may be of the same type as the subject or any of the following types: aberration, animal, dragon, fey, giant, humanoid, magical beast, monstrous humanoid, ooze, plant, or vermin. The assumed form can’t have more Hit Dice than your caster level (or the subject’s HD, whichever is lower), to a maximum of 15 HD at 15th level. You can’t cause a subject to assume a form smaller than Fine, nor can you cause a subject to assume an incorporeal or gaseous form. The subject’s creature type and subtype (if any) change to match the new form.
Upon changing, the subject regains lost hit points as if it had rested for a night (though this healing does not restore temporary ability damage and provide other benefits of resting; and changing back does not heal the subject further). If slain, the subject reverts to its original form, though it remains dead.
The subject gains the Strength, Dexterity, and Constitution scores of the new form but retains its own Intelligence, Wisdom, and Charisma scores. It also gains all extraordinary special attacks possessed by the form but does not gain the extraordinary special qualities possessed by the new form or any supernatural or spell-like abilities.
Incorporeal or gaseous creatures are immune to being polymorphed, and a creature with the shapechanger subtype can revert to its natural form as a standard action.
Material Component

An empty cocoon.

 

Sweet. I'll try that and get back to you.

 

Acid, take some and at least one of you will turn, if not both!

 

Formula 86 Delayed-Action Mouse Maker, of course!

 

That works