San Joaquin, CA Ask Mother Palpatine

Hello everyone. Being a Sith Rabb't, which is a spiritual leader or sorts, I feel that it is only right that I share my wisdom. Just look at my son, Supreme Chancellor Palpatine, and you can see that I have always been ready to give my opinion. Of course, it only works when he will listen to me. But does he always take my advice? What about his sister Brenda? Oh, my heart breaks as I watch that girl wither away, alone. Will she listen to me? Did my son break his fathers heart when he went into politics? But at least he is successful. If only he would meet a nice Sith girl and think about grandchildren.
Anyway, if you need advice just leave me a note. I can assure you that I know exactly what you need to hear, even if you are Jedi. Although why anyone would really want to be a Jedi is beyond me. All that meditation and looking like shepherds. And don't forget those hairy little green Jedi Masters who sit around mumbling gibberish to make you think they are saying something profound. Trust me, their only senile.

Rabb't Golda Palpatine

 

I don't really need any advice at the moment, but I did have a question... What was your son, the Emperor, like as a boy? Did you always know he was going to grow up to rule the Galaxy?

 

Of course. My Sid was always talking about how the universe would one day be his. As a little boy he had this blanket which showed all thses star systems and such. Every night as he fell asleep he would clutch his blankey and point to the different systems saying,"mine, mine, will be mine." It feels a mother with such pride. My son is very special. Of course he might contact me a little more often. Always worrying about which planetary system to dominate or destory next. He needs to take better care of himself. And such dry skin. I keep telling him to use more moisturizer. Wrinkles run in his fathers side of the family.
But all in all, a good Sith son.

 

I have always looked up to senator palpatine but who is this Sid you keep talking about i don't believe i know him ? some sort of pet name im sure. i've given anni pet names also like snooky-poo and bumpy-kins.

 

My dear, Sid is my son. You may know him as Senator Palpatine and he insists on being called Sidious, but he will always be my little Sid.

Golda

 

As a small boy I first met your son and saw him as an older brother figure. After I began my training I began to see him as a father. Now he seems more like grandfather and one of those old people who has to have things there way. Does he remind you of your husband?
Also I have been having the strangest hunger for those cookies you make. I know Master--Kenobi likes them though he would not say it. I also believe that they were Master Qui Gon's favorite.

 

Mother Palpatine, which of our new smileys is your favorite? Which one do you think is Sid's favorite?


face_raised_brow
face_angel
face_nerd
face_talk_hand
face_sleep
face_rolling_eyes
face_sick
face_shhh
face_not_talking
face_clown
face_silly
face_tired
face_drooling
face_thinking
face_doh!
face_applause
face_pig
face_cow
face_monkey
face_chicken
face_rose
face_good_luck
face_flag
face_pumpkin
face_coffee
face_idea
face_skull
face_alien_1
face_alien_2
face_frustrated
face_cowboy
[-o| face_praying
face_hypnotized
face_money_eyes
face_whistling
face_liarliar
face_beatup
face_peace
face_shame_on_you
face_dancing
face_hugs


I like the frustrated face, plus the animated ones like the whistling, dancing, and hugs ones.

 

There may be too much in a sith's day for them to be conserned with smilies. Being evil is hard even smiling makes my face hurt. But the frustrated one reminds me of a jedi pissy face.

 

Dear Mother Palpatine:

I need advice regarding my whiny-ego-inflated Padawan. What is the best way to handle him. He also is obsessed with a certain Senator from Naboo. It is starting to great on my nerves. Amadalia this and Padme that....

I'm also quite concerned about an inordinate amount of time that he spends with Chancellor Palpatine. Any comments?

Master -K-

 

First let me say that smiley faces are alright if they are not too happy. People that are always in a good mood and nice are up to something. They can not be trusted. Or for that matter those that sit around on hover cushions dressed like shepherds.

My Sid would like the hypnotizing face. I myself am drawn towards the shame-on-you face. This is a face that should be used in regards to the Jedi more often. I heard from my friend Linda that the Jedi are using clones to build a huge army. Now, what Linda tells me is the Jedi have pretended to know nothing about these clones but they were ordered by a Jedi Master. My question is who has paid for these clones? Could the Jedi Bake Sale fund have gone towards this plan? Also, if the Jedi are so powerful what do they need with a clone army? Is it by chance some plan to wipe out the Sith, again?

Let me tell you, the Jedi hate the Sith and will do everything in their power to see us destoryed. They claim it is because we are evil. Ha. It is because we are not afraid to point out their weakness, such as lacking pockets in their clothing. As I told Linda, my Sid will find a way to take care of the Jedi.
So, did I answer the smiley face question? Good. Now I must go bake some cookies.

Golda

 

Dear Mother's Boy,

I can tell just from your title that you are a wise young man. My Sid has spoken of you to me often. I believe he may have also known your mother, but that was many years ago. You would be wise to listen to Sid and what he has to tell you. I am sure that that Jedi Master of yours has led you to believe that he has done everyting for you in your best interest but don't you have some doubts. I understand that you are powerful with your use of the force but your Master keeps you from fulling utilizing your power.

I really don't understand this Jedi belief that one should not embrace their emotions. I personally think that it is a way to hold back those that are truly powerful. I mean, what is wrong with having a family? Why do the Jedi insist that you not spend much time with non Jedi? It sounds like a cult to me.

I would not be surprised to discover that the Jedi are some sort of cult that are only out to use the Force for there own means. Look at them, they all dress alike and want to take the children away from their parents to "teach" them about the Force. there is a lot of meditaion and they screen applicatants to get rid of theose that might be too smart and see through their deception. The Jedi are restricted from falling in love and starting a family. Why is this? It reminds me of when Edith's son Hymie joined a cult. First thye kept him away from outside influence telling him he was being trained to summon his inner energy. These people sat around and chanted alot and everyone had to paint their bodies to look like a rainbow. Hymie had to give them everything he owned and promise to only help others. These rainbow people thought that if they got enough people to sit around chanting and mediating they could combine their "mind energy" to bring about galactic peace. If you ask me it sounds like something the Jedi would do and I told Edith that I believed that the Jedi were behind this cult. It seems their leader was some little green guy that hovered.
Anyway, so after a couple of weeks with this cult Hymie comes home to tell Edith and Irving what he is going to do with his life, not that he would ever have made a Sith Lord, but still poor Edith and Irving having to live with such a thing. So here comes Hymie painted all rainbow like wearing nothing but a garland of red flowers over his little willy (after what he did with the lightsaber that time it was little) asking his parents for money to have his head shaved. It seems that was the last thing one had to do before becoming an offical member of this group. Irving statted yelling and Edith was crying. Irving told Hymie that he would not see any money from them and that he had shamed them in front of all the Sith. Truthfully, Hymie had done that long before but Irving was upset. So, Hymie runs inside and grabs a lightsaber determined to have a shaved head so he could return to the cult. Hymie has a problem with depth and shaved a bit close. After getting Hymie medical care and dropping him off at a Sith de-programer Irving and several of the other Sith families gathered and marched down to the rainbow cult headquaters. My Mort was one of them and afterwards we had no other problems with that cult. Of course, that cult no longer existed but there was a nice block party that evening. After a week of so Hymie was better and he is very lucky to have a head that looks good in wigs.

So, what was your question? Oh yes, does my Sid remind me of my husband? In the way that he is such a good dresser and has a true fashion sense, yes. To his ruthlessness, he is just like me. You should really listen to him because he is wise and can lead you in a direction that will make you a household name; an icon. Remember it is not you that has the problem but those around you that do not understand your true power.

Hope you enjoyed the cookies.

Golda

 

Dear Master K,

When I began to read your letter it seemed obvious that what you should do is quite simple; kill the padawan and get a new one. We Sith do that all the time. Why frustrate yourself over someone that doesn't want to listen to your advice when you can go out and buy a new one?

Then as I read more of your letter and saw Chancellor Palpatine mentioned I realized that the best answer if to encourage that your padawan spend more time with the Chancellor. He is a very wise man and does have one of the best advisers in the universe so I can honestly say that he is exactly what this young padawan of yours needs right now. I'm sure that Chancellor Palpatine will lead him in the right direction.

As to this senator that he seems to want to be around, perhaps you should have a talk with her and get a better understanding of what is going on between them. Become her friend but keep it a secret from your padawan because you wouldn't want him to misunderstand your interest. And if you really believe that this senator is causing some difficulties with your padawn, kill her. The answers are always right there in front of you if you only know how to look.

Golda