Death Star Disco Lounge(AU, Post NJO, Humour)-Now on Ep. IV: The Posters Strike Back

Well, at long last, how about something?

*****************************


...And so, our intrepid heroes came out of their latest troubles unscathed and virtually uninjured. Well, almost. Moff suffered a sliver from a wooden club used in the liberation of the Ewok horde from the clutches of the Fosh Federation (don't ask) and Ceewulf sustained a large invasive injury to his groinal region but he lived. Love that Bacta. Jade had a bit of a headache for awhile. Oh, and Spyderbyte disappeared and is presumed dead. He was taken away in a ship and the rest of the Posters think they felt what could have been his death, but it was felt that the point did not need to be expanded on. Hey, if it's good enough for Del Rey...Oh, and Whitey suffered the loss of both legs after a tragic but unrelated escalator accident, but he is quite comfortable getting around on his board with wheels. Otherwise, the Fosh were roasted, Anakin lived and died and lived and died and lived and may have died, we're not sure; Tahi and Boba Fett continue an on again off again thing, and the Lounge has returned to its former glory--especially after open mic night was introduced. Everything was fine. Or was it...


Moff sat in the corner of the lounge, his feet resting comfortably on the table before him. He took a sip of his drink as he eyed Darth Guy.
"You know Guy, you kind of left us hanging there."
Guy looked clueless. "Huh?"
"Getting us mixed up in that Fosh business and then disappearing."
"Oh." Guy thought for a moment. "Well, I didn't disappear. I was with you all, remember? Can I help it if the Fosh gained control of my weak mind and forced me to do their bidding?"
Moff scowled. "Sure, the old 'don't-blame-me-I'm-stupid' defense. You can't keep using that one. Is there no loyalty in there?"
Guy shrugged. "Sure there is. But I'm moody, so there."
Rogue Ten joined the two Posters. "How's business tonight?" the affable lad asked.
"Good as ever," Moff replied. As if on cue the crowd laughed long and loud at a joke uttered by the comedian on stage. "Who knew Trandoshans could be so funny?"
Guy turned his head slightly. "You think he's funny? You should see the Givin mime troop. 'Givin in a box' is hilarious."
Rogue looked dubious. "I'm sure it is."
CeeWulf chose that moment to crawl out from under the table. "No really, it is," he croaked groggily.
Moff screwed up his face at the odour. "How long have you been under there?"
Cee began counting on his fingers. "One hour, two..." he stopped a moment in deep concentration, "what day is this?"
Moff rolled his eyes. "Nevermind. Just use the shower, would ya?"
"Oh, sure." Ceewulf stumbled off.
"Now this is just sad," Rogue observed. DarthKarde had begun his act.
"A wookiee, an ugnaught and Mon Mothma walk into a bar..."
"It gets worse from here," Moff said to nobody in particular.
"Really?" asked Rogue.
"Oh yeah," answered Guy.
"How bad could it be?"
Guy merely shook his head.
"So Mothma says 'What, you think I'm some kind of lesbian?'"
Groans echoed from the audience as the punchline was embellished by a rimshot on the meagre drumset at the back of the stage.
"That was bad," commented Rogue. "Is that Whitey on the drums?"
"Yeah," said Moff. "You should see his footless drum solo. That's kind of amusing."
"Kind of," repeated Guy.
Tahi stormed in and planted herself at the table. She seemed quite agitated.
"What did Boba do now?" Moff asked rather dully.
"He shot another delivery man! Again!"
"That's too bad."
"It is!" Tahi practically yelled. "Who's going to delver anything to our place. He's so suspicious of everything!"
Moff arched an eyebrow. "What do you expect from a cloned bounty hunter? The guy is a drip."
"Oh, shut up you git," Tahi snapped. "I don't need you reminding me of my mistakes!" With that she got up and started towards the bar. "I need a drink. Jade! The usual!"
Jade nodded and poured a glass as Tahi sat at the bar. "The usual," she said. "What's wrong now?"
The three guys watched Tahi sit at the bar before Rogue spoke up. "A

 

great post moff

 

"Affable lad"?

What're you, Moff, some kinda limey?

Good post, anyways. Is this, like, Episode V, or something?

 

Great post, Moff. I like the Won..er..One. It'll help people take the story somewhere since no one has posted for so long.

"I need a drink. Jade! The usual!"


Hey, is Destiny allowed to drink even though technically i'm only 16?

 

That was a rather abrupt end to our adventure on Tatooine, no?

Lucasians!

But I'm legless! Wait... leg-less... leg-o-less... legolas! ...

I'm bored.

 

Different galaxy, different rules Destiny
How about a little more?

********


"So, why is it every nutjob in the galaxy thinks we can help them out?" CeeWulf looked at the other Posters around the table. They all had the same look on their faces. "That's what I thought."
"Anybody catch a name?" Jade asked.
"He didn't say," Guy answered.
"Does it matter anyway?" Jade rested her chin on her palm while her elbow perched on the edge of the table. "I think I'd prefer not knowing anyway. Freak."
Whitey peered over the top of the table. "Yeah! Freak!"
Moff laughed at the boy. "Need a booster seat little fella?" The rest of the table chuckled.
"Shut up!" came from under the table as Whitey sank lower. He looked up and noticed Jade laughing, so he quickly reached up and knocked her elbow off the table, causing her chin to bounce off the table top. Whitey laughed. The rest of the table laughed louder.
Jade narrowed her eyes as she fixed her gaze on Whitey. She rubbed her chin a moment before quickly giving him an open palm to his forehead. The legless lad tumbled over backwards onto the floor. "Shmuck," she muttered. "And how long are you going to wear that blonde wig?"
Whitey rolled onto his stumps. "Chicks dig it. You know, Leg-o-las."
"Uhh, right."
Tahi watched Whitey hop back onto his wheelabout. "Say, Whitey, why don't you just get some prosthetics? They have the technology."
"I know," replied Whitey, "but I like the sympathy."
Everybody at the table rolled their eyes.
"Anyhoo," Moff began loudly, "the others are back in a few hours. We should set out what we need to do. Transportation, provisions, obscure SW characters we may want to help us, any other fantasy stories we might want to rip off, things like that."
"Good thinking Moff," said Rogue, "let's get to it."
The Posters hunkered down to think.
"Round of drinks over here!" yelled CeeWulf.

 

great work moff

poor whitey, wait no never mind

 

Poor me!

Woh... The real me hates sympathy. Makes me feel fragile and weak. Actually, I already am both of those!

 

Whitey, you are fragile and weak.



I'm lovin' it, Moff!

 

That was an invitation btw. C'mon people, you know you want to

Ah! Satine! I knew I was forgetting somebody.

 

LOL - back to the insanity. Great stuff, Moff.
"You think he's funny? You should see the Givin mime troop. 'Givin in a box' is hilarious." Marcel Marceau clones.

So we're off another adventure. And Boba's picking off delivery guys. No pizza for me. Grrr.

 

Okay - here's my additon to the madness.

****

"Is there anything to eat around here?" asked Tahi. "I'm starving - haven't eaten for three days."

"Living on love, huh?" Moff raised his dark eyebrows mischievously.

"You've got to be kidding? The guy's turning into a loonie. We ran out of food four days ago because he insisted on staking out the supermarket before he'd let me go there. Then every time I tried to order in he shot the delivery guy."

"Then how did you get out to come here?" asked Jade curiously, sipping her drink.

"I climbed through the bathroom window. He thinks I'm having a shower."

"Why's he suddenly become so paranoid? He was okay on our last adventure," said Moff.

"I think it was the Smashball World Cup," she explained, tucking into a large bowl of salsa wedges. "His favourite team - the All Browns - got wiped out in the semis by the Womprats, and it seems to have pushed him over the edge."

"Ah." Moff nodded knowingly. "The Mandalorian sports obsession. Dangerous."

"Boy, you said it," mumbled Tahi. "Mmmm, these wedges are great."

"Ouch!"

"Sorry," she said looking at Moff, even though she was uncertain as to what she'd done.

Moff shook his head. "What are you apologising for?"

"I dunno, but you said 'ouch'."

"Wasn't me."

Tahi gazed around the table in an effort to find out who had spoken, but everyone either shrugged or shook their head.

"Must be hearing things," she said hungrily grabbing another handful of wedges.

"Ouch!" the voice was quite clear that time, and seemed to be coming from . . . Tahi gasped.

"Oh my gosh!" She picked something up from the bowl and held it up. Everyone stared . . . and gasped!

"Tom Thumb?" stammered Ceewulf, wondering if he'd overdone the gin-tequila cocktails.

"No it's . . ." Moff peered at the figure in disbelief.

"Wedge?" Tahi's voice wavered. "Is that you?"

"Sort of," the little man said. "Actually, I'm mini-Wedge. A Wes Janson joke gone wrong."

"Oh my gosh!" repeated Tahi, and placed the tiny orange figure on the table. "But how . . . I mean, why . . ."

"It's a long story." The little figure rolled its brown eyes. "After the war, Janson and Klivian found things a bit tough - not much work around for ex-Rogues. They took it into their heads to form a company making action figures for a cereal company - and they signed up this brilliant out-of-work scientist to design the figures."

"And?" prompted Moff as the little man paused to sneeze some salsa out of his nose.

"Unfortunately, she turned out to be none other than Nen Yim, and before they knew it she'd shaped a whole series of living mini figures - everyone from Borsk Fey'lya through Admiral Ackbar to me. So far she hasn't done a Wes figure, thank goodness - so so far I'm safe."

"Wow." Jade thought about the ramifications of this for a moment. "She hasn't made an Anakin figure has she?"

"Oh yes, and a Tahiri one. Sadly the Anakin one was accidently destroyed by some fiction writer when he threw the cereal packet into the fire before he realised it had a figure inside it."

"But surely she could make another one?" suggested Whitey, poking his head up above the table. "I mean, the Anakin one would be the most popular, surely."

Mini-Wedge shook his head firmly. "Nope. Each figure is a one-off. Janson figured that there were enough potential figures to keep Yim busy without ever having to duplicate."

"So there was only one," sighed Jade sadly.

"Yep, and that stupid writer destroyed the one," murmured Tahi.

Or did he?

 

Your right, the insanity continues.

I relly like legless Whitey. He needs all the sympathy he can get.

Man, even when Anakin is a figurine he somehow dies. SHeesh!

 

lol great post tahi

more insanity, great

 

Man, even when Anakin is a figurine he somehow dies. SHeesh! Ah, but does he?

force thanks

 

Love the insanity Tahi.

Mini-Star Wars characters? *wishes he had a mini-Danni*

I also like legless me.

Someday, our grandkids will read this story and think, "What were they on?!"

 

Whitey if u have grandkids, i'll only have one question

what has the world come to???

 

Tom Thumb?

I LOVE TOM THUMB!!! But anyway... the mini-thing is a hillarious idea Tahi! I want a mini-Wedge! Carry him around in my pocket... wait I don't have pockets at the moment... hmm... I'll find some place to carry him around in.

 

Good stuff Tahi

We seem to de discovering the Lounge roots. C'mon folks, jump in.

You've been warned

 

Getting back to the roots, are we? That would require a cow...

 

Good to see life restored at the Lounge. Funny frickin' stuff.

Mini-Anakin! Perfect!

 

"There isn't a mini-me, is there? I've done that once already and I can't say it was memorable."
"Oh, no Moff," answered Wedge. "Only real Star Wars characters. Its better to sell that way. Who would buy a Moff_D figure?"
Moff looked hurt. "Well, I would."
"A mini-Moffy could be fun," laughed Jade.
"It wasn't the first time," Guy commented.
"That isn't the point anyway," CeeWulf cut in, "they were shaped this way, so it isn't like there will be a whole line of mini-Wedges."
"Or Anakins," nodded Tahi,
Jade frowned. "Bummer."
"So, which writer destroyed the one Anakin?" asked Tahi.
"Does it matter?" roared Karde. "They're all guilty!" He rose from the table and stalked off.
"He's certainly mellowed," observed Rogue as Karde marched to the bar.
"The bottom line is that the one mini-Anakin is gone, so forget about him."
"Excuse me?" It was the Lucasian. "Uh, sorry to interrupt but remember me? Demands? Plaid? Boom?"
"Oh, right," Moff said, "the terrorist."
The Lucasian became indignant. "I'm not a terrorist! I'm a freedom fighter!"
CeeWulf scoffed. "And whose freedom are you fighting for?"
"The galaxy's!" the Lucasian said firmly with an emphatic nod.
"That's pretty altruistic," said mini-Wedge.
"Free from what?" asked Guy.
The Lucasian smiled. "Free from the hinderance of emotion and plot! It only bogs things down. More explosions and CGI are needed!"
Moff raised his eyebrows. "Uhh, right." He raised his hand to cover his mouth while mouthing "wingnut" to the rest of the table. He turned back to the Lucasian. "We'll get right on that."
The bearded Lucasian smiled once more. "Good. I'll wait over here."
The table watched him go and stand in the corner. They turned back to their conversation, all except Rogue who noticed another figure standing in the shadows. It appeared to be a man, hooded and wearing a dark robe of some sort. Rogue nudged Guy, "Hey, who's that?" he asked, indicating the man in the corner.
"I don't rightly know," Guy responded. "He comes and goes, doesn't say much. Folks around these parts call him Stryder."
Rogue stared blankly. "Huh?"
Guy nodded. "That's right, you heard me."
"Ah." Rogue sat for a moment and then chuckled. "I suppose there are four little fellas about yay high," he held his hand at his waist, "that come in from time to time as well."
"Sometimes."
Rogue gave his head a shake. "Of course there are," he muttered.
Suddenly a blaster shot echoed from the hallway followed by a shout. "Tahi! Where are you?"
Tahi rolled her eyes. "Oh perfect. He finally figured out where I was."
CeeWulf's eyes widened. "He's not going to shoot us, is he?"
Tahi shrugged. "I dunno. Maybe."

 

great post moff

liked the ending

 

Hilarious post, Moff!

Though, if I may:

***

"Tahi, what're you-"

"INFIDEL FILTH!" Fett was interrupted by a harsh, gutteral cry.

"Vong!!!" The lounge was in utter chaos as its myriad patrons screamed and ran to hide under anything with sufficient cover. Whitey struggled to crawl under the nearest table. A few, such as Fett and Moff, drew their blasters. Mini Wedge went back to hiding in the salsa wedges.

"What? I thought the Vong were all the way in the Unknown Regions! Wha-" Moff stopped when he realized that he couldn't see anyone that posed a threat. "Where-?"

"D'or-rick Vong Pratte!!!" he was interrupted yet again. Moff also heard something else, something softer and much quieter than the harsh shouts. Crying.

Slowly, cautiously, some of the patrons went to one corner of the lounge, where an old jutebox stood and where the yells were coming from. Between that and the nearest wall, stood two tiny, blond haired figures. One was doing battle with a particularly fat rat, weilding a mini lightsaber. The other was obviously sobbing.

"Rats? We have rats?!!" Tahi snapped at the still crawling Whitey, oblivious to the tiny women.

"Hey! Give me break! I'm Legolas! Get it? Leg-o-las? HA!" Whitey giggled, though no one else thought it was worth comenting on.

"INFIDELS!" The mini warrior woman had noticed the gathering crowd. "I will cut you to a million pieces and use bones as fertilizer!"

"A mini-Riina?" Cee said, incredulously.

"And a mini-Tahiri!" Guy pointed at the sobbing one.

"Oh yeah, I forgot..." Mini Wedge could be heard from the salsa wedges.

"ANAKIN!" Mini-Tahiri wailled. "You can't be dead I know you aren't!!"

"Oh shut up! He's dead and he's never coming back. Geeesh."

"Shut it, Cee." Moff regarded mini-Tahiri. "What makes you think mini-Anakin is still alive?"

"I just- I just KNOW! I just need someone to help me! I know he's alive! I know it!"

"Well..." A simultaneous groan sounded throughout the lounge as Moff thought about the woman's plea.
***

 

Whitey!



You should do that more often.