KC, MO Is anybody in here?

A little local humor:

Subject: Some KC driving instructions

1. First you must learn to pronounce the state name. It is MISSOURAH and it does not matter how people pronounce it in other places.
2.Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Kansas City has its own version of traffic rules. There's no book about them. You've just got to get in your car and hope you survive to learn them.
3.All directions start with, "Go down Metcalf..." cause you don't wan't to get on I-35.
4. It's impossible to go around a block and wind up on the street you started on. The Chamber of Commerce calls this a "scenic drive."
5. The 8:00am rush hour is from 6:30am to 9:30am. The 5:00pm rush hour is from 3:30pm to 7:15pm. Friday's rush hour starts on Thursday morning.
6.If you actually stop at a yellow light, you cannot be from Kansas City. You may only apply your brakes when the end of the yellow light and the beginning of the red light create a "burnt-orange" hue.
7.If you like being an individual, don't even think of working for Sprint. You'll be branded like cattle and made to walk all over town with "Sprint tag" around your neck or clipped on your belt loop. 98% of the people within a 200 mile radius work for Sprint.
8. Just remember that 435 becomes east, west and north, south. Don't try to figure it out. Just accept it. If you question the intelligence behind this naming convention people will simply tilt their heads to the right and stare at you.
9. If moisture is determined to be rain, not sweat, all traffic must immediately cease; ditto for daylight savings time, a girl applying eye shadow across the street, or a flat tire three lanes over. {this is the most
annoying...I think}.
10. Construction on I-35 is a way of life, and a permanent form of entertainment. Get used to it!
11. Many bizarre and wonderful sights can be explained simply by uttering the phrase, "Oh yeah, we're in Missourah!!"
12. Construction crews aren't doing their job properly unless they close down all lanes except one during rush hour.
13. If someone actually has their turn signal on, it was probably left on at the factory where the car was made.
14. Understand that the 95 pound woman driving the Ford Excursion (the largest vehicle produced)absolutely MUST come to a complete stop, then proceed at 2 mph over any railroad track. This vehicle was built to invade small countries, and she's worried about the railroad tracks!! Keep in mind that she's also completely unaware of the ends of her vehicle (since they're in different zip codes) and is highly likely to run you off the road while trying to talk to someone on her cell phone. It is safer to try to beat an Amtrak train to the RR crossing than to get in her blind spot.
15. One word: "SUV" Buy one, wash it, cover it with a gold package but, whatever you do, don't ever let it touch anything but asphalt!
16. The drivers of the above-mentioned vehicles also have a legal right to turn right from a left lane or to turn left from a right lane. It is believed that these vehicles do not come equipped with turn signals. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!
17. White haired men driving red or silver sports cars will not obey any known traffic rule and cannot be expected to stop for red lights or stop signs. These men will only be in this area until they're made aware of the law that says you must move to Colorado or Florida if you're old but still want to act young. Traffic is bad enough without some fogey slowing everyone down by refusing to go faster than 80 mph.
18. If you really want to fit in here, buy a cell phone and learn to drive with your knees while reading the paper and using the phone. Whatever you do, don't put on your turn signal as this will only cause traffic near you to speed up and block you off.
19. Stay away from the Grandview Triangle at sundown if you do not like the thought of being in an Alfred Hitchcock movie.

 

Yeah it's funny, the board is trying to do a "Vallorum" on the superintendent, but Demps ain't havin' it. It's also really funny that the board has reprimanded Demps, but nobody knows exactly *what* it is that he did wrong to get reprimanded for...


Back on topic:

Any SW-RPG players in the area?