Modern Family: New Episode Tonight

'Modern Family': The ten best zingers from last night's episode, 'Fizbo'
by Michael Slezak

"Okay, Modern Family fanatics. I know we usually do a fairly extensive recap recounting the insane/relatable/always hilarious hijinks of the Pritchett clan, but seeing how it?s Thanksgiving eve, and how I have a three-hour road trip to visit my very own modern family in the ay-em, I?ll just say that I rewound tonight?s ?child?s birthday from hell? episode no fewer than a dozen times because I was missing dialogue/plot development due to my husband and I howling with laughter. So without further ado, the 10 lines that had us chortling (yes, I said chortling) hardest (in descending order)":

10. ?Let?s tuck our pants into our socks.?

9. ?Yeah, you?re right. I don?t need it. An extension cord works pretty good.?

8. ?I used to have a machete, but times have changed.?

7. ?People are gonna stare. They?re not used to seeing one clown in a car.?

6. ?Girlfriend?s gonna get stung!?

5. ?I?ve tried everything to get her attention. Opening doors, having a milk sent over in the cafeteria. Nothing?s worked.?

4. ?A gift card? Who hurt you??

3. ?She can?t go 10 minutes without her boyfriend?s tongue in her mouth. It?s like he?s feeding a baby bird.?

2. ?Let me know if you get low on supplies. I?ll make a quick run back to the 1950s for you.?

1. ?I am brave. Roller coasters? I love ?em. Scary movies? I?ve seen Ghostbusters like seven times. I regularly drive through neighborhoods that have only recently been gentrified. So yeah, I?m pretty much not afraid of anything.?

 

I did love that "Ghostbusters" line..


Last night's ep was one of the weaker ones so far, but still had it's moments. Luke is a likable kid, and Manny coming to the rescue of his object of desire was a real fun moment. "I am not the funny guy. I am not the sensitive guy. I am a man of action." (Paraphrased )

The Comb-sheath was hilarious.

 

I liked the bit where the siblings agree that they love their clowns.

 

I just love Phil. All the clown stuff with him was awesome. He manages to have such little but hilarious facial reactions to things. And yeah, the Ghostbusters line was awesome.

I enjoyed the fact that they successfully misled about what would be the real cause of Luke winding up in the hospital. Beads. Touche.

-sj loves kevin spacey

 

Jan 7 2010 10:23 AM ET

'Modern Family' recap: Where there's smoke, there are hot firefighters (and a not-so-funny Benjamin Bratt)
by Michael Slezak

"The first Modern Family episode of 2010 may not have had as many guffaws-per-minute as its already classic Christmas-themed 2009 closer, but I absolutely loved the way a single, wacky plot point ? ?The firemen in our town have a reputation for being hot,? Phil reported, stone-faced ? exposed another inappropriate character trait shared by siblings Claire and Mitchell. Indeed, Julie Bowen takes home the Episode MVP award just for Claire?s combined embarrassed/indignant reaction when Phil (suffering from kidney stones) busted her for changing into a flirty outfit to impress the musclebound hunks who were about to cart him off to the hospital. That goofy development yielded loads of laughs throughout the half-hour, from Phil?s sarcastic reprimand (?We want you looking your sexiest when the hunky gay firemen get here?) to his later request to his kids if he didn?t survive his procedure (?Please be nice to your new fireman daddy.?). Still, the night?s best moment was watching Claire exit anesthetized Phil?s hospital room after trying to convince him that she wasn?t guilty of fireman-baiting, which played out like this:

Phil (groggy): ?If I never wake up, I?d hate for the last thing you said to me to be a lie.?
Claire (pausing by the door, waiting for Phil to fall asleep, then practically whispering): ?I may have gotten dressed up just a little bit.?
Phil (whoops, not asleep): ?I knew it.?

I also liked the painkiller/anesthesia subplot because it allowed Phil to spill some of his dark, innermost thoughts with even less regard than usual for his family?s feelings. Among his best zingers: ?Gather round like you?re hugging me, but don?t touch me!? ?Death is coming!? And, regarding a seance with hapless Luke, ?There wasn?t wind, buddy. We brought something forth!?

At the close of the episode, we got to see Mitchell and Cam act out their own firefighter fantasies ? ?You call, and I?m gonna change my shirt.? ? after the former injured his foot in a battle over Ferberizing baby Lily. Still, the whole Cam-can?t-handle-Lily-crying subplot fell flat (and surprisingly repetitive) after that hilarious initial visual of the burly dad providing weepy harmony to Lily?s baby-monitor howling.

Back at Jay and Gloria?s house, we got a visit from Manny?s dad Javier, played by high-profile guest-star Benjamin Bratt. Much like Edward Norton in the ?Great Expectations? episode, though, Bratt?s failure to bring anything fresh or funny to his role only served to highlight the comic strength of Modern Family?s regular cast, in this instance, Ed O?Neill (?You?re quite the bullfight artist yourself.?), Sofia Vergara (?It?s very important to Manny that you two go have a nice picnic in the mountains.?), and Rico Rodriguez (?Did you catch them with your bare hands??). And bonus points to Vergara for that blithe slip-up revealing her pre-knowledge of her ex-husband?s plans (?Javier is only going to stay one night.?). Indeed, with the way Modern Family captures the tiny fibs, the petty embarrassments, the tender interactions of everyday life, it?s truly become a show that perfectly lives up to its title.

What did you think of ?Up All Night?? What about Bratt?s performance? And did I miss any of your favorite one-liners? (Wait! One more: ?Don?t talk black to me!?)"

 

You're lucky you managed to slip that "Don't talk black to me" line in at the end.

That particular line was a work of genius.. It was funny when Luke first said it at the beginning of the episode (and is corrected), but then when dozy-Phil
says it and we learn that Luke DID NOT hear it wrong... Good gosh that made me laugh.

As did Phil's exit from the hospital and Claire's vindication.

I actually didn't mind Bratt. To be honest, he had more charm and charisma here then i think i've EVER seen him put forth in any other performance.

How can you not feel for Jay when he winds up getting seduced by Javier just like everyone else! I thought it was funny how Gloria is the only one who is truly understanding and wise to Javier.

 

9-9:30PM
ABC, TV-PG-DL

Modern Family

"Chazz Palminteri and Kristen Schaal are amusing guest stars, but it's Family's main players who really sell this riotous episode. Claire feels inferior to Phil's tech savviness, Mitchell convinces Jay that his old friend (Palminteri) is gay, and Gloria delivers the zinger of the night to a lovelorn singleton (Schaal) who mistakenly schedules a date with Manny: ''In my country, there is a saying that means 'Love is just around the corner.'? I come from a neighborhood with a lot of prostitutes.'' The title of the episode is ''15 Percent'' ? based on Mitchell's theory of how much people can change ? but Family remains 100 percent perfect as is. A ? Kate Ward"

 

That wasn't the ep we got last night.


We had Claire finding a dirty picture on her computer and blaming Luke, with Gloria having a hard time dealing with a prize Jay brought home, whilst Cam opens his heart and home up to their gardener, who doesn't speak a word of english.

And let me tell you it was hilarious.


Gloria and Cam stole the show last night. Gloria's incredulous looks were just but-gustingly hilarious. What comedic timing by the entire cast.

 

Jan 21 2010 08:11 AM ET


'Modern Family' recap: Seeds of change
by Lesley Savage

"Let me start off by saying, nice butt Julie Bowen! When she unknowingly flashed Haley?s boyfriend on video chat, we sure saw a lot of her, and she was looking pretty damn good ? especially for someone who was hiding her pregnancy behind laundry baskets in the pilot episode. Tonight?s overarching theme was about change ? big and small. From guest star Kristen Schaal?s makeover to Jay?s slow acceptance of his friend?s supposed (but ultimately false) homosexuality, to Claire?s ability to handle technology and admit she can be wrong. But this being Modern Family, no one actually changed that much (and thank goodness for that, we love them all as they are) ? just 15 percent.

I love how Family continually embeds some sort of deep message but never takes it so far that it enters into sap-ville. The other theme of tonight was technology and our continual fight with inanimate objects. Who hasn?t smashed a remote on the floor or fought out loud with a car?s voice command? My second favorite interaction of the evening was between Mitchell and his car, which went something like this, Car: ?Enter a destination.? Mitchell: ?Hell!? The car: ?Mexican Food.? Mitchell: ?Shut up!? Funny stuff. My first favorite interaction? When Claire and Jay were discussing which of their children is the dumbest. Only this show can make something so seemingly un-PC so hilarious.

While last night?s episode continued on Family?s hot streak of guest stars with Flight of the Conchords? Schaal as Whitney, Manny?s much-older Internet date, and Chazz Palminteri (of A Bronx Tale and Usual Suspects fame) as Jay?s old friend Shorty, the core family stole the night with their zingers. Below are some of my favorites of the night.

?You guys look like a scene out of Jersey Boys. ? ? Cam, when meeting Jay?s friends who are gathered on the sidewalk outside of Papa Don?s Deli looking tough.

?I had to actually come out to my dad three times before he acknowledged it. I?m not sure if maybe he was hoping he heard it wrong, like I said ?Dad, I?m grey.?? ? Mitchell on coming out to Jay

?My gaydar is never wrong, and it is pinging like we?re at a bath house,? Mitchell to Jay, about his friend Shorty who Mitchell claims is gay

?In my country there?s a saying, ?Love is just around the corner.? I come from a neighborhood with a lot of prostitutes.? -Gloria (maybe my favorite line of the night!)

?We?re guys, we don?t open up. We talk about sports and cars and getting up in the middle of the night to pee.? Jay, reluctant to talk to his old pal Shorty about his possibly being gay. On that note, guys do get up a lot more to pee in the night, why is that?

?Cheerleading in my college was cool. The football players were so jealous they wouldn?t even let me and my buddies, Trevor, Scotty and Ling go to their parties.? ?Phil about his cheerleading days in college. Of course he was a male cheerleader! Could that be more perfect?

Favorite exchange over a flower arrangement:

?I got all medieval on the florists.? ?Cam, after demanding that the florist bring him a new arrangement when his flowers appeared to be droopy

?Cam, I heard you on the phone, you said you were displeased, but that?s hardly going medieval.? ?Mitchell

?Excuse me, I said very displeased and I used my cowboy voice.? ?Cam

?Look at that, two things flaming at once.? ?Mitchell (while pointing at himself), to the flower delivery dude after Cam?s flowers burst into flames.

So what did I miss? What was your favorite line of the night? Your favorite interaction? How many remote controls have you broken out of frustration? And who is dying to see clips of Phil cheerleading? Me!"


My fave of the name:

Phil: (about Lily) "But won't her name be hard for her to say?"

 

Watching the latest episode, "Moon Landing" with Minnie Driver right now.

Phil's line of "I'm just concluding some business..Quite successfully, i might add." killed me.

 

Feb 4 2010 06:00 AM ET

'Modern Family' recap: The low two
by Lesley Savage

"Could last night?s episode of Modern Family been any funnier? I mean, I may as well have transcribed the entire episode, because every line had me practically running to my own Porta-Potty. While the whole clan had their side-splitting moments ? hello Cam and Jay?s moon landing, which is apparently not as bad as a splashdown ? the Dunphy family stole the evening. Between Haley?s hilarious break-up and makeup with Dylan (and his moronic accidental tribute to Say Anything with an iPhone), to Claire?s jealousy of an ex-coworker (guest-star Minnie Driver who was pretty witty in her own right with her bragging about her many lovers and exclamation that she was head of Europe), to Luke?s shirtless ?booze binge? (and don?t even get me started on Phil?s faux mustache or getting trapped in a Porta-Potty), the Dunphys certainly did put the capital D in dysfunction, and I mean that in the best possible way. Speaking of ?Phil the Thrill,? every week we seem to learn something new and fantastic about him that makes me love him even more. Last episode we found out he was a male cheerleader (of course!), and this week, we discovered he had his own radio show in college titled ?Daybreak with Dunphy.? Priceless.

And Manny came through once again, as he ratted out his mom to Mitchell, who?d been roped into representing her in a traffic accident. Turns out that Gloria is a menace to the streets who can?t take any sort of criticism about her driving. Loved the look of terror on Manny?s face when he went all Deep Throat and pretended to tie his shoelaces to spill the beans that his mother caused the accident. (?That was a mistake. Now she?ll know something?s up,? he muttered when he said that he wasn?t hungry while stalling. ?I said too much already.?)

Below is just a sampling of some of the many brilliant quotes of the night.

?Luke, that is very offensive to women. Your mom works very hard, just now she works for us.? -Phil to Luke

Best Mitchell and Cam exchange:

?My dream for him is that one day, he?ll be on the Supreme Court.? ? Cam about Mitchell?s lawyering skills
?Why Cam?? -Mitchell (just waiting for the punchline)
?So at parties I can tell people my partner is one of the Supremes.? -Cam

Jay?s best (if slightly offensive) quip of the night: ?Part of going to the gym is the locker room atmosphere, and if I?m there with a gay guy, it?s just not gonna be the same. I mean for me it?s a locker room, for him it?s a showroom.? -Jay on going to the gym with Cam

?Some people call me a salesman, I call myself a salesfriend, so obviously I need strangers to trust me. I don?t take it kindly when someone Tom Sellecks my bus bench.? -Phil after discovering that someone drew a mustache on his face on his bus bench ad. Love that he turned Tom Selleck into a verb!

?Just test driving my new soup strainer.? -Phil about his wannabe-Tom Selleck mustache

?Once an old lady yelled at her at a crosswalk?she honked so long the horn ran out.? -Manny about Gloria?s bad driving and her inability to take criticism. How fabulous is Manny by the way?

?Oh sure, when you?re gay you just walk around giving butt bumps to everybody. It?s like a high-five ? it?s a low two.? ?Cam after Jay says that their butt bump helped Cam?s racquetball game.

And finally, the always-critical parenting lesson of the evening:
?You know how in a fairy tale there?s always a potion that makes the princess fall asleep and then the guys start kissing her? Well, this is like that except you don?t wake up in a castle ? you wake up in a frat house with a bad reputation.? Phil?s response to Alex when she asks what Jägermeister is. See, we?re all learning things!

So what were your favorite lines of the night? What did I miss? And who knew Anne Hathaway could be so controversial?"


Dylan's assertion that he loved Anne Hathaway movies had me ROTFLMAO

 

9-9:30PM
ABC, TV-PG

Modern Family

"Phil reconnects with his ex (Judy Greer) on Facebook. Dreading the moment he discovers ''poking.''

 

Mar 11 2010 06:50 AM ET

'Modern Family' recap: What doesn't kill us makes us stronger
by Lesley Savage

"Umm, hello? Shel Turtlestein! Fliesaminnelli! Zsa Zsa Gaboa! Best pet names ever! This show is pure genius. Pure genius, I say! These fabulous names, plus a fantastic-looking Judy Greer as Phil?s frisky ex-girlfriend, Denise. (You know Judy Greer, she?s everybody?s favorite go-to friend in almost every single romantic comedy ? 27 Dresses? Check. 13 Going on 30? Check. The Wedding Planner? Check.) I mean, come on. How does this show do it week after week? It just gets stronger and stronger. And speaking of getting stronger, on to Manny?s sad-sack comment of the evening: ?Lots of stuff that doesn?t kill you makes you weaker.? Why does this little boy?s wise-man depression make me laugh so much?

The theme of tonight?s episode was truth. Phil must come to terms with the fact that Denise wants ?a slice of him,? Mitchell must stand up to his boss after he realizes that there are more important things in life than his job, and Jay must confess to Manny that he ? not a rogue raccoon ? killed the boy?s pet turtle, Shel Turtlestein. The truth will set them free! And it certainly made us giggle.

Oh, I almost forgot, how funny was it when Alex told Luke he was adopted and that Denise was his real mom? I?m telling you, Alex is the dark horse of this show.

Now onto the many, many hysterical quips of the evening:

First, the best interaction of the night:

?Oh my God, gross, I can?t even picture you with a woman.? -Haley when Phil says he is meeting his ex-girlfriend.
?Thank you.? ? Claire in response to Haley?s comment.
?You had a girlfriend before mom?? ?Luke
?Try two. Trust me, I had plenty of fun in my time. And then I met your mom.? ? Phil
?And thank you.? ? Claire

?He?s the suckiest suck of all time.? -Mitchell about his boss.

?She?s one of my 447 friends. Everyone wants a slice.? -Phil about his ?gal-pal? Denise and his many Facebook friends.

?You?re doing that thing when you say what I want you to say, but your tone seems mean. ? -Phil to Claire

?Women in their thirties on the Internet, they?re like ninjas. They get in their little black outfits and try to sneak their way into your marriage.? -Claire about Phil?s ex-girlfriend

?Yup, only the good die young.? -Jay about Manny?s dead turtle, Shell Turtlestein.

?I?m Columbian, I know a fake crime scene when I see one.? -Gloria to Jay after he lied about accidentally killing Manny?s turtle.

?How did I not know that kid was gay?? -Jay about the name of Mitchell?s childhood bird, Fliesaminnelli.

?I just figure if my daughter can stand up, so can I.? -Mitchell to his boss.

?I don?t think I can get through this without crying. Maybe we should just go on to the cold cuts.? -Manny during his turtle?s eulogy.

?She bit the air right in front of me!? -Phil about his ex-girlfriend coming on to him.

?Okay, I know the pain is fresh, but the lie is really old.? -Phil after Claire finds out that Phil was dating his ex-girlfriend at the same time he was dating her.

?I?m used to nice thing, what do I do?? Cameron freaking out to Mitchell after Mitchell unexpectedly quits his job.

?Let?s just drink the cheap stuff, because we may have to sell that bottle. ? -Mitchell to Cameron about their celebratory glass of wine.

?And you really didn?t know he was gay?? -Gloria to Jay about Mitchell?s other dead pet, Zsa Zsa Gaboa

?I must have, right?? -Jay in response?

What did you think, Popwatchers? Do you agree that this show amazingly manages to get better and better every week? What quotes did I miss? And did you catch that Phil had a perm, or rather, a Jheri curl in college???"

 

Modern Family

Episode: Benched (NEW)

"Luke and Manny's hot-tempered basketball coach quits during a game, causing Jay and Phil to jockey to fill the position; Mitchell takes Cameron along to meet a prospective employer."

9:00 - 9:30 PM ABC

 

Modern Family

Episode: Airport 2010 (NEW)

Gloria invites the whole family on a getaway to Hawaii for Jay's birthday.

* NEW

9:00 - 9:30 PM ABC

 

Modern Family

Episode: The Kiss (NEW)

"Gloria decides to honor her late grandmother by cooking more traditional Colombian meals; Claire finds out Alex is interested in a boy; Mitchell's aversion to public displays of affection causes an argument."

* NEW

 

Funny episode as usual tonight. And man is that Sofia Vegara sexy

 

9-9:31PM | ABC
Modern Family

"Mitchell and Cameron are busted for using the ol' earthquake excuse to get out of a brunch thrown by guest star Nathan Lane."

 

Just watched this weeks episode

Plenty of highlights

-Cameron's line to Mitchell cheating on him with choreagraphy

-Phil's special days and nights like Second Christmas or Italian Accent Night

-Phil and the girls crying in the car.

-Phil and Luke forgetting their shoes then saying Come On Phil or Come on Luke.

-And Sofia Vegara with the BB gun. I rewound the scene where she shot the Island at least five times.

-And how could I forget Phil's "White makes right t-shirt."

 

Luke line to Claire about going with his father if his parents split up: "Dad needs me more."

 

Modern Family

Episode: Caught in the Act (NEW)

"Claire and Phil find themselves in a compromising position when the kids try to surprise them with breakfast in bed; an e-mail mars Jay and Gloria's Vegas vacation; Mitch and Cam try to get a hookup at a hot new restaurant."

* NEW

9:00 - 9:31 PM ABC

 

Modern Family

Episode: Bixby's Back (NEW)

"Claire and Phil decide to reprise their role-playing adventure from the previous year; Jay's elaborate Valentine's surprise for Gloria keeps getting held up; an admirer comes between Cameron and Mitchell."

 

9-9:31PM | ABC
Modern Family

"Finally, the episode we've all been waiting for ? Fizbo's back!"

 

9-9:31PM | ABC
Modern Family

"Cameron (Eric Stonestreet) and Mitchell (Jesse Tyler Ferguson) clash over Lily's last name, while Jay (Ed O'Neill) and Gloria (Sofia Vergara) squabble over whether to spend eternity in a casket or a crypt."

 

9-9:30PM
ABC

Modern Family

"Mitchell and Cameron have to decide on a legal guardian for Lily, the most serious toddler ever to appear on television. Hey, stage mom, can you get your kid to smile? It's upsetting!"