Social Tales from RPF City - Now Featuring Even More RPF Amateur Dramatic Theatre!

Utter brilliance. Utter, utter briliance.

Very cool, I could see Bruce-y.

Nothing to say; just needed to quote it.

I love how you maintain the I-5 / Light' dynamic!

 

Even more Armageddon unproductivity. Assorted scenes from the RPF's attempt to save the world...


(A hospital treatment room. s65horsey is dressed in nurse?s whites, positioned near the ? foot end of a hospital gurney. Lying, face down, on the gurney, is Sarge221 in a medical gown. s65horsey does ? something to the ? er ? ?far end? of Sarge221.
s65horsey: (singing) Ohhh, saaaay caaan youuu SEEEEE? haaaow!
Sarge221: (wincing) Urrrrmmm ?
(Cut to the hallway outside the treatment room. Sith-I-5 is in a hospital gown, waiting for his appointment. GreyJedi125 and DarkLordOfTheFins come walking gingerly up the corridor, also in hospital gowns.)
Sith-I-5: Whoa, are you guys okay?
DarkLordOfTheFins: (angrily, pointing at the catheter bag he?s wheeling along) Does this look ?okay? to you? Does this look okay?
greyjedi125: Yyyeahh ? it?s kinda tingly ?
(horsey emerges from the treatment room)
s65horsey: Mr. I-5? You?re next.
Sith-I-5: Aw, gee, lady, I just came here to drill.
s65horsey: Oh! So did I! (brandishes a long, rounded banstick)
(Sith-I-5, horrified, gets up and runs away.)

...

Sith-I-5: (in a psychiatric assessment room) Yeah, yeah, I can handle what I?m gonna do, I just don?t think I can handle this room.

...

Penguinator: (tossing aside a succession of Rorschach inkblots) This one?s of Hammer giving me a hard time. And this one?s of Hammer telling me I?m not good enough. And this one?s of Hammer telling me I can?t marry Xan. Thanks a lot.

...

Sarge221: (tosses aside a solved Rubik?s Cube) Piece of cake. Look, you wanna compare brain pans? I won the Best GM Prize when I was 12, big deal. Did a FAQ at 19, so what. I got a double doctorate ? gamemastering and playing -- from RPR at 22. I taught at McFinney?s for two and a half years. ? You wanna know why I do this job? Because the money?s good, the scenery changes, and they let me use explosives. (smiles)

...

Sarge221: (looking at the Rorschach inkblots:) Woman with small breasts. Woman with medium breasts. (beat) This one looks like you. With breasts.

...

Penguinator: No, I don?t know, ramza. I don?t know, who do you think you?d be?
darthramza: Han Solo.
Penguinator: No, no, no. If anybody?s anybody, I?m Han. And you, you?re ? you?re Chewbacca.
darthramza: Chewie? Have you even seen Star Wars?

...

Imperial Hammer: Well when this job is done, fellas, and we get back, I will handle this in my own way.
Sarge221: Look, Hammer, we?re just sayin, but Xan?s not a little girl anymore! While we were off hunting RPGs, she grew up! She?s hot!
greyjedi125: Hammer, Xan is ? fully hot--
Imperial Hammer: Grey, grey, please, you?re talking about my little girl.
ramza: Look, Hammer, Xan grew up! She?s a young woman, and she?s curious about her body--
Imperial Hammer: ramza--
ramza: And you know what? That?s a natural thing.
Imperial Hammer: ? you are about two seconds older than Xan is. Why the hell should I be taking parenting advice from you?
ramza: Because I know what it?s like to have your hormones pulling you in a thousand different directions.
Sinrebirth: Yo, Hammer, we all were around when Xan was growin? up. So we all feel like a bunch of Daddies to her.
Imperial Hammer: Well I?m damned if my little girl is gonna marry a GM. She?s better than that. Better than all of us.

...

Sarge221: We're in board 202, lateral thread six, site FFF0, give or take a few yards. Captain America here blew the landing by 26 miles!
Ktala: How the hell do you know that?
Sarge221: Because I'm a genius.
Livi-Wan: The gauges won?t read. They're all

 

I didn't think it was possible, but Saint has actually managed to make me enjoy Armageddon.

 

I wish Haven't even done one game.

And ya for using the machine gun! Or the banstick rather

 

I got to examine all these guys naked?

 

oh dear god @ the Hammer-Peng-Xan stuff

 

I used the 2002 Chris Rock and Anthony Hopkins film, Bad Company for this. Special thanks to IMDB for the quotes.

[RPF Adoptions super-newb' project]
DarthXan: So, what are our chances?
Ktala: Oh, I'd say somewhere between... nil and zero.
DarthXan: Why?
Ktala: Oh, I grant you Spycoder's got potential. He's pretty creative. Give me six months, he could probably be running his own games. But eight days? Come on, you gotta be kidding me. He'll probably get himself banned, and everyone who goes along with him.

***

Kahn_Iceay: I'm going to do this. Then you're going to do this. Then I'm going to do this. Now you're going to want to do this, but I'm going to do this. And when you're thinking about doing this, I'm going to do this. And then the game is over. So what say you give me twenty credits and we save seven posts?

***

[After coming back from a meeting with EUC]
Lightwarden: They put a transponder chip in the phone they gave you that tells them everywhere you went in the last two weeks. Which is why we switched the chips, so it wouldn't tell them you went to Literature.
Sinrebirth: And what if you hadn't?
Lightwarden: They'd have shot both of us in the head. I'm feeling hungry, how about you?

 

Here's the source material, in case you get confused.

(An office. Suddenly, a banstick slams onto a desk.)

Penguinator: OKAY! DON'T ANYBODY MOVE!

Kahn: The moderator!

Animated crime-series-type titles, with suitable music:

'RPF FILMS'
'IN ASSOCIATION WITH THEFORCE.NET'
'PRESENT'
'THE MODERATOR'
'STARRING PENGUINATOR-176'
'AND INTRODUCING IMPERIAL_HAMMER AS THE VOICE OF GOD'
'SPECIAL EFFECTS BY WINGED_JEDI'
'DIRECTED BY DARTHXAN318'

(Exterior of the NSWRPF. Birds singing, a song being played. Suddenly, sound of a high-powered car roaring towards the NSWRPF. Screech of tires as a huge open-top American car screeches to a halt outside the ROTSTATEOTG. Penguinator leaps out. Behind him (as throughout the film) are his four henchmen... RPers with dark glasses. They wear tuxedoes and black ties. They leap out of their car and race up the drive towards the ROTSTATEOTG. As they do so the song is heard to come to an end. Sound of people sitting down. Cut to interior of ROTSTATEOTG. DarkLordoftheFins heading over to the bar. Cut back to exterior. Penguinator and his RPers racing through the doors. Interior of ROTSTATEOTG. Shot of Fins in chair.)

DarkLordoftheFins: I think I'll have...

(Cut to Penguinator and RPers at doorway.)

Penguinator: The drink, Fins! Don't say the drink!

(Cut back to Fins.)

Fins: A shot of whiskey...

(The seat explodes. Fins disappears in smoke, flying up into the air. Cut to close-up of Penguinator. Behind him there is smoke and people rushing about. Sound of people scrambling over tables in panic etc.)

Penguinator: We was too late. The DarkLordoftheFins bit the ceiling.

(The end of Penguinator's banstick suddenly starts flashing. He lifts the flashing end off and it stops. Using it like a telephone receiver, he speaks into the banstick.)

Penguinator: Hello? '... What?... We'll be right over!

(Still of Hooper's exterior. Crash zoom in on door. Cut to interior. Drinking games over at the bar. Sarge221 is about to have his fifth Mountain Dew. Pan across to Ktala and BaSSiL - a couple of shifty crooks - and two godmothers, HanSolo29 and s65horsey. As Sarge takes the Dew it starts to tick loudly.)

Sarge221: You know what's better than alcohol? Actually, better than every drink in existence?

(Cut to door of Hooper's. Penguinator and RPers rush in.)

Penguinator: Don't say the drink's name, Sarge!

(Cut back to Sarge.)

Sarge: Mountain Dew.

(Explosion. Cut to close-up of Penguinator. Smoke and panic as before.)

Penguinator: We was too late... Sarge221 saw the light.

(Whip pan to interior of Jocasta Nu's. A script rewriting contest. Several contestants seated around Saintheart. Cut to door of Nu's. Penguinator and RPers burst in.)

Penguinator: The script, Saint! Don't touch the script! Hey Saint!

(Cut to Saint taking the script out of his folder. The script is attached to a piece of string. A sixteen-ton weight falls on top of them with a mighty crunch - the camera shakes as it hits the floor. Cut to SirakRomar and JediMasterAnne. One pulls her rope, and both rise off the floor, hanged by the neck. Penguinator arrives, just too late. Cut to LordT, standing by his new game.)

LordT: ... Until then, feel free to introduce you to each other. And so on.

(He waves his hand in a gesture of encouragement. A huge prop cannon rises up out of the game until its mighty barrel (twelve inches wide) is pointing right in LordT's face. He does not notice. Sound of car screeching to a halt. We pan away from game to reveal Penguinator leaping out of the car. Sound of an almighty blast from the cannon. Penguinator gets back into the car immediately and turns it round.)

(Cut to RPF Central. Outside the GDG the four RPers lounge against a wall. Penguinator walks out rolling his own cigarette. Suddenly he stops. Close-up. He looks up as he hears a faint cry. Camera swings round and up - enormous zoom to high window in huge, drab city office block, where Sir_Draco is looking out.)

Draco: Help ... help... help... help... help... help...

(Cut back to Pengui

 

A scene from the oldbies' cigar lounge
Source: If you don't know the Four Yorkshiremen sketch, you haven't lived. And don't blame me; ramza started it.



Imperial Hammer: Ahh.. Very passable, this, very passable.
GrandAdmiralJello: Nothing like a good glass of Chateau de Chassilier wine, ay Mitthiah?
CmdrMitthrawnruodo: You're right there Jelliah.
LightSide_Apprentice: Who'd a thought thirty years ago we'd all be sittin' here drinking Chateau de Chassilier wine?
Imperial Hammer: Aye. In them days, we'd a' been glad to have the price of a cup o' tea.
GrandAdmiralJello: A cup ' COLD tea.
LightSide_Apprentice: Without milk or sugar.
CmdrMitthrawnruodo: OR tea!
Imperial Hammer: In a filthy, cracked cup.
LightSide_Apprentice: We never used to have a cup. We used to have to drink out of a rolled up newspaper.
GrandAdmiralJello: The best WE could manage was to suck on a piece of damp cloth.
CmdrMitthrawnruodo: But you know, we were happy in those days, though we were poor.
Imperial Hammer: Aye. BECAUSE we were poor. My old Dad used to say to me, "Money doesn't buy you happiness."
LightSide_Apprentice: 'E was right. I was happier then and I had NOTHIN'. We used to live in this tiiiny old forum, with greaaaaat big holes in the TOS.
GrandAdmiralJello: Forum? You were lucky to have a FORUM! We used to live in one thread, all hundred and twenty-six of us, no furniture. Half the floor was missing; we were all huddled together in one corner for fear of BANS!
CmdrMitthrawnruodo: You were lucky to have a THREAD! *We* used to have to live in a post!
Imperial Hammer: Ohhhh we used to DREAM of livin' in a post! Woulda' been a palace to us. We used to live in an old water tank on a sig file. We got woken up every morning by having a load of rotting fish dumped all over us! Forum!? Hmph.
LightSide_Apprentice: Well when I say "forum" it was only a hole in the ground covered by a bulletin board, but it was a forum to US.
GrandAdmiralJello: We were evicted from *our* hole in the ground; we had to go and live in an IRC chatroom!
CmdrMitthrawnruodo: You were lucky to have a CHATROOM! There were a hundred and sixty of us living in a small bulletin board in the middle of the road.
Imperial Hammer: Bulletin board?
CmdrMitthrawnruodo: Aye.
Imperial Hammer: You were lucky. We lived for three months in a Recycle Bin in a septic tank. We used to have to get up at six o'clock in the morning, clean the Bin, eat a crust of stale bread, go to work down mill for fourteen hours a day week in-week out. When we got home, out Dad would thrash us to sleep with his belt!
GrandAdmiralJello: Luxury. We used to have to get out of the chatroom at three o'clock in the morning, clean the lake, eat a handful of hot gravel, go to work at the mill every day for tuppence a month, come home, and Dad would beat us around the head and neck with a broken bottle, if we were LUCKY!
CmdrMitthrawnruodo: Well we had it tough. We used to have to get up out of the bulletin board at twelve o'clock at night, and LICK the board clean with our tongues. We had half a handful of freezing cold gravel, worked twenty-four hours a day at the mill for fourpence every six years, and when we got home, our Dad would slice us in two with a bread knife.
LightSide_Apprentice: Right. I had to get up in the morning at ten o'clock at night, half an hour before I went to bed, eat a lump of cold poison, work twenty-nine hours a day down mill, and pay mill owner for permission to come to work, and when we got home, our Dad would kill us, and dance about on our graves singing "Hallelujah."
Imperial Hammer: But you try and tell the n00bs today that... and they won't believe ya'.
All: Nope, nope...

 

to all three of ye

 

to all the above! I especially like the Theatre scene as a wrap up instead of my being blown to bits. My sense of humor to

 

Saint is shockingly well informed about Lit and our chatroom antics.

 

It's incredibly disconcerting to click into this thread on a whim and see your username right in the middle of an Armageddon parody.

Bravo, Saint! (and all of you who put stuff up here. You're all completely nuts)

 

Aaah! I had not realized I was cast as the Buscemi type over here. Great Fun!

 

!!! Oldbies to the T!

 

I gotta say, this is inspired:

(Still of Hooper's exterior. Crash zoom in on door. Cut to interior. Drinking games over at the bar. Sarge221 is about to have his fifth Mountain Dew. Pan across to Ktala and BaSSiL - a couple of shifty crooks - and two godmothers, HanSolo29 and s65horsey. As Sarge takes the Dew it starts to tick loudly.)

Sarge221: You know what's better than alcohol? Actually, better than every drink in existence?

(Cut to door of Hooper's. Penguinator and RPers rush in.)

Penguinator: Don't say the drink's name, Sarge!

(Cut back to Sarge.)

Sarge: Mountain Dew.

(Explosion. Cut to close-up of Penguinator. Smoke and panic as before.)

Penguinator: We was too late... Sarge221 saw the light.

 

Thought I'd give a few of these a try. If anybody can guess where the quotes are from, you get a free virtual cookie!

-- --

Penguinator: You know, I've been stuck in this forum for three years. I haven't taken a vacation?okay, okay, it's my fault, I had the leave coming, I just didn't take it. And the pay sucks, I knew that when I signed on! And nobody said I'd survive the job! Now, I give you all that. But where in my contract does it say that I have to eat the same food for breakfast every day for three years?
Imperial Hammer: [matter-of-fact] Paragraph 47, Subsection 19, Clause 9A. You can find it in the index under S.U.A.E.I.
Penguinator: S.U... A.E.I.?
Imperial Hammer, Xan: [in unison] Shut Up And Eat It.

-- --

[Peng notices that a preoccupied Xan isn't really listening to his status report.]
Penguinator: And they have much to be concerned about. There's always the threat of an attack by, say, a giant space troll?the kind that eats the thread every 30 days? It's a nuisance, but what can you expect from spammers? Did I mention that my nose is on fire, and that I have 15 wild noobies living in my trousers?
[She finally looks at him, annoyed.]
Penguinator: I'm sorry. Would you prefer nublets?

-- --

Penguinator: You've been back and forth to the EUC so many times since you got here, how do I know you're the same Mod? Inside that Encounter Suit you could be any user.
Imperial Hammer: I have always been here.
Penguinator: Oh yeah? You said that about me too.
Imperial Hammer: Yes.
Penguinator: [slightly unnerved] I really hate it when you do that.
Imperial Hammer: Good.

-- --


[Xan haveing preempted Imperial Hammer's belated revelation of his Hammer's Angels by detailing what he was going to say.]
Xan: Peng, the day something happens around here and I don't know about it, worry.

-- --

Sinrebirth: This is quite irregular, Mr. Penguinator! I was assured that Imperial Hammer or DarthXan318 would be available!
Penguinator: They got called away on urgent business.
Sinrebirth: What kind of business?
Penguinator: I'm not authorized for that kind of information.
Sinrebirth: But... you're a Mod.
Penguinator: And what kind of Mod would I be if I let people like me know things that I'm not supposed to know? I mean, I know what I know because I have to know it, and if I don't have to know it, I don't tell me, and I don't let anyone else tell me, either. Now look, we've tried most of the other Users. Why don't you speak to Ramza? Maybe he knows something about this Forum.
Sinrebirth: Under the terms of our recent treaty, I am not authorized to have any official conversation with Ramza without Admin approval.
Penguinator: So you'll ask unofficially. And I can give you reasonable assurances that the head of Security will not report you for doing so.
Sinrebirth: [slowly] Because you won't tell yourself about it.
Penguinator: I try never to get involved in my own life. Too much trouble.
Sinrebirth: [confused] This is a very strange place you have here, Mr. Penguinator.
Penguinator: Thank you.

 

This thread cracks me up. Glad to see it return in style, nice stuff Saint.

Here's a scene from one of my favourite films, Good Will Hunting.

---

*Peng and ramza walk into Jocasta's with a group of friends. Spotting two attractive girls at the bar, ramza wanders over in their direction, pretending to be looking elsewhere*

*Sirak and Xan snigger at ramza's obvious pretense*

[b]ramza:[/b] *feigning surprise* Oh hello.

[b]Xan:[/b] Oh hello.

[b]ramza:[/b] Hi, how are ya?

[b]Xan:[/b] Fine.

[b]ramza:[/b] So do you ladies, er-

[b]Xan:[/b] Come here often?

[b]ramza:[/b] Do I come here often? I come here a bit, I come here, you know, from time to time. Do you play RPGs here?

[b]Sirak:[/b] Yeah.

[b]ramza:[/b] ...Yeah. Cos I think I was in a game with you.

[b]Xan:[/b] Yeah? What game?

[b]ramza:[/b] Jedi v Sith.

[b]Xan:[/b] Maybe.

[b]ramza:[/b] Yes! That's what it was. You don't necessarily- might not remember [i]me[/i], I like it here, doesn't mean cos I go here I'm a [i]GM[/i], but I am very smart-

*A very smug-looking GM wanders over*

[b]Winged:[/b] Hey.

[b]ramza:[/b] Hey! How's it goin'? How are ya?

[b]Winged:[/b] Good, how you doin'. What, er, what game did you say that was?

[b]Xan[/b] and [b]ramza:[/b] Jedi v Sith.

[b]Winged:[/b] [i]Just[/i] Jedi v Sith? It must have been a newbie game, then.

[b]ramza:[/b] Yeah it was, it was a newbie's. You should check it out, it's a good game.

[b]Winged:[/b] How d'you like that game?

[b]ramza:[/b] You know, [i]frankly[/i], I found the game rather, er, elementary-

[b]Winged:[/b] Elementary. You know I don't doubt that it was. I remember the thread, it was just between 'Hot CS key for sale' and 'i think i found a way for free roleplay gear'.

[b]Xan:[/b] Winged, why don't you [i]go away[/i]?

*Peng, watching from nearby, smiles at Xan's response*

[b]Winged:[/b] Why don't you relax?

[b]Xan:[/b] Why don't you just go away?

[b]Winged:[/b] I'm just having fun with my new friend, that's all.

[b]ramza:[/b] *smiling awkwardly, sensing hostility* What, are we gonna have a problem? I don't understand-

[b]Winged:[/b] No no, there's no problem here. I was just hoping you might give me some insight into the evolution of the market economy in the SWRPF. My contention is that, prior to As Father And Son, the RPing modalities ? especially in the newbie threads ? could most aptly be characterized as Alternate Universe, loosely GMed?

[b]ramza:[/b] Let me tell ya somethin'-

*Peng steps in*

[b]Peng:[/b] Of course that?s your contention, you?re a '03er, you just got finished reading some IBOP historian, greyjedi125 probably, you?re gonna be convinced of that till next month when you get to GrandAdmiralJello, then you?re gonna be talkin? about how the preferences of the RPF and the EUC were towards Alternate Universe and loose GMing way back in 2002. That?s gonna last until next year. You?re gonna be in here regurgitating Imperial_Hammer, talkin? about, you know, the pre-Lea Monde utopia, and the advantages of Large/Mass Production gaming.

[b]Winged:[/b] Well, as a matter of fact, I won?t, because Hammer's argument surely?

[b]Peng:[/b] Hammer's argument surely- 'Hammer's argument surely has one weakness which is the unproven assumption endings do not matter'? You got that from DarkLordOfTheFins in the Codex09 thread. Page 2, right? Yeah, I read that too. Were you gonna plagiarize the whole thing for us? Do you have any thoughts of your own on this matter? Or do you just ? is that your thing, you come into a social thread, you read some obscure passage, and then pretend ? you pawn it off as your own, as your own idea, just to impress some girls? Embarrass my friend? See, the sad thing about a guy like you is, in 50 years, you?re gonna start doing some thinking on your own, and you?re gonna come up with the fact there are two certainties in life. One, don?t do that. And two, you dropped a hundred and fifty posts on a ****** education you could?ve gotten for five minutes reading the Tips/Advice Articles.

*laughter*

[b]Winged:[/b] Yeah, but I will have a game of my own.

 

Just a few more, Sarge got a cookie off screen, we'll see who's next.

-- --
-- --

Imperial Hammer: It was the dawn of the third age of the forums, 10 years after the EUC/Fanfic war. The RPF Project was a dream given form. Its goal: to prevent another war by creating a place where RPers and FanFicers could work out their differences peacefully. It's a port of call, home away from home for Mods, GMs, Writers, and Noobs. Users and VIPs wrapped in two million, five hundred thousand tons of spinning forum, all alone in the night. It can be a dangerous place, but it's our last best hope for peace. This is the story of the last of the Roleplaying Forums. The year is 2009. The name of the place is RPFcity.

-- --
-- --

Penguinator: Mr... Ramza, I did a little digging, based on what you told me. The records confirm you posted in the JCC back in 2007. The records also indicate that you vanished, suddenly, without a trace on November 11th, 2007. That's a very interesting date, Mr. Ramza. The morning after the last of a string of flames in the East End.
Ramza: The forum was drowning in decay. Chaos. Immorality. A message needed to be sent, etched in flames for all the world to see. A warning. In the pursuit of my holy cause, I... did things. Terrible things. Unspeakable things. The world boards me, but it didn't matter because I believed I was right and the world was wrong. I believed I was the divine messenger. I believed I was...
Penguinator: Chosen?
Ramza: [after a pause] I was... found by the Admins. They showed me the terrible depth of my mistake, my crimes, my... presumption. I have done four hundred posts of penance in their service, a job for which they said I was ideally suited. Now, perhaps, they will finally let me die.
Penguinator: I think that might be wise.
Ramza: [turning to board an Admin transport] Good luck to you in your holy cause, Penguinator. May your choices have better results than mine. Remembered not as a messenger, remembered not as a reformer, not as a prophet, not as a hero... not even as Ramza. Remembered only... as R.

-- --
-- --

Sey: Sometimes I get so close, and yet it seems I'm shut out of the important things.
Sarge: It's a useless feeling! Peng is definitely going through some changes. He even looks different!
Sey: Indeed! And now with the military starting to stampede over everyone and everything?
Sarge: People coming and going and Mod Squad meetings!
Sey: You never know what it's all about. Until later, when it's too late.
Sarge: And they never listen to us.
Sey, Sarge: [in unison] Makes me nervous!
[They turn and look at each other, then back to the bar again]
Sarge: Same time tomorrow?
Sey: Sure.

-- --
-- --

[Sarge is describing a Troll vessel to a fellow RPer, who has seen the same thing.]
Sarge: It was jet black. A shade of black so deep your eye just kinda slides off it. And it shimmered when you looked at it. A spider big as death and twice as ugly. And when it flies past, it's like you hear a scream in your mind.

-- --
-- --

Xani: It was the begining of the year 2010, and the war was upon us. As anticipated, a few days after the RPF-EUC treaty was announced, the EUC widened their war to include many of the Non-Aligned Forums. And there was another war brewing closer to home. A personal one whose cost would be higher than any of us could imagine. We came to this place because RPFcity was our last, best hope for peace. By the end of 2009, we knew that it had failed. But in so doing, it became something greater. As the war expanded, it became our last, best hope for victory. Because sometimes peace is another word for surrender... and because secrets have a way of getting out.
[EUCNN news shows Sarge's recordings of a Troll vessel]
BultarSwan: When our ship encountered a distress beacon attached to an RPF recording device, these images, released exclusively to EUCNN, were found on that recording. Strategic analysts in RPF Dome have indicated they don't know who this new poster might be, but promise to find out.

 

*wipes tear from eye*

 

Winged, I can say only this: MAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMON!

...

...how do you like them apples?

 

Lol love Saintheart's, 'A scene from the oldbies' cigar lounge.'

Thanks for the cameo, Kahn.

 

X-Men, or how the Mod Squad are an evolving form of life.

Sinrebirth: Moderation: it is the key to our evolution. It has enabled us to evolve from a single-celled organism into the dominant board on the forum. This process is slow, and normally taking thousands and thousands of years. But every few hundred millennia, moderation ... leaps ... forward.
(Cue genetic explosion and cool CG effects)

(A cage fight in the GDG. Lightwarden is standing, back to the arena, smoking a cigar on one side of the cage.)
Sarge221: (to a challenger) Whatever you do, don't kick him in the dice.
Random n00b: You said "anything goes"!
Sarge221: Anything goes, but he'll take it personal.

...

(Later. Light's driving along in his motorhome. He hears something in the trailer. Stops, checks it out. Throws back a tarpaulin to find Xan shivering away in the cold.)
Light: Get out.
Xan: Where am I supposed to go?
Light: I don't know.
Xan: You don't know, or don't care?
Light: Pick one.

...

Sinrebirth: I'm Ryan Shepherd. Would you like some breakfast?
Light: Where am I?
Sinrebirth: Social thread, EUC. My people brought you here for medical attention.
Light: I don't need medical attention.
Sinrebirth: Yes, of course. [Ktala, Sith-I-5 and Livi enter.] Ah ? Mark, I'd like you to meet Ktala Ris'sa, also called Kat. This is Yavin Base, also called Sith-I-5. (Light looks unimpressed.) They saved your life. I believe you've already met Doctor Livi-Wan Kenobi. You are in my School for the Gifted ? for moderators. You'll be safe here from Jello.
Light: What's a Jello?
Sinrebirth: A very powerful moderator. He believes that a war is brewing between moderators and the rest of the userbase. I've been following his activities for some time. The man who attacked you is an associate of his called Mitth.
Light: "Myth?" [looks at Ktala] "Kat". [looks at Sinrebirth] What do they call you? "Sin?" This is the stupidest thing I ever heard. [looks at Sith-I-5] And Sith-I-5, right? [grabs Sithy] You wanna get outta my way?
Sinrebirth: Lightwarden, it's been almost fifteen years, hasn't it? Living from day to day, moving from place to place, with no memory of who or what you are.
Light: Shut up.
Sinrebirth: Give me a chance. I might be able to help you find some answers.
Light: [in shock] How do you know?
Sinrebirth: [via PM to Light] You're not the only one with special gifts.

...

[Commenting on the MS-Men VIP colours.]
Light: You actually go outside in these things?
Sith-I-5: Well, what would you prefer? Solar-powered spandex?

...

Light: Hey, hey- it's me!
Sith-I-5: Prove it.
Light: You're a dick.
Sith-I-5: [pauses, considering] Okay.

...

GrandAdmiralJello: Doesn't it ever wake you in the middle of the night? The feeling that someday they will pass that foolish TOS amendment, or one just like it, and come for you and your VIPs?
Sinrebirth: It does, indeed.
GrandAdmiralJello: What do you do when you wake up to that?
Sinrebirth: I feel a great swell of pity for the poor soul who comes to that board looking for trouble.


I thought Light, who after winning a Golden Quill seems to be a pretty "sharp" character, deserved a moment in the sun. Good on ya, mate!

 

Perfect casting!

Incidentally, LW wrote an wonderfully hilarious LOTR piece for the challenge. You guys should go read it if you haven't already.