The Official Romance Thread: Where all you need is LOVE!

ugh this deals with friends more then a specific girl but...

I say this humbly, but i have to say im actually a nice guy....all my friends parents (im 16 just to let ya all know..) think i act like a gentleman and such..this was the way i was brought up...and i do ANYTHING for my friends...i never fight with them or anything..this is going to a certain 4 girls im close to....but they just seem not to care that well..i care...we usually hang out on the weekends and stuff but im usually just ignored..but im the one who always give the rides since i have my license...unless im with one of them by myself, they rarely talk to me and give me attention..this has been going on for weeks now..

now last night was my prom and i went with one of them..and went back to her house after and two other couples went, along with 1 other guy (so 3 grls..4 guys) yep..you guessed it my date was the only single girl there...and she flirted with the other guy the whole night...i literally sat there watchin sportscenter until 1am when he left...even when he left then, i was still ignored..all my date did was talk 2 our other 2 friends there.....yet she claims im one of her "best friends" and everything...yet it seems like the only time im wanted is when its helpful to her and stuff..

im gettin tired of this BS...but i know if i confront them about it, i'll be portrayed as the bad guy and everything...all i want is for them to be happy though and they know i would do ANYTHING for them...but they just dont seem to care...should i confront them about this though?

 

I know some girls like that. They really piss me off when they treat you like you're stupid.

 

HI!Ok Kyle, don't you see a little bit of a pattern here? You give what your "friends" want and then you get stepped on. That is wrong. You need to stick up for yourself. If these people are really your friends they will understand that you are not there just to be there chaperone and all that. You sound like a nice guy and this girl sounds like a totally jerk. You need to stand up to your friends. That is the only way to get what you are wanting unless you enjoy being stepped on than just forget everything I just said. I hope it all works out for you.

 

I agree with SWB, Kyle.

I have a friend who used to be in the same situation as you are -- he used to let girls use him all the time. Let me say something -- being nice to a person doesn't mean you have to let people walk all over you. There are times when you have to be firm and tell people "Enough is enough." If those people get angry with you, ignore them and stop hanging around them. They're not worth your time.

There are plenty of decent people out there who are better for you. Don't hang with people who use you -- you're wasting your time.

One of my friends used to treat me the same way. Eventually (after much hurt) I decided to stop talking with her and I'm a much happier person.

Kyle, you deserve better. Be firm with those girls and let them know you don't deserve to be treated like that.

 

I'll concur. Always being nice is going to have people like having you around, but it doesn't necessarily means that they are going to love you - in some cases, it's the reverse ; you'll just end up being used. I know, I tried

Anyways, do hint at the fact you're unhappy with the current situation, not too subtly if it doesn't work when you're subtle.
And if they get angry at you, then indulge a bit in the Dark Side, long enough to tell them how much you enjoyed being with them, and move on. There's a world out there, and a small part's actually close enough for you to meet them. You don't need to hang with people who don't care for you ; if you're the only one who gives in a relation with someone, most of the time, the relation is sheer loss of time.

 

thanks everyone..i appreciate it...im startin to take your advice and drop the 'hints' lets hope everything can be cleared up..cuz i know it sounds crazy but these girls are easily the nicest in the school as well..so i dont wanna lose em..but i trust you people

 

No offense, but if they use you and treat you the way that they've treated you, then they're not true friends. You're better off finding someone else. Friends don't use and abuse other friends.

 

Kyle,

Time to take a risk.

It sounds like they don't respect you for the very reason you said: you are a nice guy and you'd do anything for them. I bet you'd go out of your way to please them in fact.

They know they can count on you so you are . . . safe. They don't feel they have to put any effort into your friendship because you will pick up any of slack.

Time to start making them work a little for your good sweet time.

You have started down the right road in bringing that assurance of their's into question. Your dropping hints about your unhappiness is a good start, but its time to start walking your own way. If they follow then you have people that want to be with you.

Expect them to thank you for favors. If they don't, demand it. If they ignore you say, 'hello' I'm over here damn it!

Time for YOU to take charge of the relationship. I will get cat called until I burn in hell for what I'm about to say but, it is a simple truth:

Girls like guys that take charge. It demonstrates strength which means you are a good catch.

Kyle, YOU ARE A GOOD CATCH. Believe it and live it and you will attract the kind of people you want to be friends with. You will attract what you want to be in love with.

If by believing in yourself and by taking charge you loose these girls as 'friends' then you haven't lost anything.

What you WILL have gained is something so vitally important to a young man, self-respect and self-confidence. Two things that shine out brighter than a nice smile, nice clothes, or a great body.

Two things that mean you are your own man and that you are a strong one.

Go for it dude!

 

thanks everybody, helping out with the advice. im currently talking to the girl i took to prom about it all, and everything i think is going to be okay.

and PS:i even mentioned you guys while talking to her "i didnt really want to bring this up =/ cuz i knew you really are a great person..but i was askin some people 4 help on this and they said maybe they feel that u always will be there and they just dont feel the friendship is ever threatened and stuff...and like thats what i dont want...like i dont want to feel like im constantly used for rides and everything ...but like i said i didnt want to bring this up so thats why i havent said anything about this for weeks...but i've just cracked =/ "

some people are basically all of you thanks again

 

HI.

 

Hi all!

Yeah. I'm kinda bummy about love right now. It's a long story that I don't have time to type now. And no one would want to hear it, seriously. It's just drama. *sigh* And to think that Prom is tomorrow...

 

hey divine..i know what ya mean..look at my above post..and look at the replies i got..i sure as hell wasnt expecting that..the people here are helpful

 

Okay, I've got an issue that I need help dealing with.

There's this girl, right... and I've known her for about... oh, three years now. We're pretty good friends. I've had a crush on her for a good while, but then I found out one of my friends has a crush on her to.

So one of my friends asks her out. And she basically says yes, and now people are saying that I am showing absolutely no emotion when I talk... what should I do? HELP NOW, OR I'LL STEAL YOUR KITTIES AND BUNNIES AND VEGGIES AT NIGHT!

 

and now people are saying that I am showing absolutely no emotion when I talk..

do you mean when your talking to anyone? that all people are realizing this?

 

Yes... I talk dully now, but that's not the issue. What should I do?

 

ok,why am i hear Bacon?

EDITh,i see

 

Look above you, JJ...

 

hmmmmmmmmmmmmm...







EDIT:i just posted in the temple

 

Ok it seems everyone here is sharing their sad romantic stories so i might as well share mine.

A girl who I was never really interested in, in fact I do not like really like the group she hangs out with,(the indie group). I knew who she was but never talked to her at all and kept my focus on other girls. Then one day we start hanging out because we have work in the same class but the extent to which we were hanging out was a little bit more than just work, we were talking quite a bit about personal things. I started to think she was funny and somewhat comfortable, which is scart since I don't usually ever feel comfortable to be myself with someone face to face and usually I have on my personality that I have around all my friends and in public. But here for some reason I felt I could be open about most things. It slowly after 2 er 3 days blossomed into a good friendship and I asked her out on a date for that weekend and she said yes and we had a time and all. We went out and throughout it all I was determined to not treat this the way I would most of the time, it seemed too precious to ruin so I was careful as possible but that held me back from putting my arm around her. I can tell that if I had done that we would've hooked up right there. And instead we sorta hooked up 2 weeks before school is ending and she is transfering to somewhere in Chicago and lives in New Mexico whereas I reside in New Enlgand and most long distance things don't work out. So i got the "its the end of the year, im really stresed becuz of finals line". I was crushed since I had actually allowed myself to feel something for this girl whereas I had never often done that. Its graduation tomorrow for AA's and I am considering going and talking to her about this since I'll prolly never see her again. But that is my sad ******* tale.

 

Bacon, I am sorry you are being treated bad. You have every right to be upset but (this is going to be corny and dorky) you need to be happy for her and your friend. Oh and if you talk dully that is really nobodys business so tell them to back off.

Aoshi, That is sooo sad. I'm sorry!

I have a story too. You will notice I have alot of guy problems!

I know this guy and he is really cute and I have liked him for a while but then not to long ago he asked me to evaluate our friendship are we more than friends or just friends.Now we both have the same ideas on datign and that is no dating until you know that that person is someone you can marry. So I asked him why and he just said 'cause. So I did and told him that we are more than friends meaning he is not just a friend but a really good friend and so he figured that meant I had no interest and I guess he doesn't either and so he said that as friends that means we don't expect our friendship to grow into anything more than that. So now I have to go see him and watch girls flirt with him and not say anything and sometimes life is hard! Ok!

So there is my lovely story!

 

Ah, I'm not being trated bad, atleast not in that category.

 

A0shi,

My advice to you, give yourself time for your feelings to change to something else in regards to this individual. If after time passes you still feel as strongly as you do now then I would risk contacting her and staying in touch with her.

She may not be in a situation in life now where you and she can be together, but that may not always be the case. As a wise Jedi might say, "Keep Open the Paths of your Destiny."

In the mean time. Try dating others and keep yourself open to new possibilities.

----------------------------
Bacon and SWB,

You are both still quite young yet. I would advise you to try to control your desire to start dating until you are a little older.

Love is a POWERFUL force. Don't play with it until you are strong enough to handle it. If something inside you is telling you that you are not yet ready to do something about your feelings, heed it. You both are hesitating because your inner selves are telling you to be careful. Then I would consult an adult loved one to guide you through your feelings. Such help is invaluable as you grow.

There will be time enough for Love in your life . . . when you are ready for it.

--------------
I should be charging for this stuff. . . or not

 

Hmmm...

Bacon and SWB -- I agree with Lord Umbrus' wise words. It's dangerous to play with love unless you're ready for it. Especially in SWB's case, where people don't date until they're ready for marriage. It never hurts to be "just friends" with a person.

If you like someone, my recommendation is to get to know that person really well as a friend before you decide you want to take the relationship further.

Know who he/she is. Become really good friends with them...then decide whether it's worth pursuing something deeper. Love is blind -- it often ignores a person's faults. If you get to know a person really well before pursuing the "love" direction, you don't let your emotions guide you and risk being blind to warning signs in a person's character that can lead to trouble in a relationship.

 

You guys are both right but sometimes it is really hard!

 

I know. Especially when you really like the guy!!!




I can't follow my own advice!!!