Edits We'll Never See In Any Special Edition

They have a thread like this on the EU board, but I haven't read any of the books so I can't play. I haven't seen one like this around here, so here goes:

Leia: Alderaan is peaceful, we have no weapons--which is too @##*$%& bad because some would come in REALLY HANDY RIGHT NOW!!

Obi-Wan: A Jedi uses the Force for defense, never for attack. And to get really good deals at tag sales--but mostly for defense.

Vader: Luke . . . I am your father.
Luke: YESSSSS!

Emperor: You . . . like your father . . . are now wearing a fetching jumpsuit in ever-so-slimming basic black.

Obi-Wan: You will never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy . . . but if you ever do, would you call me?

Vader: You are part of the Rebel Alliance and a--awww, I can't stand it, you're just so cute!! Who's Daddy's widdle pwincess?!

Obi-Wan: You want to sell me death sticks.

Then of course there's a musical edit we'll never see--"Dueling Banjos Of the Fates."

 

Jango: I'm just a simple man trying...oh who am I kidding?? I'm the best DAMN bounty hunter in the galaxy!!

Boba: He's no good to me dead...eh the hell with it...knock yourself out...I'll tell Jabba the Nazis killed him..

 

Chewbacca: "Einsteins theory is irelevant"

 

Luke: You don't believe in the Force, do you?
Han: What the hell are you talking about?! Of course I believe in the Force! It's the mystical energy field that controls my destiny!

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Leia: ...I recognised your foul stench when I was brought on board.
Tarkin: Charming to the...what? What stentch? *snifs armpits* My god, I do smell! It's the stress! You don't know how hard it is running a plannet-smashing battle station. Of course you're going to sweat! Darth! Take over, I need a shower...

 

COUNT DOOKU: It may be difficult to secure your release.
KENOBI: No, it'll be easy. Johnnie Cochran is my lawyer.

Or this:

(Mace Windu runs towards Jango Fett, lightsaber raised in attack position.)
WINDU: And they shall know my name is the Force, as I lay the hand of my vengeance upon thee!

 

Luke: The Force is strong in our family. My father has it, I have it, my...sister has it.

Leia: Oh my God. You made out with me. Freak.

 

OB1: And he was a good friend... I think. I don't really ever remember seeing us doing anything even remotely friendly... I remember a lot of yelling and ego contests, and him whining about me holding him back, and... You know what? Screw him. Your dad was a pud-monkey. Where's my brandy?

+++++

C-3PO: Sir! My first job was primary binary load lifters, very similar to your vaporators in most respects! You remember that, right? When I worked here 20 years ago? Shmi broght me along. You remember her, right? That's her grave right over there, isn't it? Hello? Any of this ringing a bell? Just hire me, damn it...

+++++

Yoda: Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to suffering...

//door opens into Jedi Council

//The TESB Yoda puppet walks in

TESB Yoda: Damn it, cousin Ugly! Told you, I did, never to impersonate me! Now, kick your @$$ I must...

+++++

Dooku to OB1: A friendship with Saruman is not lightly thrown away. But, you have chosen the way of pain!

OB1: Uh, Chris? Wrong flick.

Dooku: Aw, damn it. I knewI shouldn't have filmed those back to back. I liked my hair in those films more, too...

//walks off the set muttering to himself

 

Han :Great shot kid that was one in 76532721.57727546254 !
---------------------------------------------
Ozzel :My lord, there are so many uncharted settlements. It could be smugglers, it could be... whatever the heck you want it to be most likely...

Vader :And you remember that!

---------------------------------------------

Leia :Your making a big mistake Tarkin! Alderaans armed to the teeth!

Tarkin snickers uncontrolably*

 

Leia: Would somebody get this walking carpet out of my way?

Chewbacca: RARRAAWWAAR...RRRWARR...wait a second. I won't be silent anymore. Your words hurt me. They cut me to the core. And who are you to judge me, Cinnabon head? I take way too much abuse from you. From now on you'll do as I say.

 

Padme in that Leia-Jaba slavegirl-shiny-bikini-thing.

That sucks!

GO BUCKS

 

Jabba shoots first.

 

(Mace Windu beheads Jango Fett.)
MACE: You have the right to remain silent...

Or this:

(Kenobi throws a martial arts kick at Jango Fett.)
KENOBI: Hikeeba!

 

Anakin and Padme bangin' on Naboo...

 

Vader: "Did your men deactivate the hyperdrive on the Millenium Falcon?"

Piett: "Yes m'Lord. But they DO have an R2 unit with them. There is a chance that the droid will fix it...."

Vader: "Aaaargh!"
/////////////////////////////////////////////

Dooku: "How about a duel, my Crimson Saber against your Walther PPK?"
/////////////////////////////////////////////

Obi-Wan: "These aren't the droids your looking for..."

Stormie: "Heck yeah, they are!!"

 

Han: (steps on Jabba's tail)... Come on, gimme 15% man.

Jabba: (steps on Han's foot) Ok.

Han: you're a wonderful human being Jabba.

Jabba: and you make a Gungan look intelligent.

**Jabba shoots at Han from 2 inches away, misses**

**Han shoots him, someone comes in and reincarnates Jabba, which is why he looks so much differant.**

 

Han: I have a good feeling about this...
----------------------------------------
Yoda: Begun this Clone war has.
Mace: Word, Yoda.

 

Obi-Wan (in ANH): The Force will be with you . . . but only for the next 15 minutes so you'd better get the lead out.

Qui-Gon (in AOTC): Anakin! Anakin!! You missed one--over there on the left!

 

Anakin: She covered it up. I don't think she liked me watching her.

Obi Wan: What was she thinking!?!?!?!?!! I could use some good entertainment right now.

 

Obi-Wan: "You were right about one thing, Master. The negotiations were short."

Qui-Gon: "Don't be a smart ###!"

 

Luke: The Force is strong in our family. My father has it, I have it, my...sister has it.

Leia: Sister? You have a sister? Who? Wait...it's Mon Mothma, isn't it?

Luke: Um, you don't really understand subtlty, do you?

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Obi-Wan: Why do I sense we've picked up another pathetic life-form?

Jar Jar: You cut me deep, Obi. You cut me real deep.

------------------------

Anakin: (whining about Obi-Wan)...he's overly critical...

Padme: Oh would you just shut the hell up! God, if you make me listen to any more of your whining, I'm going to bitch-slap you into next week!

------------------------

Sidious: Viceroy, I don't want this stunted slime in my sight again.

Daultay Dofine: Right, that does it. Shut up, Sidious, I've had enough of your $#!+! You always badmouth me, you never give me the respect I deserve! I've given so much, but it's never good enough for you, is it? Well that's it! This relationship is OVER! *Throws chair at hologram and sits down on the floor crying*

 

Wat Tambor: The techno Union swelknnasdf-ogkansdkfa fdkasfda will support you.

Dooku: Hey, cool. Say, do you get the Spice Channel on that thing?

 

The beginning of The Phantom Menace: {door opens, in walks two jedi in robes}
Obi: I have a bad feeling about this.
Qui Gon: Me too. Let's get out of here before something bad happens.


Anakin: Sand is dry and coarse. Not like here. Here, everything is soft and ...hella sexy like you, in that skimpy outfit. Let's see that rumpshaker! Damn!


In Mos Eisley Cantina-
Dr. What's his name: HE doesn't like you. I don't like you.
Luke: I'm sorry, I'll try to be more careful.
Dr. WHN: You'll be DEAD! {blasters go off, Luke falls to the ground}
Obi Wan: Damn.


Yoda: Yoda, you seek yoda!
Luke: That's right! And you're in my way little guy. {Luke raises blaster and unexpectedly shoots yoda}
Yoda: Damn.

Lando: We've got to give Han more time!
{Meanwhile on Moon of Endor)
Han: What? We forgot the detonators? How are we going to blow up the force field generator?
Leia: Damn.

 

Lando: How can they be jamming us if they don't know . . . that we're coming.
Admiral Ackbar: RUN AWAYY!!!!
Rebel Pilots: RUN AWAYY!!!!

Obi-Wan: Your father wanted you to have this when you were old enough, but I thought it was really neat so I kept it.

 

Anakin: I've been wondering, what are Midichlorians?

Qui-Gon: Midichlorians are a...well, um...they're these little widgets that...no, wait...they're...Damn, I know I've read this somewhere. Ah stuff it. They're fairies. Little, tiny, happy fairies.

Anakin: Fairies?! Yipee!

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Red Leader: (Just shot his torpedos) YES! They went in! Who's the man? *pumps fist* How do you like them apples, Skywalker? *flips Luke the bird* Ha haaa...

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Luke: What a piece of junk!

Han: Well, yeah, I guess, but it's got a cool paintjob, look...

 

Leia: "You're not actually going INTO an asteroid field?"

Han: "They'd be crazy to follow us, wouldn't they?"

Leia: "Wake up Han, these people ARE CRAZY!"
_____________________________________________

Controller: "Captain Needa, Lord Vader demands an update on the pursuit!"

Needa: "Prepare a shuttle. Bob, I want YOU to go and apologize to Lord Vader for me."

Bob: "Sure thing, boss!" *leaves*

Needa: "Okay guys, prepare to jump to lightspeed as soon as Bob is gone....."