Holding On (A Dark JA Short Story)

OH Gosh, please moer now. You can't let Obi-wan die!!!!!!

Kithera

 

NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

you can't leave it like that. That's evil. go pull Obi back from the brink of death right now.

i'll be waiting....

 

ACK! EVIL! EVIL!
Post for the sake of all things sacred!!!

 

Wow. Yes, it would be like a Jedi to give up his life for another, but don't even consider it Eryce.

The story has been so good, all we need is a happy ending.

BTW, I was honored (and excited) to see
your inclusion of Healer Leona.

[This message has been edited by HealerLeona (edited 04-28-2000).]

 

Stares at her monitor.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!

Joins the rbid mob thirsty for more.

What a cliff hanger. Now that is suspense.

 

This is IT! Ta-dah! Ok, there are many POVs switches in this part. Hope it's not too confusing, ya? Phew? Oh yeah, I'm not a medical student and whatever I'm writing here is based on well.. watching one too many episodes of ER. My apologies if there are any inaccuracies.

***

1 Hour Left : The Awakening

An-Paj's POV

Obi-Wan Kenobi went into cardiac arrest at approximately 1.06 am. His heart stopped beating and for 1.78 minutes we worked feverishly to bring him back to life.

/Clear!/

The line on the heart monitor remained flat. No, I'm not going to lose this one.

/Again! Clear!/

Nothing. Have you ever tried resuscitating a child? You never want to stop.

/Dammit, Obi-Wan. You're not going to die on my watch! Clear!/

His body jerked again. It was almost painful to watch the young body arching as the electricity flowed through his body. No heartbeat.

/Again! Cle-/

/An-Paj, wait! Look../

I stared at the heart monitor for what seemed like eternity, willing the straight line to reshape itself to peaks that signified life. Then I heard it.

*Beep* Beep*

A rhythm. We've got a rhythm.

***
See? I didn't kill him. You can stop sharpening your knives now. But, just coz I didn't kill him don't mean I can't torture him (and the people around him) some more. More later.

[This message has been edited by Eryce (edited 04-28-2000).]

 

He isn't dead, But what happened to Qui-Gon? I was sure that An-Paj was going to have to use the jaws of life to seperate him from Obi-Wan. /Clear!

Come on, MORE!

 

OK Eryce I have put the knives away and you are forgiven for scaring me like that. Now my Obi can get all better, but of course the road to recovery will be a rough one for all parties concerned (me included)

 

He isn't dead! He isn't dead! Whew! You scared me, now I am interested in seeing Qui's POV! Great story, can't wait to read the rest!

 

Oh, man, the relief.
Not to sound demanding or anything but please post more today! It's later by about three hours. that's enough time and torture for the fans!

 

Qui-Gon?s POV

I remembered nothing during those 1.78 minutes. Nothing. When it was all over, the Healers told me my control just snapped. But I don?t remember. I don?t remember throwing myself at my Padawan with cries of denial. Neither do I remember being held back to allow the Healers to work. They said I struggled like a madman and that it took 3 men to restrain me. Apparently, I even punched one of them in the eye, trying to escape their clutches to get back to my Obi-Wan. Strangely, I cannot recall any of that. No memory remained of that 1.78 minutes of my life and I could even be persuaded to believe that the whole thing never happened. Except? except that I do remember one thing. That one sound that will forever haunt my nightmares for years to come. The cry that began when my Padawan?s heart stilled only to be replaced by gentle beeping when he was snatched back from the jaws of death.

*We?ve got a rhythm.*

I only became aware of my surroundings after hearing those words. Four simple words. These four words saved my sanity, hauling me from the brink of madness, of despair, back to reality. A reality where Obi-Wan is still breathing, still ALIVE . As my senses slowly awaken, I realized that I was sitting on the floor, leaning against the wall, my chest heaving. The taste of salt lingered in my mouth, a mixture of sweat and?. tears. Tears. I had cried during those long forgotten moments and I was crying still. Great big sobs wrecked my body as I gasped for air.

*We?ve got a rhythm.*

I wanted the tears to stop. I wanted to get up and reach for my Padawan. To hold him, to touch him? to feel his heartbeat against my cheek. To convince myself that he hasn?t left me. But I was afraid. So very afraid that if I moved even an inch, this bubble would shatter.

*We?ve got a rhythm.*

It might have been an illusion, something that my mind had made up to shield from the fact that Death had indeed taken away my light in life. That if I touched that still figure, I would only find an empty husk. That I was alone. And so I stayed on the floor, frozen in fear and uncertainty. I was aware that the Healers were staring at me, this pathetic lump of a Jedi Master who could do nothing but cry.

How long this went on, I cannot say. I lost all track of time until a hand gently brushed against my cheek, wiping away the tears. It was Leona. She gave me an understanding smile and then whispered in my ear.

?It?s not a dream, Qui-Gon. Obi-Wan?s still here with us.?

That was all I needed to hear.

***

An-Paj?s POV

Qui-Gon has always been the strong one. Speaking his mind, defying the council, he never held back, no matter what the consequences. His courage was legendary. I?ve seen this man face enemies with the odds against him without blinking, without fear. Watched him wrestle with demons that plagued his soul and somehow still managing to keep the Dark Side at bay. The ultimate tower of strength, he seems invincible, almost omnipotent. I know better but even I believe that nothing can ever break him.

But the sight of my friend, on the floor, crying like a child? no longer caring about the loss of dignity ? reminded me that he was only human. One that can feel sorrow and pain. One that can only take so much. He no longer looked like the Jedi Master I know so well, his hair all undone with streaks of tears lining his face. He looked a mess. He looked old. He looked like a grieving father.

But his son was no longer dead. And yet, he did not move. I could see the naked fear in his eyes, wondering if Obi-Wan?s heartbeat reverberating around room was yet another calm before the storm. I can understand the feeling. Everything feels vaguely unreal. Surreal. Like a long bad nightmare.

***.
Qui-Gon?s POV

He?s alive.
My sense of touch told me this was no dream. The warm breath on my fingers. The pulse of life by his neck.

He?s alive.

My ears heard the drum of his heart. Machines singing the song of life. A beautiful symphony.

He?s alive.

Looking at the gentle rise of his chest, I knew?

 

no, not to mushy at all, we all like mushy I think...now part B please !!!

 

--sniffle--

I compose myself and then bend to my knees, "Truly all shall heed the Master." Solemnly I bow my head in humble awe.

Keep it coming!

JediCandy

 

Not too mushy...but post part b NOW PLEASE!!!

I think the reaction of Qui-Gon is reasonable since he's been under intense strain for 7.5 hrs, thought it was all over and then his padawan goes almost all the way dead!

 

More!! Must have more!!

 

Heartbreaking and joyous. Beautiful work. (I nearly cried.)

You are a very fine writer JMG.

Looking forward to more. --AWK

 

Qui-Gon's POV

"Qui-Gon."

I turned at the sound of my name. Mace Windu stood by the doorway, Bant held in his arms. Her salmon colored skin looked pale and a small oxygen mask covered half of her face. With her eyes closed, she looked younger than her 13 years, clinging to her Master like that.

"Mace." I returned the greeting. There was an unspoken question hanging in the air. Why did he bring Bant here? She was hardly well, just recovering from the effects of the poison. Selfish of me perhaps, but I don't really want to see her. I guess deep inside, I blamed her for surviving while Obi-Wan still struggled. She was just another stark reminder that my own Padawan was ??.

"She insisted, old friend." Mace answered while carefully settling down on a chair next to Obi-Wan's bed, making sure that his Padawan was comfortable. His obvious protectiveness of her made my heart ache. Would I ever be given a chance to hold Obi-Wan like the way he is holding Bant now? "She threw a fit as soon as she regained consciousness, wanting to be with Obi-Wan and wouldn't take no as an answer." Mace's gaze lingered fondly on her face before shifting to look at my Obi-Wan. "How is he?" Softly. Almost afraid to hear the answer.

"Coma." I turned away from the compassion in his eyes. I don't need any pity, not now. I had more than enough of that from the Healers when they told me that although Obi-Wan lives still, he may never awaken from his slumber. There was always another hurdle.

"Master Jinn?" The small weak voice drew me to the bundle in Mace's arms. Those silver eyes were open now, filled with sorrow and guilt, begging for my forgiveness. "I'm sorry."

"It's not your fault, little one." Even as I said it, I realized that it was true. It wasn't. I wiped some of the tears away from her cheeks. So much like Obi-Wan, this young one. So young, so vulnerable and yet strong.

"No, it's my fault!" She clutched my hand, sobbing harder now. "He.. he.. could have made it. He could have! But he saved me instead. I'm so s-s-orrryy?"

"Shhhhhh?" With her Master's permission, I took her into my embrace, rocking her gently while she sobbed. Oh, Obi-Wan. My brave Obi-Wan. So typical of him. Giving up his own life to save others whom he loved. I could feel my own eyes watering. My brave brave Padawan. "Bant?" I gently tipped her chin so that she would look straight into mine. "Obi-Wan makes his own choices, little one. It was his decision and his alone. It was his gift to you and you should feel no guilt. Obi-Wan would not have wanted that."

"You're not angry?" I hugged her tighter, hearing the uncertainty in her voice.

I shook my head. No, I wasn't angry. Just proud. Proud that Obi-Wan was?. Obi-Wan. She looked at me steadily for a long while before climbing onto her best friend's best. Holding his hand, she drank in his features, as if committing them to memory.

"Well, I'm angry." Her next words took both Mace and I by surprise. Her silver eyes were flashing now, anger clearly outlined on her face. "You hear me, Obi-Wan? I'm angry at you. How dare you do this? Give up living for me? I never asked for this, I never asked you to be so damn self-sacrificing. Are you listening to me, Obi?"

She looked at his features almost desperately, willing him to answer her. If he heard, Obi-Wan made no sign.

"Idiot! You're an idiot! Do you remember what were your last words? You told me to tell Master Jinn that you loved him. Remember that? Well, I'm not going to! You hear me? Because you can damn well wake up and tell him yourself. You better come back to me, Obi, so that I can beat the crap out of you."

Tears were rolling down her cheeks earnestly now but she paid no heed to them. Laying her head next to his, she continued her tirade.

"Don't you dare die, Obi-Wan Kenobi. Don't you even dare. Don't you leave me living with all the guilt. Did you think I'd thank you for this? For this noble gesture? Am I supposed to weep at your funeral while thanking the Force for giving me such a wonderful friend?" She hissed at him,

 

More tonight? Please say yes!

 

Mace's POV

We finally moved an extra bed into Obi-Wan's room for Bant. She wouldn't leave the Kenobi boy, no matter how much I ordered, threatened or coaxed. Stubborn little Padawan. A trait, I'm told, she shared with young Obi-Wan. Besides, she looked at me with those huge eyes. How could I refuse? She only agreed to sleep after she made us both promise to wake her if the boy should regain consciousness. Even now, in the land of dreams, she's holding his hand tightly, unwilling to let go.

The whole temple is in uproar. This incident has shook the Jedi Order down to its core. Two of our Padawans, poisoned, right here inside the sanctuary right under our own noses. Emotions are running high and someone must pay. No, the Jedi seek no vengeance but someone must pay. I wanted to hunt down the perpetrators myself but Yoda forbade me. My place was with my Padawan, he said and told me explicitly to stay. As always, I obeyed. Perhaps it was wise of him, because if I had been the one to catch those men??

Yes, the ones responsible were caught. Questions could finally be answered. But the answers gave me no comfort. A terrorist group from Yals, trying to intimidate the Senate, decided to attack the Jedi. It was a show of power. By succeeding, the message would have been clear. Give in or not even the Jedi can save you. The ones we caught showed no remorse, no guilt. It was all just a game to them. Just another battle in the war for supremacy. Sacrifice the innocent for a larger gain. It mattered not that the ones caught in the crossfire were children. The ends justified the means. I felt no hate for those men, merely pity. How could I when they have such empty souls? They know only the evil that darkness brings and living in such darkness without light would be punishment enough.

Young Kenobi saved Bant's life. Of that I have no doubt. She was whole physically but ?. I'm afraid. Afraid of what might happen if he ever lost the fight for life. Afraid for my Padawan. Would she be able to live with her guilt? If he died, her own soul would go along with him. I don't want to lose her again. And Qui-Gon?.

Please Obi-Wan. Wake up. For all our sakes. Just wake up.

***
Qui-Gon's POV

In a month's time, my Padawan will turn 15. We have a little tradition that started when he celebrated his fourteenth birthday. It all started when I prepared his favorite meal as a treat. No mean feat when we were handling negotiations in the middle of a desert. It was a little overcooked but the look on my Padawan's face was worth all the sweating over an open campfire. He returned the favor around 6 months later when he surprised me in our quarters with a slightly burnt version of my favorite cake, wearing at least half of the flour on his body.

My Padawan is a boy of many talents but baking was not one of them. The cake flopped to one side and was singed beyond repair at the sides. It tasted vaguely like soap and was hard enough to break teeth.

Obi-Wan hates cooking with a passion, avoiding even the simplest task of boiling water. But he overcame his aversion to the kitchen to make me a cake. Later, I found out he secretly took lessons from the cooks everyday after kata practice, nearly destroying the dining kitchens in the process.

Thus, you must forgive me if I found the cake to be the best I've ever eaten. Because it was made from the best ingredient of all?.love.

***

"Obi-Wan. Come back to us."

/I'm so proud of you, my Padawan. So very proud./

"Did you listen to what Bant had to say? You made her so very angry at you. Come back and fix that."

/Why won't you wake up?/

"She's sleeping now but her dreams won't give her peace. She's so scared you're going to leave her. Come back and show her she's wrong."

/I'm afraid too./

"Everyone's still so worried about you. Master Yoda came by just a while ago to see how you were doing."

/Love you, I do./

"An-Paj's going to have something to say if you don't wake up, little one. He hasn't rested even a little since you came in here and you wouldn't want to waste all his

 

Oh! I have tears in my eyes. Please that was sooo sweet cant you at least post and epilogue. PLEASE??

Kithera

 

Yeah, let him have his party with Qui-Gon, Bant, Mace, An-Paj, Yoda and whoever else you can cram into it with lots and lots and lots of cake and ice cream!!!!

JediCandy

 

*looks around nervously*

Umm.. hello? Anyone out there?

The ending isn't THAT bad, is it? Even if you hate it.. just say something! Anything!

 

Bad ending? Bad ending? Have you gone mad?

That was one of the most beautiful things I've ever read. I'm still crying as I type this, though they're now tears of joy.

Any other ending would have been anti-climactic. That was the perfect way to stop. Short and sweet, allowing us to savor the emotions.

Eryce thank you for sharing it with us.

[This message has been edited by HealerLeona (edited 04-29-2000).]

 

That was sweet! A good idea and well portrayed.

Now get on with your other stories!

 

Eryce, you're your own worst critic, do you know that?

This was a literary tour de force, one that had all readers sitting on the edge of their seat, waiting...begging for more.

I'm saddened that this story is over, but it leaves me anxious for your next one.