Saga Somewhat wry, short descriptions of each film. Got yours?

So anyway, on iTunes they have a "comments" part for video files and I have all 6 Star Wars movies on my iPod so, y'know, always have Star Wars just in case I'm trapped in a cave or something or whatever. So here's how I described each one (they get a tad longer as it goes on) basically just as a joke between me and myself.

Ep. 1 - "Naboo is blocked. Anakin is a slave and then not. Jar-Jar Binks has his moment in the limelight."
Ep. 2 - "Anakin n' Padme fall in love. Obi-Wan goes looking for Jango Fett and finds a hell of a lot of clones, which then attack. Yoda uses his lightsaber. Count Dooku says things menacingly."
Ep. 3 - "Anakin n' Palpatine decide to rule the galaxy. Grevious coughs, Obi-Wan looks pensive, Padme cries, the protocool droid's memory is wiped, and there's a fight in some lava."
Ep. 4 - "The new hope aka Luke is all grown up and his sister is kidnapped by Darth Vader, but nobody knows they're related to each other. Tarkin gets nasty, Aldreaan gets blown up, then the Death Star does too."
Ep. 5 - "Luke needs Jedi learnin' and Yoda comes back, Han and Leia run away, AT-AT's attack Hoth, Darth Vader strangles the hell out of some underlings. A family reunion is held under less-than-perfect circumstances."
Ep. 6 "Han gets unfrozen, Boba Fett gets eaten, the Ewoks strike back, Death Star is fully armed and operational, Luke has a heart-to-heart with Darth Sidious and daddy, and Darth Vader realizes that he is Anakin Skywalker after all."

Fairly spoiler heavy, actually, now that I look back on it. Anybody got their own short descriptions or can make some up?

 

Ep.1: A shipping corporation has its own army, and a representative in the Senate.
Ep.2: Anakin watches his mother die, then Oedipally marries his mother.
Ep.3: Anakin gets so hot and bothered over his wife that he loses his family jewels.
Ep.4: After Luke maneuvers his "space ship" down a narrow "trench" and dumps his "missile" into a "small thermal exhaust port, right below the main port," which causes a "chain reaction," he's no longer a boy but a man... hubba, hubba.
Ep.5: Luke thinks he's hot shït until he gets emasculated by his own father, who has a bigger one despite the fact that he probably doesn't even have one.
Ep.6: Luke finally shows that he really has the bigger one, despite the fact that his father probably doesn't have one, by throwing his away. Huh?

 

Ep. 1: Ech!

Ep 2: Feh!

Ep 3: Oy!

Ep 4: Ey!

Ep 5: Yeh!

Ep 6: Yar!

 

I. Lott Dod used Outrage! It wasn't very effective...
II. THAT'S NOT RUNE HAAKO!!!
III. Neimoidians die
IV. Look, Duros! The Death Star's there, too.
V. Severed body parts everywhere.
VI. Caution: trap ahead.