umor Star Wars

STAR WARS HUMOR

Haideti sa postam pe aici texte sau fotografii umoristice Star Wars. Chiar daca sunt in engleza nu se supara nimeni. In caz ca cineva nu intelege ceva ne poate intreba si-i vom traduce imediat ce are nevoie.

Sa incep eu:

http://www.irregularwebcomic.net/cast/starwars.html

 

Star Wars bloopers:

http://www.egosystem.com/starwars/bloopers.htm

 

Asta-i marfa rau!
http://img66.exs.cx/img66/1993/duck3.jpg

 

Asa un Maul fioros! LOLosaurus!!!

 

Star Wars Muppets:

[image=http://img120.exs.cx/img120/9493/starwars_muppets.jpg]

Salutari de pe Alderaan:

[image=http://img120.exs.cx/img120/9701/swAlderaantourist.jpg]

 

uitati-va la acest link

http://www.funnyhumor.com/jokes/585.html

 

Chiar daca pe unele le stiti deja le voi posta totusi pentru a fi citite si de noii membri:


Why Star Wars Is Better Than Titanic
----------------------------------------------------



Titanic's big, but it doesn't have hyperdrive.

Star Wars has WAY cooler action figure potential.

Yoda could use the Force to lift Titanic out of the water.

Leia is a princess, a senator, a freedom fighter, and Jedimaterial;
Rose is just marriage bait.

Ewoks throw better parties than either first class or steerage.

When flying towards the Titanic, Wedge can't say "Look at the size of
that thing!" and really mean it.

It would be much scarier to get chased around the boat by a raving
madman with a lightsaber as opposed to a handgun.

Titanic is egalitarian by portraying poor people as sympathetic
characters. Star Wars is egalitarian by promoting bug-eyedamphibians
to Admiral.

Said bug-eyed amphibious Admiral manages NOT to lose his ship.

We know Cal is the bad guy because he sneers at the poor and treats
his fiancee like property. We know Darth Vader is the bad guy because
he strangles people and blows up planets for fun.

Yeah, Leo can dance, but can he fly an X-wing?

Rose braves icy water to rescue her man. Leia braves Jabba the Hutt.

Two words: John Williams.

There are always enough escape pods in Star Wars.

Do you know what the Empire does to self-proclaimed "kings of the
world"?

If Luke were handcuffed to a pipe below decks in a sinking ship, he
would use the Force to get the key.

"I'd rather be his whore than your wife" just doesn't have the same
sting as "I'd rather kiss a Wookie."

Han is frozen in carbonite and turned into a wall ornament. Leo simply
freezes.

We knew the boat was gonna sink. But who could've anticipated "Luke...
I am your father"?

Han Solo would've missed the dang iceberg!


***********************************************




A day in the life of Emperor Palpatine
-------------------------------------------------

by DarthMaulSithLord www.rebelscum.com



9:14am: Wake up from pleasant dream. I had been dreaming that I ruled the better part of the galaxy, that I could destroy a world on a whim.
9:15am: Remember that I do control the better part of the galaxy, and that I can destroy a world on a whim.
9:25am: Get up, look in mirror. I come to the harsh realization that I look like a moldy prune.
9:30am: Ask slave girl if the fact that I look like a moldy prune makes me any less incredibly sexy and desirable.
9:32am: Am displeased with slave girls answer. Kill her for insubordination.
9:34am: Summon in another slave girl, ask her the same question. She tells me that she?s never met anyone sexier, that she dreams about me every night. Excellent; I still have that suave sexiness that woman crave.
9:46am: Get foot massage from slave girl.
9:55am: Get dressed. Decide to wear black robes today. Realize that I?ve worn black robes every day for the last twenty years. Consider wearing something pink. Eventually discard idea; perhaps tomorrow.
10:00am: Eat breakfast. Decide that the meat isn?t enough. Order the chef.
10:31am: Picking bits of chef out of teeth. Consider brushing my teeth. Decide against it; don?t want to ruin winning smile.
10:58am: Proceed to throne room for audience with Lord Vader.
11:17am: Stub toe, release anger by frying random servant. That will teach him.
11:20am: Arrive in throne room. Get settled in throne. Make a mental note to get more cushions added to it.
11:30am: Lord Vader and Prince Xixor enter throne room. Goad the two on.
11:34am: Pick my nose when neither is watching.
11:40am: Break into their petty bickering to make vague ominous comments.
11:50am: Lord Vader mentions that the hunt for Skywalker is still going. Skywalker? Skywalker? I?ve heard this name before. I?m sure it?s important.
11:52am: Skywalker? Skywalker? Skywalker?
11:55am: Sudden realization: Vader?s original name was Skywalker! Why Vader is searching for himself? Quiet

 

Top Ten Reasons Not To Join The Empire
-----------------------------------------------


10. Stormtroopers are the Empire's first line of defense.

9. All ships and installations are built around a "main reactor."

8. Exhaust ports are big enough for proton torpedoes and always lead
to the "main reactor".

7. TIE Fighters have no shields.

6. The Emperor's best troops were defeated by rock and stick wielding
teddy bears.

5. Officers over the rank of Lieutenant have a life expectancy of two
weeks.

4. Everything proceeds as the Emperor has foreseen.

3. Stormtroopers are picked for their intelligence and common sense.

2. The Emperor allows the alliance to know the location of the shield
generator.

1.Bounty Hunters, We don't need their scum!


***********************************************


Why Star Wars Characters Would Kick Butt In The Star Trek Universe
------------------------------------------------------



10) In the Star Wars universe, weapons rarely, if ever, are set on
"stun."

9) The Enterprise needs a huge engine room with an anti-matter unit
and a crew of twenty just to go into warp. The Millenium Falcon does
the same thing with just R2-D2 and a Wookie.

8) After resisting the Imperial torture droid and Darth Vader,
Princess Leia still looked fresh and desirable. After enduring
Cardassian starvation torture, Picard looked like hell.

7) One word: lightsabers.

6) Darth Vader could choke the entire Borg empire with one glance.

5) The Death Star doesn't care if a world is class "M" or not.

4) Luke Skywalker is not obsessed with sleeping with every alien he
encounters.

3) Jabba the Hutt would eat Harry Mudd for trying to cut in on his
action.

2) The Federation would have to interrupt whatever it's doing just to
attempt to liberate any ship named Slave I.

1) Picard pilots Enterprise through asteroid belts at one-quarter
impulse power. Han Solo floors it.

*************************************************



Why the Chicken Crossed the Road...In the Words of the Star Wars Characters
------------------------------------------------------


YODA: Crossing the road makes not a chicken great.

VADER: Because it could not resist the power of the Dark Side.

LUKE: Crossing the road is one thing, this is.... totally different.

LUKE: I want to follow the ways of the chicken and cross the road like
my father.

LEIA: I don't know... but I have a bad feeling about this.

HAN: Hurry up, colonel sanders, or you're gonna be a permanent
resident!

THREEPIO: I am fluent in over six million ways of crossing the road.

ARTOO: beep beep be bop.

CHEWIE: Gwrrroooooaaaarrrrrrlllllll!

BEN: Cross the road, chicken. Let go, chicken. Chicken - trust me.

BOBA FETT: What if the chicken doesn't survive? He's worth a lot to
me!

WEDGE: My scope shows the other side but it looks really far, are you
sure you can cross it?

JERJERROD: The chicken is crossing the road? We shall double our
efforts.

BIB: Die chicken wanga?

BIGGS: At that speed, will you be able to cross in time?

TARKIN: The regional governors now have direct control over their
chickens. Fear will keep those chickens in line... fear of getting hit
by a car!

UNCLE OWEN: I told you to forget it. You're only concern is to cross
that road.

AUNT BERU: He can't stay here forever. Most of his friends have
already crossed. It means so much to him.

ADMIRAL ACKBAR: All chickens - prepare to cross the road on my mark

LANDO: Why you slimy, no good, double-crossing chicken!! You got a lot
of guts crossing that road, after what you pulled!

EMPEROR: Young fool. Only now, after getting hit by a car do you
understand.

JABBA: Bo shuda chicken!

 

[image=http://img43.exs.cx/img43/6741/bush_starwars_emperor.jpg]


http://www.dribbleglass.com/posters/phantom.htm

****************************************************

Hobbies of Darth Vader
-----------------------------

10) Making prank "heavy breathing" phone calls

9) Sneaking up behind Star Destroyer crew members, covering their eyes, and demanding "Guess who?"

8) Practicing throwing Palpatine doll down pits

7) Genealogy

6) Using the force to learn to juggle

5) Mortal Kombat 5436

4) Using mind-reading ability to win at Battleship

3) Late nights with a pain droid

2) Sending anonymous love-notes to Mon Mothma

1) Checking Imperial Deli to see if they've named a sandwich after him yet


***************************************************


Gamorreans & the Dragon
---------------------------

Two Gamorrean guards are walking down a narrow, deserted canyon when suddenly a Krayt Dragon comes out and starts chasing them. One of the Gamorreans stops to put on his best running shoes. "Don't waste time," shouts the other one, "you can't outrun a Krayt Dragon with those!" "I don't have to outrun the Krayt Dragon," says the first one as he finishes lacing his shoes, "I just have to outrun you!"


****************************************************

Yoda and Obi-Wan walked into a bar and bought a 5 dollar drink.

Yoda, seeing that he only had 4 dollars asked Obi-Wan, "Have a dollar do you? A little short I am."

****************************************************

 

si deoarece vin alegerile electorale va dau o alternativa


[image=http://img129.exs.cx/img129/6983/swvader.jpg]

[image=http://img129.exs.cx/img129/169/swpalpatine_lieberman.jpg]

(dati click pe foto pt. a le vedea mai mari)

 

Am uitat sa adaug ca in 28 cand incep alegerile la noi "Vader for President" va fi wallpaperul meu pe PC. Pacat ca e doar 800x600

 

[image=http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v476/Ivriniel/Star%20Wars%20Avatars/obi-wan-anakin-diarrhea.jpg]

 

!

UN LINK CU POZE STAR WARS SUPER HAIOASE!!!!!!


http://www.georgettesworld.com/main/georgettesworld.html



[image=http://img127.exs.cx/img127/8705/hayden-ian-lucas-duck.jpg]

[image=http://img127.exs.cx/img127/8058/padme-anakin-pregnancy.jpg]

 

Alien in carbonite block?

[image=http://img97.exs.cx/img97/855/aliencarbonite.jpg]

si pt. fanii lui Boba Fett sa-l vedeti cum distruge Aliens:

[image=http://img97.exs.cx/img97/3923/boba-vs-alien.jpg]

 

THE STAR WARS DRINKING GAME
Aveti aici o idee despre un joc pe care il vom putea pune in aplicare la una din viitoarele SW team-building-uri pe care (sper) le vom organiza intr-un viitor mai mult sau mai putin indepartat:
Pentru a juca acest joc avem nevoie de:
1. Trilogia SW pe caseta video sau DVD (ultima editie speciala DVD ar fi indicata, dar nu necesara).
2. O rezerva serioasa din bautura favorita (ce sa fie, Pepsi, lapte albastru, sau ceva mai strong? Dati idei).
3. Multe perne, fotolii moi, pe care sa putem cadea la sfarsit, fara sa ne lovim.

Vom incepe prin a introduce caseta (DVD-ul) in videorecorder sau DVD-player. Incaperea trebuie sa fie in semiintuneric, pentru efect dramatic mai puternic. Apasam butonul ?Play?. Jocul incepe in clipa in care apare ?20th Century Fox? pe ecran. Odata inceput jocul, urmarim cu atentie filmul, pentru a identifica evenimentele listate mai jos. De cate ori gasim unul, fiecare va lua o inghititura mare din paharul pe care il are in mana.
Trebuie sa bem:
1. Cand cineva are un ?bad feeling? in legatura cu ceva.
2. Cand ceva (cineva) e singura speranta a cuiva.
3. Cand o intreaga planeta este descrisa ca avand un singur tip de climat.
4. Cand cineva e strans de gat.
5. Cand o alta femeie (femela) in afara de Leia apare pe ecran.
6. Cand un Jedi batran incepe sa debiteze incoerent despre o chestie numita ?Forta?.
7. Cand cuiva i se taie mana (de preferinta de o sabie laser).
8. Cand o gigantica minune a tehnologiei explodeaza dintr-o data.
9. Cand cineva simte o perturbare a Fortei.
10. Cand nu e vina cuiva anume.
11. Cand unul sau mai multi eroi sunt aproape mancati de vii de o Chestie.
12. Cand un Jedi e mult mai puternic decat pare la prima vedere.
13. Cand cineva exclama ?Nu!?
14. Cand cineva face o chestie aparent sinucigasa, care se dovedeste in cele din urma a fi o idee buna.
15. Trebuie sa bem de doua ori daca acel cineva nu e Han.
16. Cand cineva poarta aceleasi haine in toate trei filmele.
17. Cand mintea cuiva e controlata cu ajutorul Fortei.
18. Cand cineva se saruta cu altcineva.
19. Cand un tip bun poarta alb, si un tip rau poarta negru.
20. Se bea de doua ori daca un tip rau poarta alb, iar un tip bun, negru (daca apar mai multe persoane rele imbracate in alb pe ecran in acelasi timp, se bea de doua ori pentru fiecare din ele)
21. Se bea de trei ori cand cineva e imbracat in gri.
22. Oricine incepe sa vorbeasca cu personajele de pe ecran (nu asa, tampitule, nu te du acolo c-o sa explodeze, etc.) va bea de patru ori.
23. De cate ori un alien ciudat si cu expresie elaborata nu are nici o replica in film.
24. Cand cineva sau ceva incearca sa obtina bani de la Han.
25. Cand cineva se dueleaza cu sabii laser (sau doar aprinde sabia laser).
26. Cand o nava explodeaza sau se loveste de ceva dupa ce a fost atinsa de focurile dusmane.
27. De cate ori un Ewok moare, iar camera insista asupra lui mai mult decat atunci cand a explodat Steaua Mortii, ucigand milioane de oameni (14 secunde, numarati-le)
28. Cand e vorba de destinul lui Luke.
29. Cand Luke se lamenteaza sau se plange de ceva.
30. Cand Luke descopera ca are o noua ruda de care nu a stiut pana atunci.
31. Cand Luke se lupta cu monstri sau primitivi.
32. Cand Luke face o acrobatie grozava.
33. Cand Luke si Lando se afla in acelasi loc, in acelasi timp.
34. De doua ori daca mai si vorbesc unul cu altul.
35. Cand Luke refuza sa asculte de sfatul cuiva.
36. Cand Luke zbiara: ?Artooooo!?
37. Cand Leia poarta o haina care ascunde tot in afara de fata si maini.
38. De doua ori daca ii ascunde si gatul.
39. De trei ori daca apare aproape dezbracata.
40. Cand Obi_Wan se materializeaza pentru ?guest appearance?.
41. Cand Obi-Wan face pe detectivul (de ex: "...Only Imperial Stormtroopers are so precise.")
42. Cand Han se lauda in legatura cu Soimul.
43. Cand cineva insulta Soimul.
44. Cand ceva nu functioneaza pe Soim.
45. De doua ori daca e vorba de hipercomanda.
46. De cate ori Yoda nu vorbeste corect dpdv gramatical.
47. De cate ori Yoda vorbeste de parca ar fi un biletel

 

Mama, ce durere de cap am!! Nu imi amintesc mare lucru... LOL LOL

 

Job Posting
Date: Fri, 26 Nov 2004 10:20:22 -0500
Position Available Immediately: Apprentice Sith Lord, Dark Side Consulting Group.
An unexpected position has opened up in the Dark Side Consulting Group for an Apprentice Sith Lord. The ideal candidate for this position would like galactic travel and possess a complete understanding of, and competence with the Force, or demonstrate a willingness to learn. Duties include: Performing competitive intelligence, hands-on intervention in support of the Sith Master's planning initiatives, ability to travel the galaxy widely, and operating a variety of laser-powered hand weapons and high-powered space/air vehicles. Some slaying of enemies of the Dark Side is also required, which may be performed using the Force or hand weapons. Qualified applicants would possess good communications skills (especially when speaking in menacing whispers), and would be action-oriented individuals and risk takers. A background in study of the Force (light side or dark) is desirable, as would typically be acquired by those with advanced degrees or significant course work in Jedi Arts from the University of Coruscant.
Applicants should also be familiar with holographic projection equipment, possess a valid galactic pilot's license (for all classes of ships), and must show a willingness to give in to their hate. A proven track record of using fear and/or Jedi mind tricks to control others is also desirable, as is the ability to speak several galactic languages. Ideal candidates for this position would also have no children or other living relatives who are strong in the ways of the Force. (A new hire would be given several weeks to meet this requirement.)
Compensation for this position is commensurate with experience, and is extremely competitive for this field. Benefits include a generous severance package, a company starship, and a dark-colored clothing allowance. The Apprentice Sith Lord reports to and works closely with the Sith Master, and experience in such small, team-based organizations is vital to the success of the master's plans. Discretion is also highly valued, as is the ability to see the future before it happens. Applications will be accepted until the end of December. Transmit them to jobs@darkside.com.
*****************************************************
Dark Side CG (tm) is a small and highly-focused organization, founded a long time ago in a galaxy far away. Our core values reflect the short-term advantages of harnessing hatred for institutional power and the long-term desirability of controlling the galaxy. We provide direction to our partner organizations through knowledge management, incident control and our rapid on-site intervention expertise. Our partnered organizations include the Imperial Senate, the Hutt Gambling Collective of Tatooine, and many large software companies. Dark Side CG (tm) is a wholly owned subsidiary of Microsoft.

 

doua poze Star wars cu Lego care sunt super :

[image=http://img132.exs.cx/img132/7677/irreg0109.jpg]

[image=http://img132.exs.cx/img132/5924/irreg0531.jpg]

 

O povestioara ca pe mine m-a facut sa rad cu lacrimi...

Han stared intently at Leia's stricken expression as the stormtroopers roughly moved him into position on the lift of the carbon-freezing chamber. Damn, she's hot. I really wish we'd been able to hook up before all this crap happened, he thought to himself. Still, he had high hopes that she and Chewie and the kid would be able to rescue him before too long.

He gulped nervously as the stormtroopers moved away. Stang, I sure hope I don't wet myself here! That would be really embarrassing!

"I love you!" Leia called to him.

Yes!! Han thought in delight. She was a sure thing now. Oops, better say something back to her or it won't look too good. Something cool, and a little cocky...

"I know." Perfect!

That was the last thing he remembered before everything went dark.

****

He heard voices. He hadn't been able to hear anything for what seemed like both an eternity and only a moment at once, but now he definitely heard voices. A man and a woman.

"...forgot he was even up here! It's not my fault!" the woman said.

"Well, when is the last time you cleaned out your attic, for Force's sake? This much mess cannot be safe for the children, if you ask me," the man replied.

"I didn't!" the woman snapped. Leia? It sounded like her, but he couldn't be sure.

"Hurry this up, willya? I have to be on the shuttle to Yavin IV by 1800," the man said. Was that...Luke? Again, he was unsure. They sounded so different than he remembered.

"I can't make it go any faster. Han, can you hear me?"

"Le...Leia?" he mumbled. "Why can't I see anything?" he said, his voice rising in panic.

"Oh, I guess I could help with that," the man said. It was Luke. Han felt fingers rest briefly on his eyes and a sensation of warmth radiated through his head. He blinked and squinted at the bright light in his restored vision.

The two people sitting in front of him were blurry for a moment and then they gradually cleared and he could see Luke and Leia staring back at him. They looked so good to Han! He wondered how long it had taken them to rescue him. He let his eyes wander over Leia's beautiful face and form, so happy to see her again. His eyes almost fell out of his head when he saw the bump at her waistline.

"Leia, you're...you're...pregnant!? But how? We didn't...I mean, I don't think we did, did we?"

"Oh, no, we didn't. This baby is my husband's."

"Your what?" Han gasped in shock. "But didn't you say that you loved me? What happened?"

"Yes, I loved you! I even braved saying it in front of Darth Vader and all his troops! And how did you respond? 'I know.' Do you have any idea how humiliating that was? Would it have killed you to say 'I love you, too?'" she demanded.

"But, but I...I didn't mean it that way. I thought you'd think it was cute. Endearing even."

"Endearing. Right! Boba Fett has yet to let me live it down."

"You talk to Boba Fett?"

"Well, usually only around New Year's. He comes for the beer. We all know it, but we let him anyway because he's really funny when he's drunk."

Han merely stared at her, open-mouthed. He turned to look at Luke. She'd said 'husband.' So apparently, the kid had made his move while Han was incapacitated. He scowled at the younger man.

"Are you the baby's father?"

"What? No, that's just gross!" Luke said, disgust evident in his voice.

"He doesn't know about us, Luke," Leia reminded her brother.

"Oh, right, I forgot. No, Leia's my sister, my twin, actually."

"How the hell is that possible?"

"Well, I found out that Vader is my father--"

"Darth Vader?! Darth Vader is your old man?"

"Ooh, he really doesn't like to be called old. You'd better not let him hear you say that," Luke said.

"And just why would he be able to hear me?" Han asked, anxiety building in his chest.

"Well, he is downstairs. He's babysitting the grandkids while Leia and I clean out her attic. Something she should have done a long time ago," Luke said, with a pointed glance at his sister.

"Downstairs?!" Han shout

 

halal viata are si han asta.

Anyway, am fost ieri la The Incredibles (super film, *flutura mana in fata ecranului* Veti MERGE sa vedeti The Incredibles and you WILL have a good tine! oki-doki? oki doki!) si chiar inainte sa inceapa filmul au bagat trailerul la Star Wars ROTS. WEEEEEEE! Ce fericire pe capul meu... insa, nu a trecut mult pana sa-mi dau seama ca putinele linii de dialog din film sunau foarte ciudat. Trailerul era in Spaniola!
Palpatine: Vadeeer.
Darth Vader: Si, maestro.
LOOOOOL
m-am prapadit de ras, in special ca ma gandeam numai la replica asta:
-Luke, yo soy tu padre...
-NOOOOOOOOOOOO! No es possible!

 

Ahahahaha... o sa ma duc sa-i vad si eu pe incredibilii aia, numai de dragul trailerului

 

@ ComicDiva: asta merita inregistrat pe caseta video sau cu o camera digitala!!! LOOOOL