[Week 1 Task] A Snerd Divided...

In March of 1972, in Milwaukee, Wisconsin, a Snerd was born.

[image=http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v164/Mortimer_Snerd/alienbaby.bmp]

As a child, my parents noticed unusual things about me. I refused my mother's breast in lieu of my father's martini glass. I was capturing, killing, and eating field mice around the house by age 2, and eventually the neighborhood cats began to die of starvation. I was mostly nocturnal, and I preferred sleeping hanging from a trellis on the ceiling.

By age 6 I decided that I wanted to be Batman.

[image=http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v164/Mortimer_Snerd/1217_400x600.jpg]

I informed my parents that I'd like my name changed from "David" to "Batman" and that I would soon require a cape and cowl. They were less than supportive. As the years rolled by I slowly began to realize that I lacked a few essential resources to become Batman, such as a Batcave, a Batmobile, a Batboat, a Batcopter, a Butler named Alfred, and a billionaire philanthropist alter-ego. Indeed at age 18, just before I was going to file my name change request, I realized that perhaps more schooling would be necessary, and I gave up the dream of becoming Batman, and I attended a small, rural community college in Northern Minnesota.

[image=http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v164/Mortimer_Snerd/018.jpg]

Here I studied Particle Physics for three years and built a small-scale nuclear accelerator out of tennis ball cans and electrical tape. My parents were very proud and made the long treacherous drive to Sweden to see me receive the Nobel Prize in 1993.

[image=http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v164/Mortimer_Snerd/1-98.jpg]

After that I decided to take some time off from school and work odd jobs, travelling about the Southern US incognito as a large woman named Freida.

[image=http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v164/Mortimer_Snerd/1-77.jpg]

I'm the one on the right. I pretended to be a lesbian and scoured every Motel 6 and Waffle House in the state of Kentucky until I had exhausted the novelty of the charade. Incidentally, it was I who coined the phrase, "Gettin' Lucky in Kentucky." Perhaps you've seen my T-shirts.

Anyway, I am now 32 years old, and I still haven't decided what I want to be when I grow up. I have a wife and a son and a dog, so I figure that's a good start. Here is a picture of my family. My son is 7 months old, but we feed him heaping bowls of rBGH every morning, so he looks a lot older. We're trying to see if he'll grow to be 11 feet tall and produce milk by the time he starts kindergarten. Should be interesting and may even garner me another Nobel Prize.

[image=http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v164/Mortimer_Snerd/up-couples-00022.jpg]

 

Very nice work, Mort. This beats my task half to death.

 

You posted a picture of fat ugly lesbians

 

I was a fat ugly lesbian for a few years. I lived the dream.

 

So tell us, is having a clitoris better?

 

So tell us, is having a clitoris better?

Yes. It's a power thing.

 

I have a question. How many field mice have you eaten in your entire life?

 

1, 876 field mice. 17 rats. 8 raccoons, and a large, uncountable number of insects and arachnids.

 

Okay then Snerd...You stay away from me.

I don't think i've ever eaten anything alive. Just a few previously dead leaves and about a pound and a half of dirt.