JCC Who has had their home broken into? Advice?

You should take the burglar, beat them up, snap them in half, and put them in a prison where the only possible escape is to RISE.

 

So what if you shoot them, then pin them to your wall like a giant butterfly? then you could torture them with a higher degree of safety?

 

Still too risky, and also pointless. Such actions would only be useful in interrogation to determine whether the burglar was acting alone or was tipped off in robbing my house.

Though beheading the burglar and sticking their heads on pikes over the main doorway to your home with a sign reading 'Burglars, Ye be Warned' is acceptable provided it meets with neighborhood guidelines in outdoor home decor.

 

Step 1: Dig a hole in the floor of your basement. About 8-10 feet deep should do.
Step 2: Have somebody draw up a sewing pattern for you, preferably for an entire bodysuit. Leave this out in plain sight.
Step 3: Buy a poodle.
Step 4: Go to the hardware store and purchase a rope, a basket, and a garden hose. Leave these by the hole in your basement.
Step 5: Purchase "Goodbye Horses" by Q Lazzarus on iTunes or Amazon, leave the mp3 on repeat.

 

Kyle, you plan does not make provisions for lotion.

 

i didn't know i had plans to make a superman movie starring nic cage but i will start breaking the story right away.

 

If anybody can get all of those and NOT buy some lotion then they deserve to have their home broken into.

 

Here is some good advice, if you have a big screen TV, face it away from the window. If you can see it from the street while its on then so can thieves. The bigger the tv the more stuff. We caught a thief in the act years ago when my neighbor decided to leave his big screen tv showing to the world. oh and as safe as country homes might appear to be, its not uncommon for them to really lose everything when people go on vacation. I have heard stories of thieves taking everything because they are gone for a week and the neighbors can't see what is going on. Long driveways and forested yards prevents the neighbors from knowing what is happening.

 

I don't know where you live but where I come from everyone has a big screen TV, even the unemployed. I think a big screen TV is just assumed to be part of the booty these days.

 

Things you learn from your neighbors eh?

 

it seems like big screen tv's would be hard to unload if literally everyone already has one.

 

I have a thousand pound tv that I got for free off Craigslist... if somebody wants to steal it, I can really only laugh.

 

The size is indicative of what is in the house. 60in screen may also mean ipod, iMAC, kindle, ipad, iphone and other stuff including cash and other valuables.

And up north where I live in Saratoga county plenty of houses in the country have been hit by thieves due to their remoteness.

 

How much is that in US$?

 

Um... free?

 

Exchange rate has gone mental.

 

Oh. Don't buy a ticket to the UK then harps.